How to recover from a relationship breakup: 10 steps
It’s not easy to get through the painful ending of an affair. You need to get through the pain to get to peace of mind and recover from the relationship. There are 10 steps to help you through this process.
We experience the pain of feeling rejected when we hear the words, “I want to break up.”
Even if we are the initiators of the breakup, it still hurts.
We feel a wave of sadness and guilt, remembering that time when we should have said, “I’m sorry, but I don’t want a relationship with you.”
For me, the end of a romantic relationship feels almost like death because I put so much energy into the connection.
Going through a relationship breakup always requires going through the typical stages of grief and loss.
You want to clear your mind of memories and clear every last bit of memory of his or her scent from your bed, couch and clothes.
And yet . you can’t. You still love that person.
Or you think you do.
Or you think you don’t.
You are no longer sure of anything.
How do you recover from a relationship when you don’t know what to do?
How do you recover when you’re not sure if you want to at all?
How do you recover when your heart won’t give up?
You will never forget your former lover.
You will never stop loving him.
You will never be able to heal the wounds and scars he left on your heart.
But, if you don’t take steps to recover from the relationship, you will forever be stuck at that painful point as long as the world keeps spinning.
10 ways to move on after a relationship so you can rebuild your life:
Acknowledge and accept the relationship breakup.
Are you still talking and acting around your ex as if nothing happened?
Are you not telling your friends and family about the breakup?
Do you feel a wave of jealousy when he posts pictures of his new love?
Do you keep saying to yourself, “Is this not over?”
If it is, you are probably still in denial about the breakup.
This is not a bad thing in and of itself; after all, losing loved ones for any reason is grief, and denial is the first stage of grief .
However, in order to begin recovering from a relationship breakup, it is important that you accept that it happened.
Otherwise, the following steps will not help you move forward.
Disconnect and unsubscribe from social media.
Social media is great when things are going well in your life.
But they can also be a reminder of your heartache during recovery.
At least temporarily, you may need to disconnect from social media or exclude certain people from your mutual contact with your ex.
If you don’t want to endure the misery of seeing his face and feeding off the pain every day, this is the step you need to take to rebuild your life.
Don’t call or receive calls from your ex.
You need to set some firm boundaries and be clear (in a kind way) that you need to move on, and your ex-lover needs to do the same.
If necessary, you can block texts and calls.
Do everything you can to resist the urge to call or text your ex.
It is very hard when you feel so hurt and lonely.
When you feel that urge, call a friend.
Don’t try to rekindle a relationship because of guilt, loneliness, or insecurity.
These feelings are not the basis for a healthy relationship.
There was a reason why things didn’t work out between you, and as painful as it was, you need to recover physically and emotionally .
Avoid jumping into a new relationship for the sake of recovery.
Whether you want to do it to spite your ex or to repair your broken heart, there is an immediate desire to move into another relationship.
Transitioning into a new relationship may seem like an easy and comfortable way to go because of your pain and loneliness.
However, such a transition can do more harm than good if you have not fully recovered from your previous relationship.
Not only do you risk hurting your new partner with your conflicting feelings and behaviors, but you may also regret, further complicating your emotions .
The recovery process is the best time to reconnect with friends and family who can support you through your grief and help you feel less alone.
Start a new romance when you feel strong, safe and ready for love again.
Don’t forget to take care of yourself.
You can cry your eyes out. You may scream until your throat hurts.
Or you may feel as if you are twisting and withdrawing from the world.
But in your sadness and pain, be kind to yourself and don’t neglect your health because of a broken relationship.
You may not be able to control how you feel, but you can control what you do.
And during this painful time, it’s more important than ever to stay physically healthy.
Jump out of bed as soon as you wake up.
Cook a healthy breakfast despite your busy schedule.
Take a walk or even run to work.
If you feel good physically, it will be easier for you to recover mentally, emotionally and psychologically .
Recall your old hobbies and develop new ones.
What hobbies did you enjoy before you met your former lover?
Maybe it’s sports, knitting, or reading books .
Try to revive those hobbies, even if you have to make some effort first.
You will find that it eases your aching heart a little.
Distraction is a great antidote to psychological suffering.
You can also take up a new hobby.
Visit a place you’ve never been to before, cook a dish you’ve never tried before, or just do something new that requires a little attention to take your mind off your ex and help yourself recover from your relationship with him.
Look at the future with a different mindset.
When we break up with a person, our mind tends to imagine “ifs” and “maybes” in the relationship that ended.
Instead of focusing on what could have been, change your thinking and think about what was not in your former loved one ?
Think of all the bad habits of your ex.
Think about all the nasty things he said to you.
Think about how many times he made you put off your needs.
Now that you’re free of all that, aren’t you better off living without your ex?
Even if your ex broke up with you and you still love everything about him, remember that you deserve someone who reciprocates.
In order to recover from the relationship, start looking forward to finding someone who is a better fit for you and who appreciates all of your amazing qualities.
Of course, there will be times when you will blame yourself for what happened.
And that makes it harder to recover from the relationship.
Since it takes two people to tango, it will be natural to assume that you did something wrong that contributed to the breakup of the relationship.
Regardless of who is to blame for the breakup, what happened is what happened .
You can’t go back and erase what you did (if you did anything at all).
But because of what happened, you can learn and gain experience and become a better person.
If you take the time to honestly reflect on your behavior and relationships, you will realize that every relationship is an opportunity for personal growth and self-awareness .
Take what you have learned to improve yourself and your communication skills for the next person in your life.
Live in the present and look to the future.
After the breakup of a relationship, we can wallow in memories of our past loves and stay in them.
After all, we don’t want to repeat our mistakes again in our future relationships, and we may want to rebuild our past relationships.
But there is a difference between gaining experience from your past relationships and reflecting on it in an unhealthy way.
To have a future relationship at all, you must first look at the future and imagine a life beyond your former lover .
Living in the past keeps you trapped in many ways.
Don’t let the past ruin the present or prevent you from creating a joyful future.
Think about the happy times before you met your ex.
What kept you happy then?
Can you still be happy with the same things now?
It may take some time to heal your pain and recover to find happiness again, but you need to make room for happiness and invite it into your life.
You can’t do that if you’re stuck in past memories.
Talk to someone who has been in a similar situation.
Most of your friends and adult family members have experienced painful relationship breakups in their past.
These people can give you sound, helpful advice on how to move on.
There are bound to be people who will tell you, “Just get over it” and “There are plenty of fish in the sea.”
But for some reason these words seem empty and useless when you are in the midst of pain and resentment trying to recover from a relationship.
Try to find someone who will sympathetically listen to you as you pour out your heart without judging or interrupting you.
Find someone who won’t just tell you, “Forget it,” who won’t treat you like a child or an invalid, but who will offer you support during this difficult period of recovery.
What if there is no one like that person?
Then you can use the Internet, various forums and chat rooms to communicate.
Remember that your recovery matters for your future life.
Whichever way you choose, how you move forward (or move at all) is up to you.
If the steps described above don’t work overnight, don’t worry.
Recovery from relationships occurs at different rates for different people.
Be patient, kind, and compassionate with yourself to get through this difficult time.
Eventually you will recover from a broken relationship and find your way back to happiness.
Tips for getting through a breakup, coming to terms with the situation, and calming down
Breakup is a difficult period for any person. Both men and women experience strong emotions, disappointment, fear of loss, anger, only the strength may differ from person to person.
Almost everyone has gone through a breakup, but not everyone copes with it quickly and without consequences. Therefore, it is very important to go through a difficult period in life correctly.
Why is the breakup with a loved one often difficult to endure?
When people live together or just meet, they form an emotional bond, in some cases, and heavy dependence on the other person. Partners get used to being close to each other, to solve common problems.
Physical separation often does not mean a loss of emotional connection, especially after a long relationship. It may take months, and in severe cases, years, for a person to completely let go.
Separation can be complete – when all ties with the partner ceased, and partial, if some relationship remains, for example, the issues of children or people periodically correspond, meet in a common company. In the second case, the stage of acceptance does not come, and the pain remains.
Grief is experienced in different ways, depending on the reasons for the separation, how close the emotional ties were. For example, if there was a betrayal of a partner, it hits hard on self-esteem, the person feels rejected, while also feeling a sense of guilt, although he himself did not commit bad acts.
Reasons why the breakup becomes painful:
- There is no desire, no inner mood to completely let the other person go;
- presence of co-dependent relations;
- the person continues to follow the departed partner: monitors social networks, asks acquaintances, specially looking for meetings;
- the feeling of guilt – that something wrong was done which caused the partner to leave, to cheat;
- communication with the former continues – meetings, calls, correspondence, which each time causes memories, pain;
- Wrong break in the relationship – quarrels, mutual recriminations;
- there is hope that the person will return;
- loneliness – when there is little communication with other people, not filled with empty space.
Stages of ending a relationship, how long do they last?
Psychologists, studying social connections and relationships, have identified five stages of separation.
Denial . The person is in a state of shock, not yet believing what happened. The closer the emotional connection was, the more difficult the departure is experienced.
Anger . There is a feeling of anger, with irritation and resentment mixed in. The phase is difficult for both sexes. Anger may manifest itself visibly or accumulate inside. Irritation and signs of physical malaise appear. Emotions may be directed at the situation, people, and oneself. A ban on aggression may be applied, and emotions seem to freeze.
Important: the duration of the stages of separation in psychology is individual – from several days to several months. Many factors influence this: the intensity of feelings, personality traits, how strong the attachment was, and the reason for the breakup.
All the stages of a breakup are discussed in more detail here.
Tips from psychologists: how to come to your senses?
If the emotions and feelings of grief are strong, you should not let such a state go unchecked. In order to easily move away from the breakup, it is possible to apply various techniques to ease the condition and help calm the soul.
“Draining of emotions” . Do not accumulate emotions within yourself, it can lead to various disorders within the body and serious illness.
You have to sort of dump everything you think about that person off yourself, like writing. One has to write until there is a “void” in the head, that is, there is nothing left to say and remember.
One should splash out any emotions that arise, not caring about the style of writing, thoughts should flow by themselves.
How to cope with the end of a relationship?
To begin with, it is important to understand that it will take time to get over the breakup until you have passed all the stages. And only then can you enter into a new relationship. You will have to experience the full range of feelings, to accept the situation.
You should not dwell on negative emotions, but if you want to cry, you have to do it, and it doesn’t matter if it is a man or a woman.
Emotions will come over and over again, but over time they will become shorter and less frequent.
How to overcome the experience:
- Acknowledge that nothing is going to happen next. This is the point, no matter how much it hurts. It may take some time. Forcing yourself to admit the fact of finality is necessary with an effort of will.
- At first, you want to withdraw into yourself, to limit your communication. If there is a desire to be alone, it is worth doing so, for example, to take a vacation. In this case, define the time that can be spent on solitude – three days, a week, a month – to whomever is more convenient and necessary. Set a limit on when to stop doing it – to be in isolation.
- Limit communication with the person with whom the breakup has occurred. Every contact is again painful emotions and going back to previous stages or stopping at the current one.
- Remove things, photos that remind you of your partner, remove him from social networks.
- Mentally complete what has not been completed – joint plans, dreams. Thinking about them, you have to complete them, lose, and then come to the thought – no means no.
How does a man survive?
Men experience the departure of a woman just as much, but they are used to contain their emotions more, while the ladies share them with the world. This threatens prolonged depression, loss of capacity for work, displays of aggression. After passing all the stages, the psychologically stable person moves on to a new life.
The difference from women’s experiences is that ladies tend to suffer first, while men show a good mood . But after a while things change. The man begins to suffer, wondering if he can get the relationship back together again. Only the woman is already on the road to healing, and may well have found another partner.
What men should do to recover quickly after they break up with a partner:
- Exercise, such as signing up for a pool.
- Do not close yourself, do not limit the circle of acquaintances, cheer up nothing obliging flirting.
- Analyze your behavior, why there was a breakup, so as not to repeat mistakes.
- Do not try to look for a reason to meet, this will only increase the negative emotions.
- Do not rush to get a new serious relationship, it is better to be alone until all stages are passed.
Read more about how to survive a man’s breakup in this article.
Rehab tips for women
Ladies are prone to strong displays of emotion. What to do :
- Talk to someone you trust – your mother, your best friend, a psychologist.
- Don’t keep emotions out, tears in this case are part of the healing process.
- Do not try to replace your partner with someone else until all the stages have been passed.
- Eliminate all contact, remove any reference to your partner.
More information for women here.
Ways to recover from divorce
There are several ways to recover from a difficult breakup :
- Go to a psychologist – a specialist in family relationships.
- Allocate time for sports, find a new hobby.
- Change the circle of communication, if it reminds of the former partner.
- Deep analysis of his own feelings, setting goals.
How to raise your self-esteem?
After a breakup, self-esteem often falls . A person feels guilt, uselessness, there are complexes – “and what was done wrong”.
First of all, do not look for the reason in yourself, to blame yourself for the failure. Everyone makes his own choices, and no one is responsible for the decisions of other people.
Options for raising self-esteem :
- change your image;
- To go on refresher courses;
- To master new kinds of activity;
- Not to refuse new acquaintances.
How to distract yourself from negativity?
Any kind of activity, communication with people, trips to interesting places, trips to another city, watching movies, good music will help to distract from your worries.
Mistakes and their psychological consequences
Typical mistakes that are made after leaving a relationship :
- Pretending that everything is fine. In this case, negative emotions accumulate instead of being released.
- Trying to stay friends. It will be difficult to go through all the stages and get to the stage of acceptance.
- Revenge. Loss of respect from former partner and friends.
- Continuing to communicate even over the phone or in correspondence. Each time it triggers a new painful emotion.
- Running after an ex-partner, asking him to come back. Will alienate the person even more, causing feelings of resentment.
- Meeting periodically for intimacy. There is hope for a return, the stages of loss are not lived through, the situation drags on for a long time.
- Start a new relationship immediately, without letting go of past ones – a repetition of previous mistakes.
- Falling into a deep depression, trying to solve the issue by taking alcohol, illegal substances. If this happens, the depressive state will only intensify.
Video on the topic.
How to survive a breakup is told in the video:
Breaking up is an emotionally difficult process, but it can be survived. The main thing is to love yourself, to strive to get out of the situation with minimal losses . During this period, the support of loved ones is important, and in some cases it is better to visit a psychologist.