How to get over a breakup: 10 unusual and effective tips
I realize this is really unexpected advice. But really, all the recommendations to start new things, do good things, pursue a career, get a cat, a lover, or fleas are just ways to distract yourself. Let’s accept as a fact: You broke up, it may make you feel good, bad, terrible, great. But you’re still living. And live.
Every time you feel like crawling under the covers, hiding, waking up when it’s over, live. Say to yourself, “This is me, this is my face, my body, my job, my kids, my cats, my dogs. I don’t disappear because someone’s gone or something’s over. I am still there. I live.” Don’t take away your sensitivity — face your pain, too. Society and the world teach us not to get in touch with what hurts us, but numbness is the same as paralysis: the less you feel, the less you live.
Accept your own “stupidity.”
You will be given a lot of advice: don’t call him, call him, tell him, don’t tell her, make a hundred dates, have a drink, buy a new dress, get a new haircut. And you’re going to act illogically. Maybe even in ways you yourself think are unnecessary and wrong. You will call him, you will not call him, you will not tell him, you will not tell her, you will not make a date, you will not get drunk (drunk), you will not buy a dress and get a haircut. With a hard breakup, the sights are set and for some time decisions are made by the moment rather than a qualitative examination of current conditions. Accept it.
If you feel bad, don’t be afraid.
Yes, you feel bad and there is no other reality. You suffer, you cry, you pray. If the person you loved was important and good, it’s bad, and it should be. When you lose a hundred rubles, you get upset, but when you lose someone important, shaking it off and moving on would be pretty cynical. But it means that you had something of value. You can, of course, cry here and say, “now there is no…”. And cry. But you had it. Over time, this fact will become more important. The sooner you begin to appreciate it, the better.
Write a list.
All psychologists recommend writing lists, how am I worse? For example, “11 of my favorite socks ex” or “17 plans for the future without that goat. Write any list – his or her advantages, disadvantages, pros, minuses, just some extraneous list – shopping, for example. Make an estimate for repairs to your parents’ summer house, finally.
Okay, that’s almost a joke item. But if you like to make lists – by all means, do it. Because structuring the situation helps with chaos and high feelings: when we make lists, the analytical part of the brain works more. Plus, a repair estimate always comes in handy.
Ground yourself
With strong experiences, a person seems to float – stands on his toes, does not breathe, does not feel his body. Exhale. Stand firmly on your feet. Feel your body. Remember your name, how old you are, what your education is, what food you liked most as a child.
Know this: no one is irreplaceable.
Think back to your good experiences before you met this person and without him. Don’t you have any of those? There can’t be. What about those favorite foods when you were a child? You lived without that person for years: going to the park with your friends, skipping math, getting F’s, earning money.
Maybe living or meeting that particular person is the best thing that has happened to you so far. But not the only good thing, and certainly not the only good thing that will happen in your life. At least if you so choose.
Go to therapy.
No, really. Go to a therapist, tell him everything, cry, get angry, find a connection to mom, dad and what grandma (great-grandma) went through in the war. Maybe it’s a family scenario? A self-fulfilling prophecy? Narcissistic trauma? Separation not passed? Addiction complicated by depression and compulsive overeating? Maybe you’re the sickest person in the world in general? And you think it’s all because of unhappy love.
But seriously, psychologists are the kind of special people who exist to help those who feel bad. They study for 15 years to properly sit down with you and talk about what is wrong. Probably not for nothing.
How to recover from a broken relationship: 10 steps
It’s not easy to get through the painful ending of an affair. You have to go through the pain to get to peace of mind and recover from the relationship. There are 10 steps to help you through this process.
We experience the pain of feeling rejected when we hear the words, “I want to break up.”
Even if we are the initiators of the breakup, it still hurts.
We feel a wave of sadness and guilt, remembering that time when we should have said, “I’m sorry, but I don’t want a relationship with you.”
For me, the end of a romantic relationship feels almost like death because I put so much energy into the connection.
Going through a relationship breakup always requires going through the typical stages of grief and loss.
You want to clear your mind of memories and clear every last bit of memory of his or her scent from your bed, couch and clothes.
And yet . you can’t. You still love that person.
Or you think you do.
Or you think you don’t.
You are no longer sure of anything.
How do you recover from a relationship when you don’t know what to do?
How do you recover when you’re not sure if you want to at all?
How do you recover when your heart won’t give up?
You will never forget your former lover.
You will never stop loving him.
You will never be able to heal the wounds and scars he left on your heart.
But, if you don’t take steps to recover from the relationship, you will forever be stuck at that painful point as long as the world keeps spinning.
10 ways to move on after a relationship so you can rebuild your life:
Acknowledge and accept the relationship breakup.
Are you still talking and acting around your ex as if nothing happened?
Are you not telling your friends and family about the breakup?
Do you feel a wave of jealousy when he posts pictures of his new love?
Do you keep saying to yourself, “Is this not over?”
If it is, you are probably still in denial about the breakup.
This is not a bad thing in and of itself; after all, losing loved ones for any reason is grief, and denial is the first stage of grief .
However, in order to begin recovering from a relationship breakup, it is important that you accept that it happened.
Otherwise, the following steps will not help you move forward.
Unsubscribe and unsubscribe from social media.
Social media is great when things are going well in your life.
But they can also be a reminder of your heartache during recovery.
At least temporarily, you may need to disconnect from social media or exclude certain people from your mutual contact with your ex.
If you don’t want to endure the misery of seeing his face and feeding off the pain every day, this is the step you need to take to rebuild your life.
Don’t call or receive calls from your ex.
You need to set some firm boundaries and be clear (in a kind way) that you need to move on, and your ex-lover needs to do the same.
You can block texts and calls if necessary.
Do your best to resist the urge to call or text your ex.
It is very hard when you feel so hurt and lonely.
When you feel that urge, call a friend.
Don’t try to rekindle a relationship because of guilt, loneliness, or insecurity.
These feelings are not the basis for a healthy relationship.
There was a reason why things didn’t work out between you, and as painful as it was, you need to recover physically and emotionally .
Avoid jumping into a new relationship for the sake of recovery.
Whether you want to do it to spite your ex or to repair your broken heart, there is an immediate desire to move into another relationship.
Transitioning into a new relationship may seem like an easy and comfortable way to go because of your pain and loneliness.
However, such a transition can do more harm than good if you have not fully recovered from your previous relationship.
Not only do you risk hurting your new partner with your conflicting feelings and behaviors, but you may also regret, further complicating your emotions .
The recovery process is the best time to reconnect with friends and family who can support you through your grief and help you feel less alone.
Start a new romance when you feel strong, safe and ready for love again.
Don’t forget to take care of yourself.
You can cry your eyes out. You may scream until your throat hurts.
Or you may feel as if you are twisting and withdrawing from the world.
But in your sadness and pain, be kind to yourself and don’t neglect your health because of a broken relationship.
You may not be able to control how you feel, but you can control what you do.
And during this painful time, it’s more important than ever to stay physically healthy.
Jump out of bed as soon as you wake up.
Cook a healthy breakfast despite your busy schedule.
Take a walk or even run to work.
If you feel good physically, it will be easier for you to recover mentally, emotionally and psychologically .
Recall your old hobbies and develop new ones.
What hobbies did you enjoy before you met your former lover?
Maybe it’s sports, knitting, or reading books .
Try to revive those hobbies, even if you have to make some effort first.
You will find that it eases your aching heart a little.
Distraction is a great antidote to psychological suffering.
You can also take up a new hobby.
Visit a place you’ve never been to before, cook a dish you’ve never tasted before, or just do something new that requires a little attention to take your mind off your ex and help yourself recover from your relationship with him.
Look at the future with a different mindset.
When we break up with a person, our mind tends to imagine “ifs” and “maybes” in the relationship that ended.
Instead of focusing on what could have been, change your thinking and think about what was not in your former loved one ?
Think about all the bad habits of your ex.
Think about all the nasty things he said to you.
Think about how many times he made you put off your needs.
Now that you’re free of all that, don’t you feel better about life without your ex?
Even if your ex broke up with you and you still love everything about him, remember that you deserve someone who reciprocates.
In order to recover from the relationship, start looking forward to finding someone who is a better fit for you and who appreciates all of your amazing qualities.
Forgive yourself.
Of course, there will be times when you will blame yourself for what happened.
And that makes it harder to recover from the relationship.
Since it takes two people to tango, it will be natural to assume that you did something wrong that contributed to the breakup of the relationship.
Regardless of who is to blame for the breakup, what happened is what happened .
You can’t go back and erase what you did (if you did anything at all).
But because of what happened, you can learn and gain experience and become a better person.
If you take the time to honestly reflect on your behavior and relationships, you will realize that every relationship is an opportunity for personal growth and self-awareness .
Take what you have learned to improve yourself and your communication skills for the next person in your life.
Live in the present and look to the future.
After the breakup of a relationship, we can wallow in memories of our past loves and stay in them.
After all, we don’t want to repeat our mistakes again in our future relationships, and we may want to rebuild our past relationships.
But there is a difference between gaining experience from your past relationships and reflecting on it in an unhealthy way.
To have a future relationship at all, you must first look at the future and imagine a life beyond your former lover .
Living in the past keeps you trapped in many ways.
Don’t let the past ruin the present or prevent you from creating a joyful future.
Think about the happy times before you met your ex.
What kept you happy then?
Can you still be happy with the same things now?
It may take some time to heal your pain and recover to find happiness again, but you need to make room for happiness and invite it into your life.
You can’t do that if you’re stuck in past memories.
Talk to someone who has been in a similar situation.
Most of your friends and adult family members have experienced painful relationship breakups in their past.
These people can give you sound, helpful advice on how to move on.
There are bound to be people who will tell you, “Just get over it” and “There are lots of fish in the sea.”
But somehow these words seem empty and useless when you are in the midst of pain and resentment, trying to recover from a relationship.
Try to find someone who will sympathetically listen to you as you pour out your heart without judging or interrupting you.
Find someone who won’t just tell you, “Forget it,” who won’t treat you like a child or an invalid, but who will offer you support during this difficult period of recovery.
What if there is no one like that person?
Then you can use the Internet, various forums and chat rooms to communicate.
Remember that your recovery matters for your future life.
Whichever way you choose, how you move forward (or move at all) is up to you.
If the steps described above don’t work overnight, don’t worry.
Recovery from a relationship occurs at different rates for different people.
Be patient, kind, and compassionate with yourself to get through this difficult time.
Eventually you will recover from a broken relationship and find your way back to happiness.
