5 tactics for behavior in a quarrel with the boss
The heat of office passions leads to conflicts between employees, and it is not good at all if you have managed to quarrel with the chief. JOB.ru offers tips on how to behave during and after a quarrel with the management.
Negotiations are one of the most rational ways to resolve the conflict. If you face harsh criticism and do not understand or do not agree with its content, you can calmly ask the boss what exactly he is not satisfied with your work or behavior.
Psychologists say that such tactics in conflicts calms the opponent: the attacker expects to get a rebuff, but in response he hears the clarifying questions and realizes that the opponent is trying to understand him, tries to hear the essence of the criticism. In this case, the quarrel will be productive, because the subordinate will be able to identify his shortcomings and begin to work on them.
In the tactics of conflict negotiations in the arsenal will also be useful arguments in his defense and possibly arguments against the boss himself, for example, when they try to dump on you a bad deal that occurred due to an oversight of the head.
The only problem is that you need to have a strong self-control, because most often the instinct of self-defense is triggered.
In any case, this method is suitable for strong people who tend to make balanced decisions in times of stress. You can also learn how to behave correctly in a conflict situation at psychological trainings.
Jump to negotiations can also be done after the conflict has occurred, when both sides have cooled down and are ready to discuss the problems that have arisen.
Some employees really pounce on a conflict, so if you have recently received repeated reprimands, disrupted reports, were late for work and generally interfered with the successful flow of work – be prepared for a well-deserved scolding. In order not to get even more annoyance from the boss, it is better to agree with all the comments, adding the phrase that everything will be corrected.
In the case where, with all diligence, you can not cope with their duties, during an unpleasant conversation with the chief, admit that you are facing difficulties and need help. An understanding chief will lower the tone, give advice, attach a mentor to you. In this case it is necessary to understand the nature of the opponent and its importance to the company – some will not bother with you and simply fire.
According to this tactic, it will be appropriate to apologize first some time after the loud quarrel. This is a reasonable enough step: firstly, in case of wrongdoing you should be able to admit it, and secondly, it is more difficult for the boss because of his position to admit his mistakes and go to an amicable settlement.
The best technique is to remain calm and have a cool mind. When using this tactic, do not raise your tone or allow your boss to do so. If you are being shouted at and shouted at, put your opponent down with a phrase like: “I will not continue the conversation in that tone”, “If you want to discuss this, then please take it to a lower tone”. You can’t calm down overly expressive people, but then you either have to keep listening or leave your opponent alone with his reflections.
In most cases, people pick themselves up when it is pointed out that they are out of line.
Use facts that will play in your defense, and operate with real information instead of personalities.
A distraction technique that works on a sudden departure from the topic is also appropriate. For example, “accidentally” drop a folder of documents, so that all the papers and pens flew in different directions: yelling at the person collecting stationery from the floor is uncomfortable. This is explained by the fact that when the employee is distracted by the angry monologue, the boss loses the attention of the “audience” and gets lost.
In terms of post-conflict behavior, cold-blooded tactics involve pretending that nothing happened. During the inevitable contacts behave within the limits of business etiquette, refrain from slippery hints and angry looks. This way the situation will remain suspended and will settle down only with time, but it will not get worse.
Escape from the battlefield
The tactic suggests walking away from the conflict. If you find it morally difficult to listen to your boss, the tears in your eyes begin to flow, the accumulated aggression is about to come out or you just don’t know how to behave – leave the battlefield. Phrases like “We’ll come back to the conversation when you’re ready to talk calmly” are good for this.
It is better not to stick to the tactic of running away after a quarrel: avoiding meetings with the boss, you will look stupid, and childish behavior does not contribute to the strengthening of authority among colleagues.
Aggressive response is a questionable way to behave during a conflict with the management, because it is impossible to foresee the consequences of rudeness. One boss will throw you out, the other will respect the employee who was able to stand up for himself. In the first case, even if you stay at work, it will be very difficult to establish relations. The stakes are too high, so it is better to hold your own.
However, this does not mean that you have to look for a compromise or silently swallow everything, when the accusations are not justified or presented in too harsh a form. In this case, it is not forbidden to fight back the autocrat, but within reason. Sufficient for this is a confident tone, the evidence of your rightness and a few block phrases, such as “I know I’m wrong, but you can’t talk to me like that” or “If you double-check the report, you’ll see that my mistake is not there.
Use different techniques
Conflict is ripe, and now there is no way out – have to make a counter move. What it will be, depends on the reasons for which the situation arose, on the temperament of the boss and a subordinate, as well as what and how has already been said in your address. You can stick to one tactic during and after the conflict, but sometimes it is better to use the techniques of several styles of behavior. For example, if you find it difficult to listen to harsh criticism, first walk away from the conflict and then negotiate. And if you don’t hold back and fight back aggressively, apologize to your boss after the argument.
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How to reconcile with your boss?
Misunderstanding between the boss and subordinates is not a rare phenomenon. And sometimes quarrels with the leadership end in dismissal. According to psychologists, there are certain rules, following which you can settle a conflict and not lose your favorite job. Consider a few of the most common situations.
You do not receive enough.
You have been working at the firm for 10 years. The boss has hired a young employee and assigned him the same salary as you. You believe that this is unfair, because your experience and dedication to work equaled the skills of a newcomer. You do not have to raise your voice to the head in order for you to get a raise.
What to do? Do not try to take offence at a young colleague, do not insult him and do not intrigue him. Talk to the boss, calmly express your dissatisfaction. And instead of resenting the salary of the newcomer, it is better to ask for a raise for yourself and justify your request.
You are older than your boss
Sometimes attempts to boss you hurt your self-esteem, because you are already chewing the granite of science, when he was just learning to walk.
What to do? You are obliged to follow the instructions of management. But if you feel that the chief in some way wrong, share with him the correct, in your opinion, a decision. A good boss will always appreciate fresh ideas.
You’ve been pushed around
For several years you have been pursuing the goal of taking a higher position. Recently, this place was vacated, but the boss took not you, and some girl from the outside. What to do? Explain to the boss that you have reached the maximum competence in your work and could be of great benefit by taking such and such a position. Ask how the boss sees your further career advancement. Chances are, he will make a decision that suits you both.
You are too talkative.
Your boss finds out that you are speaking unflatteringly about him. He is looking for reasons to fire you, and your relationship has turned into a psychological duel. What to do? Never speak ill of either your boss or your coworkers. If that happens, the initiative to talk and apologize should come from you alone. And finally, a general advice to subordinates and supervisors. During a conflict, you risk becoming a hostage to your words. For example, in a fit of temper you loudly announce that you’re quitting. But time will pass, you will calm down, but because of pride you will be forced to leave a good job. It is the same with the boss: in the heat of a conflict in front of the employees he will threaten to demote you. After a few days everything will be settled, but pride will not allow him to take back his words, because the other subordinates may think that he showed weakness. That’s why it’s very important to watch what you say during arguments.
How much are you worth? There is a website zarplatomer.ru with a questionnaire on the Internet. All you have to do is answer a few questions about your profession and the wage meter will determine a salary level that matches your qualifications and the region in which you live, taking into account the offers on the labor market.
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Don’t cause a scene! – If you slam the door with a cry of “The hell with you” in response to being reprimanded by your boss, the manager will have to fire you in order not to lose his authority”, says psychologist Margarita Volkova. – There is no need to make a scene at work. Listen to the complaints, and after a while go to the boss. If you feel you are right, start the conversation as follows: “I would like to explain why I did so. And if you made a mistake, admit your mistake and promise not to let it happen.
What to apply – the carrot or the stick? – If there was a quarrel, I advise to solve the disputable situation by peaceful negotiations,” says Boris Voronkov, head of the group “Industry, construction, agriculture” of the Voronezh office of the personnel holding company ANCOR. – First of all, a frank conversation with your subordinate allows you to understand whether the problem is with one employee or with the entire team. Secondly, being aware of the causes of the conflict will help to resolve it correctly: to use the carrot or the stick, to give the employee another chance, or to part with it.