How to properly reconcile with a man?

How to make up with the guy after a quarrel: six steps towards reconciliation

There are no girls and women who at least once in their lives have not experienced deep regret and frustration about the quarrel with your loved one, which they themselves initiated. And then would not have puzzled over how to make up with a guy, biting his elbows and thinking feverishly, where to start the conversation.

Quarrels as an indicator of the relationship

In general, quarrels are an integral part of any relationship. The question is what kind of quarrels and how often they happen. If these are minor clashes on domestic grounds, or too emotional exchange of opinions on a topic that is not fundamental and determinative in your relationship, then nothing bad will happen even if you have disagreements.

However, if the quarrels are strong, frequent, protracted, accompanied by insults and extend to all different sides of your relationship, then you should seriously think about whether it is the relationship. Does it make sense to make up for them?

Whose side is the ball.

It is not always possible to unequivocally establish whose fault the quarrel was. To one degree or another in the conflict there is the fault of both participants. If the one who initiated the quarrel is a girl, then the initiative to reconcile is hers. Reconcile first – not a sign of weakness. So you not only take responsibility for yourself, but also to show maturity, do not hesitate to recognize the importance of the relationship with your beloved man.

But if the rift is his fault, not every girl has enough worldly wisdom, tolerance, and just the desire to initiate a process of reconciliation. But if you show generosity and make it clear that you are willing to accept apologies and start a dialogue, smart man will certainly grasp the opportunity to improve the relationship.

Take a break after a quarrel

If you managed to get into a big fight and make a mess, have to take a pause before you do anything. Do not hurry, cool yourself, put in order of thought, and let your partner come to his senses. If you will act “hot on their heels,” you run the risk of being unheard and misunderstood, or worse, rejected.

But it is also not worth too much time, otherwise your chosen one will think that you do not need it and had a fight on purpose in order to break the relationship.

So about what time interval we are talking about? According to the recommendations of psychologists – about 4 hours for minor conflicts and not less than 4 days for major quarrels, except for the rupture of relations. But about this we will talk a little later.

While the forced pause continues, work on yourself. Try to achieve internal balance, work through the existing complexes and negative qualities and try to get rid of them, and then stop the flow of thoughts and switch to the care of your appearance.

Think about how to seduce a guy anew with a beautiful hairstyle or spectacular hair color, pamper yourself with cosmetic procedures and skin and hair care. Make your image even more attractive to touch the most sensitive strings of your soul lover, because men are known to love eyes.

Let’s analyze now five ways to make up.

Way 1: Sincerely talk and apologize

After you’ve cooled down and analyzed your feelings, try to start a dialogue. Call him and find out if he is willing to meet with you to discuss the situation. Let him know that you realized your mistakes and are willing to fix them.

In a conversation with your loved one needs to be sincere. Do not try to play down your part of the blame and shift responsibility for the conflict on your partner. But do not dramatize the situation. Listen carefully to the other party and try to look at the situation through his eyes.

Treat his opinion with respect and understanding. Be patient, let him speak out and try to keep emotions under control, even if you do not agree with his point of view. Your task is not to blow up into a new argument.

Method 2: Write a letter

Sometimes it can be difficult to say out loud your thoughts and feelings. Not all of us have sufficient eloquence and the gift of persuasion. And sometimes you and your loved one is at a distance and do not have the opportunity to talk normally. In this case, gather your thoughts and write a letter to his loved one with the words of reconciliation will be a good way out.

I think that the possibilities of epistolary genre are deeply underestimated in the modern world of electronic ways of communication. By correspondence, of course, if you manage to drag her interlocutor into it, it is possible to determine his mood and assess your chances for reconciliation.

Some girls try to express their regrets by text message and send an apology such as “I’m sorry if it was my fault. It doesn’t work that way because:

  • not the fact that your message will even be read;
  • brevity is, of course, the sister of talent, but not in this case.

I’m not saying that you should describe your “walk in agony” in three volumes, but a moderately concise, touching e-mail with sincere remorse and warm words is quite capable of softening your lover’s heart and help you overcome indecision and shyness.

What to do if he does not write you back, does not call and does not show up in any way? Wait. The time for your decisive action has not yet come.

When you write or talk about the problem that caused the quarrel, discuss only what is directly relevant to the situation. Do not recall all the accumulated offense “from Christmas Day” to the present.

Method 3. Give a gift or surprise

Men no less than women love gifts and surprises. You can guess what will please your boyfriend and give him pleasure, right? A membership to the gym, tickets to a sports match, a concert of your favorite artist, an interesting exhibition or a tour can bring as much joy as expensive gifts.

If you are able to organize a short trip for a couple of days to historical sites or a relaxation tour with spa treatments for two – this is generally ideal, a change of scenery will benefit both of you. And it will be easier to discuss problems on neutral territory.

In my opinion, a good solution would be a cozy, carefully chosen restaurant with good food and a chamber atmosphere where no one will disturb your conversation. This way you can discuss the problems and enjoy the meal. Still, do not forget that “the way to a man’s heart is through the stomach.

You can cook a luxurious dinner at home and invite your loved one to the “negotiations” in a quiet home environment. Then you will have an opportunity to show all your imagination and surprise your chosen one with your extraordinary culinary talents.

The message “Honey, we’re going to have a baby” save it for a more appropriate time. As an argument for a reconciliation is better not to use such news – even in “peacetime” can plunge a man in shock, and in a state of discord and can be perceived as blackmail.

Tip 4. Just to remind you of a good thing

It’s much more appropriate to remind your lover about the beautiful moments that must be in your relationship. You can send him an email or via social media a touching collage of your photos together. Or invite him to a special place that is meaningful to both of you.

Let the chosen one know that you cherish in your soul your romantic story and it is worth it to throw away your own pride for the sake of it and mend a relationship marred by discord.

Is Reconciliation Possible After a Breakup

Sometimes a rift develops into a big quarrel or, worse, into a breakup. The reasons for this can be very different – from the banal misunderstanding, unwillingness to listen to the other party and to compromise to treason and betrayal.

You argued and separated, and after some time, sometimes quite a long time, you suddenly begin to think, but is it possible to reconcile with a former lover after the breakup? It is possible. But the question – is it necessary?

Before you start anything, try to distract yourself and assess your feelings. Sort yourself out and think about why you want to resume the relationship, and whether it is a sign of your own weakness and fear of change. Maybe you haven’t noticed how you got frozen in this hopeless relationship, stopped developing spiritually, and lost yourself altogether?


Whatever quarrel you have with your lover, don’t panic – almost everything can be fixed. Do not let pride rule you, but do not lose your sense of dignity.

And if you think that all efforts are in vain, remember King Solomon – one of the greatest and wisest rulers of Israel. Legend has it that on his ring was written, “All things pass. This too shall pass.”

And you, dear readers and especially female readers, do you often have to show wisdom and patience in your relationships with your loved ones in times of discord? Share your precious experiences with us in the comments.

How to make up with a man after a quarrel: effective tips

How to make up with a man after a quarrel? Anna Iotko, Mikhail Labkovsky and other well-known psychologists believe that no couple does not do without conflicts. But if you choose the right strategy of reconciliation, the rift will strengthen relationships and take them to the next level.

How to reconcile with a man: tips

All people quarrel. According to statistics, happy married couples conflict on average 300 times a year. Professor, Doctor of Philosophy B. Pavlov told in an article that 52% of respondents to the question “Is it possible to avoid quarrels in family life?” replied that quarrels are necessary, and 25% – that life in a couple without them is impossible.

Interestingly, some people continue to live happily together while others split up. This is not because the two do not love each other. They simply do not know how to quarrel and make peace. Renowned psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky tells you how to quarrel with the man you love, so that the conflict would be beneficial, and not become the last straw before parting.

Take into account the peculiarities of male psychology

Men and women differ not only physically, but also psychologically. Anna Iotko, a well-known psychologist with 15 years of practical experience, explains that it is important for a woman to talk to her partner about feelings and to see that they are important to him.

But the representatives of the stronger sex are less emotional and not strong in intimate conversations, so they find it difficult to listen and accept the emotional story of his girlfriend about what has accumulated in her soul. If the relationship turns into psychotherapy, men begin to actively release prolactin, a hormone that impairs reproductive function.

Under its influence a man:

  • becomes passive;
  • he loses his courage, his ambition;
  • he loses self-confidence.

If nothing changes in the relationship, he either looks for another partner, or withdraws and closes down.

Correctly perceive the silence.

After a quarrel, men are silent. You don’t have to take their aloofness as an extension of the quarrel. Each man needs time to accept and think things through.

How to reconcile properly after an argument: Pixabay

  • Coming to their senses;
  • calms down, thinks through situations;
  • mentally reconciles with his beloved.

This is a long process, do not rush things.

Of course, it happens that men stop talking on purpose to manipulate the girl, but this is a rare case.

Here’s how to behave after a fight with a man:

  1. Send him out for a walk or leave him alone.
  2. If you can, apologize for the words you said in the heat of the moment, ask for forgiveness. Most often, after a couple of hours in this case, the man will return home as if the rift never happened.
  3. Have patience, allow the emotions to settle, wait until the passions subside, and then calmly offer to talk.
  4. If the conflict turned out to be sharp, move the conversation in a public place, such as a restaurant, and hold a constructive dialogue.

Be sincere

Reconciliation after a quarrel should be sincere. If you feel guilty and realize that you have made a mistake, say so frankly. Let the partner know that hurt his feelings and regret it, you care about how the relationship will develop further. Explain to your lover what you’re missing, ask him to help sort things out.

If the first step is difficult, write a frank letter of reconciliation. This will help:

  • Reflect on the situation;
  • Express your own thoughts in a calm measured tone;
  • Find a new solution to the problem.

Psychotherapist, author of thirty books on psychology Mikhail Litvak has developed his own method of avoiding conflict.

How to reconcile after a quarrel with a man: Pixabay

  • Outlines his own method of building relationships;
  • gives unique tips for avoiding conflict;
  • Tells about ways to reconcile after a quarrel.

If you decide to ask for forgiveness, think through the situation and make sure you really feel guilty. Saying “I’m sorry” and then adding “but …” – This is manipulation, because instead of goodwill man will see a woman’s veiled accusation, which will only exacerbate the strained relationship.


The body and a person’s mood are interconnected. Therefore, as soon as the quarrel subsides, embrace. Probably, in the first minutes, the hug will seem artificial and even unpleasant. But after just a couple of minutes, resentment will recede, and both of you will feel that the problem is not worth the pain to each other.

Hugging is one of the best ways to reconcile, but you can engage in any joint action that is incompatible with the conflict. For example, you can go for a walk or go out to dinner at a restaurant.

In a gentle way, convey to your loved one why solving the problem will make you happy. And he will do everything to make you feel comfortable.

How to reconcile with a man: what not to do

Doctor of Psychology, author of books and articles on psychology N. Grishina in “Psychology of conflict” writes that each person at the level of feelings, there is their own true reality, which he defends. Therefore, if you decide to make up with the guy, you need to know what is forbidden in the reconciliation, which will cause him a confrontation and could provoke a new scandal.

Do not give ultimatums.

Regardless of the reason for the quarrel, even if it is suspicion of treason, avoid ultimatums. In this case, the woman demonstrates to the man that he is dependent, and he perceives such an approach as humiliation.

How to reconcile with a man after a fight: Pixabay

A woman must realize that pressure on a man strong in spirit will only cause him irritation and anger, and the weak will take away the last strength and motivation to fight for this difficult relationship.

How to avoid ultimatums? First of all, sort yourself out. Sincerely answer questions like these:

  1. Why and why am I doing this?
  2. Is it worth losing the relationship?
  3. Am I trying to prove to him or to myself?

An ultimatum in the reconciliation process causes a loss of self-control, which is a loss for both partners and a step toward burning bridges.

Don’t demand an instant solution to a problem

“Right in front of me, call your mom and tell her we’re not coming over for the weekend.” “Delete her number now. Why is she texting you?” Such demands drive a man into a corner. He is no longer in control of the situation and can’t see what consequences it will bring. Naturally, the man tries to walk away from the situation and is unlikely to reconcile.

In any conflict, if a woman voices something, she must give the man time to think about it. Often the partner does not even know about the problem and does not assume what serious scale it has reached in her mind.

In this situation, voice your concerns and take a pause. When you feel that passions have calmed down, calmly go back to the problem, solve it and put a stop to it peacefully.

Do not tell outsiders about the quarrel

Conflict always involves both men and women. A quarrel is an event that causes stress for the partners. The woman often feels the desire to share the experiences with friends or relatives.

Do not coordinate decisions with outsiders, because the conflict concerns only you two. The decision, prompted by a friend, sister or mother, may not help to make up, and contribute to an escalation of the conflict.

Psychologist Anna Iotko told how to cope with the desire to “cry on the shoulder” without prejudice to the future of the couple.

Proposed by her method will allow not only to keep the goodwill of others to a man, but also to work through the issues that caused the rift.

Do not refuse gifts.

For women and men, the difference in expectations and behavior is specific. For a woman, reconciliation is important:

  • talking;
  • spending time together;
  • apology;
  • emotional intimacy.

For a man, reconciliation involves gifts, grand gestures, and sex. It is genetic. This is how the modern man realizes the function of the breadwinner, becomes a hero for the chosen one.

Do not refuse gifts, and accept them vigorously, emotionally. Be proud of them, express your joy. This will bring both partners relief after a quarrel.

No one can avoid quarrels, because every couple has difficult times. Use the advice of psychologists and make up properly, so that conflicts help to find a compromise, and not become a step towards separation.

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