How to properly end a relationship?

How to break up with the man you love

In every, even the most loving couple, there can be conflicts, disagreements, quarrels. Throughout life, people change, their views, values, interests change; respectively, misunderstandings, domestic problems and other small or large clarifications of relations are quite normal in every family or just a couple in love. No matter how happy the partners may seem from the outside, all of them have gone or are going through various difficulties.

Unfortunately, even the strongest love can fail to withstand life’s hardships, turmoil, and everyday problems. And in schools and universities there is no subject that teaches how to value relationships, how to build them properly, and not everyone has had a proper example in the family. That is why even people who love each other make a huge number of mistakes when creating a family, and even more so when it breaks up.

According to EMISS, 73% of marriages in Russia broke up in 2020

Signs that a relationship is outdated and it’s time to break up

As painful as it is, there are clear and serious signs that a relationship has run out of steam and it’s time to call it a day. You can try to repair or hold on to the relationship, but in most cases, if any of the following are present, they are probably not viable and it is best to break up as soon as possible. Resumption, sometimes possible, but only after both partners work through their problems and start fresh, really fresh.

The most common reason couples break up. Not everyone can forgive or put up with their loved one’s infidelity. It is perceived as a betrayal, a deception, even a blow for many. Nevertheless, there are families, where in spite of romances and going “left”, the cheating partner tries to close his eyes and keep the family, for the sake of children or for fear of loneliness, thus committing a huge mistake.

There are other cases where love is so strong that the injured party has the courage and strength to forget, accept and forgive their couple. Here it is important to understand that if you decide to forgive the cheater, you will have to forget about what happened once and for all, never reminding or remembering it, much less reproaching it.

Beating, threatening, insulting, humiliating and any such abuse is unacceptable in any relationship and under any circumstances. Such ties must be severed the sooner the better. Explanations are unnecessary.

A pernicious addiction to alcohol, drugs or other problems of one of the partners, and most importantly, the absolute unwillingness to deal with them, is a very alarming “bell” to break up.

An important element of a healthy relationship is exactly trust, the ability to rely on each other, to “pour out the soul”, to know and be sure of loyalty. Therefore, if it is destroyed, then the foundation is lost, the foundation of a happy future together.

They do not come together in character.

Quite a common phrase and reason, but no less popular than adultery. Different habits, lifestyles, interests, cultural values, worldviews, goals and aspirations. The list could go on endlessly.

The basic premise is that if there are constant and serious disputes between two loving hearts about life and values, if everyone categorically disagrees with the life postulates of the partner and is unwilling/unable to compromise, then most likely such a couple will have to break up. This can also include the difference or contradiction of interests and hobbies, that is unlikely to be a strong union where the husband loves hunting and the wife is an ardent defender of animals. Or the husband sees nothing wrong with “teaching” children with a belt, while the wife has no idea how she can beat her own child.

Love has faded. Even the strongest passion, alas, can disappear without a trace, feelings can go cold. The man cannot control his heart, he has no control over his emotions, so if that happens and there is no more love for his partner, no craving, no desire, in that case it is better to part too. This can also include the story of one-sided love, when in a couple one loves, and the other accepts this love and uses it, without feeling reciprocity, but only cold calculation. Such a relationship is also doomed.

Endless conflicts. Quarrels and misunderstandings are present in any relationship, but if their frequency and negative nature begin to go off-scale in their periodicity and regularity, then it is worth seriously thinking whether it is worth continuing this relationship.

Feelings of estrangement from each other, separation. The emergence of this feeling is very unpleasant in itself. Unwillingness to share their emotions, secrets or successes with their couple, lack of common topics of conversation, common ideas. An emotional rift between lovers can also lead to a breakup. This often happens when one of the partners develops intellectually, financially, and the other remains at the same level.

There can be many reasons and prerequisites for separation, listed only the most popular.

If you notice yourself in similar situations, you should not immediately file for divorce (except for violence, of course), sometimes the situation can be corrected, as we said above – it is possible, but you need to work on yourself and not one person, but both in a couple. So before you break the connection, you need to “weigh up” and think things through.

First of all, listen to yourself. Determine how comfortable and relaxed you are in this relationship, do you trust your partner, how open and real you can be with him. Assess the strength of your feelings, attachment, perhaps you should take a pause, during which you can accurately determine whether you want to save the relationship.

Speak frankly and honestly with your lover. Don’t try to pretend like everything is fine and normal. Explain your feelings, your grievances, your misunderstandings and try to find a compromise. Identify the cause of the problem and try to solve it together.

Consult a professional psychologist who can help identify the problems and causes of conflict in your family, suggest tools for better understanding and communicating with each other, and quite possibly help your couple reunite or avoid a breakup.

Remember how it all began, try to restore the emotional intimacy that was between you at the beginning of the relationship.

Forgive each other, get rid of old grudges.

Start working with a psychologist right now

Why do people who love each other break up?

Sometimes there are no obvious disagreements or apparent problems in a couple, and people seem to love each other, but still break up. Let’s analyze the main reasons for this:

Youth. The younger the couple, the brighter the relationship, but the less serious the reason for separation can be. When we are young, we do not yet know how to compromise, and any “bump” in the road seems like a huge mountain because of little life experience. More often than not, young couples break up not because of a lack of feelings for each other, but because of unsolvable, in their young minds, contradictions.

The influence of family. This reason is the most common in patriarchal societies. There the lovers may not be allowed to marry at all if the older members of the family are against it.

Distance. Sometimes, due to various circumstances, the family cannot live together. Work, schooling, illness of relatives – these are the reasons that can separate loving people thousands of kilometers from each other. Under such circumstances, not everyone can maintain a strong bond.

Unfortunately, sometimes feelings alone are not enough to keep the family together and people who love each other have to separate.

How to prepare for separation?

If you’ve used all the advice, exhausted all your forces, but the desire to break up the relationship has not passed, but only increased, then you should gather your thoughts and prepare for the break-up. There are several important points:

First of all make a final decision, think it over, speak it out loud, weigh again all the pros and cons, and agree with him. Don’t leave any loopholes in your head called: “maybe we’ll get back together,” or “maybe he/she will get scared and change and we’ll get back together?” Never try to end a relationship if you’re not sure you won’t get back together.

Understand and accept the fact that the person you’ve decided to break up with will be hurt and uncomfortable, and so will you. That’s why be prepared for different emotions, whether it’s crying, screaming or begging for forgiveness. Separation is a difficult process for both partners.

Determine the domestic nuances. For example, if you are living together, find another place to live, or warn your parents that you will be moving out for a while. If the apartment is yours, you’ll have to wait until your partner finds another place to live. The same goes for common property, raising common children, and so on. Think through all the important aspects of life beforehand.

The Right Time. Of course, there is no ideal time for separation, but, nevertheless, you should not talk about divorce when your partner has a serious crisis in his life, such as the death of a relative, an illness or a job loss. It is advisable to wait with the decision for a while so as not to cause more trauma.

You should not give notice of a breakup through social media, texting, or email. At a minimum, this is low and disrespectful to the person with whom you were good and with whom you share a common past. You should talk in person, face to face. The exception would be a conversation that might involve a threat to your safety.

The Right Place. Your conversation can drag on, moreover, the outcome and conclusion is highly unpredictable, so choose a secluded, quiet place. “Scene at the fountain” is better not to arrange in the most crowded places.

How to report a breakup: the main rules for breaking up a relationship

Breaking up is a small death, it is a hard psychological process for both partners, accompanied by suffering, depression, and resentment. The initiator of the breakup has a much harder time, it is he who will have to weigh everything, think it over, make a decision and voice it. It is especially difficult to break up a long-term relationship in which so much effort, feelings and time have been invested.

Feelings are so overwhelming that it is impossible to adequately assess the situation. There are cases when it is necessary to immediately stop the connection, such as communication with an abuser or addict, but in fact, even this is given very difficult, let alone break up with a person who loves you, and you do not. So let’s break down the main rules of breaking up.

Honesty. Often the desire to break up comes as a shock to the partner, so you need the most honest and sincere explanation, keeping the restraint of thought and clarity of his intentions. Also, you should not procrastinate and go into details of the reasons for breaking up the relationship, try to formulate everything briefly and clearly.

Stick to your decision. This means that during the conversation with your former lover, maintain a dialogue, discuss sensitive topics and answer questions, but do not give the slightest hint of a second chance. You have made a decision and be faithful to it.

Refrain from insults and accusations. You need to report the breakup, without going into details, who is bad and who is good, do not humiliate, criticize. Talk only about yourself and your feelings. Show respect for the person with whom you were united not only bad, but also good past. Time will pass, passions will subside, you will calm down and become ashamed of your behavior, so keep your dignity and behave with restraint.

Be prepared that the reaction may be ambiguous and unexpected. You can hardly predict which one it is, but it is likely to be negative, there may be tears or scandal, reproaches, pressure to pity. Despite this, by no means allow yourself to be manipulated, do not give in to sobbing or threats.

Keeping your distance. Keep a reasonable distance. It takes some time and distance to get through this situation. Even if you were the initiator of the breakup and no longer hold a grudge and resentment, it is still not worth getting close and trying to become a friend to someone with whom there was a romantic, loving relationship, at least at first.

Don’t dwell on this event. Continue to live a full, fulfilling life, resume interesting activities, talk to new people, get to know each other and don’t dwell on past mistakes. Sports, travel, good music, movies. These days, there are enough interesting places, hobbies that will help change the environment and gain new strength.

No “following” a former lover(s). This applies primarily to social networks. Do not monitor your pages, photos, number of subscriptions, unsubscriptions, likes, and so on. This monitoring consumes a huge amount of your energy and strength. Don’t look for hidden meanings in posts or confirmation that it’s very bad and sad now without you, your ex(s). There is no need to waste your precious time on empty feelings, comparisons. Just imagine how ridiculous and pathetic a person looks when peeking into someone else’s life.

Don’t “talk dirty. You chose this man, lived with him for some time of your own free will. You had happy moments, days, maybe even years. That’s why you shouldn’t discuss, condemn, devalue your choice in conversations with friends, relatives or colleagues. In the first place, it humiliates you.

Do not prove anything to anyone. No need to live out of spite, trying to show your ex-girlfriend how wonderful you are now. The game of “happy life” sooner or later will be exposed. In any case, it is ridiculous and pathetic, moreover, it is very noticeable, it gives away low self-esteem, pain and despair. Don’t live your life on show, don’t prove anything to anyone. Minimize all encounters, confrontations, contacts and communication. Delete phone numbers, unsubscribe from social networks, remove pictures, items that remind you of a past relationship, wipe and throw away everything connected with it.

Do not start a new relationship. This does not mean that you have to accept celibacy, it means that you should not, the day after the breakup, fall into a whirlwind of new romance. Forget in another embrace may work, but not for long. You will constantly compare the former (she), and comparisons will be in his (her) favor, this can hurt the innocent man. So it is worth living through and survive a difficult period, to restore the emotional background, and only then open up new horizons of love.

How to survive the stress of a breakup?

Stress after a breakup is inevitable. Very rare are people who managed to avoid the negative emotions and consequences of the breakup. Nevertheless, you must understand that any experience, even the most unsuccessful is also an experience, it is your life. No matter how much you have been offended, betrayed, there is no need to equate all men and women in one line, do not think that the whole human race is self-serving traitors. Open your heart to this world, it is full of wonderful and kind people who are just the same in search of their soul mate.

First realize that you are not the first and not the last, as cynical as it may sound. People date, people fall in love and people break up, too. You are not alone in your frustration and sadness, it can be empowering and drive away feelings of worthlessness and loneliness.

Then, when it gets a little easier, analyze your relationship and its final point:

How did it all start? Maybe it was clear from the beginning that you weren’t on the right track, but you decided to give the relationship a “chance”?

How did things develop? Was it all rosy, or did the chosen one began to show his true face early enough, and you did not want to notice the alarm bells? Or, maybe it was you who couldn’t accept love and constantly demanded proof, undermining your connection more and more?

How did it end? Were you able to save face and break up with dignity? Did you take a long time to separate/separate, exhausting each other’s nerves?

This analysis is important for your future relationships; by finding your weak points and working through them, you will not only get rid of the stress, channeling the energy of grief into creation, but also laying the foundation for a new, healthier and longer relationship.

When you can think beyond your relationship and get back to reality a bit, be sure to do something interesting: new hobbies, sports, outings, theaters and museums. Anything possible to enrich and improve your life. Now you have a lot of free time, and besides this is a great way to make new acquaintances, and possibly new friends and new love.

Psychologist’s advice on how to break up painlessly

These tips will help you get through the stress:

Don’t blame yourself if you get hurt. Even if you initiated the breakup, it does not mean that you cannot be sad and depressed. It takes time to recover.

Spend some time alone with yourself, do not hold back emotion, it is better to cry and scream right now than you will break down in six months.

Do not be a superhero, ask your family and friends for help if you need it. Emotional support during this period is very important.

Make new acquaintances, communicate, flirt, but avoid extremes, do not try to drag the first person you meet into the marriage office, do not put any conditions or requirements. Just get to know each other and be happy, enjoy these conversations without any guarantees and don’t try to speed things up. Let things take their course, go with the flow and relax. Real love is yet to come.

Don’t wait for your ex to return. Don’t ever get your hopes up that you can get it all back. This is draining and takes a huge amount of your energy.

Fill your life with bright colors, take up a new sport, learn to cook something unusual, or change jobs, activities. Use all the opportunities.

A psychologist can give you tremendous support. After a breakup, any person is very vulnerable and vulnerable, it is difficult for him to trust and open up to new people.Fear of loneliness, disappointment, resentment and grief gnaw heart and soul. A specialist will help you work through this situation, explain your fears and pain, calm down and believe in love again. Will give advice on how to let go of emotions and worries will help “pull out the splinter” of a wounded soul. You will look at yourself from the outside, realize your mistakes and take into account the experience. And most importantly, you will once again believe that everyone in the world deserves happiness, including you!

The information presented in this material is for guidance only and cannot replace a professional doctor’s consultation. If you are going through a difficult breakup with your partner, consult a professional!

Useful tips on how to painlessly break up with a man

When the relationship has outlived itself, they have no future and became a painful burden, the question arises how to end them without causing severe pain to themselves and a man.

Some women decide not to answer the phone and ignore texts, while others find the strength to have a long talk, and painfully explain to the man they once loved that it’s time to leave.

It is unclear who in this case it is more difficult – the one with whom the relationship breaks up, or the one who decides to take this difficult step.

Useful tips on how to break up a relationship.

So, if the choice is made, and the decision to break up an annoying affair is finally accepted, it is time to act.

Important! Prior to the final conversation with your partner should not talk about the decision to his girlfriends, friends and relatives.

Such a confession can be unconsciously (and sometimes intentionally) distorted, and the man can come to unrecognized form, covered with false details. Then setting up the partner for a positive dialogue will be very difficult.

Also, you need to pick the right time and place for the conversation – for a man will be humiliating to learn about the breakup in the presence of other people. You should not start this unpleasant conversation before he has some important thing to do.

To terminate a relationship with a man over the phone in a completely renegade way is a clear disrespect for the partner, with whom, no matter how many good times there were.

The places of former romantic dates are not suitable for this conversation either – it is unpleasant to interrupt or end a relationship where everything is full of memories of the good days spent together.

The area for the conversation should be neutral, quiet, and free of prying eyes .

Here are a few tips to take into account when thinking about breaking up a relationship:

  1. The conversation should be thought out in advance, and it is desirable to design several options for the development of events. We must be prepared for the fact that perhaps the man will accuse you or show aggression – it’s all emotions, and nothing more. Men often use the attacking tactic in the conversation, considering it the most effective defense.
  2. Do not respond to the negativity with negativity, you should try to move the conversation to a calmer plane, and if it fails, just end the conversation. Perhaps it will continue when the man calms down.
  3. Speaking to your partner about his decision, you should give arguments. Empty excuses the man will not understand. Often a woman scrolls through the whole situation in her head, and the man gives out only his conclusions. Therefore, to make your partner understand everything properly, you need to share with him all your thoughts, and focus his attention on the fact that he is not bad, you just need a man of another plan.
  4. If there is a feeling that the man is not ready for a constructive conversation, talk to him carefully and thoughtfully. Some members of the stronger sex may start to pity. Pity not – a new round of relationship will not bring anything good, it is not without reason they say that in the same river twice you will not enter. But to start a second time such a conversation after a certain time will be more difficult – you may be stuck in an undesirable relationship.
  5. Do not blame your partner for something. Both partners are responsible for the relationship, and the reasons for creating the relationship were also both of them. Mutual accusations will lead to a dead end.
  6. Quite often the conversation about the point in the relationship drags on and goes in a different direction, so it is better to limit it in advance, scheduling another meeting at a certain time, but it should be understood that, if the relationship lasted at least a year, less than an hour to explain will not work.
  7. Gradually parting is very painful, so you have to act immediately and to the end. Pulling a few months of this painful burden is painful to both the one who wants to leave the relationship, and the one who is being prepared for it.
  8. You must try not to worry during the conversation – a trembling voice, tears, uncertainty – is not the best way to direct the conversation in a positive direction.
  9. Do not jump into memories – it is difficult to believe in the sincerity of words about the parting, if the man is relishing the memories.
  10. It is not necessary to inform the man that the breakup is due to the emergence of another . Moreover, you should try for a while not to advertise a new relationship – do not exhibit common photos in social networks, not to appear together in a circle of mutual friends with a former partner.
  11. No need to give hope that everything can change and return, it is better to give the man to understand that he should move on, and do not get stuck in the swamp outlived their relationships.
  12. You need to end the relationship completely. Do not “stay friends” – this can be hurtful to the one who still loves. It may be possible to make friendships over time, but not immediately after the breakup.

How do you know if the breakup went well?

If after the conversation on the man’s face there is confusion, sadness and melancholy, then everything was done correctly, and this is a normal reaction of man to the message of separation.

If the man smiles, then he did not take the words spoken seriously.

Attention! In this case it is better to leave and do not get in touch with your ex-partner, so that he would comprehend the fact of the parting.

If the man begins to show aggression – insults, accusations, shouts, you should leave immediately, without bringing the situation to the scandal. In this case you can not be sure that the final point in the relationship is put, most likely there will be another conversation.

How to break up with a man you love?

Sometimes, due to various reasons, the relationship between loving people is not possible, and you have to make a decision to break up. Often this decision is the only right way out, and, although it is difficult to do, you need to find the strength to put a stop.

How to do it as painlessly as possible for yourself and your partner? Here are a few tips:

  1. Get your emotions under control. Speak honestly and directly – to explain that it is impossible to be happy in this situation and that love has brought pain and suffering. Do not arouse strong emotions in a man, you need to remain calm and confident in your rightness. Of course, you should be sensitive, do not insult your companion, just talk as adults and educated people.
  2. You have to say everything at once. You should not agree to another meeting – it will be painful for both partners. It is necessary to realize that there will be no more meetings, and neither committed gaze, nor kisses or hugs should not change the decision.
  3. It is very important not to lose control after the conversation. It is necessary to understand that this was the easiest step, and then you will have to resist your desires (as well as the desire of your partner) to return everything and start over.

If the initiator to break the connection was the man you love, it is necessary :

  1. Understand why it happened . You should not take all the blame – you have to be objective, because the responsibility for the relationship lies with both partners.
  2. Give yourself time to realize the situation and determine the time for suffering. You can set yourself a period of 2 weeks, and during this time not to be ashamed of your tears, not to try to do something new and so on. In a word, to “suffer” this situation to the end.
  3. It is necessary to speak out – to a friend, to your mother, to write everything in a diary, at the very least talk to your own reflection in the mirror. Not bad at this time to feel sorry for yourself, to take pity and comfort from your loved ones, in a word, you have to find support to regain faith in your strength.
  4. Find something to do. After the period of suffering is over, you must be sure to distract yourself with an interesting hobby, new acquaintances and something else that will bring back a sense of your own value and uniqueness.
  5. Realize that everything in life has an end. It’s just that previous relationships have reached their end, and when one chapter ends, a new one is sure to begin. So you should turn the page and live in the next chapter.

Useful video

From this video you will learn how to get out of a destructive relationship the right way:

Breakup is always hard, but after it necessarily comes a moment of enlightenment . In psychology, this moment is called catharsis – healing through living through a negative experience. This is an inevitable and necessary stage of human life.

At this moment new perspectives and possibilities of personality open up before the person; he/she becomes convinced in the correctness of his/her decision. The person begins to pay attention to the “signs of destiny”, to notice its signals and messages. The colors of the world become brighter, and this means that the path of life continues, and former relationships will remain only pleasant memories.

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