How to make up with a girl after a big quarrel

How to make up with your girlfriend after a conflict: tips from psychologists

To make up with a girl after a quarrel, you need to understand how her psychology works. After a conflict, two people are often offended. Men make the mistake of continuing to make claims and reproach their beloved for the reasons for the discord. This does not lead to reconciliation. To make the relationship work again, you need to do beautiful noble deeds and say nice words to your soulmate. Analyze the situation with the discussion of the shortcomings of the woman to be when she managed to dispose to herself.

Features of female psychology

“What do women want” – the eternal question, which will not be answered if a man can not think beyond his own interests. The difference between the two sexes is that girls are more emotional and talkative. After a big fight, regardless of its cause, they feel bad and they need support and understanding. It is common to all representatives of the weaker sex:

Women as creatures more emotional very much appreciate those who are able to give them positive emotions. In the process of reconciliation a rational approach is inappropriate and incomprehensible to them. Much more important is to try to please and to cause pleasant memories of the joint relationship.

How to make up?

To reconcile with a girl, you need to act according to this algorithm:

Exactly realize that the guy needs it and he feels bad without her. If the reason for reconciliation is a habit, convenience or fear of public discussion, it is better not to do this. Feelings and a willingness to work on improving the relationship should come first.
All actions should be based on a need to be together, but not on a desire to put her in her place. It is the right motivation that determines the success of reconciliation.
Analyze the reasons for the conflict. After a breakup or a quarrel, when emotions have subsided, it is much easier to do.
Be ready to sincerely apologize and admit her power over the man. The ability to admit your mistakes and speak openly about your feelings is very much appreciated by women.
Act with enthusiasm. A girl has the right to react as she feels in the current moment, but this should not affect a man’s insistence.

Explanations of love or sympathy are what all girls expect after a fight. Confidence that she is loved by a man, even one who has recently offended, makes her an order of magnitude more loyal to him.

What to say?

To build a relationship you need to communicate. What the conversation should sound like:

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“I’ve never loved anyone like you, and I don’t think I will again. Yes, and I do not want that, I am pleased to love you.

“Thank you for our communication, I’ve never been more interested in talking with anyone than with you.

The suggested script of the conversation will help you get back in touch, and this is already the first stage of a new, restored relationship. It often happens that a girl refuses to communicate, does not call herself and does not answer calls from the guy. This is perfectly normal in circumstances where she is angry and resentful. This situation men tend to see as negative, but it’s not really true.

The advantages of remote communication :

Writing first is less risky than asking for a conversation – the girl may or may not respond, the emotions and negative reactions of both remain behind the scenes and do not spoil the impression of communication;
text, written in a letter or via SMS, can be thought over as in the first contact, and in the process of correspondence – this protects from spontaneous unsuccessful statements;
you can write indefinitely, which means that all the time to show attention and show your ex or true loved one that they remember her and want to keep in touch with her;
In a virtual communication is easier to hide excitement and flaws in appearance.

It is necessary to remember the disadvantages of communication by correspondence: it is more difficult to charm, there is no eye contact, you can not hug and kiss at a right moment, you can not hear the intonation and sincerity of the words. So as soon as a girl gives you feedback, you should try to make an appointment with her.

What to do?

In addition to talking, you need to act, it is by actions that many girls evaluate guys.

What you can do to make up:

If the relationship was familial in nature, continue to provide for the girl – there is nothing lower than to “punish” her with money, especially if conditions were created when she was financially dependent and it suited everyone.
Ask her if she needs “male” help and give it: to fix a doorknob or a faucet, to help carry her shopping.
If it used to be customary for a man to pick a woman up from work – don’t stop doing that, in a pinch send a cab to pick her up.
Take care of her health – make an appointment with the doctor, bring food and medicine if she’s sick.

Write nice words on the pavement, the girl will read them when she comes out of the house.
Deliver her flowers.
Invite her to a date to any place.
Give her something she’s been dreaming about for a long time.
Constantly interested in how she’s doing, how she feels, what plans, even if she doesn’t answer or respond rudely – she has a right, it’s more important than a man’s action.

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How to correctly defend your position?

If both were to blame for the conflict, the guy for various reasons decided to make up with the girl first, but there is something that he would like to change in his chosen one – you should definitely try to do this. If you “swallow” the situation, then it is very likely to repeat and more than once, and then the claims will be illogical: if this or that trait suited you before, then what can be the issues now.

Advice from psychologists on how to defend your point of view:

At the time of the discussion of the problem, the couple should have already made up and become closer, and emotions should subside.
Talk about it in the context of the problem and ask, “This is why I did such a bad thing – your actions/words caused this reaction. I was wrong and I don’t want to do it again, but I really wish you wouldn’t do it either.” Repriminations and personalities are forbidden.
The tone of the conversation should be friendly, but firm.
It is desirable to embrace the girl during such a conversation, to caress her, if appropriate, to kiss her.
Having said that he does not like it, it is necessary to emphasize the positive qualities and say that here she is so good that he could not even dream.

The way out of any conflict situation should be approached individually, taking into account the peculiarities of the relationship and personalities of each of the couple. But it is necessary to act exclusively with good intentions and love – so the probability of success increases several times.

How to make up with a girl after a big quarrel

wikiHow operates on the principle of a wiki, which means that many of our articles are written by multiple authors. When this article was created, 47 people(s) worked on editing and improving it, including anonymously.

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What do you do after a big fight with your girlfriend? Chances are you’re feeling resentment, anger, or frustration at the same time. If you want to save the relationship, there are ways to repair it. Start by directly acknowledging the cause of the conflict, and then show some mercy and submission to the situation.

Make sure your girlfriend knows that you have taken time to calm down. Say something along the lines of, “I’m really upset, and I need some time to rethink things. Can we talk about it tomorrow? Right now I want to cool down.”

Give an assessment of what happened. Why did you start fighting? What was the trigger for the argument? What was said? Do you regret what you said? Why or why not? [2] X Source of Information
Remember that memories are subjective, especially in stressful situations. It’s likely that your girlfriend sees certain aspects of the fight differently than you do. This is normal. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not being honest. It’s just that because of stress, memories may be inaccurate. [3] X Source of Information

Suppressing your feelings can lead to a breakdown. If you are angry, allow yourself to feel angry. If you are sad, allow yourself to feel sad. [4] X Source of Information
Understand that emotions are not always rational. If your girlfriend hurt your feelings, for example, the logical realization that she didn’t do it on purpose probably won’t help you let go of the hurt. Realize that both you and your girlfriend are entitled to an emotional response in an argument, even if that response isn’t exactly logical. [5] X Source of Information

Choose a period when you are not limited in time. Choose a weeknight or weekend when neither of you have to get up early for work. Try to have the conversation in the early evening, after dinner, so that hunger or sleepiness doesn’t intrude on your dialogue. [7] X Source of Information
If you don’t live together, try picking a place on neutral ground. Although you may find it strange to figure out your relationship in public, neutral territory won’t make either of you feel uncomfortable. You can choose a small, quiet place, such as a small, quiet coffee shop or a public park where there are usually no crowds. [8] X Source of Information

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Maintain eye contact. Nod periodically to show that you are listening. Never cross your arms or do anything that makes you look tense. Try to avoid nervous tics, and don’t rub your clothes or twist your arms. [10] X Reliable source U.S. Geological Survey Go to source
Nod periodically. As mentioned, this is a nonverbal signal that you are listening. [11] X Reliable Source U.S. Geological Survey Go to Source

Speak briefly and clearly. Don’t go into too much detail and try to keep to the main point of what you want to say. Don’t interrupt the girl when it’s her turn to speak. Always make sure she understands what you are saying. Ask for clarification of what you did not understand in her speech. [12] X Reliable Source U.S. Geological Survey Go to Source
Use personal sentences. That way you’ll make sure she’s expressing her own feelings rather than trying to assess the situation objectively. For example, instead of saying, “You’re overreacting to my tardiness and embarrassing me in front of my friends,” say, “I feel embarrassed when you call me up and tell me off for being late in front of my friends.” [13] X Reliable Source U.S. Geological Survey Go to Source

Very often, just by letting the person feel like themselves, you can release a tremendous amount of tension from the situation. This releases the accumulated negative energy, allowing your girlfriend to think that you genuinely care about her happiness. [14] X Source of Information
Perhaps you don’t agree with your girlfriend’s feelings. For example, she was offended by a joke you dropped during a party. You probably feel like saying, “Don’t exaggerate, it was just a joke.” Even if you think your girlfriend is exaggerating, that fact may hurt her feelings. Emotional response is not on the list of things people have direct control over. Instead, say something like, “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, and I’m sorry I hurt your feelings with that joke. I can see that you’re upset and I apologize.” [15] X Source of Information

Perhaps you and your girlfriend have slightly different views on what a relationship should be. Perhaps you have a different sense of humor. Maybe you have different needs for spending time together and apart. Whatever it is, most couples have some disagreement about their relationship. [16] X Source of Information
Think about it, maybe there is an underlying reason for your fight. If you had a big fight, it’s unlikely it was over a small thing. Try to figure out what your disagreement is and what you can do to get rid of it. Sometimes the simple realization that you look at the subject differently helps relieve tension. If you understand what your difference is, maybe you won’t take some things so personally. [17] X Source of Information

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Apologize. After thinking about your actions and your role in the argument, apologize for anything you did wrong. Be specific. It’s not enough to just say, “I’m sorry.” Better yet, say something like, “I’m sorry I didn’t support you when you needed it during your exams.” A sincere apology that shows that you’ve listened and understood your girlfriend’s concerns can go a long way toward breaking down the wall you’ve erected.

The fact that you’re trying to conserve various little things only means that you’ll end up pulling out all the stuff from the past. And your girlfriend will feel as if under attack by bombardment. If a problem arises, discuss it right away. Even minor grievances can grow big resentments over time. [19] X Source of Information

Develop a way to resolve arguments without anger. Anger prevents a person from looking at a situation objectively. People often vent their anger and end up creating a gap between themselves and their loved ones. Try together with your girlfriend to find a way to solve problems without raising your tone. A good way to do this is to express your feelings of disagreement in 5 minutes, rather than start talking right away. [20] X Source of Information

Listen to basic emotional needs. Fights often involve the fact that certain emotional needs are exposed. When your girlfriend is hurt or angry with you, try to determine if you are meeting all of her needs. Have you become distant lately? Perhaps you are too busy and give her too little time? Think about whether you are meeting your girlfriend’s needs and if not, what can you do about it? [21] X Source of Information

Summarize everything that has been said to make sure you understand everything. After an argument, always summarize what was said. How do you feel? How does your girlfriend feel? Do you both want to resolve the situation so it doesn’t happen again? Take 5 minutes to summarize what you’ve said and prevent another fight from occurring. [22] X Source of Information