How to make peace with your wife after a big fight?

Screwed up badly: 7 steps to make your wife forgive

Useful tips

Sharing with you tips on how to properly exploit a marriage.

A woman and a man have very different approaches to apologizing. A woman, through an apology, wants to reconnect with the person she has hurt. Therefore, for women apologizing – is the standard norm in relationships.

Men subconsciously believe that apologizing is humiliating and unpleasant. A huge number of men find it extremely difficult to admit their guilt. As a result, men don’t rush to apologize at all, and those who do do, do it very ineptly and in a snarly manner.

Our differences like this are cause for serious stress in the marital union, because in any marriage, sooner or later there comes a situation in which the ability to apologize to your wife will play a crucial role.

How to apologize

So, if a man:

– joked with his wife in the presence of other people, but she found the joke offensive;

– Told someone else a secret that his wife asked him to keep secret;

– Has constantly preferred the company of friends to that of his wife;

– Made a financial mistake that affects the whole family;

– Failed to tell his wife about something extremely necessary;

– called his wife hurtful words when he quarreled,

Then he must properly ask his wife’s forgiveness.

How to do it? We share with you effective methods.

1. Listen to her position.

Very often a man does not understand the seriousness of the situation or do not realize that he hurt his loved one. To apologize and get forgiveness, the man must see the situation from the outside, that is, look at it through the eyes of his wife. Let her tell it how it was for her.

It is very important to give her a chance to speak out, to talk about her feelings. The man may not understand what his wife was offended about, but she definitely has a reason for it. There are all the answers, you just have to know how to ask correctly.

2. Let the responsibility be on you

A man doesn’t need to always be right, he just needs to take responsibility for hurting his wife. He needs to accept her feelings and accept the blame.

If you are able to admit that you were wrong, it will help your wife calm down a bit. Until you admit that you were wrong, any apology you make will not be meaningful, because it will lack sincerity.

3 Apologize to your wife and ask her to forgive you.

You have already realized the seriousness of your offense, now you need your wife to understand that you are sorry for what you did. But don’t limit yourself to the standard “I’m sorry”. You need to be sincere, because only a real apology can restore trust and rehabilitate the relationship with your spouse.

To show that you are remorseful for the offense, express your regret. Remember that your non-verbal will tell the truth, so your facial expressions and gestures must match what you say. And you should look guilty.

4. Make up for your guilt.

Let your spouse understand that you are willing to make things right and intend to do whatever he wants to do. Your next steps you can discuss later, now the most important thing is to say that you are ready to rehabilitate for what you have done.

Whatever a man does, he needs to avoid the following:

– Never try to justify your wrongdoing.

– Don’t underestimate the pain she has caused, you don’t know how she really feels.

– Don’t dictate to your spouse when and how she will accept an apology from you.

– Don’t use the situation to remind your spouse of the hurt you’ve caused her.

– Don’t expect her to be instantly relieved after you apologize.

5. Don’t take away her personal space.

Depending on how serious the situation is and how your wife is able to regulate her grievances, she may need a certain amount of time before she decides to talk to you about it.

6. Don’t impose yourself.

When a man apologizes, he tends to assume that his wife should forgive him right away. But remember, it’s not up to you. If your spouse wants to be alone, then don’t touch her, give her that opportunity. If you give her time to think, you can strengthen your feelings for the long term.

Don’t show anger if your wife needs personal space. When a man respects a woman’s need for time alone, he shows his respect for her. You shouldn’t punish your wife for this, and you certainly shouldn’t take it personally.

7. Together come up with a plan of action

Let your wife know that you will do everything to ensure that the current situation will never happen again. To make it work, you need a plan that will guarantee it.

If you were able to understand something very important to your relationship with what happened, then by all means voice it and discuss it. However, you don’t need to put the responsibility on your wife while planning your future.

It is extremely important to ask your wife for advice when you are making a plan of action. Your wife will definitely appreciate it if you consult with her. How you behave after hurting someone will determine the future fate of your relationship.

When your wife sees that you have actually realized your mistakes, it automatically gives you the opportunity to receive forgiveness. You have to be sincere, as does your remorse. This will help you.

If you manipulate or behave aggressively, you will only alienate your spouse that way. If you allow your ego to win, they will not be able to forgive you, which will later lead to the destruction of the relationship. Be patient. Don’t take time away from your spouse, and she will surely forgive you. If you manage to do everything right, the result will not be long in coming.

Now let’s talk about how not to behave when you want forgiveness.

No need to repeat yourself

It’s an immutable fact that if you repeat an apology endlessly, it ceases to mean anything. So instead of forgiveness a person gets only irritation in his address, and after that the one who was offended and even avoided the offender. But why does this happen?

To avoid this mistake, the conversation should be conducted correctly. Often a person is trying to get away from an uncomfortable situation, also related to apologies. You will know by the person’s behavior that he has forgiven you. And when the matter is closed, it is better not to remind about what caused it.

Don’t impose an evaluation

“So what if the vase broke! You’ll buy a prettier one!”, “It’s okay that you had to wait half an hour!” Such remarks are often the cause of a major argument. If the vase is a valuable gift from a dear person, and because of the half-hour wait the person didn’t make it in time for an important meeting, of course he will be sure that it means exactly nothing to you.

If you get in the hot seat, your chances of ruining the relationship are extremely high. When you apologize, your words should express regret, plus you should suggest ways to resolve the issue. For example, “Yes, I understand that this vase meant a lot to you, and I’m very sorry about what happened. I’ll be sure to get you one just like it.”

Don’t say too much

You haven’t kept your promise and you start a conversation about how little time people have now and how spaceships are plowing the expanse of the universe. Your companion will not forgive you in this situation, during your monologue he will think about why he met you in the first place.

You are waiting that he will forgive you, but it turns out the opposite: no one has no desire to deal with a loser and someone who only knows how to create problems.

Do not be indifferent.

Do you want to completely ruin your relationship with people? There is nothing easier. When you apologize to them, show them that you treat them with contempt. Speak as if you are doing them a favor, and the tone of voice should be as cold as possible.

This behavior will get all the people away from you forever. Remember, the direct path to the end of relationships with others is indifference.

Don’t make fun of the person you’ve offended.

When you apologize, it is not appropriate to laugh, wink, giggle, or do anything like that. Your jokes at this point will only result in you being hurt even more.

When a person is seriously offended by you, your humor looks like bullying. Apologize with boilerplate phrases like “I’m really sorry about that,” or “I’m really upset about the situation. The offended person needs to see your remorse and understand that you are really upset.

Don’t make the same mistakes over and over again.

When you ask for forgiveness, the implication is that you won’t repeat what you had to apologize for again. But when you still put the kettle on your side of the desk in the office, even the most wonderful relationship with your coworkers can take a crack.

Don’t manipulate.

How do you miss someone’s birthday and make the birthday boy the main culprit? All you have to do is make a disaster or natural disaster out of what happened.

When you show a strong sense of guilt, the people around you begin to feel sorry for you. However, when you ask for forgiveness, it is not your goal to change your social status, it is to repair the relationship. Use a few neutral verbal combinations, and you will be forgiven.

Don’t make excuses.

“I don’t deny my fault, but I got caught in traffic,” “I’m sorry I’m late, but my car broke down.” Disclaimers and excuses are not necessary for your management and your work partners. Failure to keep the situation under control will have a very negative impact on your reputation.

Bad timing.

The surest way to further damage a relationship with a person is to ask for forgiveness when the person is coping with the harm you have caused them. Look at the bigger picture and choose the right moment.

Financial Compensation

An expensive purchase or the promise of a gift or repair is only part of the ritual. When a person is paid off somehow all the time, trust in him or her is irrevocably lost. The best method for making up is to do something together and take care of the person.

The main purpose of an apology is to build a relationship with the person. Learn the right lessons from your mistakes and find the best options.

And the last block of our article, in which we will tell you what not to apologize for.

Never apologize for your love for anyone.

The only thing that matters is that you know how to love, and you have no fear of doing so. It doesn’t matter if the person reciprocates you or not, because there are so many people on this planet who are very afraid to feel something, afraid to love, and therefore deprive themselves of this pleasure.

Never apologize for saying no to someone.

The ability to say “no” is a characteristic of a strong person. You respect your personal boundaries, yourself, so there is no need to apologize.

Never apologize for being true to your dreams.

Don’t do it just because if one lives with regret, that life has no meaning. You become yourself through your dreams and the actions of pursuing them.

Never apologize for the time given to yourself.

You are unlikely to become successful and be filled with happiness if you don’t think about your needs first. Put yourself first and meet your needs.

Never apologize for what is important to you.

You can’t feel guilty about the way you prioritize things for yourself. If something is something you put first in the moment, then that is what matters to you.

Never apologize for ending a torturing relationship.

Never express regrets about ending a relationship in which you felt only discomfort and pain. When a person cannot be happy with any relationship, when they cannot reveal themselves, such a relationship is vital to end.

Never apologize for not being perfect.

Each of our imperfections is what makes us unlike anyone else, unique. Accept your imperfections, treat them with love, and appreciate your otherness.

Never apologize for something you firmly believe in.

When one stands up for his morals, his values and ethics, his spiritual and religious beliefs, he stands up for his life position. If you think this is the right thing to do, then this is the right thing to do.

Never apologize for something you didn’t know.

You are not a robot, it is simply impossible to know everything. Just always take the opportunity to gain new knowledge.

Never apologize for relying on someone too much.

The fact that you think someone is capable of much shows that you care about them and wish them only good things.

Never apologize for spending your own money on yourself.

When a person makes a purchase that is important to them, it greatly increases their self-esteem, which is essential for success, as well as for feeling happy.

Never apologize for another person’s behavior or actions.

Each of us is responsible for our own actions and behavior. You should never apologize for anyone, even when you feel responsible to them.

Never apologize for being late in responding.

People who have accomplished something in life understand that sometimes getting your priorities right entails a somewhat belated response to some things. Don’t apologize for diverting your energy to more important problems and tasks.

Never apologize for the truth.

A strong person always tells the truth. No matter how bitter the truth may be, it will always be better than any lie.

Arguments with his wife – how to make up: psychologist tips

Marital relationships are like a living organism. They differ in the individual characteristics of the partners, the style of communication and other details, but all have the desire to flourish. Relationships need to be nurtured like a flower, supported, given nourishment, fresh air, and love. They need to be nurtured, moving from one stage to the next. A quarrel between partners is a vivid illustration of the stress both need. It is an ambiguous episode of a marriage, like an illness. A mild cold that passes in a couple of days, an ailment with complications, or altogether a fatal outcome – divorce.

The usual quarrel.

It is not so important who the real culprit of the conflict is. More often than not, the first step to make up is the guy. How to reconcile with his wife? First it is necessary to sustain a pause. For the setting of priorities, awareness of reality takes time. About the time-out it is better to announce openly:

“We now need to cool down, when I get back, we’ll discuss everything”, “Honey, the last thing I want to fight with you, I guess I was wrong about something. All I want to say is that I love you.”

From a distance you both put your thoughts in order. Let the wait be a few minutes, even hours. Too long a pause will make things worse.

Next is a discussion. Listen to your partner, speak sincerely. If she has a temper, set up a feud, you have to make a great effort to avoid a scandal. Make it clear: you understand her, ready for compromise. What to say to his wife to reconcile?

My act is dictated by fear of losing you forever and jealousy. I care for you madly. I’m sorry for the insulting words. I love it when you smile, so let’s not be too harsh.

I’m sorry for what happened, please forgive me. I sincerely hope that there will be no more such unpleasant incidents and stories. Forgive me and don’t be angry, dear.

Speak up, be persuasive, be persistent. Keep your excessive emotionality, impulsiveness, temper tantrums to yourself. Patience plus judgment is the best “healing” scheme. Tactile contact will be a lasting fix for peace. A hug, a kiss, or passionate sex? The main thing is that the initiative was appropriate, reciprocal, sincere.

If the wife does not want to talk.

Often, by being silent, the wife does not want to reconcile. Here are some ideas for reconciliation with a silent person:

    Confession letter. Poems, prose, scraps of thoughts written by hand. Let it be “10 reasons why I love you.” Write about your feelings, praise your loved one in the message, do not spare compliments, beautiful, sincere words. And at the end ask for forgiveness for your misdeed or rude words that were said during the quarrel.

Any cold silence will be melted by words of love spoken from the heart.

How can I redeem myself before you? I beseech thee, do not be silent. For I, persecuted by this guilt, have no rest day or night.

Forgiveness is a great art, and we have the right to err. He who still believes in the power of feeling Gives a loving heart a new chance

I wish I could Turn back the minutes, To avoid all the silly mistakes… Let’s take a new route – Another fairy tale may be written!

¶¶ I’m sorry for the past, I’m so sorry for everything ¶¶ Let’s think of good things to come, Let’s risk a clean slate!

I didn’t mean to quarrel, I swear I’ll get down on my knees, I’ll apologize again!

I beg you to forgive me Don’t be angry, there’s no need for such quarrels, We’ll live in peace!

Serious quarrels

There are difficult, almost unsolvable stories, when it is easier to break than to repair the relationship. Is it worth putting up with your wife in such a situation? Unforgivable transgression, humiliating betrayal – an unequivocal breakup?

They say infidelity is not forgivable. But life is so multifaceted that you have to make decisions that are completely contrary to their own feelings. It happens that a person is forced to forgive. Circumstances, children, powerful feelings … How to achieve forgiveness? How to reconcile with an abused wife after an accidental adultery?

A lot depends on you. Making the decision to return the former location of the loved one, the offender must take into account the smallest details.

Stages of reunion after a strong quarrel :

    COLD REASONING. Cool down, make the decision to resume the relationship.

“I understand how I hurt you. I really want to make things right. Ready to listen, to answer any question.” “Honey, I understand that I hurt you, I’m tired of the lies myself. I really want to make it right.”

Talk more often about how beautiful your spouse is, how she’s a good cook, how she’s a good mom. But pretty words alone aren’t enough. Do your best to surprise her with flowers, her favorite candy. Take on some of the chores around the house, helping with even something minor will play into your hands.

A few methods to annul a quarrel :

    Action. From an extravagant original surprise to a simple but very welcome one. It can be an orchestra with guest musicians, fireworks under the windows or gold jewelry – a sign of recognition. Here, much depends on imagination, activity, authenticity of feelings, the size of the wallet. Although the cost of the event often does not matter. Sometimes a heartfelt reading of a poem will outshine hundreds of paper bills.

Common mistakes

    The best defense is an offense? In this case, it’s the worst pattern of behavior to protect yourself. It’s nasty to jump to personalities, to point out obvious shortcomings in appearance, housekeeping, child-rearing, hit on the ego (“you’re a slob”, “bad hostess”, “it’s all because our relationship has become boring and outdated”). By defending yourself in this way, you are wiping your feet on your own creation.

Never involve your own children in your scolding! Don’t speculate on them, since they are already the worst off in this situation. No matter what happens, they don’t deserve to suffer. They love both mom and dad and just want to see them around and feel like all is well in their world.

Once you’ve broken a lot of ground, it’s important to understand that restoring peace is a long, painstaking job. This disease requires a comprehensive approach, and kicking it out of the house is only possible together.

A professional’s perspective. Tips from a specialist

Relationship expert John Gottman has spent many years dealing with couples in conflict. By analyzing the behavior of the two parties, he created a set of laws to prevent the development of disagreements:

    The moment a woman seems wrong to you, ask yourself: “Do I want to hurt my beloved?” Irritation, anger, is a bad ally. You should not hurt, hurt your loved one, swear.

If you scattered your socks, for example, and your spouse starts swearing again, answer jokingly that you just love watching her adorably bend over to pick them up off the floor.

Every story is unique; there is no magic cure pill. The main secret on the way to a handshake is consistency. Thoughts, words, actions, and decisions made are valuable when they are consistent. To forgive means never to remember a grudge. To propose means to set a wedding date, to plan a budget. To say goodbye is to divorce, to disappear forever.

Only by holding hands tightly can one walk the colorful, bright, extraordinary road of life to a bright future. Many people live by the current, while others set the direction of their own ocean of love. They draw waves, a quiet pier with a cozy house on a sandy shore. Conflict is just a disease. To heal, to go on the mend, or to kill the relationship is the will of the person, the creator, the artist.

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