How to make a perfect relationship?

How to build a good relationship with a guy

Contributor(s): Elvina Lui, MFT. Elvina Lui is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in San Francisco. She specializes in relationship counseling. She received her Master’s Degree in Psychological Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and has interned at Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of experience in psychological counseling and has been trained in the harm reduction model.

Number of sources used in this article: 17. You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.

Number of views of this article: 12 731.

Relationships can bring a lot of joy and pleasure, but they also take a lot of energy and create difficulties. Even if you and your boyfriend love each other, that doesn’t guarantee the great relationship you dream of. Learn how to build a lasting relationship that will make you happy.

  • For example, you can play cards, go camping, try new things, or volunteer.
  • The point is to find an activity that you both enjoy. Discuss your preferences and find common interests.
  • You don’t have to do the same thing all the time. If you’re not too happy with the state of affairs in the relationship, repeating what you’ve been through won’t help improve the situation.
  • Ask the guy, “What do you like to do when we’re not together? I’d like to try it together with you.” You can also say, “We have a new play at the theater. I’ve always wanted to see it. Why don’t we go together?”

  • For example, express your gratitude when he pays for dinner, takes out the trash, or holds the door for you. Say, “I’m so glad you remembered to do the dishes yesterday, even though it was very late,” or, “Thank you for the delicious coffee. My mood immediately improved.”
  • Talk about what you like about his appearance, compliment his beard or the smell of his new cologne. Say, “That shirt accentuates your figure perfectly,” or, “I like your new hair so much. It looks great on you.”
  • Dress up for the guy. Wear his favorite blouse, nice underwear and choose a perfume he likes.

  • For example, touch your boyfriend more often during conversations, hold his hand, put your head on his shoulder.
  • Don’t limit yourself to quick and fleeting kisses.
  • Hug and caress each other while watching TV.

  • For example, buy his favorite coffee if you agreed to meet in the morning or make coffee yourself if you live together. Buy your boyfriend’s favorite treats if you decide to watch a movie.
  • If your boyfriend always loses his pens at work, buy him a whole set and put it in the glove compartment of his car. Carry spare sunglasses with him if he often forgets to take his own.

Relationship Specialist

Alvina Louis is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in San Francisco. She specializes in relationship counseling. She received her Master’s Degree in Psychological Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and has interned at Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of experience in psychological counseling and has been trained in the harm reduction model.

“Show your partner that he can rely on you,” adds Alvina Louis, a marriage and family counselor. – Men have higher expectations in this aspect because that’s the way their brains are set up. You don’t have to be perfect, but if what you did upset your partner, apologize, even if it was nothing. So you’re not giving him power over you, but show that he can rely on you, even in small things.

The perfect relationship: What should be the perfect relationship.

The perfect relationship is what everyone is looking for. At first, it’s all good. Kisses in the park, walking hand in hand through the alleys, hugs, jokes, ice cream on the brotherhood. How lucky you are to have met such a beautiful man! You are timeless, in your own galaxy for two. You both seem to be perfect and have the perfect relationship. For a month, two, three.

Then the fairy tale slowly comes to naught. Both have initially shown themselves to be super beings and both have believed in this illusion. As time went on, it became harder and harder to hold the bar. While the hormones were working, you were like doped up athletes. Feeling a rush of energy, enthusiastically pampering each other and thinking that in the future you won’t be angry and grumpy toward the object of passion.

Now, when the doping dried up, began to notice a roughness in the character of your loved one. Yes, and you can no longer fit the picture that presented instead of your real character. More and more often show harshness, and care for your partner a little lazy. Maybe you were not entirely in rose-tinted glasses and some things in the behavior of your loved one was alarming, but you thought that it does not matter or can be corrected in the future. So what should be the relationship to be called perfect – further in the article.

The collapse of illusions happens to everyone.

If it doesn’t scare you and you are generally comfortable with the person, there is a desire to build a strong love connection – it’s time for both of you to grow. Relationships between people are great because both partners can develop each other and become better people. Learn to experience life in a new way.

Signs of an ideal relationship

In society, the concept of an ideal relationship is blurred. People pay more attention to roles and the distribution of responsibilities. A good woman cooks well, rubs well to a shine, nurtures well, doesn’t cheat, and takes care of herself. A good man earns good money, is talented at nailing shelves, doesn’t cheat, gives gifts, and carries on his arms. How to talk and relate to each other is not specified by society. Sometimes there are couples who intuitively know how to behave with their partner. So what is the secret of an ideal relationship? By reading the signs of an ideal relationship below, you can see if you are one of those couples.

  1. You are not afraid to be imperfect. The perfect family relationship – is if the woman half an hour before waking up the man does not tiptoe into the bathroom to comb her hair and makeup. If a man does not bashfully hide his appendicitis scar, then all is well. It’s not just about physical flaws. By revealing weaknesses to your partner, you subconsciously do not feel threatened.
  2. You trust each other. If you’re seeing a man off on a business trip without any thoughts of being met in another city by an alliance of unscrupulous girls, that’s fine. As long as he’s also seeing you off on your trip without fantasizing about your vacation.
  3. You feel supported. You feel your partner believes in you in a difficult life situation. After talking or hugging silently with him, you feel less bitter and fearful.
  4. You talk. Calmly talk about what you like and dislike. You express wishes, talk about what’s on your mind and listen when your partner talks about it.
  5. You talk about sex. One of the main reasons for your union is physical attraction. When you openly figure out with your partner how to improve sex, talk about your desires and listen to them, the bond grows stronger.
  6. You are alike. Intellect, attitudes, values, goals. At the same time, you can be different in character, ways of expression. You should be interesting to spend time together and feel that you are more or less on the same page.
  7. You respect each other’s privacy and desires. If one of you wants to sign up for yoga, the other one follows or doesn’t hinder. You give each other advice, in extreme situations stubbornly insisting on a decision. For example, in the case when one has a bad habit and wants to get rid of it, and the other helps to do it.
  8. If the relationship with your partner had to be officially renewed every day, would you agree? Is your answer yes? Then the relationship is perfect as far as it goes.

How do you make a relationship perfect? Based on attention, care, and respect-that’s what an ideal relationship should be. Of course, we shouldn’t forget about love and sexual attraction.

How to build a perfect relationship

If reading the signs you find that the relationship does not match the ideal relationship, you need to work on it. Working on a relationship does not at all mean hard plowing, sweat and dust. All it takes is being more conscious of your reactions and actions, and being more attentive to your partner’s reactions and actions.

  1. Express your thoughts and emotions in a non-violent way. This means speaking calmly, without accusations or insults. Talk about everything that bothers you, without avoiding any topics. Ask your partner what is bothering him or her, and sincerely try to understand him or her.
  2. Maintain a balance between “shoulds” and “wants. People get stressed out by commitments in relationships. When you want to go shopping with your girlfriend, and you have to cook dinner. It’s good when your “shoulds” and “wants” are balanced. For example, in the case of shopping, you postpone the meeting for an hour and put the pot on the stove. You keep your responsibilities, but you do what you want to do. Your partner does the same thing: picking up the child from kindergarten, and a little later playing on the computer. It is important not to allow the bias, so that one partner does not do only what he wants, and the other only what he has to.
  3. Make it a habit to ask each other about desires. Not just about the long term, you can ask about plans for the evening or the next half hour. Satisfy a small, momentary “want” partner is not difficult, but effective. In his mind, you will once again cement yourself as a man who gives joy. Remember about reciprocity: let him make you happy in return.
  4. Support each other. If your partner is starting a broccoli business, help him pick seeds, not make snide jokes. Aren’t you at all inspired by broccoli? Just be there and be supportive with a word, a hug.
  5. Admire and thank. In a relationship between a man and a woman, admiration is a verbal expression of love. By admiring, we tell the man that he is good, the way he is now. Gratitude in a relationship is an expression of love for a certain action. When a woman made pancakes with apricot jam for breakfast, she showed care and is worthy of gratitude.
  6. Maintain a balance between “giving” and “receiving.” You and your partner should exchange an equal amount of energy and action. That is to say, feel whether you are not too intrusive or, on the contrary, indifferent. If your partner calls you, on average, once a day, you should not dial his number every fifteen minutes and ask if anything has changed in his life during this time. If he’s helped you with something, help him out, too. While he’s watering your geraniums, shine his shoes.
  7. Remember that you are both regular people. At the beginning of a relationship, every couple is the union of a superman and a superwoman. She seems to have enough energy reserves for several thousand borsches, and he is sure that his arms will never get tired of carrying her. People idealize themselves, and then, after a while, they don’t live up to their own expectations. They also unwittingly deceive each other. Do not raise the bar of expectations of yourself and your partner.
  8. Do not remember the past. Try not to enter a new relationship with old suitcases. Your new partner does not have to repeat the peculiarities of your former behavior, how you were hurt and underestimated. It’s your experience, and it’s valuable because it helped you draw conclusions. It’s worth waving goodbye to him and building a new love without the old mistakes.
  9. Keep the relationship intimate. It is important not to let strangers into your fragile space. From parents to subscribers on social networks. Doesn’t mean you have to give up communication altogether, just that other people shouldn’t be involved in your affairs of the heart.

Is it worth striving for the perfect relationship?

Absolute perfection is unattainable; every person is imperfect. He carries a unique baggage of society and parental beliefs, childhood traumas, and experiences. They do not always coincide in a couple, so an ideal relationship between a man and a woman is unlikely. Two non-ideal people will not create a perfect union. In this case, developing each other, they become better than yesterday, and consequently become a better relationship with each other and with the world at large. It is for this reason that it is worthwhile to strive for the ideal.

Kipling has a fairy tale, “Where did the armadillos come from? It tells the story of how the Painted Jaguar hunted down the Wicked Spiny Hedgehog and his friend the Slow Turtle. The Jaguar would curl up in a ball and expose his barbs, then the Jaguar wouldn’t touch him, but as soon as the Jaguar pushed him into the water, the Jaguar would immediately turn around, for he can’t swim. The turtle could swim; the Jaguar could not hunt it in the water, but on land it would easily scratch it out of its shell with its paw.

To protect themselves, the urchin and the turtle began to teach one another: she taught him to swim, he taught her to curl up in a ball. So diligently did they learn that in the end they became unlike themselves and are now called Armadillos. And no Jaguars can touch them anymore.

This tale illustrates how, by joining forces, we can become better, live in harmony, and come closer to realizing our goals.

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