10 simple ways to love yourself (once and for all)
No matter how hard we try to build relationships with our partners, the main feeling of love we can feel is love for ourselves. How can we love and accept ourselves if the critic inside is constantly judging, comparing and evaluating? Start small, and step by step your self-perception will change for the better.
Change the way you approach your inner dialogue
Pay attention to how you conduct a dialogue with yourself. In what way analyze the actions and words. Do you scold yourself? We may not be aware of how often we humiliate or undervalue ourselves for the little things that are not worth a letter. Try to replace a dozen negative words with one positive one. Further – more, soon the positive internal dialogue will become a habit, and in place of self-humiliation will come a sense of dignity and respect.
Maintain only healthy relationships
Love yourself is much easier if you feel the love that you give to loved ones. Spend more time with people who support you or limit your time with those who overstep personal boundaries ( read also : Not to lose yourself: how to mark and protect your personal boundaries). Family, friends, partner are your support and backbone, and the love and positive emotions they give is a must for self-love. The more you communicate with people who appreciate you, the more you begin to appreciate yourself. Don’t forget that your environment plays an important role in your life, and with each step you open up more not only to each other, but also to life around you.
Forgive yourself for the mistakes you make.
We are all human, and there is simply no such thing as a person who has never made a mistake. If you made a mistake in the past, why can’t you be worthy of love and respect now? Work through the mistake, take time for it. Take time out to understand why you did what you did and how you would like to behave in the future in a similar situation. We are constantly changing and going towards self-improvement. A worked through mistake is not a skeleton in your closet, but your baggage and an asset to be proud of and love.
Accept the world as it is.
No matter what situation you’re in, let things take their course. Stop wising up and thinking about how it should be and why it’s not happening. Patience is something each of us should learn. Once you begin to accept what is happening and stop complaining, you will be at an advantage in every situation. The weather will turn out to be beautiful, and the seemingly uncomfortable situation will be resolvable. Confidence in what’s going on is a sure way to feel harmony and catch zen.
Get to know yourself better
Try writing down your thoughts and emotions each day. How you reacted to this or that situation, when you experienced joy, and what action made you mad. With each word you will begin to understand your feelings more and more, and therefore learn how to manage them, creating a comfortable environment ( read also : Dear Diary : How writing by hand will make your life better). It’s much easier to love someone you know “from” and “to.”
Be attentive to your body
Taking care of your physical health is an integral part of accepting and loving yourself. A balanced diet, exercise and rest will have a positive effect on your body and consequently on your psychological state. You don’t have to swim across the Bosphorus or go on a strict diet, find your golden mean. Running, yoga or dance classes, you can choose what your soul and body want. Moreover, once a conscious approach to health becomes a habit, you definitely won’t want to give it up.
Give yourself a chance to be surprised
Try saying “Yes” to the things you mostly say “No” to. Go on a date with an acquaintance whose invitation you were previously embarrassed to accept. Agree to a trip to a distant country or a weekend in a city you’ve been avoiding. Let the situation get out of control, because who knows what a pleasant surprise it could turn out to be? Do not let yourself stagnate in one place, because falling in love with life gives the main thing – the love of yourself.
Do not forget to thank yourself
Before going to bed, think back to the day that passed and thank yourself for at least three actions that brought joy and benefit to you or any stranger. Think about what you would like to say “thank you” for tomorrow. This will not only provide encouragement, but it will also help you figure out exactly what you want to get out of the next day.
Remember your strengths.
Think of the things you’re good at, whether it’s being able to cook, listen, draw, be caring, or do math. Look at your skills not as ordinary skills, but as talents or superpowers that give you that very strength. If you don’t know your strengths, ask people close to you about them. The main thing – do not allow the idea that they do not exist in principle. Each of us is unique, and this is our greatest strength.
How to love yourself: tips from professional psychologists
With pleasure I share my knowledge and experience in the field of self-development, relationships, overcoming difficult situations.
Self-love – an indispensable condition on the road to a harmonious and happy life. Without it, it is impossible to succeed, to build strong trusting relationships and self-realization. Therefore, I advise to begin any personal work with finding love for themselves. From this article you will learn how to love yourself with the most sincere and fervent love.
Reasons for not loving yourself
Psychologists argue that the roots of the lack of self-love should be sought in childhood. The child’s psyche is very sensitive and receptive. It, like a sponge, absorbs everything that happens to a man. Any careless word can leave a mark that a person will carry through life.
The main reasons why a person can not love himself:
- Lack of unconditional love from parents;
- Comparison with other children in their favor;
- Lack of proper attention from parents, their constant employment;
- Jealousy in relation to brothers or sisters;
- exaggerated demands and hyperprotective behavior;
- Mockery from peers;
- Conflicts with teachers;
- A serious traumatic event.
Most often, it is in childhood that the preconditions for self-love are laid. But this is not the only possible scenario. It happens that at an early age, a person has no problems with self-esteem and self-acceptance, and then something happens in his life that seriously undermines his faith in himself.
This can be a failed relationship, problems at work, the loss of a loved one, a serious illness, etc. The once stable and strong person turns into a confused, frightened and unsure person. He has to seek support inside himself all over again, to make contact with himself all over again.
Fortunately, our psyche is very malleable and malleable. If you don’t waste time on dusting your head with ashes, but concentrate on regaining love for yourself, then the result will come very quickly.
In what does not love itself manifest itself
Usually a person who does not love himself, himself is well aware of it. But in some cases it may not be obvious.
Let’s look at striking manifestations of dislike and lack of self-acceptance:
- Unreasonable guilt. A person feels guilty even when they are 100% right.
- Inability to say no. The person has difficulty saying “no.” He often sacrifices his time and resources in favor of others.
- Self-saving. If you have free money, but you walk around in worn-out clothes, it is a clear sign of self-love.
- A frivolous attitude toward their health. A person who truly loves himself, time to pass all examinations, go to the doctor at the first signs of illness, performs all preventive measures.
- Fear of privacy. Unwillingness to be in company with yourself is a red flag. Normally, a person should calmly accept temporary solitude and even appreciate it.
- Wearing uncomfortable clothes and shoes. Dressing up in tight dresses and high heels is normal for a festive event. But wearing them on a regular basis, enduring pain and discomfort, is wrong.
- Sitting on rigid diets. Work on improving your appearance should take place without compromising your health.
What to do to love yourself
Let’s move from theory to practice. The following 12 tips from psychologists are guaranteed to help you feel love for yourself. If you follow them, of course.
Accept yourself for who you are.
Love begins with acceptance. Until you learn to accept yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses, no love is out of the question. You are what you are at this moment in time: whole and indivisible. Take it as a starting point and do not waste time on self-deception and throwing dust in people’s eyes.
You can be a better person in the future if you work on yourself. And you will have more and more reasons to love yourself. But for that future to come, you need to lay a strong foundation in the present.
Just don’t confuse acceptance with self-deception. Do not try to convince yourself that your shortcomings are advantages. For example, if you are lazy, you should not look for something positive in this. You just need to note this fact for yourself, so that you can work on it later. And if you try to camouflage your shortcomings, you have no chance to get better.
Treat yourself like a parent treats a child. Don’t look for something to love yourself for, but love for nothing.
Forgive your mistakes
Being overly hard on ourselves and self-defeating makes us anxious and cowardly. Write yourself an indulgence for past mistakes and don’t go back to them. Life is too short to waste it on regrets and sprinkling ashes on your head.
Say “thank you” to each of your failures for a valuable experience and life lesson. You will immediately notice how a weight will fall from your soul. And most importantly – you will gain freedom of action in the future. By forgiving yourself for past mistakes, you will cease to have a panic fear of mistakes in the future. And that means it will be easier for you to go out of your comfort zone and realize your dreams.
Love yourself unconditionally.
We don’t need a reason to love our parents and children. We love them unconditionally, love sincerely, forgive all the shortcomings, care and protect. In the same way, we should treat ourselves. You are the closest and dearest person in the whole world.
Love for yourself should not be confused with selfishness. The egoist is fixated on his problems, and the one who loves himself, is kind and open to the world.
Self-respect is a very complex concept. Many confuse it with conceit, self-love and pride, although it is quite different. High self-esteem means that a person recognizes his own value to himself and nothing will change it.
Self-esteem will not allow him to humiliate himself, to act against his principles, to sacrifice his beautiful and noble image for the sake of momentary gain.
Respect yourself if you want to be respected.
In what does self-respect manifest itself? I’ll start with a simple example. A person with self-respect will not put on leaky socks and underwear, knowing that no one will see them anyway. The most important look for him is his own. And he will not urgently clean the apartment for the arrival of guests. It is always neat and tidy, because the most important and expensive person – himself – lives in this apartment.
A self-respecting person also does not try to arouse pity in order to receive some privileges. Any pity is degrading to him.
Start cultivating self-respect and you will notice how life changes for the better. Those around you will also notice the change in you and begin to treat you differently. At some point, you’ll love this new feeling so much that you’ll never be able to give up your self-respect again.
Appreciate your uniqueness.
There is no one else in the world just like you. Different traits intertwine in each individual, creating a unique, fingerprint-like soul pattern. Your faults are harmoniously balanced by your virtues. So there is no sense to isolate and dwell on them. Perceive yourself holistically and enjoy the fact that you are unique.
Don’t compare yourself with others.
It makes no sense to compare yourself with others. You exist in different conditions, different systems of coordinates. Surely there will be those who in some way better than you. But this is no reason to give up and despair. You need to live up to your script and move forward at a comfortable pace.
The only person with whom you can compare yourself today is you yesterday. Have you become just a little bit better? So, the vector of movement is correct and you can continue on your way.
And constant hovering over the successes of others, you will only ruin your motivation to do something and finally disappoint in yourself. In addition, it will grow jealousy – a destructive, poisonous feeling that takes a lot of energy.
Don’t complain or whine
Whining, complaining, and wailing are signs of a weak and poorly organized person. When you take all your negativity out on other people, they witness your weakness and begin to pity you. Automatically, unwittingly, you put yourself in a lower position. And this is very bad for self-esteem. In the subconsciousness, a pathetic and helpless image of yourself is fixed, which is very difficult to eradicate.
It is not so easy to clear your head of negativity. Thought patterns are habits deeply ingrained in our personality. It will take weeks or even months to change it. And while the process is going on, learn to at least keep your negativity to yourself. Do not burden people with complaints and whining. So you keep self-respect and good relations with others. No one likes whiners – remember this.
If the feeling of frustration and depression is so strong that you can not keep it to yourself, pour out your heart on paper. It’s all, as they say, will bear with you and not judge you. Write down everything that worries, alarms, upsets you, and you immediately feel better.
Less criticism of yourself
Excessive self-criticism and demanding interfere with the enjoyment of life. And it’s so short and fleeting. Take off the mantle of a strict judge and relax. Life – it is not an exam, where you constantly need something to prove to someone.
Look around you! You won’t see a single perfect person. All sometimes make mistakes, look stupid and ugly, behave inappropriately. If all the time to dwell on these moments, you can just go crazy. So every time you start to gnaw worm criticism, chase it away and switch to something positive.
Don’t worry about what people around you think.
Especially strangers and strangers to you. It’s impossible to please absolutely everyone. And you don’t have to.
Realize that the desire to please everyone comes from a lack of reliance on yourself. There is no internal core that gives stability. There is no reference point on which you can look up to. Hence the desire to lean on other people’s assessments.
Internal support comes from taking full responsibility for your life, from taking purposeful actions on your own, from pumping up your own resources. This is a long and complicated process. To begin with I suggest that you form inside yourself a system of evaluation, based on generally accepted moral norms and your own principles. And evaluate all your actions in accordance with it.
Self-love is closely linked to self-esteem. And it grows from real achievements. Getting pumped is the only way to raise your self-esteem and keep it adequate. Start improving on all fronts! You’ll notice how quickly your self-love will grow.
I suggest you start pumping yourself up by understanding what self-development is. Our article will help you assess all areas of life and develop a strategy to improve them. You will be able to improve your health, appearance, personal qualities, mental abilities, pump professional skills and much more.
And for those who want to save time and get the support of experienced professionals, I advise you to look at the selection of courses and trainings on self-development.
Set goals and achieve them
True goals make us mobilize all the resources and relentlessly move towards the life we dream. And they also pull on the lion’s share of attention, not allowing him to loop on the negative thoughts and dissatisfaction with themselves. When a person has a goal, he is motivated, excited and full of energy. It’s much easier to love yourself in that state.
When an important goal is accomplished, one experiences tremendous pleasure. His self-esteem grows and so does his motivation for new achievements.
Talk to positive people
Try to surround yourself with polite, tactful, cheerful people. Exclude from the circle of communication whiners, grumblers and pessimists. Near them it is very difficult to maintain a positive attitude.
Also avoid communicating with those who question your merits and try to undermine your self-confidence. Do not allow people to assert themselves at your expense, protect personal boundaries and protect psychological comfort.
If you want to approach the problem thoroughly, I recommend studying the relevant literature. Pay attention to the following books on psychology:
Self-love is the foundation for happiness and well-being. Having laid it now, you will thank yourself many times in the future. After all, we have one life – you should try to live it at maximum speed.
Unfortunately, there is no secret method that will bring you back in love with yourself at the snap of a finger. It’s a long process, which must be approached responsibly. You have to learn how to love yourself! It’s a long, painstaking, selfless learning process. But at least now you know what it means and why it’s so important.
Share in the comments how you’re doing with self-love. Also, check out this article on how to get rid of insecurity. You can pick up some techniques from there.