How to learn not to be jealous of your husband?

How to learn to trust your husband and not be jealous – psychologist tips

Jealousy is born in a person long before his entry into family life. Freud spoke of jealousy of the daughter to her father, and the son to his mother. Inherent in the human desire for the opposite sex, a thirst for attention to themselves gives rise to this feeling and keep it to the end of life.

This problem is especially acute in the first year after marriage. United by the euphoria of love, young people dissolve into each other, but then comes the reality of work and life. Attention dissipates, and here it is – jealousy. Advice from a psychologist can help sort out your feelings, calm down and stop being jealous of your husband.

Reasons for jealousy

Jealousy – a natural, natural feeling, because when a person is born, he immediately receives a huge flow of love and attention, aimed exclusively at him. Up to and including three years a child is sure that the world revolves around him and for him.

This feeling of oneness is a kind of egoism. It also, transforming in the course of life, leads to an awareness of the individuality of the person. Without it, the individual would not be able to reveal himself fully and to realize himself. Awareness of this helps to consider the emergence of jealousy in the family as a natural feeling.

The ideal relationship is a situation where on the one hand the wife tries to attract the attention of the loved one, on the other hand the husband also draws her attention to himself. And otherwise in the family, it would seem, should not be. But. If the counterweight of attention is spent on a foreign object, work or friends, there is immediately a sense of discomfort and jealousy. The question arises: “How could he? After all, I’m the one he’s supposed to be looking at!”

There is no need to be frightened by this question and feeling. It is important to calmly sort everything out.

Thus, the cause of jealousy, according to modern psychologists, may be the following factors:

  1. The peculiarity of temperament. Melancholics are the most vulnerable in family matters and relationships. They trust the people they love boundlessly and expect a response from them. The slightest deviation knocks them down and tortures them. Show your feelings, they are afraid, and jealousy can burn the melancholic from within. Cholerics are leaders. For them, love, devotion and the elevation of themselves as individuals is a life-changing issue. Lack of attention and even more adultery in the family, causes the collapse of the internal system, and that – raging scandals, dishwashing and divorce. Phlegmatics are the most calm. It seems that they do not care, who draws the attention of their mate, and they do not spoil his wife. But deep down inside phlegmatic heavy experiencing a sense of jealousy. In fact, this manifests itself more reticence and detachment. Sanguine people are in great need of attention, for them to reveal themselves and support loved one is very important, otherwise they lose the meaning of their life movement. Devoted family – their strong rear and protection. If a woman-sanguine jealous of her husband, her health deteriorates sharply, and activities almost stopped. Thoughts are occupied only with him.
  2. Self-esteem. Insecurity and the understanding that the object of love is a step or two higher, gives rise to dissatisfaction and fear of loss. Added to this is the inability to unobtrusively attract attention and keep it. Therefore, it is very important to feel needed and be meaningful.
  3. Selfishness is an innate sense of ownership reinforced by love. Accustomed since childhood to be the leader and the object of attention, egocentric personalities do not tolerate a switch of attention from their side.
  4. Past adultery. Faced with betrayal at least once, the person vividly remembers the accompanying negative feelings. Fear of experiencing them again generates jealousy and distrust.
  5. Existence of betrayal on one’s side. People who cheat themselves are prone to jealousy more than others. After all, what they can do, others can do.

Getting rid of jealousy is not easy, because this feeling is one of the deepest in a person’s mind. However, it is possible to learn to fight this fear of losing love and attention.

One of the main steps towards peace and harmony in family life is a profound analysis of the situation, which includes recognition and understanding of the causes of their feelings, the setting of problematic issues and the judicious search for solutions.

How to stop being jealous of your life partner

Faced with jealousy, mistrust and suspicion, a man subconsciously seeks to dampen these feelings, because they are unpleasant in themselves and bring down his life goals.

Deal with and live with these feelings is extremely difficult, which is why it is so important to find a solution to the problem. This is especially true for women who rush into extremes and take the lack of attention from her husband as a disaster.

How to stop being jealous of your husband? For women, this question is vital, because the preservation of the family depends on it.

Advice to the wife

Psychologist’s advice on the problem of jealousy in the family is unambiguous and boils down to the following.

  1. The first step. Recognition of the negative feeling – the way to overcome it. Understanding the nature of jealousy, its causes, consequences – one of the most important steps in the fight against it. After all, if thoughts of betrayal, mistrust, mistrustfulness and fear burst into the family relationship and do not go away for a long time, it will inevitably lead to collapse. It is important to be clear about what is going on both internally and externally. If jealousy is superficial and only tingles with feelings of self-love, it may well revive the mundane relationship, but if it torments for days on end, it is definitely worth dealing with.
  2. Second step. Visibility provides an opportunity to take a sober look at the situation. To do this, write out all the feelings that arise during an attack of jealousy. Fear, rejection of reality, pain, anger – the list can be huge. By answering the questions associated with the emergence of each emotion separately, you can develop a scheme for their control. For example: “I’m jealous and suspect my husband of cheating? I’m afraid of losing him. Why? Because I depend on him financially, I do not want to traumatize the child divorce, I love him, and I need him for psychological peace.
  3. Third step. Analyze the entire list of responses by emotion. The result will be a list of positive emotions that you need to keep in relation to your husband, and a list of negative things that have been noticed in his behavior.
  4. The fourth step. Correction of your emotions. For example: the fear born of material dependence can be eliminated by getting a job or part-time work, the fear of losing family peace and tenderness of the relationship is corrected by returning to the model of behavior of the courtship period. No sane man will look away if a calm, beautiful, loving and supportive wife is waiting for him at home.
  5. Fifth step. Possible correction of his behavior. This is a particularly difficult point. No person has the right to impose their will on the other, but to predict the action is possible, as well as to direct it in the right direction. It is very important to act calmly and unobtrusively. Men tend to pay attention to a woman. A simple request for a small thing, such as an ice cream or a glass of wine, will be fulfilled. By the way, this meets a man’s need to be a do-gooder. For them it is very important. So with the help of small things you can return the attention.

The above steps should be done gradually, without derailing. The most important condition is calmness and understanding of your actions.

Advice to the husband

Jealous man – the scourge of the family. Unlike a woman, his jealousy appears openly.

Often, attacks of jealousy have severe consequences both psychologically and physically. Children can also get under the hot hand. But if a man is aware of the problem and wants to correct the situation, his algorithm of actions is as follows.

  1. The first action, as with women, is the recognition of the problem and a visual analysis of her emotions and actions. And not only her actions, but her own.
  2. Working on the control of her emotions and actions. For example, if the feeling of suspicion begins to grow and disturb, it is worth slowly exhale and ask his wife’s business as calmly as possible, to offer her help. A man’s gentle attention and care is always very pleasant for a woman, no matter how long she has been married.
  3. Constructive calm conversation. Women by nature know how to listen and build logical chains. Yes, they have their own logic sometimes, but an understanding of the pattern in a woman’s brain is definitely present.

It is necessary to honestly tell them their fears and reasons for jealousy. In fact, they are the same for everyone. In a calm dialogue can often solve even the most difficult problems. Men should remember that a woman by nature – the mother, and she is not inclined to the first, without good reason, to destroy the family relationship.

Mutual respect and the ability to talk calmly on an equal footing is the key to a strong married life.

What to do if your husband/wife gets jealous without a reason

Jealousy as a feeling is always based on speculation and illusions of the brain. Often it has a real reason. Unfortunately, infidelity is frequent on the part of both men and women.

The main reason for treason is the desire to change the familiar way of life. Often this campaign on the side does not carry global consequences, and the other half learns about them years later. But it happens that jealousy is born on nothing, without any foundation.

Basically, these cases are related to the inner world of a man who is jealous. There is a need to carefully consider the situation. In addition to the above actions, it is worth paying attention to the depth of the causes of jealousy. Often the problem of trust lies in the family.

Perhaps as a child, a man or woman experienced a sharp shock, such as divorce of parents, the loss of one of their loved ones, the betrayal of the best friend, etc. An important task of their brain is to avoid these feelings.

By projecting past experiences onto a partner in the present, such a person begins to torment himself not only with jealousy, but also with self-injury, because theoretically he understands that in fact his feelings are not justified.

It is difficult to cope with this and learn to trust, because the experience sits deep in the subconscious and obsessively makes itself felt. It is difficult to do without the help of a partner. It is very important to make a joint effort and must be a calm and frank conversation.

A husband or wife should understand each other’s feelings as much as possible. Sometimes it is difficult to put them into words and to convey to the person he or she is talking to. A possible solution to this is to write letters. Paper and pen gives time for introspection, understanding their feelings and desires. It is important to write letters by hand, as the computer allows you to make corrections to the text and completely cut it. As a result, you may end up with a perfect message, far from real feelings.

Moreover, not only the words in the letter reveal the emotions of the author, but also the pressure of the pen, the confusion of handwriting and many other subtle moments.

In this video psychologist tells how to overcome his jealousy of a loved one:

If the nature of jealousy of the husband or wife is understood by the other half, his actions will inevitably change. It is even possible to return to the former romantic relationship.

Fighting jealousy as the enemy of the relationship will inevitably fail, because it, in its small appearance, is the binding material of marriage. It is a different matter if the attacks of jealousy overwhelm with the force of a tsunami and erase the tenderness of the marriage at its roots. Such a situation is definitely unnatural and intolerable. Trust between spouses is a guarantee of a happy family. And what do you think: how not to succumb to blind jealousy and trust your partner no matter what?

How to stop being jealous of your husband – 4 steps to trust

In this article, you will get step-by-step instructions from a psychologist on how to stop being jealous of your husband, as well as learn where jealousy comes from and what to do if you are living with a jealous man.

You can go straight from the content to ways to get rid of jealousy. But in order to solve the problem, it is not bad to know where it came from. To find out what the cause of your jealousy is, read on first.

Article Content:

Where does jealousy come from – causes

The main cause of jealousy is insecurity. If you are prone to jealousy, but at the same time think that you are confident – then your insecurity is buried somewhere deep, and you will have to work with it for longer. Because jealousy without insecurity does not exist. A jealous person is afraid of competition, afraid that the other will be better than him, afraid that he will be abandoned, exchanged for another or not loved at all.

Where does insecurity come from? Certainly, it comes from childhood. As a child, parents did not love the child enough, did not show their love for him properly, not supported, and therefore, growing up, the man does not know how to love himself. He does not understand why he can be loved. After all, as a child, he was not loved simply for what he is.

For example, a second child is born into the family. The first automatically becomes the eldest. Parents start to pay less attention to him, sometimes they forget about him, and often forgive and allow the younger one something they did not forgive the older one. Growing up, such a child turns into an insecure adult who is prone to jealousy. Subconsciously he thinks: “Junior always got more love as a child, which means that my husband has someone else who gets his love, and it is not me.

Or, for example, the father left the mother with her daughter. Growing up, the girl turns into an insecure woman with an abandonment complex. She is always afraid that she will be abandoned and is looking for confirmation that she is being cheated on. Her unconscious whispers: “You were abandoned as a child, you will be abandoned now. Do not believe him. He’s already looking for someone better, more worthy than you.”

Another example. One of the main problems that almost all children have encountered is comparing the child to other children who are more successful at something. This is the worst mistake parents make! You should only compare a child with who he was yesterday. And comparison with others leads to low self-esteem and increased self-criticism.

A child who as a child was compared to peers, growing up, learns to compare and be disappointed in himself. After all, by comparing yourself to others, you lose this battle beforehand. There will always be someone who is better at it.

So, a child who has been abandoned or not loved enough grows up to be insecure. And also, not knowing any reason to love him, he begins to think that no one loves him at all. Deep down he thinks that his partner is with him for money, apartment, sex, or any other reason, but not for love. At a subconscious level he thinks: “She doesn’t love me, she just wants something from me.

The tragedy of a person prone to jealousy is that deep down, he does not believe that he is loved, and he only has to convict his partner of this by catching her cheating. There is no use explaining and proving anything to such a person, because he has already proved and explained everything to himself in his head. At the subconscious level, he strongly doubts that he is loved, and he only has to find proof of dislike.

How to stop being jealous of your husband – 4 steps to trust

In order to stop being jealous of your husband, you need to go through four steps leading to confidence and a trusting relationship with your partner. So, how to stop being jealous of your husband – four steps to trust:

Step #1: Forgiveness.

First, you need to forgive your parents for not showing enough love for you. It is advisable, if possible, to start communicating with them closer, ask them about their childhood. Try to find out what their reasons for not showing you enough love. And if you do not find out about these reasons, then even just getting closer to them, you are likely to understand why they could not do otherwise.

Believe me, your parents raised you based on the resources they had. And if they knew how to raise you better, they certainly would have done so.

In case you feel that you cannot forgive your parents on your own, you can ask me for a Skype consultation. I am a psychologist, and I can help you get to the root of your low self-esteem. By letting go of your parents resentment, you will immediately feel better to live and breathe. Your self-esteem will even out, and you will feel your jealousy letting go. To see the cost of counseling and to sign up, go here.

I also made a video for you in which I talk about how to fix your relationship and come to full well-being and understanding:

Step #2: Confidence.

Feelings of jealousy are based on the thought of “I’m worse than the other.” You may have been compared to others as a child, and you continue to do so as an adult. Stopping doing this is the first step to self-confidence. Start comparing yourself only to yourself yesterday. That way you can raise your self-esteem and track your developmental scale.

Start an achievement diary and write down every day what you did well today. Make it five accomplishments a day. They can be big or small. Knowing that you achieved something will boost your self-esteem every day.

Write down 50 things that you are already doing great. For example, “I have great stretching,” “I dance beautifully,” “I write without mistakes,” or “I can communicate easily.” Put these 50 skills in a prominent place that you walk by every day. Fill up the list with your successes from your achievement journal. And over time, these skills will take you to the pinnacle of self-confidence.

Jealousy can be divided into three components: fear, anger and contempt. Fear of losing someone, anger toward your partner, and contempt toward yourself. For details on how to work with these feelings, to stop being jealous of your partner, to get on your nerves and look for potential rivals, and in general to stop being a jealous person, see my book “Into a Happy Relationship Through Self-Love.

After reading it, you will not only get rid of feelings of jealousy, but also learn how to communicate with your partner openly, you will easily resolve conflicts, stop controlling and get rid of the fear of losing the person you love.

Give yourself permission to stop being jealous today.

You can read the book descriptions and reviews, as well as purchase the book at the link.

Step #3: Trusting Relationships

If you are jealous of your partner, it means you are not in a close enough relationship and there is not enough trust between you. Jealousy excludes trust, revelation, intimacy and openness. Jealousy is built on reticence, understatement, intrigue. All of this is the opposite of trust.

So how to stop being jealous of her husband? You need to build with him trust and open relationship. Talk to each other, be honest, do not play games. Work on yourself and on the relationship, do not try to fix your partner. When we change ourselves, the partner either changes too, if he or she cares about the relationship, or leaves if the relationship is not worth it for him or her to work on themselves.

Remove the reticence from your relationship, be frank. Learn to communicate with each other with self-messages (instead of “you hurt me – I’m offended,” instead of “you did a bad thing – I’m upset”). Don’t do things you don’t like, don’t be patient. Tell your partner right away if you’re not happy with something. And try to convince your partner to do the same thing. Over time, this will establish a trusting and mature relationship between you, with no room for jealousy.

When you go through the first three steps, you will love yourself and learn to trust the person you love. Your confidence and trust will not be based on the fact that you always know where your partner is, but on the fact that you won’t care where he or she is because you believe in yourself and believe accordingly that you are loved and will not be cheated on. You believe that even if your partner likes someone else, you will be the first to know about it. You will just be told about it because you trust each other.

If you want to learn how to build a healthy, mature, adult partnership, you can come to me for a Skype consultation.

I’m a psychologist, and relationships are one of the main areas of my work. View the cost and sign up.

Step #4: Get clarity

Jealousy is uncertainty, and uncertainty is built on a lack of a plan of action. When you don’t know how you will behave in a situation, you become unsure. You get fears, anxieties, jealousy. In order to avoid this, you need to build a plan of action. So the fourth step is this – agree with yourself, answer yourself questions about how you will act in this or that situation.

Ask yourself: “What will I do if I hear from someone that my husband has been seen with someone else? What would I do if I read flirtatious messages from a stranger on my wife’s phone? What would happen if I found my spouse cheating on me? How would I act if I saw my girlfriend sweet-talking with someone else?” And things like that.

Answer yourself clearly on these and similar questions so that you know the plan of action in detail. When you do, you’ll feel much better. Because when you have absolute specifics in your brain, your brain stops worrying and looking for reasons to be jealous. You know exactly how you will react, what actions you will take, and this will make you free of worry, eliminate the very subject of jealousy, because it is all very definite, specific and clear.

After you’ve decided what you will do in case your partner cheats or deceives you, talk to him about it. Let him know in advance what will happen.

Specificity eliminates fears and worries. Where there is certainty – there is no place for jealousy. So once you manage to answer yourself clearly and distinctly on the main issues, doubts will fly away and jealousy will disappear by itself.

Your thoughts after going through the four suggested steps and talk to your partner about the intentions should be something like this: “Let my husband live as he wants, and I absolutely trust him. That said, I know what I will do if something goes wrong.”

The most interesting thing is that the person you suspect of cheating now also knows about it. And in a situation like this, where everything is predetermined, he’s not likely to do anything stupid if he values your relationship. Or, if he doesn’t value them, let him go. Then you won’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t need you.

My Telegram channel “You can do it” is a daily dose of inspiration. Let’s stay on course for a happy life! Go to or type in a search for Telegram: lara_litvinova

What to do if you’re jealous.

A person prone to jealousy likes to compare himself to others and find reasons to mock himself. The fact that a person who does not like himself, subconsciously looking for evidence that he is nothing. To do this, he may, for example, ask his partner about former lovers, interested in all the details of past relationships. He is a masochist, and on a subconscious level he needs confirmation that he is worthless and others are better than him. Under no circumstances should you give a jealous man the opportunity to reinforce his insecurities. Do not give him additional reasons for jealousy, otherwise it can lead to unfortunate consequences.

When a jealous man asks you about your exes, he does it so that he can recall and rebuke you later: “What, was he nicer? Is he better at it than I am?” The jealous man does not love himself, and the suffering of hateful, oppressive thoughts gives him pleasure. It is as if he is looking for something bad to think about in order to further torment himself. He tries every way to catch you in the infidelity, such as looking at the phone, computer, eavesdropping on your phone calls. He does anything just to make sure that he is worthless. Don’t give him the opportunity to do this.

If you are jealous – tell the man that you do not like it, that it limits your freedom. Explain that he does not trust you, and talk frankly. Eliminate the reticence in your relationship and increase the level of trust in your relationship. Go through step #3 together and learn how to build a mature relationship.

If your partner checks your phones, messages, social media, explain to him or her that this violates your boundaries. Everyone should have a personal space that absolutely no one should invade. And if your boundaries are violated, you need to restore them, to rebuild it.

Say that you do not want to be in such a relationship. Let your partner know that he needs to restore confidence. Ideally, show him this article, and if he starts working on himself, you will both be aware of the changes that will occur in your relationship and be ready for them.


Now you know much better how to stop being jealous of your husband, as well as the causes of jealousy and ways to mend your relationship with someone who is jealous of you. Lastly, I would like to talk about who you will be when you go through the four steps suggested in the article.

You will forgive your parents, learn to love yourself, build trust, mature relationships and know exactly how you will behave when things go wrong.

A person who loves himself doesn’t tend to be jealous because he believes, believing in himself, that he is loved. He is not afraid of being traded for someone else. Such a thought would not even cross his mind, because he does not compare himself to anyone. He doesn’t think that someone is better, smarter, more beautiful.

A man loves himself not for the set of qualities, not for his beauty, not for his intelligence, but for the fact that he is him, and that he is inimitable. Loving yourself for being you, for your individuality and uniqueness, you will never compare yourself to anyone else. And you won’t get the silly thought of being jealous.

And don’t forget to read my book “Into a Happy Relationship Through Self-Love.”

After reading it, you will not only get rid of feelings of jealousy, but also learn how to communicate with your partner openly, you will easily resolve conflicts, stop controlling and get rid of the fear of losing the person you love.

Give yourself permission to stop being jealous today.

You can read the book descriptions and reviews, as well as purchase the book at the link.

If you need individual help to stop being jealous or to sort yourself out, you can sign up with me for psychological counseling on Skype. I will help you improve your self-esteem, become a confident person and get rid of jealousy completely.

You can sign up for a consultation with me through vkontakte, instagram @litvinova_lara or on the website. To learn about the cost of services and the scheme of work you can here. You can read and leave feedback about me and my work here.

My Telegram channel “You’ll get it” is a daily portion of inspiration. Let’s stay on course for a happy life! Go to Or type in a search for Telegram: lara_litvinova

Subscribe to my Instagram @litvinova_lara and YouTube channel. Improve and develop yourself with me!

Stop being jealous! Love yourself! Your psychologist Lara Litvinova

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