How to avoid conflict at work - communicate properly

The secrets of successful relationships with colleagues: how to communicate and understand each other?

Work is an important part of life for most of us. While performing our work duties, we are forced to maintain relationships with colleagues, to cooperate and seek compromise. It is good if colleagues are pleasant and non-conflictual people. But what if they are not? After all, tense relations in the team can poison the joy of even the beloved work.

Interaction with coworkers

Overcoming barriers to communication in the team is very important for many reasons. Good relationships between coworkers:

make it easier to collaborate when working on common tasks;
make your work with coworkers more interesting and fulfilling;
it creates a sense of teamwork and provides support;
Because you enjoy your work, you devote more effort to it and achieve better performance.

How do you fit in at your new job?

So, you’ve landed a new job. It’s time to think about how to build relationships with new people. Many of us think that this is the most unpleasant period of work, while you do not know anyone and do not know the rules adopted here.

However, psychologists are sure that if you follow the guidelines below, the problems of networking will pass you by.

Observe and observe. Try to notice how new coworkers behave in certain situations.
If you’re not sure, don’t hesitate to ask. For example, where to deposit those folders with documents or where to put your clothes. This way you’ll kill two birds with one stone: get the exact answer and start the communication.

If suddenly a colleague doesn’t tell you anything, ask for help from someone else.

Ways to get respect in the team

Let’s talk about how to properly communicate with colleagues at work. Here are 10 basic principles.

Be honest in your communication, tell the truth, avoid lies. Most people will appreciate your candor.
Keep a positive attitude while at work. This will help build good relationships with coworkers. Agree, no one likes whiners.
Be an open and friendly person. Even if you don’t want to communicate with your coworkers, it may be worth overpowering yourself.
Maintain conversations on any topic, not just professional ones. If a colleague wants to discuss movies or the weather, don’t turn him down. Remember that common interests bring people together.
Continuing with the previous point: take an interest in your coworkers’ lives. For example, ask how was your vacation, where did your colleague go, etc.

Just do not pry into the soul and ask for details of his family life.

There are so-called special conditions of work, when you are in a non-standard environment. For example:

Around you now there are suddenly a lot of members of the stronger sex. Some consider you a “blonde” and believe that a woman in this job does not belong. Others – show signs of respect and make timid attempts to court. Others – immediately taken for an equal.

Now you need to keep yourself in good shape, more than the usual care for appearance.

There may also be difficulties with showing yourself as a professional, you may face an arrogant attitude.

Well, alas, you’ll have to forget about talking to the girls from the neighboring department about manicures, fashion news and other “female” topics. To establish a relationship with a male colleague, will have to work hard.

Now you are surrounded by a lot of charming (and not) of the fair sex. On the one hand, you are pleased to be in their company. On the other hand, you feel an increased attention to your own person, which may hinder the normal work.

When interacting in the process of performing common tasks, keep the conversations going. Remember, women love to talk. Even if you can’t find common ground right away, don’t give up trying.

Watch your speech. It is now under a complete ban on foul language.

Also, try not to hurt any of the ladies by accident. Women are by nature more offensive than men. You do not want to make an enemy?

Gifts

The working team are people who have a lot in common. Therefore, it is customary to congratulate colleagues on various holidays and important events, such as:

New Year;
Birthday (male and female); ; ; ; ; .

It is important to present gifts chosen from the heart. So that colleagues genuinely enjoyed your gift.

What to do if the co-worker does not communicate with anyone?

In every organization there are people who work alone. They do not go to corporate parties, lunch alone, talk a little and only on the work, do not tell anything about his personal life.

Why do they behave like that? Could it be a manifestation of arrogance? Don’t jump to conclusions. Here are the main reasons for people to be loners:

They are introverts; they don’t need a lot of communication. Moreover, it stresses them out. They prefer to work in concentration and rest in silence. It is better not to touch such people, you will not be able to change them.
They are very shy people. They would be glad to make contacts with co-workers, but they do not know how, embarrassed. If you have such a colleague, help him, invite him to go together to a cafe at lunch, approach him, ask about his affairs.
They perceive the atmosphere in the team as tense, unfriendly. Afraid that any word spoken could be used against them. Therefore, avoid approaching their colleagues. If your work is really in full bloom gossip and intrigue, then it is time to think about themselves, rather than the silent colleagues.

If you do not communicate with others

On the reasons that may prompt you to behave this way, we have described in the previous paragraph. The only thing left to understand is whether it’s normal or something urgent needs to be done?

If you do not want to communicate with colleagues because of the nature of the character, try to find a compromise.

Understand that we all live in a society. And at work we have our own circle of co-workers, to maintain relationships with whom it is necessary. Try to be at least minimally involved in collective life.

Attend joint events, even if you are bored with them. This way you will at least demonstrate your readiness to be a member of the group.

If you avoid communication because of shyness, urgently begin to work on yourself.

Shyness is not so difficult to defeat. Take your time, take it step by step. Find articles by psychologists on the subject, read books. And even better go to a live training. There you will be easier to loosen up.

Emerging problems

There is not always harmony and respect in the team. Most of us face some kind of problem in the relationship with colleagues at work. Let’s look at them one by one.

Envy

Envy in the workplace is always unpleasant. You may become jealous because you:

earned a promotion;
received a raise or bonus;
an attractive woman or a confident man;
happy in your family life;
and for many other reasons, often completely unexpected.

A snitch in the team.

Another unpleasantness is the appearance of a snitch. Someone from the colleagues denounces you to the superiors. Tells about your blunders, errors in behavior or inappropriate appearance.

If you encounter a “rat” at work, adopt two basic rules:

Stop talking about your personal life, watch your words, because they can become known to the boss at any time;
Use the informer for his own purposes: spread through him rumors that you are extremely loyal to your work and to the boss personally, that you sweat and take some of the work home, that you spend your evenings thinking about upcoming meetings with clients, etc.

Putting a boor in his place

There are sometimes outright boorish people or boorish women among your coworkers. They insert their sarcastic comments, trying to offend you. Such people are usually rude and do not have good manners.

To keep silent in response to boorishness is by no means possible. So you will open the way and allow him to bully you. Here are the options for appropriate behavior:

Irony in response to his attacks;
Make a joke out of his remarks;
Talk to the boor face-to-face, firmly urging him to be polite;
do not argue with him, but agree – so that your answers were complete nonsense, this will confuse the adversary and temper his enthusiasm;
analyze your behavior: maybe you yourself give an excuse for rudeness;
in the most severe cases, record the boorish attacks on a tape recorder and take it to the supervisor, demanding that action be taken.

A thief amongst your own people

Unfortunately, theft can be encountered in any job. Identifying the perpetrator is not easy, because between colleagues there is usually at least minimal trust. And it is morally difficult to suspect the person working at the next table.

The installation of hidden cameras in the office will help to avoid a second theft. If there was a theft of property from a personal drawer, it is recommended to throw together with your colleagues on the installation of an alarm system.

Another method of catching the thief is baiting. Collude with one or two coworkers whom you trust 100%. Plant the wallet in a prominent place and leave it unattended. A hidden camera may be able to record the theft. You don’t need to buy a special one – any camera will do, even a cell phone camera.

If a coworker pisses you off

There are people who are not easy to be around. For example, a colleague:

regularly complains about life;
talks and laughs loudly;
touches things on your desk;
tears paper all the time;
constantly smacks when he eats;
smells like cigarette smoke.

What should you do if you are uncomfortable with your colleague’s behavior? First, talk to him, explain that loud conversations interfere with your concentration, and the smell of tobacco causes allergy attacks.

If it’s all about some individual features of the person, try to accept them. You can’t change an adult man or woman.

Conflicts

In any team, conflicts happen from time to time. Psychologists give useful tips to help you avoid unpleasant situations at work:

Figure out and memorize by heart your responsibilities. Give a firm refusal if someone tries to force you to do something that you are not obliged to.
Avoid discussing personal matters and problems with colleagues. Something you once said may backfire on you.
Don’t be too withdrawn. Communicate, keep in touch with your colleagues. This way you get to know them better and can build a good relationship.
If someone offends, insults, or picks on you, try to understand the motives of that person and find him a special approach. It is unlikely that you will make friends, but try to peacefully coexist together.

Energy vampire

Sometimes at work we get into the clutches of energy vampires. They may be colleagues or superiors. There are two basic types of vampires:

“Sunny” is an aggressor who wants to evoke negative emotions in you: such as resentment, confusion, fear. To confront him, don’t fall for provocation, just run away at the first attempts of the vampire to de-energize you. If escape is not possible, laugh and joke cheerfully, it always helps.
“Lunar” is a whiner who complains and talks endlessly about his problems, depriving you of energy and optimism. To avoid falling into the trap of such a vampire, try to stop communicating with him. If you can’t do that, answer him the same way he does: complain about life and talk about any, the smallest problems as if it were an universal tragedy. The vampire will tuck his tail and run away on his own.

If a coworker stopped communicating with you

Chances are something happened. Perhaps he harbors a grudge against you or is preparing an intrigue against you. The best thing is to talk to your colleague face-to-face. Ask him why he is avoiding communication with you.

If your colleague ignores your questions, it’s best to leave him alone and keep any interactions to a minimum.

At the same time, pay attention to the behavior of other employees. Have they grown cold toward you? Perhaps a coworker doesn’t say hello at work.

Maintain and strengthen ties with the rest of your coworkers, so that if anything happens, you won’t be left without protection. Worse, if all colleagues do not want to communicate with you – this is a full-fledged boycott, which requires a special approach.

Love

Love can strike anywhere, including the workplace. I propose to break down the typical situations.

How do you know a man likes you?

There are a number of signs that indicate that you are interested in a colleague:

He often comes up to you on business or just for fun;
Talks to you at every opportunity;
Constantly calls, including on nonsense;
Compliments you;
Touching, taking the palm, the shoulders, the waist.

If you fall in love with a man at work

If you are married or he is married, a workplace romance is not a good idea. But when both are single, there’s plenty to think about. For starters, assess his age.

If there is a big difference between you, then most likely the relationship is not worth your energy and nerves.

If the man is the same age or slightly older, you have a good chance. Show him your interest. Dress stylish and beautiful, always be well-groomed. Behave with a male colleague should be decent: do not complain, do not shout, do not make a scandal or hysterics.

If you (a man) fell in love with a co-worker

Begin a relationship with a colleague only if you are both free. There is no point in getting involved in an affair when you are married or she is married. It is unlikely you need unnecessary gossip at work.

Show the girl you are interested in her. Compliment her, walk her home from work. Ask her out on a date. But do not rush, give your colleague time to think and evaluate you as a man, not as a co-worker.

Useful video

I recommend watching an interesting video on the subject of relationships with colleagues:

Thus, relationships with colleagues need to be built carefully and gradually. Do not forget that you communicate with them at work, so the main issues in conversations should be professional. Friendship is fine, but close relationships with co-workers can be a problem in the future. Keep your distance, behave correctly and respectfully with everyone. And then your work will be pleasant, and relations with the team – stable.

How to avoid conflict at work – communicate correctly

Even the most balanced people find it difficult to avoid conflicts with colleagues at work. In this case, after heated arguments, some of us make enemies, while others – know how to maintain a comfortable working relationship with their opponents. Refine your communication tactics.

To prevent all potential disagreements is, unfortunately, an impossible task. Therefore, 86% of the staff tries to resolve conflicts with colleagues independently, 5% – seek help from colleagues, 2% – need the support of their managers.

Let us name the two most common causes of service conflicts. The first is related to miscalculations of bosses, and the second to employee habits and attitudes. So, in most cases, the confrontation is a consequence of:

Inability of the boss to competently manage the personnel entrusted to him (especially in periods of innovation);
not clearly defined job responsibilities (some professionals are cool, and others, as they say, working for themselves and that guy)
personal disposition of the boss – his indulgence or partiality to a certain circle of subordinates (all the mistakes are forgiven to the favorites, and the others – for the slightest inaccuracy are strictly questioned)
different attitudes of employees to the performance of their duties (some always work diligently, and others – with their hands down), incompatibility of psychological types of people who have to constantly interact due to their duty
habits of team members (for example, opening a window or turning on the air conditioner).

I must add: problems tend to accumulate and arithmetically multiply the irritation and dissatisfaction of staff. Worst of all, it can last (depending on the type of temperament, character and beliefs of people) for weeks, months or even years.

The final straw that overwhelms patience are three catalysts of workplace conflicts:

Arable fatigue;
“current” dissatisfaction of the boss;
personal problems (health or family).

In order to prevent a situational and / or unconstructive quarrels, psychologists recommend: not to collect the facts, and immediately talk about the difficulties.

Tip. In the heat of the moment don’t dump your grievances on a coworker’s head – prepare him for a dialogue. To do this, say: “I want to discuss with you what is relevant to me at work. Let’s agree on a convenient time for us to talk.

Communication will be productive if you first think through the details of the conversation and pick strong arguments.

Then, in a friendly and collegial style, set out the essence of the case, while avoiding criticism and do not bring up the mistakes of a vis-a-vis. Then listen to the views of a colleague and try to understand the logic of his actions, and most importantly and difficultly – try to mentally take his side. And only after that, work out a joint algorithm of actions to eliminate the causes of misunderstanding.

Note: if the employee often uses the phrase “doubt” (“maybe”, “probably”, “assume”), then he or she is not ready for a dialogue or is not sure of his or her correctness. Accordingly, you can assert your position more forcefully, but correctly.

Also, keep in mind that the plan of your monologue can be “corrected” by your opponent’s irascibility and cause a similar reaction from you. In short, if the situation heats up, then move on to strategic cunning.

When your colleague begins to emotionally express his grievances in a friendly way, ask and/or state: “You don’t agree with what I said”, “I’m ready to listen to your point of view”, “let’s solve the problem together”…

If the conversation takes a serious turn and is approaching boiling point – defuse the situation, so as not to lead to a confrontation. Competent behavior in conflicts at work, or rather the use of several effective techniques – will allow you to avoid misunderstandings in communication.

Reschedule an unpleasant conversation. Refer to the urgent task and offer to discuss the situation later – at least in half an hour, or better the next day. This will give an opportunity to analyze the validity of the claim and to think about their counterarguments, plus support them with facts.

Tip . If it was not possible to postpone a difficult conversation, then prevent a quarrel will help phrases: “I understand that you do not agree with my words (actions), so I am ready to discuss the problematic moment”; “Let’s calmly deal with a controversial issue and find a common solution”; “I understand the reason for your claims. Please listen to my arguments as well, and then together we will work out the best plan of action”.

Do not raise your voice, and speak slightly slower than usual. This tactic allows you to contain your emotions, both for you and your opponent. In addition, increase the chances to hear each other and not to say unpleasant words, that is, prevent a quarrel.

Ignore the rudeness. Rudeness indicates that the subject is ill-mannered and unsure of his arguments and rightness (read more in the publication “Rudeness at work: how to subdue a rude person”).

Apply the rule of three yeses. Be sure to tell your coworker that you respect his professionalism and work experience. Then select from your interlocutor’s statements three theses (or at least one) that you can agree with and approve them. Begin the discussion with the phrases: – “good idea”; – “share the point of view”; – “I understand”; – remember to give arguments “for”.

And only after that, give your alternative opinion. Disagreement usually softens immediately, and a productive dialogue begins.

Prohibition. Don’t use the “YOU-sentence” in your speech, such as:

“you made a mistake.”
“you didn’t do in a timely manner.”
“you’re to blame”…

After all, your colleague will immediately remember all of your mistakes, and an exchange of “hooks” will begin. It is much more effective to put the words “I understand that you…” in the first place in the monologue. Thus, you signal that you have heard the thought of the interlocutor, and he will respond with the same and willingness to understand the counterproposal.

Make a joke. Try to defuse the situation with a joke (it is better if it is businesslike, that is, in unison with the topic at hand) and smile (a smile is often a lifeline during the heat of passion).

If a conflict with a colleague could not be avoided – you argued, then you must reconcile. Do not rush to do this in a minute, first calm yourself and give your opponent time for this.

A few simple and very effective actions will help you

Dynamic ascent and descent of stairs from the first to the last floor, preferably several times;
A quick walk around the office building – 10 to 15 minutes;
A light snack, but no coffee or strong tea;
Complaining about the open water tap in the sanitary room.

If you are unhappy about something, don’t clarify things right away – announcing the conversation will help avoid misunderstandings. Calmly and kindly offer your colleague to discuss the important issue when he is free.

When the emotional heat subsides – most of us are looking for an opportunity to soften the differences, and are always happy to reconcile. So don’t give much thought to the question, “How to behave with a colleague after a conflict” – start with a friendly greeting in the morning.

It is important to remember: only individuals who are not ready to work in a team regard the offer “to sheath the sword” as a weakness of the opponent.

In practice, it does not matter who makes the move. The main thing is that you both acknowledge your mistakes – temper, hotness, intemperance in arguments. And then you can calmly discuss the excess and find a “common denominator.

It should also be noted: the willingness to admit their blunders is a signal of understanding that comfortable relations in the team are built on the basis of benevolent contacts.

“We had a fight – it bothers me.”
“I was puzzled by what you said, so I want to know and understand what you don’t like or don’t fit.”
“If you don’t mind, I’ll justify my position and then listen carefully to your opinion. Let’s find a compromise.”
An open smile and a “have a good day” wish in the morning.
Attention-surprise: two brewed cups of coffee (tea) – for yourself and a colleague, and a chocolate candy will improve your mood.
The phrase “let’s make up”.

5 signs that they do not want to make up:

– The offer of a truce is received with extreme restraint;
A comrade-in-arms looks over your head or away, and the look is very hard;
he answers in a chillingly cold tone;
the co-worker’s speech (and this is the main one) boils down to a list of things you are guilty of, such as being wrong, talking nonsense, or not controlling the volume of your voice;
The employee believes that the source of the conflict is only you; – absolutely does not recognize his “investment” in the strife; – puts forward special conditions for satisfaction.

Remember: such people (they are in the minority) in principle are not ready for teamwork. But there is no way out, in the line of duty you will have to communicate – to say hello and solve production issues. There is one piece of advice here: be as discreet and tactful as possible.

Recommendations on how to communicate during a conflict at work with a colleague from psychologist Svetlana Lutsenko.

When managing conflicts, one of the main skills (both for specialists and managers) is the ability to compromise and find consensus in controversial situations. After all, it depends on the coherence of the team and the efficiency of the production process. Therefore, try to stick to the six rules.

Do not resort to personalities. If you want to keep benevolent relations with a colleague, do not point out his weaknesses – office disputes are forgotten, and offenses are unlikely.

Do not criticize or analyze the missteps of a vis-a-vis. If you do not agree with the proposed concept, it will be enough to note that you do not have confidence in its full effectiveness.

Do not hurt your ego. If you reject the idea, do it very correctly.

Do not provoke or give in to provocation. If you are sure that the remark from a coworker will lead to confrontation, then turn everything into a joke, for example, ask not to worry about what a contagion you are.

Don’t be afraid to tell your supervisor about any difficulties you have. If he understands his job duties correctly, he will settle the misunderstanding, because the conflicts at work with colleagues are reflected in the results and performance of the team.

Do not harbor grudges. Such behavior is destructive to the psyche of any individual.

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