People with negative energy. How to stop communicating with them?
How to choose the right circle of communication, if you do self-development
Noor Hibbert psychologist, qualified coach in the field of personal and business psychology, entrepreneur, motivational speaker, mother of three children
Whether you are an introvert, an extrovert, or any other “vert,” anyone longs to be with others. The only thing that matters is who we choose to spend our precious time with.
On the importance of fitting in.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is a motivational theory in psychology that is based on a five-level model of human needs, often depicted as a pyramid. Needs at the very bottom of the pyramid must be satisfied first before you can move up one step.
If you go from the bottom to the top, they are in the following order: physiological needs, the need for security, love, belonging and respect, and the need for self-actualization, which is at the very top.
But now I would like to talk about the third human need, namely the social need for love and belonging. To avoid problems such as depression or anxiety, it is important to feel the love and acceptance of others. In doing so, it is important to realize if you are choosing the right group of people to help you reach your full potential.
Tell me who your friend is…
Before I became an entrepreneur, I worked in sales. I spent hours every day shuttling between clients’ homes. At some point I began to have an aversion to listening to the same songs on the radio and immersed myself in the world of audiobooks.
I became literally obsessed with American entrepreneur and motivational speaker Jim Rohn. I could listen to him for hours sitting in my car. I never thought that spending time alone with a man who had already left this world could lead me to success in life. For the first time, I really began to believe that I had the power to change my life.
The idea that stuck in my mind the most was that each person is the quintessence of the five people they spend the most time with. We are spheres of energy connected to each other, so it’s pretty obvious that the energy of those closest to us (not necessarily spatially) has the most profound effect on how we feel and what we live.
For example, if you’re around people who see nothing wrong with adultery, there’s a good chance that over time you’ll start to feel the same way about it. If you spend all your time with people who like to drink on the weekends, it is likely to become a habit with you as well. Inappropriate company can have barely noticeable at first glance, but extremely destructive consequences for you and your happiness in the long run.
Because it is inherent in human beings to want to be accepted by society and to fit in, we subconsciously adapt to what seems to us to be a more or less safe option. We do this in order to feel we belong, even if the behavior of those around us prevents us from succeeding.
With whom one is led…
Ask yourself, can those around you support you along the way? What do they spend more time on: moaning and gossiping or motivation and inspiration? Are these people contributing to your potential?
Every person emits a vibration that either energizes you or depletes you. Have you ever said of someone, “I’m completely exhausted after talking to them” or “She radiates negative energy”? I’m talking about those exact vibes.
We literally radiate energy, and other people can feel it as well as the universe. You can’t stop other people from living your life, but you can limit the impact they have on you if it causes nothing but negativity.
Jim Rohn was the first person I let into my inner circle. Yes, people who have passed on from the world of the living also count. Every day I preferred to listen for hours on end to his books and thoughts rather than the moaning of co-workers and the dramas of my acquaintances.
As you grow and develop, you will begin to notice that some people are not quite what they seem at first glance. Some will begin to change with you: sometimes in a positive way, sometimes the opposite.
As you go in search of the best version of yourself, you will begin to radiate an inner light that will shine brighter than ever before. And to the same extent that it will inspire some people, this light may bring the imperfections and shortcomings of others to the surface.
If the people around you support the new stage in your life, that is wonderful, because it can inspire their own personal development. If they start to ignore you and alienate you, it will be solely their loss in life. And if people suddenly don’t like what you are doing and they try to stop you, just take a deep breath and stubbornly keep moving toward your goal. Ultimately, you should never lower the volume of your own ambition just because others don’t like the noise.
There is also a special power in letting go of people who make your life a drama, even if you care about them. This can often be the hardest choice you have to make.
If fear is holding you back in a relationship, it’s time to show great love for yourself. Your romantic companions play such an important role in your life that you should choose them wisely.
Also, choose wisely who you will share your dreams with. Have you ever told people about your grandiose plans, and they in response immediately tried to knock you down or immediately tell you about all the possible and impossible risks? If people are not engaged in their own development, then subconsciously will project all their fears onto you, because against the background of your success such people will look even worse and paler.
And one more thing: when starting something new, it’s important to choose who you’ll go to for advice. It really does matter. Often we seek advice from people who are not experienced or qualified, which ends up putting us at a huge disadvantage. More on this next time.
Exercise: Cutting the cord
If you suddenly begin to notice that the presence of someone in your life is draining your mental or emotional resources, then it’s time to cut that energetic umbilical cord and set yourself free.
From a physical point of view, getting rid of the person is quite easy, but the problem is that we keep thinking about them all the time and these reflections take away from us.
But there are also situations in which we cannot eliminate toxic people from our lives, even physically, because they are our closest relatives. Nevertheless, it is still important for us to get rid of the negative effect they have on us.
So the assignment will be this: you must regain control and power over your own energy reserves.
“Still Love You”: How to Get Over a Loved One
“How do you get over the person you love?” – This is a question both women and men ask themselves. Many find it difficult, having ended the relationship virtually, to let it go emotionally at the same time. How to do it in seven steps, says psychologist Tatiana Chuvilchikova .
When we are in a relationship for a long time, an accumulation of many unifying ties and memories that can not be permanently removed from memory. The idea of forgetting someone you’ve spent a long time with is absurd in itself. It is impossible to forget your past, but it is possible to begin to have other, more comfortable emotions and feelings about it.
Yes, not everyone suffers. It also depends on how the relationship ended: was the initiator of the breakup partner, or you yourself decided to break up with your lover. If you yourself have decided to end the relationship, it will be easier – because you realize the reasons to leave everything in the past. In such situations, it’s easier to preserve self-esteem, satisfaction and confidence.
It’s impossible to forget your past, but it is possible to begin to have other, more comfortable emotions and feelings.
Breakup is important to get over, to figure out how to forget a loved one, even if he seems to be “the one”. You need to let go of painful memories and feelings – love, sometimes anger or resentment.
Five reasons to forget a broken relationship:
- To not transfer the remaining feelings to new partners. Not to compare them with the previous one for better or for worse. This greatly hinders a new relationship.
- To basically be ready to enter into a new relationship. Sometimes after a breakup we may not want any more relationships, even if we meet worthy partners. Then we choose to be single for years, which rarely makes us happy.
- To stop blaming ourselves. And to endlessly go through the episodes of your quarrels, to scroll through the ideas in his head, how to behave differently, so that the breakup did not happen, what should not have made mistakes.
- To restore self-esteem. It may creep the idea that with you it is impossible to be together. That no one else in the relationship with you will not hold. This attitude may not leave you alone and pretty much ruin your life.
- To just stop suffering and wait for your partner to return.
How to wean yourself off the man you love? Let me try to help you.
Seven tips on how to easily forget your loved one
These rules should be followed for at least three months from the end of the relationship. I want to warn you, they work only if you have definitely decided that the relationship is over. Or you are sure that your partner, if he left you on his own, will not decide to come back. That is, if there are no options for resuming the relationship.
There is no exact answer, how much time you need to forget your loved one, but after three months of living by these rules you should feel relief.
How to forget a loved one, psychologist’s advice.
1 Giving up alcohol and sedatives
The main rule for the next three months is to completely eliminate any psychoactive substances: alcohol, drugs, sedatives. This is necessary because substances inhibit the residence of emotions, using them will delay the process, but will not ease your condition.
2 Refuse to meet the object of the experience
Eliminate all contact with the person you broke up with. Correspondence, viewing pages on social networks, gossip about the former partner from friends and acquaintances and, of course, any possible meetings.
You need to warn all mutual acquaintances that they should not give you news about your ex-partner in any way. Let them communicate without you. If you need to pass some things, ask someone else to do it, best if it will be a courier, a neutral person.
If you have children in common, arrange for the children to meet your partner through relatives, so they do not cross paths in person. Do not ask the child about all the details and news. How easy and quickly forget your loved one, if you talk about him all the time!
3 Get rid of things and places that remind you of the past
The third rule that will ease your condition is to completely get rid of things, photos, gifts and other moments that may remind you of the relationship. Even if you really like them. Just give it away or throw it away. Even if it’s a car, you should sell it and buy another.
Do not visit places – cafes, parks, theaters, where you loved to go together. All items that can cause memories of the relationship, should be removed as soon as you notice it.
4 Give up habits formed in the relationship
When we have a close relationship with a person, we develop habits or rituals that shape the environment of our relationship. These habits will also support the process of reproducing memories and feelings. Therefore, any habits that have been formed by you in the relationship should be eliminated for these three months.
For example: with your partner, you started sleeping on your back instead of on your side. Or you started going to the gym, began going to bed late, began to dress differently. All of these rituals you need to stop following for the duration of these rules.
5 Eliminate artistic images that cause sadness
Here we are talking about all forms of art: music, movies, plays, books, which cause associations with your relationship. If they evoke pleasant feelings – you can look, listen and read on. If the experience is negative, we exclude it from perception at once.
6 Waiting to enter into a new relationship
For this time it is necessary not to enter into a new relationship, no matter how much you would like it. Also, it is worth excluding casual intimacies. Going into a new relationship during this period usually leads to nothing good, and casual relationships will only aggravate the condition. Unfortunately, people seldom realize this and use the “wedge out” rule or do it as an attempt to distract themselves.
7 Consider working with a therapist.
All the support you need in living through the loss of a relationship will also help provide a psychotherapist who will make it much easier to end the relationship completely. This is to ensure that you are not left with any emotional “tails” to bring into the new relationship.
In lieu of a conclusion.
As you follow these points, don’t try to force yourself to stifle feelings, but don’t immerse yourself in them completely either, and don’t get stuck in your worries. Remember that a relationship is a big but still part of life, not all of life.
Ending a relationship is a loss, a loss of something that has been a priority in life for a long time. And, as with any loss, such as the death of a loved one, it takes time to get through it. You have to go through all its stages – from denial to acceptance.
Even if it seems to you now that you have not lost anything (or maybe, on the contrary, – madly happy to be released), as, for example, in the case of leaving a difficult, destructive relationship, the process will sooner or later start. There isn’t a single relationship in which there isn’t attachment and something of value that you’ve been receiving for yourself. Moreover, having strong feelings towards your ex-partner, such as anger, disgust, relief from the breakup is an indicator that inside you are not over that relationship yet.
Do not get stuck in the experience. Remember that the relationship is a big, but still a part of life, not the whole life.
To answer the question of how to get over the person you love, it doesn’t matter what specific feelings you’re experiencing. Much more important is the degree and degree of intensity of experience. The weaker the experience, the closer you are to the complete end of the relationship. I can’t tell you exactly when you will be able to “cool down. In each story it will be individual, depending on a number of factors: your personality, the relationship itself, how close the person was to you, the length of contact and the characteristics of the breakup.
But still using the list of rules I gave will speed up the process of living and letting your partner go, if it does not happen by itself. Get over the breakup will be easier, using these methods.