How to get rid of envy: 10 effective techniques
Envy destroys the personality, deprives a person of control over his own emotions, makes him aggressive and conflictual. He is constantly in an anxious or depressed state, which can even lead to a noticeable deterioration in health. Today we will find out how to get rid of envy in order to live a full life and maintain harmony in relationships with others. First of all, let’s understand what envy is and why it can occur, and then let’s work on eliminating it. Let’s begin.
What is envy?
Envy is a set of negative emotions that arise in a person when he/she sees someone else’s well-being. A person feels dissatisfaction with himself or herself and feels disappointed when someone is more successful. He also has a sense of injustice. It seems to him that he should have been the one to receive the benefits that undeservedly went to the other person.
Envy often pushes people to do bad things, which they unconsciously perceive as revenge for injustice (or even as “restoring balance”). If a person tries to keep the negative feelings inside, his suffering gradually increases. He sinks into a depressed state, in constant pain.
Trying to keep external calmness, he cannot get rid of envy completely, and it does not allow him to fully work and enjoy life. The suffering experienced by the envious person is meaningless because it does not help him to change his life for the better, achieve his goals or start earning more.
Why does envy arise?
Not all people are prone to envy. Self-confident individuals are not subject to envy, and other people’s successes only motivate them. But if a person doubts himself, there is a probability that he will experience this destructive feeling at the sight of others’ achievements. Thus, the main cause of envy is a lack of confidence in one’s own abilities.
People with low self-esteem simply don’t believe they can achieve anything themselves. They believe that no one achieves anything on their own, but some people are just lucky. The words “success” and “luck” are synonyms for them.
Most often envy arises for such reasons as:
- Lack of material prosperity and the realization that there is no way to increase one’s well-being;
- Low self-esteem, dissatisfaction with life’s current successes, lack of achievements in personal life and career;
- Self-deception, lack of understanding of the reasons for one’s own failures;
- Emotional hunger, dissatisfaction with relationships;
- Greed, the desire to get the maximum benefits without making any effort.
To get rid of envy, you need to understand what caused this destructive feeling. This is not necessarily something from the list above. But almost always the true cause of envy is related to low self-esteem or negative life experiences.
When a person fails, he/she concludes that he/she faced injustice: he/she tried, made efforts, but did not receive anything in return. At the same time he sees the success of the other person, but has no idea how much he worked for the result. Therefore, it seems to him that the other person was just lucky.
As a result, he has a whole complex of unpleasant emotions. He justifies his own weakness with blatant injustice. And in relation to a more successful person, he feels only anger, thinking that he has acted unfairly, cheated, or received a gift from fate.
Well, friends, now we are ready for the main thing.
How to get rid of envy: 10 ways
One can argue for a long time about the nature and forms of envy, but the fact that it is necessary to get rid of it – is indisputable. This feeling does not have positive manifestations, it makes a person suffer and even pushes him to do bad things. There are 10 simple exercises, following which you will be able to overcome envy and get rid of this feeling forever.
1. Focus on your own strengths and successes
Write down your strengths and major life achievements in a notebook. Evaluate each item in the resulting list and think about whether it could be the object of someone else’s envy. You will find that you also have many things that others might envy, and maybe you just didn’t notice it. Make it a rule to regularly notice and record your own achievements – create your own personal “Diary of Success”.
2. Take responsibility for your own successes.
You can blame your failures on external circumstances, but everyone must realize that his or her future life depends on the actions of today. You must understand that the circumstances in which you live today are the result of your actions in all previous years. This is one of the most important steps to taking control of your own life and to stop envying other people’s successes.
3. Learn to rejoice in other people’s successes
When a friend or relative succeeds in something, it’s always a good thing. You wish success to people close to you, don’t you? So when a friend buys an apartment or a car, you can be happy for him, even if you haven’t saved for this purchase yet.
4. Develop .
Envy is an unwillingness to admit that the other person got something deserved. Such denial is often a consequence of low self-esteem and lack of confidence in their own abilities. And so the best way to cope with it is to become better yourself. Start to develop in all areas that you consider important, daily giving it at least a little time. Your self-esteem will grow, and you won’t have to think about how to get rid of envy – you will forget about this feeling forever.
5. Compliment more often.
This is one of the most effective ways. When your loved one does something better than you, praise him or her. But you don’t have to go to extremes, giving the compliment through the teeth or praising the person for every little thing. The praise should be sincere and well-deserved.
6. Learn to see the big picture.
We are often openly jealous of acquaintances who have had some success in business. In doing so, we do not think about the sacrifices they have to make for the work. So if you have a friend-businessman or girlfriend-photomodel, do not be in a hurry to envy their success. Think about how hard their work and how much time they have left to relax with their family the way you did last weekend. Perhaps your successful buddy would rather be in your shoes himself.
7. Don’t criticize.
Many people use criticism to validate themselves. It seems to them that by verbally humiliating successful people, they elevate themselves. But such criticism is rarely constructive or even justified, and all arguments boil down to the banal “I would have done things differently! Even if you don’t agree with the person’s actions, try to understand why he or she did what he or she did. And never criticize someone simply for being more successful than you are.
8. Learn to put yourself in someone else’s shoes.
If you’re feeling jealous of someone else, try putting yourself in their shoes. Think about how his day goes, what time he wakes up, what he does in the morning, how he works, what he does in the evening. This simple mental exercise will help you not only get rid of envy, but also reconsider your own priorities.
9. Accept the unfairness of the world.
It is injustice that people most often justify their own envy. For example, you may think that your neighbor is much less educated than you, and his work does not require special skills. But he earns much more and drives an expensive car.
Naturally, you have a feeling of injustice. But if he gets good money, it means he really earns it, because no one gets money for nothing these days. Surely he’s doing something that you can’t, despite his level of education (for example, getting up at 5 a.m. and working seven days a week).
Also, don’t forget that there are millions of people in the world who are really limited in their abilities and can’t even get the benefits you have. The world is indeed harsh and not particularly fair. But you don’t have to look for injustice directed at you personally. You can do something right now to improve your own life-and this is the first thing you should think about when you see the success of others.
10. Think about the real value of the object of envy.
Jealousy is often expressed without reflecting on the true worth of the object of our envy. Perhaps when you look at an expensive car or fancy yacht, you think its owner is immensely happy. But for him it all – the routines, and in everyday life, he is not any happier than you. And if tomorrow you can buy the same car, you will be happy about it for a few days, and then you will get used to it.
There is no such material values, which should be envied. No one thing can make a person happy. Of course, if you have enough money, it’s much easier to succeed. But it’s not money that makes you happy, it’s the ability to do what you want to do. And if you think this statement is controversial, just think back to your own childhood. Did you really need money back then to be happy?
Why is envy so bad?
Once we understand how to get rid of envy, it is worth discussing why it is so important to do it as soon as possible (and how it will affect the future life). Envy is considered a vice for a reason. It has a number of negative effects on all of our lives:
- Causes suffering, leads to depression;
- can worsen physical health;
- does not allow to rejoice for people close to them;
- destroys good relationships with others;
- prevents us from learning from those who are more successful.
Each of these points is quite obvious. Envy is a source of unnecessary worry, pain and suffering. Being immersed in these unpleasant thoughts, a person may very well become really sick. Sometimes envy even causes the success of loved ones, and this can ruin relationships.
The last point of this list is also interesting. If another person’s success causes envy, we cannot learn from his example, because we do not think that he has achieved success by his own efforts. But getting rid of the negative feelings, we can analyze his success with interest and understand how to achieve the same.
Envy is one of the worst feelings a person can have. It seems like a harmless emotion to many people, but it inevitably destroys our lives. It impairs our mental and physical health, spoils relationships with loved ones, hinders understanding and even limits our own development. So, as soon as you realize that you are jealous of someone, get rid of the feeling. Just remember or write down the 10 exercises described in this article, and you can quickly deal with envy every time you need to.
Envy is an unpleasant feeling of annoyance associated with experiencing, knowing “other people’s” successes. The object of envy is not only an object possessed by someone else – a car, an apartment, a computer. The shadow of envy falls on the relationships of those with whom you have not been able to establish contact in time. The object of feelings of envy are considered great opportunities in someone (for example, you do not envy the monetary success of a friend. But you think you would have used the money more wisely – opened a store or something else). Psychology gives an answer – why do you create negativity and how to get rid of envy of people.
How to get rid of envy of people?
The feeling of resentment is a negative emotion, experienced at least once in life by anyone. A lucky coincidence, success, an expensive gift that has passed us by, raise a feeling of devastating sadness inside, and then anger. They make human interactions neglectful, spoil friendships.
How does envy arise?
More often than not, feelings of envy arise for a reason, but on the background of personal failures, when the expected success is thwarted. A person overestimated the effort expended, tried – and the goal remained unattainable. There is a feeling of anger, a disconnection of directed energy. But not everyone admits weakness, realizes personal unpreparedness, and addresses anger to himself. It is easier to direct anger at the environment. And a completely unrelated person is the cause of the unexpected failure. Meanwhile, a strong negative emotion can distort the perception of the world, referring to cognitive errors.
First, to understand how to get rid of envy of people it is necessary to understand that feelings of envy do not paint a complete picture of the person who is envied. Envy covers a single piece of life space or a fixed moment in time. It does not take into account the fact that others are no less subject to difficulties, vicissitudes of fate – life moves. (Typical example: a child envies his elders that his parent does not go to kindergarten in the morning. He does not assume that, having grown up, he will move to another category of the same difficulties, only at the level of an adult). Difficulties have always accompanied man.
Second, when we try on someone else’s image or situation, we do not fully merge with the desired image. No one would want to have someone else’s personality in their soul. Therefore, we miss the idea that we would have to change our way of life, character, habits in order to be in “someone else’s” place. In the new inner world, the object of envy would not be associated with the emotion of pleasure. From an outsider’s perspective, the valued object loses the meaning of a cherished goal.
Who is most likely to be envious?
It cannot be said that certain personality types are prone to envy. The negative emotion of envy dominates a person when the subject does not see a way to achieve their own success. Being in a mental stalemate.
The idea of comparison is constantly present. The person tries to develop abilities like others, not paying attention to his or her special talents in another area – trying to copy someone else’s style. Behavior determined by childhood desires, which have hovered vaguely in the unconscious up to this point, prevails. Often there is a parallel emotional fervor – to achieve the same great success in a short time. But such “reactive” actions lead to nothing but unreasonable, stupid behavior.
- Under the category of jealous people fall people with an unrealized personality, who are not satisfied with feeling full of themselves.
- Lazy or gutless people who don’t want to think. Fixated solely on what their neighbors and friends have and they don’t have. Don’t try to learn anything about themselves, don’t make any attempt to “get involved” in the general flow of life.
- Destructive personalities who don’t like to create, to invent. Take pleasure in destroying “other people’s” lives, humiliating and criticizing loved ones.
- People with psychological problems who cannot switch interest, redirect the energy of emotions in a different positive direction.
- Those who underestimate or overestimate their own strength and resources. Those who do not know how to get rid of envy of successful people.
Also, to understand how to get rid of envy of people, it is necessary to know that feelings of envy lead not only to mental discomfort, but also cause painful psychosomatic phenomena. Prolonged stay in a state of depression, self-stimulation with negative thoughts develops stable depressive symptoms (decreased production of serotonin, dopamine – the hormone of anxiety (aggression) – adrenaline prevails). Constant fixation on a single thought creates the wrong attitudes, provokes rapid fatigue and exacerbation of hidden diseases. The experience of a person does not give satisfaction, thoughts are unreasonable and meaningless. Do not help get rid of envy of people.
How to get rid of feelings of envy of people?
When a person catches himself fixated on the thought of someone else’s success, he feels shame and a sense of wasted time. At this point of being aware of the thought as an object, one becomes a little exalted over one’s own experiences and tries to cool down the emotions – mentally switch gears. The first thing the imagination does to relieve the obsessive mood is to start digging through someone else’s life looking for flaws – to “even the score.”
After a while the patina of success, for example, the neighbor’s success disappears. It turns out that the neighbor has not much less problems. There is a thought that some things in the “envious” are better, the family is stronger, behind his shoulders is a unique experience. This way of thinking helps, but it is not objective and only works for a short time. Returning to the unresolved case, the feeling of superiority will not be supported by anything and the mind will return to the same orbit. How to get rid of envy of people for real?
8 valuable tips from a psychologist on how to get rid of envy of people.
Tip 1. The main rule – accept yourself for who you are.
The most effective way how to get rid of envy of people is to be fully aware of the unpleasant fact, without any rational tricks. (Example, if a friend draws better, you should admit that your ability to draw worse). You have to accept the fact calmly. Strengthen the idea that in the world of perfect people are rare.
Tip 2. Don’t be guided by a sense of fictional justice
If a neighbor or friend, in your opinion, easily gets more than they put in, it doesn’t mean they don’t deserve what they get. Do not be indulged in a sense of justice, that only you give your all and are worthy of the highest award.
Be less likely to wonder, “Why don’t I have the same car(apartment, family) as he does?” no matter how persistent. Life is not unfair, but rather not logical, manifested by a haphazard distribution of accidents both good and bad.
This is partly a tendency: man is selfish by nature, it is necessary to appropriate (take away, buy) what a neighbor (friend) has. It is necessary to rejoice in things that are already there. Quickly get rid of feelings of envy of people – will help a positive attitude and real action.
Tip 3. Self-analysis, the redirection of emotions
The feeling of envy should be divided into the manifestation of “white” envy and “black” envy. White envy brings a feeling of joy, pride in a loved one. Use the uplifted mood as inspiration, new feelings.
Reflection in creativity is also an effective way of how to get rid of black envy, when it drags on empty anger. Creativity will help in achieving the goal. Try to dull the feeling of envy, temporarily occupy your thoughts by reading, drawing – your favorite thing. Make a list of useful qualities, hobbies, courses. Get a notebook or diary, start writing down interesting thoughts, events of the day, unusual things and dreams.
Tip 4: Use other people’s experiences as a source of knowledge
Consider another tip on how to get rid of envy of people. Often people who are envied begin to criticize in order to bring them down to the level of the critic. The envious person is rarely interested in the method of gaining knowledge, the circumstances of success. Stop, criticize! Try to see other people’s achievements, not in the light of feelings of envy, and pay attention to what is useful in the situation for you. Analyze what the other person does, what you do. Be self-critical – find the mistakes that prevent the implementation of your plans. Healthy self-criticism quenches feelings of envy and self-confidence, opens access to true abilities. Helps to get rid of jealousy and envy, to begin self-improvement. Other people’s successes are constantly opening new horizons of opportunity.
Tip 5. A century of life – a century of learning!
In addition to material possessions, man at times needs spiritual-intellectual satisfaction. A simple way to have a pleasant experience and refresh your thoughts is to read books. Devote time not only to works of fiction, but also to scientific journalism. It is especially useful to develop the personal sphere of psychology, imagination, and writing abilities. Over time will develop creativity, independent opinion, gradually find a way to get rid of envy and become successful.
Tip 6. Switching Attention.
Learn how to shift your attention. If attention is completely absorbed by the “empty” problem try to remember the most joyful moment of life. Use pictures of the past to change the charge of the emotion from minus to plus. After all, the energy of emotion has no direction without a specific appearance. Bright colors, ambient sounds, and smells will help to switch and get rid of envy of people.
Tip 7. Control your emotions.
Try to feel another’s luck, be happy for a friend. Positive emotion attracts only good things, not jealous feelings. If something like this does not work – there will be motivation, change the mood.
Tip 8. Enjoy the competition.
A sense of competitiveness, sustainability in the business world, is based in part on excellence. A sense of envy enhances necessary business qualities – neatness, creativity, stress resistance.
What to do if you are jealous?
How to get rid of other people’s envy if someone in the environment abuses friendship? No friendship does not do without arguments, secrets, friendly teasing. With someone who does not catch emotion in communication is difficult. But no less difficult with those who joke seriously, not caring about the reaction of others. Envious person in the company is easy to calculate: a close friend always sticks to interesting topics on which to joke. Will not raise sensitive issues.
Envious “friend” on the contrary, trying to open sore topics, mock serious problem and hurt your friend. People subject to feelings of envy are often not objective about friends, acquaintances. Do not empathize, rarely guess correctly the emotions of friends, often flattering in order to get the maximum credibility.
If a friend is jealous but remains a friend
Whether your relationship will remain good depends on the degree of attachment to the person. If you want to keep the friendship for the future, you should not avoid the topics of personal shortcomings. It is not necessary to give a clear rational definition of emotions – “envy”, “anger. After which the friend is unlikely to hear you – you will provoke a quarrel.
It is better to try to understand indirectly, through the conversation why and what the friend envies. If the object of envy is physical appearance. Try to unobtrusively suggest that they go to the fitness gym together, look at magazines of clothing. The object of envy – beloved man, help your girlfriend find a better half. Truly express admiration for the success of friends, even if the success is modest. Advise some sections of psychology. In an unobtrusive way, try to get rid of the envy of others.
Envy from colleagues, acquaintances
Contacts at work, communication in the neighborhood are of little personal value. Psychologists advise firmly and tactfully fence off conversations about personal success. Do not devote too much attention to other people’s personal life and current events. Do not brag to others about their achievements. Intrusive, detailed inquiries nullify. Sometimes it is difficult to get rid of the envy of neighbors in a good way, show your will.
The main advice on how to get rid of envy of people is to love those with whom you communicate, live, friends. Love and envy are incompatible feelings. Try to see people as good, useful. Remember that their experiences, emotions are transmitted through communication to everyone around them.