How to get rid of envy of a person?

How to get rid of envy – Psychological Advice

Envy is one of the ambiguous feelings of a person. On the one hand, it belongs to the sins and is seen as a factor that hinders personal development and depresses the state of a person. But on the other hand, envy can be a powerful motivational incentive, and then a person is not poisoned by its own “poison”, but moves inexorably forward, trying to achieve what is the subject of envy. What is envy? And what influence does it have more often? Is it possible to envy in a good way, in the so-called white envy? Or all envy must be eradicated? Let’s find out.

What is envy

Envy is a product of the inner world of the envious person. Other people have nothing to do with it because they are busy with their own affairs and problems. Those whom we envy may not even know of our existence, and they certainly do not want to cause this envy (in any case, not us). So why do we envy, how does it relate to our inner world:

  • Envy is often intertwined with greed, anger, and jealousy. But all of them together are rooted in the past or childhood.
  • Envy is characteristic of unfulfilled, unloved, unhappy people.
  • An envious person will always find something or someone to envy. Because he always feels unhappy, unrecognized, unloved. And he thinks that if he had “something”, he would be understood, noticed, recognized, loved.

Envy is an emotion that each of us has experienced. Repeated often, it becomes a character trait or personality trait. Then the person is called envious. But not all people are like that.

The composition of envy depends on what exactly we paid attention to: the result of the activity or the process, the person’s actions. In the second case, “white envy” occurs more often. It is a complex of joy and pride in a person, admiration of his or her abilities and much less regret for one’s own lost capabilities. For example, older people may envy the young and energetic in this context.

If we are amazed by the result, more often there is “black envy” and a desire to surpass this result (probably by any means). There is also a third variant – envy accompanied by resentment and annoyance, wishing misfortune to that person. It also belongs to the “black” one.

Envy forms such traits of character:

  • Bragging (including with elements of lying and exaggeration);
  • Fear of failure and inadequacy;
  • belittling (within the framework of its interpretation) of the achievements of the object of envy (exaggeration of oneself against this background, “let them envy me” and a manifestation of malevolence)
  • exaggeration of others’ successes;
  • a desire to be envied (demonstrative actions for the sake of envy).

These personality traits of an envious person are most noticeable in communication. In interpersonal relations, the difference between “white” and “black” envy is also clearly seen. In the first case, a person wants to exalt himself or herself and to develop, to have the same things as the object of envy. In the second case, one wants to humiliate the object of envy and deprive it of the object of envy. If “white” envy contributes to personal development, “black” envy hinders it and makes it degrade.

Envy and subconsciousness, consciousness

Envy grows from self-abasement. But where does self-abasement grow from – the main question, which must be solved. Envy is the recognition of one’s own powerlessness and incompetence. That is why people are so afraid to admit it, even to themselves. Strong and self-confident people with adequate self-esteem are practically not familiar with the concept of envy. Unless in relation to them.

Rejecting the very thought of envy, much less its causes, is a defense mechanism of our psyche, the most popular and the easiest. But you will have to overcome it, if you want to get rid of envy. In addition to denial, popular mechanisms are mythologization (recognition of superpowers in someone or something) and self-justification due to it, rationalization (belittling the achievements of the object of envy).

Consciously, envy is balanced by pride in one’s actions. As long as pride outweighs pride, we admire other people but do not envy them. If we have nothing to be proud of and someone else’s successes in front of us, self-deprecation and envy comes in. Envy is a recognition and reaction to one’s own failure.

Stages of development of envy

How does the formation of envy in terms of psychoanalysis? In several stages.

  1. Idealization, that is, exaggeration of something positive and understatement of the negative in a person. The same is true of strengths and weaknesses, strengths and weaknesses, defeats and victories. In general, anything. Idealization is a distorted perception of another person. Envious person as if appropriates someone else’s shortcomings and gets rid of their own merits, giving them the object of envy. It is necessary to understand and realize this, to begin to behave emotionally in the opposite way, and envy will begin to dissolve.
  2. Self-deprecation, complete self-depreciation, and harming the object of envy. A person, sometimes without realizing it, begins to provoke his or her opponent with his or her own emotional behavior. A condition akin to paranoia develops. In its form, when a person tries to exorcise his own self-hatred and as a result hates the one whom he envies.

Thus, at first a person absorbs the negative traits and failures of the object of envy, endows it with its own merits, and devalues himself. And later, irritated and offended by this, he/she projects back to him/her the full extent of his/her shortcomings. As a result, a person gives so much effort to his experiences that he is completely absorbed in hatred and is incapable of productive action.

How to stop being jealous

  1. First of all, admit to yourself in this feeling. Acknowledge and accept the fact that you are jealous.
  2. Think of envy as a guide to your inner world of problems. It points out painful and imperfect points, unmet needs, hidden desires, the true self.
  3. Focus on what you have. Write down all your blessings, your successes, your virtues. All the things you have that someone else would also envy. Yes, you do not have your own home yet, but you have an amazing partner and a great understanding of the relationship. Yes, you haven’t taken a leadership position by quitting, but you haven’t betrayed your dream and are doing what you love.
  4. You can always find someone stronger, smarter, more interesting or at least equal in strength, but a little more successful at one single thing. It doesn’t have to be a person from the present time. Envy knows no boundaries. You can be jealous of the heroes of books, of real historical figures, and of the whole people of another era. Realize this. Don’t you find such a scale destructive?
  5. Our psyche is built in such a way that it can always find someone better than us and someone worse, especially if we are prone to envy. That’s the way human beings are built. Our needs and demands have a way of growing. If life is aimless, this process will also be chaotic. Concretize the trajectory of your movement.
  6. Have a clear system of ideas about your life: values, meanings, priorities, goals. We envy what is meaningful to us, but ours is not. Refocus your attention, focus your energy not on living the envy and cursing the unsuspecting person, but on achieving your goal. Make the object of envy your goal and go for it. In essence, this is good envy, or envy-motivation.
  7. The second option is to devalue what you do not have. Think about it: is it really that important and meaningful for you to acquire an object of envy? Possessing it, you really become in that instant the happiest person? It is unlikely. The real reason is deeper. And until you solve it, you will find more and more reasons for envy.
  8. Comparing yourself with others, that is, self-esteem is another reason for the development of envy. People with inadequate self-esteem are more susceptible to envy. Learn to compare yourself with yourself, and you will find harmony.
  9. If you are busy self-fulfillment, you have no time to look at other people. Take care of yourself. Find your way and go on it. Find a hobby, become a good specialist, start a family, constantly developing, set goals and go to them. Then you will have no time to look around, much less envy.
  10. After all, think about it: why do you need what you envy? Just to be? That will not do. The desired object must benefit you, have a positive influence on your development (physical, mental, emotional, personal). And how applicable is the object of envy to your life? Will it be as relevant and beneficial as in the life of the object of envy? If you ponder on these questions, it often turns out that, for example, an army of friends and world fame are not really needed, but two reliable friends nearby. And if you look even better, you will find that you already have them.

Envy cannot be eradicated altogether, but you can manage it and leave it as an emotion rather than a character trait. To regulate envy, one must learn to be content with a certain amount of something. No, not to be content with little, though (some people have that norm), but to set a “ceiling” in every sphere of life. This is the level of benefits that will be enough for you. The fact is that without boundaries, you will always feel deprived, resentful, unsatisfied.

Write down on a piece of paper the areas that are meaningful to you, under which benefits you will be happy in love, family, finances, work, life, personal development. Of course, it is inherent to a person to change and grow, so you can shift these bars according to your inner world. But the shift can only be made after reaching the previous line and comparing the goal and realistic opportunities.

The boundary method can be applied in every case, even minor ones. It is easier for our brain to achieve what it wants if it is given small goals. For example, not to lose 30 pounds, but to lose 5 pounds, then 5 more. This increases our motivation, self-confidence and self-esteem.

So, we can regulate envy with:

    and what we can’t change;
  • correcting what we can change;
  • getting what we want;
  • devaluing the object of envy;
  • giving value to the goods we have.

We do not envy anything in particular, we envy the fact that a person is happy, successful, loved, self-sufficient, prosperous. But everyone can be happy.

How to get rid of envy: 8 steps to stop comparing yourself with others

Useful tips that will help you get rid of a constant feeling of dissatisfaction and start living your life.

A still from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I

As aphorist Wladyslaw Grzegorzik once aptly put it, “people are ready to envy even a beautiful funeral.” And indeed, we are well aware of how bad, unproductive and poisonous it is for us.

But alas, we can’t help it – as soon as we open social media, see an advertisement or hear about the achievements of acquaintances, and immediately a nasty voice rumbles inside, “It’s so unfair – why do some people get everything and I get nothing?”

If it annoys you and you want to know how to stop being jealous, then below we have prepared some tips on how to heal from feelings of annoyance because of the successes of other people. Be warned, it may not work right away, but the results are definitely worth it!

1 Compare yourself to yourself, not to others

The first step to getting rid of envy is to stop comparing yourself to others. This approach can sometimes bring satisfaction, but as a rule, it is very short-term.

Let’s imagine that you bought yourself a new car. At first you will experience the joy of that it is more expensive than the cars of neighbor and colleague at work. But during your first trip you will surely see someone in a more expensive car, spoiling the mood of your long-awaited purchase.

It is important to realize and accept the fact that there will always be someone richer, smarter, more successful and younger than you – it is inevitable. And instead of poisoning yourself by comparing yourself to them, compare yourself now to yourself from the past.

Think about the progress you’ve made, the things you could only dream of before, but now have in abundance. Believe me, the feelings experienced at the moment of such a comparison are sure to be quite pleasant and motivating.

2 Learn gratitude.

You’ve probably read about this more than once in various motivational articles, and there’s a reason this point is mentioned so often. We’re used to treating what we have as a must and focusing on the things we lack, and we end up constantly feeling left out as losers.

But once we realize how much we have-not just material possessions, but important things like love, health, and education-and we feel rich.

Try to make a habit every day to remember all the good things that happened to you and to thank life for it, and you will see that in a short time the question of how to get rid of feelings of envy will cease to be relevant to you.

3 Be aware of and analyze your envy attacks

Another good way to deal with envy is to think about what the feeling brings. The next time it stings you, listen carefully to how you feel. We bet they will be quite unpleasant and counterproductive.

In a state of envy, we feel like miserable losers, we get angry at fate that is “unfair” to us, we poison our minds with anger, we become petty and belittled. Is this really who you want to be?

By realizing how negative feelings of envy are and how badly they affect your sense of self, you will find it easier to control and deal with this emotion.

4 Remember that no one has everything.

When we browse the accounts of famous and beautiful Influencers or read the news about some showbiz star’s next insanely expensive purchase, it’s easy for us to start envying these people, mistakenly believing that they “have it all.”

But you probably heard that the life of these people is in fact often far from ideal: many of them earn serious illness and chronic stress, exhausting themselves with work, can not build a happy relationship because of the endless travels, and the feeling of happiness can not guarantee neither fame nor money.

So the next time you start thinking that someone else’s “life is good,” then remind yourself that this person probably has his own problems that you don’t know about, and because of which he may envy others.

5 Don’t get caught up in marketing tricks

Few would argue that one of the main reasons why the question of how to stop envying others has become more relevant today than ever before is the aggressive advertising that follows us literally everywhere.

Marketers love to exploit the image of a handsome, rich and confident macho man who gets everything he wants. And in order to become at least a little bit like him, we are ready to buy any, even absolutely unnecessary goods, which offers a model or an actor, trying on this role in a video or on a poster.

It’s important to learn to realize that the illusion created by a team of professionals has nothing to do with reality. And before making an impulsive purchase of the thing, with which you, according to the assurances of advertising, will become “cooler, more attractive and more confident,” think – do you really need this product?

And yes, just a reminder – self-confidence comes from working on yourself, not from buying a phone or deodorant.

6 Learn to be happy for others (sincerely)

Perhaps the most difficult, but very important step to stop being jealous of other people’s money, success and other benefits. Being happy for others is a great antidote to such a dangerous poison as envy.

Before you get angry at the “unfairness” of the world and think about how someone got something “undeserved,” stop for a second and think about the work the person had to do or the trials they went through to get where they are now.

And even if his victory was the result of pure chance – isn’t it great when someone does well? Are you only capable of experiencing satisfaction if everyone else is miserable?

Be happy for someone who did well today, and maybe when “there’s a party on your street” tomorrow, those around you will do the same.

7 Live life to the fullest

One of the top secrets to stopping envying others and living your life is to remember that you are the smith of your own happiness and take up the metaphorical “sledgehammer.”

Are you pissed off at the embossed abs of an Instagram dude? So don’t open a new bottle of beer and join a gym! Annoyed by acquaintances who buy the latest model of iPhone? Then learn how you can start making more money and put that knowledge into practice!

Maybe (but not for sure) you won’t be able to match your fortune with Jeff Bezos, but we assure you: by taking control of your life in your own hands and setting up a positive change, you’ll definitely get much more than if you sit still and envy the “lucky” people.

8 Be generous.

This advice may seem strange, but generosity is a very effective antidote to envy. When you give something to someone, not just material goods, but also help or support, you begin to feel fullness and contentment inside. And these, as you may have noticed, are the opposite of the emptiness and dissatisfaction that envy “gives.

Volunteer this weekend, give away your old things to those in need, donate a small amount of money, and do it not just to “be good,” but from your heart.

In this case, not only will you get gratitude in return, but you’ll also experience a warmth inside that somehow doesn’t care exactly how many yachts Kanye West has now.

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