How to get over breaking up with a man?

How to get over a breakup with a guy

Contributor(s): Erika Kaplan. Erika Kaplan is a dating coach and matchmaker at Three Day Rule, offering exclusive matchmaking services in nine cities across the United States. She has over six years of experience, specializing in helping people find the right match through coaching and high-quality matchmaking services. Graduated from Pennsylvania State University with a bachelor’s degree in public relations. She worked at Rolling Stone, Us Weekly and Men’s Journal before leaving the media world to pursue her passion of helping people find each other. She has been written about and spoken about in Lifetime, The Philadelphia Inquirer, CBS, Thrillist, Elite Daily, Men’s Health, Fast Company and Refinery29.

Number of views on this article: 25 373.

It doesn’t matter which one of you ended the relationship – you’re still hurting. When a relationship ends, it can be hard to come to terms with, and not everyone can pull themselves together and move on. Some people are not able to do it right away, so our article will suggest ways to get over the breakup more easily.

  • If you have not made the decision to end the relationship, try to clarify the situation immediately.
    • Don’t use vague phrases like “it doesn’t seem to work out,” or “I don’t think this is what I want right now.”
    • Speak directly. If an answer is required of you, any phrase that doesn’t allow for doubt, such as “it’s over,” will do.

    • Take care of your social media pages. Change your status, remove your ex-boyfriend from your friends, as well as any photos of you together, and remove tags from photos posted by mutual friends.
      • If your friends are on your side, ask them to remove your ex-boyfriend from their friends as well.
      • If your friends want to maintain a relationship with him, don’t visit their pages to avoid seeing photos or posts left there by your ex-boyfriend.
      • If you’re studying with your ex-boyfriend, enter the classroom last, moments before the bell rings. That way you avoid unnecessary conversations.
      • If you have to work together, bring coffee in a thermos and grab a snack at the workplace – this way you won’t run into your ex-boyfriend in the kitchen. If you have to walk past your ex-boyfriend’s desk to get to the bathroom, try to find out if other restrooms in the building are available. If you don’t want to meet him near the copy machine, ask a colleague to make copies for you or postpone that task until later in the day.
      • If you both go to the same bar, store, gym or any other place, try to be there on other days or a little earlier or later than usual.

      • Choose a new hobby. Always wanted to learn oriental dancing? Interested in photography? Now would be a great time to dive headlong into a new hobby that will not only be good for your development, but will occupy all your thoughts.
      • Become a volunteer. Find out what volunteer organizations there are in your city and sign up for one. You can join volunteers who help homeless animals, orphanages, and elderly people.
        • Volunteering not only benefits others, but also makes you open up. In addition, such activities stimulate the pleasure center of the brain, and recent studies have shown that altruistic behavior also increases your attractiveness in the eyes of potential partners. [1] X Source of information
        • Delete your ex-boyfriend’s emails. If you want to keep any emails, move all emails from the boyfriend to a separate folder and deal with them later.
        • If an ex-boyfriend gave you a piece of jewelry that may have intangible value to him, ask if you should return the jewelry to him. If not, do with the jewelry as you see fit.

        • In 1969, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross described the five stages of grief acceptance, a system now widely known within psychology. She believed that a person goes through five stages: denial, anger, bargaining (that is, trying to make a deal with fate), depression, and acceptance.
          • You don’t necessarily experience all five stages, and you don’t necessarily go through them in that order. It’s important to understand what you can expect, and to remind yourself that whatever you’re feeling is completely natural and normal.
          • You may also suffer from guilt, loneliness, insecurity, anxiety and a variety of other negative emotions.
          • Your emotional state may be reflected in your physical well-being. Common problems include headaches, nausea, insomnia, loss of appetite, weight gain, pain of various kinds, and weakness.

          • Talk to someone you trust. Ask your mother, grandmother, aunt, cousin, or best friend for help. You will feel better when you see that you are willing to listen, that someone understands how you feel.
          • Talk to your ex-boyfriend in your mind. Studies prove that those people who have mentally said goodbye to their ex-boyfriends recover from their loss faster. [2] X Source of Information
          • Write a letter to your ex-boyfriend, but don’t send it. Instead of constantly running through your head what you might have said in the past or right now when you meet, write down all those thoughts. Don’t pay attention to how intelligently and logically you write it down. The most important thing is to get your anger, sadness, indignation, and all the other emotions that torment you onto paper.

          Use swear words if you feel the need for them. It turns out that profanity helps pain go away. A study published in NeuroReport points to a direct link between using swear words and pain reduction. [3] X Source of Information

          • A study published in the British Medical Journal indicates that people with strong religious beliefs cope better with feelings of grief and loss than non-religious people. [4] X Source of Information
          • Engage in meditation. Every world religion includes an element of meditation, so pick what works best for you. [5] X Source of Information You can do yoga, tai chi, ki gong, transcendental meditation, or just read prayers.

          See a psychologist if you find it hard to cope on your own. Women who have not managed to get over a breakup in 16 months have reduced brain activity in the centers responsible for emotion, motivation and attention. In other words, prolonged depression changes the structure of the brain, which explains the inability to concentrate and focus. Don’t let yourself suffer for a long time, get help. [6] X Source of Information

          Spend time with friends. Friends will always be there for you, no matter what’s going on in your personal life, and now is a good time to give them more attention. Take them out to dinner, go to a club or the mall with them. Spend more time together!

          • You can pick up songs with meaning. Cosmopolitan magazine has compiled a list of songs that work best for those going through a breakup. [7] X Source of Information
            • “Since U Been Gone,” by Kelly Clarkson
            • “Forget You,” by Cee Lo Green
            • “Single Ladies,” Beyoncé
            • “So What,” Pink
            • “Stronger,” Britney Spears.

            • Walking with your dog is a great way to not only stretch yourself, but also to meet new people. Meeting pet owners just like you will broaden your social circle and allow you to find like-minded people.
            • Animals give you unconditional love. You won’t strive so hard and hard to get endless love and devotion from every young person you might have a relationship with if you already have someone who will always be devoted to you.

            • Exercise will normalize your sleep, fill you up with energy and improve your self-esteem, which means it restores those areas that may have suffered after a breakup.
            • If you tried to numb the pain with food after the breakup, you may have gained a few pounds. Exercise can help you get rid of them.

            • Look through fashion magazines and websites for new ideas for yourself. You’re not the only one looking to change your look after a breakup – you’ll find plenty of photos of celebrities illustrating how they looked before and after breaking up with someone.
            • Make subtle changes, such as a little coloring or lip gloss coloring. Something new in your appearance will support your new outlook on life.

            • If you like someone, make eye contact with them and smile. You don’t owe anyone anything if you don’t turn down a conversation or an invitation for a cup of coffee.
            • If you start chatting with someone you like, don’t tell them about a past relationship or complain about an ex-boyfriend. Your new acquaintance won’t be ready to hear a story about your past right away, especially if that story is steeped in negativity. Don’t say bad things about your ex-boyfriend – this will alienate the new man.
            • The best way to get over an ex-boyfriend is to find a new one. Go somewhere to dance, meet someone, take your mind off your worries. And every time you see your ex-boyfriend, think only of the good things he brought into your life.
            • Don’t tell everyone you meet about your love life. Don’t leave sad messages on your social media pages, but don’t trumpet to the world that you’re happy – if you do, your ex-boyfriend may think the relationship never meant anything to you, and that will hurt his feelings. Just don’t post anything related to him anywhere.

            More articles

            1. ↑http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/positively-media/201301/social-media-doesnt-have-make-breaking-harder-do
            2. ↑http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/finding-true-love/200909/relationship-advice-breaking-hurts-real-and-how-recover-faster
            3. ↑http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=why-do-we-swear
            4. ↑http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200303/good-grief-coping-after-loss
            5. ↑http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/topic/meditation/meditation
            6. ↑http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/finding-true-love/200909/relationship-advice-breaking-hurts-real-and-how-recover-faster
            7. ↑http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/relationship-advice/best-breakup-songs#slide-1

            About this article

            Contributor(s): Erika Kaplan. Erika Kaplan is a dating coach and matchmaker at Three Day Rule, which offers exclusive matchmaking services in nine cities across the United States. She has over six years of experience, specializing in helping people find the right match through coaching and high-quality matchmaking services. Graduated from Pennsylvania State University with a bachelor’s degree in public relations. She worked at Rolling Stone, Us Weekly and Men’s Journal before leaving the media world to pursue her passion of helping people find each other. She has been written about and spoken about in Lifetime, The Philadelphia Inquirer, CBS, Thrillist, Elite Daily, Men’s Health, Fast Company and Refinery29. Number of views on this article: 25 373.

            How to get over a breakup with a loved one. Let’s support each other.

            Hi all, girls, I know that such topics have been, are and will be. The topic is trite, but nevertheless I feel so bad that I am looking for any opportunity to find at least some support. I am breaking up with my boyfriend… And the situation is such that we are still living in one apartment, but we are no longer together, he has nowhere to go, we are waiting for his wages so he can rent an apartment, I hope it will be this weekend or Monday… And I do not know what is worse, to live and see his indifference or to leave him forever, both are killing me. I will tell you my story, we had a very good relationship, but also very difficult, there were constantly some kind of obscure conflicts, but we liked each other very much, we made joint plans for the future, we thought about children, about his house, and the man completely satisfied me as a husband, always did what I ask, always discussed everything, did not strain with domestic.oboznaniyami, the money in general, nothing refused. In general, there was love, there were plans, there was almost a family, but there were constant conflicts. Now I know that of course he is not completely indifferent to me, it is impossible to be indifferent to those whom he loved and with whom he lived for 1.5 years, but from the past nothing has remained, and it is just unbearable to see. It feels like I am slowly dying. Girls, if someone is going through something similar, or happened when or recently, let’s communicate, support each other, because otherwise it is unbearable to live like this …

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            I am so jealous of those who live a married life and do not worry about anything, so tired of these troubles in his personal life.

            You know, it’s not that simple. You are too dissolved in your man. Try to understand that everyone breaks up in his life – some earlier, some later. Everyone was abandoned and almost everyone suffered. Suffering is an unwillingness inside to accept what happened. But in our life only what happens is better for the human soul, and, therefore, for you, it is better to break up. You have lost yourself as a person.You have become totally dependent on the presence of your man.You get a lot of energy from him, and gave him little in return.A person always feels discomfort when it happens.Accept it in the soul, you will immediately feel better.Let him go.If a man loves you want his part, right? So if he wants to leave, it means that it is better for him. The expression of love from your side will be – to let him go quietly, wishing him happiness. It never happens so that one door closes and the other does not open. Someone new will come into your life for sure, do not cling to the old, outdated, so you only delay the opportunity to appear in your life something new, much more interesting. Until you do not let him go in your heart you will suffer. pray to god to help you through the separation and help will be sure. everything will be fine.

            Sweet Toffee, admit to yourself honestly that you need this man in order to feel “married”. This is indicated by your reference, that you don’t want to start hanging out again, looking, etc. That’s the root of it, you don’t need HIM and it’s a habit that will fade over time. Give him and SEE a chance to be happy in the first place. Don’t cling to anything, if it is YOURSELF, it will come back and change, no – the sooner you let him go, the sooner you will arrange your life too! And stop obsessing over men! One – not one, what’s the difference? You have a LIFE, you’re young, healthy, and the world does not fit in your personal life! Find yourself a hobby for your soul, as soon as you become interested in Yourself, you will be interested in the people around you. Cheer up!, Life is much more versatile than you draw it to yourself:).

            Parting is always hard, probably even when you yourself initiate the parting. Personally, I rarely have the desire to communicate further, probably out of fear of feeling pain. Right now I’m also in the breakup phase with a man who was just a lifelong dream of mine, and the lust for possessing him has become greater than all other feelings. Still in my heart I haven’t let him go yet, but in my life I’m already dating another man who loves me for a long time. And you know, it was only with him (without reciprocity, without burning desire) that I felt what it means to be a weak and fragile woman under the care of a strong, generous, and able to wait for a man. I am glad I have him, and I have already thanked God 153 times for giving him to me. Even if only for a while, although I don’t mind marrying him. I think any woman is worthy of such a gift from life, the main thing is to be able to accept it (instead of the one I wanted to keep). I wish you happiness))).

            7: Oh yes, I totally agree. to feel like a woman and a man is 100 times better than to run after him, humiliating yourself and begging for something

            And then, the world did not come to an end with men, but how without them? I want to feel someone’s warmth, affection, just sex, I cannot do without it for a long time. No one and nothing can replace it, no girlfriends, no bars, no favorite pastime (though I would like to find it, I can’t even imagine what you can get so involved in).

            Well, honey… there is a whole philosophy here, you should read the corresponding books. you cannot tell it on the forum. why to live without love – I have experienced it myself. it loses its meaning, I agree. the main thing here is to set the parting and to start a new life without him.

            Moreover, no one can replace HIM! But you cannot stop life, everything will pass.

            And it is not only bad when he leaves, but as if a part of your body was torn off without anesthesia! you have to talk yourself, I do not know, somehow set up. it is hard, I agree, you have to be strong. they say that what has not killed us, made us stronger.

            Butterscotch, understand that you can love good wine and enjoy the taste periodically for your own pleasure, and you can overdo it, become an alcoholic and AGREE to drink all kinds of crap! It’s the same in relationships – savor them, enjoy them, but don’t let them lead you into uncontrollable addiction. And no one will ever be interested in you if you’re not interested in yourself. In the meantime, you are. You have been given life by God, it is a gift and you are in this world for a reason. though if you like to think that you are only here to pick on someone, then. pity you simply. Until you fundamentally change your thinking, this will happen to you every time. Not with this one, but with the next one. Read books, study yourself and the people around you, and you’ll be fine 🙂

            Above said that all sooner or later break up, but it is not so, after all, families live together for many years, I observe it at least at work, of course, I can not be known as there and that, but they live because. According to my observations, not all people suffer from relationship problems or breakups, I can not understand what it depends on.

            My loved one is getting married to someone else.

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            How to get over a breakup with a loved one.

            Iriska, after seven years of marriage I have lived through a divorce. It hurts a lot, he is one of my relatives, we ate from the same plate and have lived so long :(((( But I try to hang in there, I do not know what will happen next. I do not know what will happen next. We are still living together but every day could be the last. I love him very much, forgave him a lot, always supportive, and ran out of strength…I can no longer bear the weight of the relationship. I want a man strong and real, so that I can finally relax and live my life to my satisfaction

            I’m 23, but I’m not going to grab the first guy I see 🙂 does that sound like the picture I have in my posts? ) I guess I just need someone to just spend time with. I think I’ll be sad in a month. As for the unique man I think I will not have such a man. I see faults in all men at once, even in those whom I loved, I can not imagine what kind of man I need, what faults I could put up with.

            Larika, you yourself no longer have love for him?

            To 26: That’s what I wanted to emphasize. You are not self-sufficient. You are sure that you need “someone” to be happy. That’s not true:)

            31-32: Ohhhhhh! He’s already calm, and you’re in pain. He’s alive and well and you don’t want him to be. He can and wants to live WITHOUT YOU and you don’t (yet:)) He is self-sufficient and you are dependent. Learn to live, or you will become a rag that everyone in your life will wipe their feet on!

            Apparently this is not the season for breakups, there is no one who has had something similar (

            I have a similar situation. we are not communicating for the third day… I don’t know what will happen next… but these days I have looked around and seen the world around me. my work has become interesting, someone has met me in the metro, men stare at me… I started to wear makeup in a human way. in general I have a usual normal life… as before. If I start to remember how the only thing I wanted all day was to feel the smell of his skin, to get close to him. all these moments, it becomes very pathetic, as if gone something that can never come back. I try not to think about it, now it’s like fog in my head

            I’m reading you…I’m in the same situation. Yesterday I provoked him to break up. For a month I suspected that something was wrong, he has somehow changed, although it is not immediately clear how. I realized that he pulls and does not know how to tell, but most likely the breakup is inevitable, and helped him. Yesterday I hinted that I do not intend to wait long, like the place is not empty. To which he said: have fun. That’s it, one word, but I’m still in shock. We were together for over a year … so bad … but I will survive, I hope.

            I have a very similar story (the same crazy love, a year lived together, conflicts, and separation), only he has somewhere to go, his there (mother, grandmother) waiting with open arms, and I am from this even harder. And we cannot live without each other and together we cannot (it is the opinion of both). what to do we do not know. Wanna hear men’s opinions on how to behave in a situation like this, if anyone has been similar. About the exchange of energies agree, except that the author has not given advice on what to do.

            And also how to understand that the man finally decided what it is, and just do not say (or he said confidently, or change his mind over time) so as not to hurt

            I got over it, I now do not believe in someone, I thought I would stop at this option. I don’t know who I want and what kind of person I could fully accept, I need to do something about myself and this intransigence with flaws. **** Of course we can live apart, I will not die from it, but it kills me that there was such a relationship and such feelings, and now the result is almost hatred, I can not get used to the idea that this is the same person who wanted to live with me all my life and the one who does not even care that we live in the same apartment, although not together anymore.

            58, you were just dating?

            59, I’m happy for you 🙂 But my feelings are atrophied now, I can not think straight, and I do not need anything, I do not want anything at all, I just want this pain to go away.

            Thanks Anna, I wish he would leave sooner, and he still can not find an apartment, I hope it will all come together today-tomorrow with the options that are already there, and the worst thing is that he does not care, communicates with me as if nothing had happened, as with an old friend, so what if we live together, although we split up ((((

            The daily torture of homework

            Is there a boomerang?

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            Divorce, filing for alimony, and registration of children

            How do I get married to be a stay-at-home mom and not work?

            Eh, and there is no one, and I sit like a fool and can not calm down (((

            Butterscotch, you can not settle down now. In a month it will be better. In the meantime, be patient.

            Butterscotch, hang in there. I can’t imagine going through this either. One last hug, one last kiss, closing the door behind him for the last time. And we are together for 8 years. and married, it hurts so much, how to live without him I do not know. I have asked for support n etom forum, but got the answers – time leisit, fall in love with another, pull yourself together. i can not, I just can not. I wanted to say goodbye to him on Saturday. I could not, I procrastinate. I have a hard time because he talks about love and the need to keep the family, and I can not, he is very cruel to me, I love him madly, but with him, no life. I cry all the time. There you go.

            Hang in there, honey, I just called my husband again and found him rude for nothing. I do not even want to go home. I also read books and do not know what they are about, listen to music and I cannot remember what I listened to all day. It hurts very, very much. I know it is possible to get over it and live on, but I do not know how.

            It’s been two months now. Oh God, it’s been so long. M.C., share.

            I’m not talking about me right now. Two months on the toilet. But if you think about it, then 2.3 times easier for sure…So let’s consider it helped.

            It has not affected me in a good way, as I see every day indifference and compare what was with what is now.

            Fortunately, at that time I had a lot of friends with whom I could distract myself from these thoughts. I also spent a lot of time on the Internet. Read here on the forum who wrote about the breakup. And I was horrified. Everywhere the same thing! I’m not the only one. And I got even more scared when I read that some girls could not come to their senses for a year or two, or even more, after breaking up. I got scared for myself. I just couldn’t afford the luxury of killing precious time in my life by pining after some dick, sorry, who didn’t give a shit.

            I gave myself a deadline of two months tops. But it went away much sooner than that. The last step was to delete everything from my life that reminded me of him, erase all the texts, photos from my phone. I did that after a month. Because it was unbearable to open the phone and see the presence of his texts there. I should have done it earlier. After that it was much better. there was a feeling of freedom. So I let him go.

            There’s this book by Norwood Robin, “Should I be a Love Slave? “Girls, if you can’t handle it, download it. It’s on the Internet. And read it. It opened my eyes to a lot of things. I have written here a lot in the hope of helping anyone 🙂 I wish you luck. And know that there is life. And all the most interesting is yet to come 🙂

            Jealousy. My boyfriend talks to my ex-girlfriend during a relationship with me.

            I think he fell out of love

            How to build a relationship if you do not like to communicate?

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            The girl went to dinner with a man who pissed her off.

            All this is understandable, but so do not want to give up. even if it hurts… after all, the pain is for him, and he is not a stranger.

            107, it’s a natural process. Just treat it as a disease. It takes time, patience and strength to heal. I agree, you need this pain now more than ever. It’s cleansing, it’s letting go. But don’t get carried away. Set yourself a deadline, find a desire to become yourself again soon, a desire to feel a new taste in life.

            We ended it last week, too (I wrote about it under 60). I immediately erased all of his data – I do not have any of his numbers, no texts, no e-mail address…It helps a little, I mean, then you know exactly, and gradually you get used to the idea…if I had kept his data, then there would still be hope, but it is so painfully painful. I’m trying to myself every day: I will not see him again, and every day at least a little, but I can distract myself with some other thoughts… I also need to communicate more with other people, then there is no time for hard thoughts… the worst thing is to be alone with yourself…

            Hello, “sufferers”:) Butterscotch, I strongly recommend you to think about yourself! I personally, I have myself alone, and I did not find myself in a dumpster, to allow myself to be treated this way:) I have had a normal flight for 3 weeks now:))) – I mean, my husband lives out of our house. God, I just imagine that he’s back in my cozy, clean house. brr-r-r:)) Yesterday, he started whining with text messages. But I turned off the phone and fell asleep sweetly:). Let him go, my dear Butterscotch, do not give him the opportunity to enjoy your loss. Take life easy – I applaud:)

            Girls. Give Yourself a chance to be happy, why are you so eager to get into misery? And your suffering won’t end until you end it yourself, understand! Everything is in your hands and heads!)

            Yes, swamly_know, agreed, but it is so difficult to find this sparkle in yourself! but I try not to lose heart…well, there are many other things to do, it distracts…just need some more time to come to the final realization that everything, everything, everything…

            Thank you, good words…you are very right, especially about self-destruction…I will repeat your words to myself as a mantra, about enjoying myself and so on, it should come to my consciousness at last! I wish you also strength and creative love!

            I have sailed, you are good!

            Well, yes, to break up with the person you love like that, to know that he is indifferent to you now, that he has his own life. Just now he was sending you a link to that house to take, doing repairs in the apartment, playing with our cat, etc., etc. And as soon as he left – you immediately blossomed, so many new, interesting, the hell with it, with these two years, thrown away for who knows what, I love myself )))) In any case, to realize it all and get over it takes time. I think it depends on what kind of relationship, if your husband pissed you off, you godspeed to enjoy life now, when he’s not around. And if it was good with a man? Then you need time to let him go. I still do not understand what, like everything is solved, but all his things in place, I do not intend to collect them, now in addition to all of this, we had an even bigger fight and do not talk, at my e-mail with a calm text to get him to hurry things and leave me soon, he did not answer. I have an unfinished breakup. What happens after, I think it will still be bad. And what is bad is that I am suffering from injustice, meanness, betrayal, my brain does not understand how it can be. At the same time I remember good moments, such as when we met and hugged each other when he / I came home. Eh And in general it is so strange, then it is a bit sad, then it is released for a while. Now again, I do not know how to behave, a quiet letter is written – no response, to humiliate and call quite out of place, although on the other hand of course there is a version that he, for example, at the site, not in the office, and stupid letter did not see, but it does not know. Wait until tomorrow? But I can not see all these things that remind him of the fact that he once lived here, with me do not know what to do in general.

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