How to get over a relationship breakup
Contributor(s): Amy Chan. Amy Chan is the founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a recovery camp that practices a scientific and spiritual approach to healing after a relationship ends. Her team of psychologists and coaches have helped hundreds of people in just 2 years, and the camp has been featured by CNN, Vogue, The New York Times and Fortune. Her debut book, Breakup Bootcamp, will be published by HarperCollins in January 2020.
Number of sources used in this article: 12. You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.
Number of views of this article: 80 416.
Ending a relationship is always hard, whether it was your decision or your partner’s. You are hurting, and you want it to end sooner. There are several ways you can help you cope and move on: describe your feelings, allow yourself to grieve, take your time to get into a new relationship. Remember that time heals, and have patience. If, however, and over time you will not get better, you can always ask for support from family and friends, and if necessary – to a therapist.
- If he or she is trying to convince you to see each other, honestly ask yourself what the point is. If the meeting forces you to mentally go back in time, it will be too easy to give in to the moment impulse – but even harder to come to terms again.
- If contact is unavoidable for practical reasons – for example, you need to move your stuff from your partner, sign documents and the like – try to keep communication to an absolute minimum. Let calls or meetings be brief and businesslike.
- Clean up your room, hang new posters, clear the computer desktop from unnecessary icons. No matter how insignificant cleaning may seem to you, you will feel better after it.
- If you have a memorable gift from a former partner, such as a watch or jewelry, there is nothing wrong with keeping it. However, try to put it away and not reach for it until the relationship is finally over for you.
- Don’t let it feel like you are obligated to spend time with other people all the time. Go out to do the things you love and enjoy your freedom. Go to your favorite coffee shop, go shopping, or take a mini-vacation.
Don’t rush headlong into a new relationship. Often people after a breakup immediately enter a new relationship to forget the previous one. However, this idea is not always wise. By starting to date someone too soon, we are often just trying to suppress the negative emotions with the excitement and impressions that the new relationship brings us. However, if they fail as well, the pain of two breakups will come upon you at once. It’s better to be without your partner for a while until you get over your emotions and are really ready to start over. [5] X Source of Information
How to get over a relationship breakup
How to survive the breakup of a relationship if the breakup has become inevitable, and the very troubling question of how to go on living? Separation is practically familiar to every individual. Psychology sees breakup as a type of loss. When a person experiences a relationship breakup, he inevitably goes through certain stages.
The first is denial. The person cannot believe that he has been broken up with and something irreparable has happened. He makes plans, cherishes hope and consoles himself that the breakup of the relationship is not final, and the other half will call, will come and everything will be as before.
The second is anger. The realization of a broken relationship leads to a manifestation of anger. The person is outraged internally or openly. The former partner is accused of inaction and passivity regarding the preservation of the relationship.
Third, there is bargaining. The person begins to bargain with himself or herself or with the former partner, thereby trying to resume the relationship. Experiencing the rupture of relationships, the person establishes some deadlines for himself, thus determining the time interval during which he can return his beloved. Thus, the psyche of the person tries to cope with the breakup and get used to this condition.
The fourth is depression. At a certain point, there comes the realization that it makes no sense to deny the breakup. And then despair and sadness and apathy overcome.
All of the above manifestations are considered quite natural, and everyone experiences them in the situation of separation.
A new life. This stage is marked by an independent life. A person has new plans, strength and desire to implement them.
How to survive the breakup of a relationship? Psychologists say that the process of experiencing the breakup of a relationship stretches from 3 months to 3 years. The duration of the experience depends on many reasons and factors. In addition, these experiences are marked by such a property as reversibility. This means that at any time after the start of a new life, memory can helpfully throw man back into the memories. And again overcome by despair, sadness, anger.
How to survive the rupture of a relationship with a loved one? Separation is unbearable because it makes adjustments to the usual way of life. If the rupture of the relationship was initiated by a loved one, in addition suffering dignity of the abandoned person. The realization that we have been neglected by the loved one (-s), knocked out of shape.
So how to survive the breakup of a relationship and find a way out of this stressful situation? This question worries many abandoned people. The hardest thing after a breakup is to stop suffering and put an end to the past relationship, while starting a happy, new life.
So that the breakup was not painful – do not hold your loved one. Psychologists, on the contrary, advise you to let go without regret your former partner and build your own separate, independent life.
Turning over another page of fate, walk boldly through life. Only freed from the burden of the past, there will be a welcome relief. Chasing away intrusive thoughts, give yourself a mental attitude to prohibit thinking about the past. It is very important and quite difficult to accept the end of the relationship. But it is the right thing to do. Chase away despair and longing. After analyzing the relationship and drawing conclusions, forget about it.
How to survive the breakup of a relationship and become happy? If a former lover does not want to keep in touch anymore, it means that a strong resentment does not allow him to behave differently. Think about what was wrong in the relationship. Analyze your mistakes, in order to avoid repeating them in the future and start living with positive thoughts.
How to get over the breakup with a man
When it will not feel good – put on a mask of a successful woman, and entering that image, experience positive emotions and all the possible sensations associated with this state. Actions, as well as words can heal the soul, restore its equilibrium. Do not stop praising yourself even for the smallest little things. In front of the mirror admire yourself, give yourself compliments. Quite difficult to love yourself, experiencing the rupture of a relationship, but it is very important. Do not stop loving yourself, as it is necessary to establish your personal life in the future.
The next important point is to forgive your ex. Realize that the other person also has the right to a personal life. Avoid negative memories, discussions with girlfriends of the ex, as the accumulation of reproaches, anger, hatred destroys the female personality from the inside.
How to quickly survive a relationship breakup? First of all, mentally let go of your ex-partner, do not make plans for revenge, do not grow a negative attitude, do not beg for pity. Let go of the resentment and forgive your partner. Without doing this, a person can not enjoy life, easily enter into a new relationship, and self-improvement.
To survive the breakup of a long-term relationship is much more difficult. In this case, psychologists advise to look at the situation from a different angle. Breaking up a long-term relationship can allow you to realize long-held dreams that have been put off for better times due to lack of time. Write down all of your opportunities, the perspectives that came out of the relationship breakup. Be sure to discover the benefits of breaking up, you just need to think about it, and by implementing the benefits listed, life will play with new colors.
How do you get over a breakup after a long-term relationship? Some personalities hit the ground running. In a difficult period after the breakup of a relationship – this can serve as a way out of the situation. Surviving the breakup after a long-term relationship is complicated by the struggle with loneliness and this in spite of the stay of the person in society. Communicating with people cannot make up for the experiences of the loved one, even if this communication previously brought pleasure. No people can take the place of someone who is no longer with an abandoned person.
How men experience the breakup of a relationship
Often men experience a sense of universal emptiness. These emotions are acute when a relationship collapses unexpectedly, unfoundedly, literally on nothing and if the abandoned man was emotionally dependent on the woman. In this case, men are under tremendous stress, and one of the reasons for this reaction is a man’s secretive nature. Representatives of the stronger sex keep all the emotions inside and do not splash them out. If the adrenaline in the blood is off the scale, then the reaction will be
- Wounds and resentments will be flooded with booze;
- Going to the gym and smashing your fists in blood;
- riding in a car at high speed, etc.
Studies by psychologists have found that men are more susceptible to what happens in relationships, and their psyche in this situation is weaker than that of women.
Psychologists have noticed that people who are dependent on their partners are often the hardest to break up. Dependency is not a manifestation of love, rather it develops from self-love. The addicted person does not love themselves and looks for that love in the other person. It seems to him that only in a couple he will be protected and happy. However, life proves that this is far from being true, and if love is absent inside, there is no love outside.
The abandoned person must realize that as long as he treats himself without respect, love, then in the same way his partners will treat him. Once a person loves himself, he will allow himself to be treated in the same way and will be able to give love to a loving person, who will inevitably meet him.
Only with time does the person begin to understand that in his life the parting with the partner was inevitable and this step was not made in vain. But now it seems that life has lost its colors, there is no meaning in it, because the joy of the familiar moments of life is gone.
Psychologist’s tips on how to survive the breakup of a relationship include the following:
– Remember that life is short, and it goes on, hurry to fill it with new, interesting events;
– Breakup is a difficult period that almost everyone goes through in life, knowing that, just endure it and it will definitely end;
– Stop deliberately hurting yourself;
– Don’t write letters to your ex, don’t stalk him or her – this prolongs the suffering;
– Constantly watching your ex’s (-s) social network page only creates a feeling of disappointment and emptiness because it is difficult to distance yourself from the object of attachment and start living again without him (her);
– Don’t be tempted to write a sad letter;
– If you want to heal mentally, distance yourself from your ex-boyfriend(s);
– Don’t stay alone – go to karaoke with friends, etc;
– Join a sports club or swimming pool;
– Learn something new, previously unknown to yourself;
– Do not give up dating, dating;
– spend maximum time cheerfully and with interest, enjoy life;
– Update your closet, perfume, your image, and get rid of the old one;
– delete the number of your ex-partner’s cell phone, so there is no temptation to make unnecessary calls in moments of despair;
– do not avoid places where you have been together with your former lover (-s), but instead, spend time with friends in these places of fun, for the realization that without him (-s), life has not stopped there.
These tips, while simple, are actually very effective.
How to survive a relationship breakup – the forums give interesting advice to women about the problem. You can take on board the following:
– a smile instead of tears when meeting your ex, as well as a sour look often gives interesting results;
– If a breakup is inevitable, then break up with your former lover first;
– head higher, no regrets step confidently, so that doubt settled in the soul of the ex;
– you must get rid of the psychology of the victim, otherwise similar relationships will recur;
– need to understand that recovery is often very painful, and to start it, you need to hear the truth about your relationship from the outside;
– not to feel sorry for yourself, because it is a disservice;
– Make the appropriate conclusions about their lives, so as not to repeat mistakes in the future.
Author : Practical psychologist Vedmesh N.A.
Speaker of the Medical-Psychological Center “PsychoMed
