How to survive cheating on your husband: tips and advice
Since it is difficult to survive an unfaithful husband, sometimes women throw themselves into extremes. And okay would beat the dishes or make a scandal. The story could turn out even sadder. In order not to live your whole life on antidepressants, we recommend reading our article, which collected tips on this subject. That’s why you came to our site, isn’t it?
In the material below we have listed the typical mistakes of women who have been stunned by the husband’s confession or they somehow found out about the cheating themselves. Knowing the possible missteps, perhaps you will not allow yourself too much. As a starter ways and tips on how to survive betrayal and live happily ever after, without remembering what happened.
Mistakes of women that lead to cheating husbands
Most likely, this article will be of interest to a woman who has already betrayed her husband, and who herself has approximately realized what she did wrong. How to get over her husband’s treason, or even prevent it? As they say, repetition is the mother of learning.
Jealousy
As strange as it may seem, but most often go to the side of those men who are strongly jealous of their spouses. Let’s compare the behavior of the husband and the male dog. The poor dog is tied to the chain all the time, dreaming of freedom. His head is blown off when one day the chain breaks. He rushes forward, knocking down everything in his path, biting whoever he can. Similar is the behavior of a man away from his wife who is “on a leash” at home.
A yard dog is not put on a chain, he just guards the house and in no case will want to get away from that area! He is loyal to his owners and, on the contrary, he is afraid that he will not be let in if he runs out the gate.
Jealousy is the same chain. It is hard for a woman not to be jealous of the one she loves. But every chain is not the same. One is a leash with a hard collar. The other is fresh food in the bowl and an affectionate “pat behind the ear.”
Lack of Motivation
You have no feelings of jealousy, no tethering, but you keep your distance. We are not talking about an intimate life, but a spiritual one. Indifference, insularity, lack of tenderness and care sometimes initially excite men, make them reveal you, learn, do things.
But after a while the spouse will meet a woman with whom he will feel loved. And he will take the path of least resistance. In everything there must be a measure. This also applies to jealousy. Remember the food bowl and the “pat behind the ear”.
A woman has lost herself.
A woman got married legally, gave her husband a bunch of children, and thought that she had fulfilled her mission. Where would he go? Salary not enough for child support.
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Such a lady is not going to make her spouse happy. He wasn’t going to leave his wife and children anyway (this is true of normal men). But that attractive girl, previously arousing his desire, has turned into an ungroomed, tired aunt with shabby nails and incomprehensible hair on her head.
The spouse is in misery. He loves Dena still, but he DOES NOT WANT HER. He is not a womanizer, he is sick with hopelessness and feelings of dissatisfaction.
This behavior of the woman is also poisoning her life. She is unloved, she is tolerated, her husband ends up having mistresses. But the fool doesn’t realize it.
Especially with this kind of situation, it gets to the children. They can be compared to a litmus test. They show the color of the family’s health and suffer a lot in the unexplained unhealthy relationships of their parents.
Inability to forgive
Let’s divide this point into two. The ability to forgive is a person’s principled attitude. The Bible teaches forgiveness by appealing to common sense: we are all sinners. If you forgive, you will be forgiven. He who does not act does not make mistakes, etc. If you yourself can not cope with resentment, seek help from a psychologist who will tell you how to survive an unfaithful husband and forget about what happened.
The second has a less clear meaning – knowing how to RIGHTLY forgive. My husband overdid it on Women’s Day. In the morning he asked for forgiveness. You’ve forgotten all about it. And then daily: “I forgave you a month ago, and you, such a bastard, his socks scattered!”, “What hunting? I only forgave you for hanging out with friends!” etc.
It is better to live through an adulterous husband or get a divorce.
Quite often it is written in women’s magazines that divorce is one of the worst outcomes. Of course, breaking up a relationship has been and will continue to be a difficult burden. But if you are convinced that the betrayal of a spouse can not be forgotten, it is better to separate. Family life will resemble hell: your mistrust and spouse tracking, constant anxiety, etc. will make you paranoid Baba Yaga-like, and her husband to your hostility will respond in the same way.
It should disperse in the case, if the adulterer sincerely does not recognize his mistakes. These in general should not get families.
You should also think about divorce, if the man does not appreciate you and feels great alone. Do you need a family life with a spouse? Are you satisfied with this attitude?
If you decide finally and unconditionally divorce, try to do this in such a way that he will remember your separation for a long time: talk out, say that you never loved him, etc. But this should be done in the case when the spouse really deserved it.
Forget the affair on the side is unrealistic, because the self-esteem of women is easy to hurt, even easier than men. But there are cases where the betrayal of a spouse can be forgiven. Here are a few such examples:
How to survive her husband’s infidelity and keep the family, if your spouse is trying to hide from you the connection on the side, but remains gentle and loving? Perhaps you should just take a break from each other, the love between you is still alive. That is why, by the way, after the breakup of a relationship most men are so eager to return to their former partner: because with it was comfortable and good, and his mistress – it’s just an affair.
If you were cheated on after a family quarrel or in a drunken state. Naturally, you will not be able to trust your partner as before, but we are all human and, being emotional, we can behave completely ugly.
If your spouse admits that he is to blame, he tries to return your favor. Naturally, he should try to be forgiven, but if he realizes that he committed a heinous act, you can give him a second chance, being sure that he is not going to cheat anymore.
3 ways to get over your husband’s cheating if you decide to forgive
1. Understand the motive.
For a reason there is a popular folk proverb: “To understand is to forgive. Consider the example of young children. It is impossible to bring them up without punishment, no matter how sad it is. But one child will fight back, get angry and do everything out of spite, and the other will realize that he behaved badly and deserved the punishment, as before, will love the one who brought him up.
Why does this happen? Because the first person does not recognize the reason for what is happening. He did not try to explain to him why the prohibition was put in place.
You were punished. Not on purpose. Not even a spouse, but life in its image. You behaved in some way, made certain fatal mistakes and are now reaping the rewards. Find the reason, think about it yourself (you’re an adult) and live peacefully, not accumulating resentment (but be grateful for the experience).
Often women don’t even try (maybe they don’t know how) to find the reason, they look for and find fault among those around them, feeling like martyrs. Unfortunately, this attitude will not help to correct the circumstances. They can only lead to depression.
2. Engage in dialogue.
Truth is born in an argument. By communicating with a person, you can clarify points that will help you return to the relationship you had. But the dialogue must be built properly:
Don’t stray too far off topic! Should move on to something else, in order to avoid conflict. For example, offer to go to the movies or discuss the child’s grades. Never poke fun at yesterday’s insults. Only about today!
Saying phrases like “you’re the usual” or “you’re always not . “, you kind of program the person. It is better not to use them.
Communicate on sensitive topics should only be on a sober head in the literal and figurative sense. If you can not cope with emotions, want to scream, attack him with fists, stop and leave the room. Aggression is unlikely to help you.
Do not discuss your husband and mistress, using epithets and insults. Try to be neutral, this will give a man’s ego stronger than swearing and tantrums.
Silence can be used as a punishment, but do not go overboard with it. You may miss a good moment for a productive conversation.
3. Recall the best aspects of your spouse.
A happy wife is one who knows how to love. Do you want to feel happy? Put out of your mind the thoughts that you are unhappy. Love! Look at your partner from another angle, at least through the eyes of his mistress, with whom he started an affair.
After thirty years of married life spouse can still like the ladies. You just got used to him. What we have, we do not keep. Fall in love with him again. Naturally, you already love him, but it’s not the same feelings that were in his youth. Introduce something new into your life, so he opened his eyes wider looking at you.
Three Steps to Get Over Your Husband’s Cheating
Step 1: Acceptance and forgiveness.
How do you get over your husband’s cheating? Initially accept the situation. You should not fight it, pretending that nothing happened. Acceptance is the first step to forgiveness.
Next, if you have identified the reason why it happened, then heart to heart, calmly, without a scandal, discuss it with your spouse. If you still could not understand why it happened, then try in the same calm conversation to find out the reason through sincere dialogue. If a man wants to forgive his spouse, he will try to do everything possible to get to her the real version of what happened.
Reasons like “couldn’t resist” or “had too much to drink and don’t remember anything” do not count. The reason is always hidden much deeper. If your family life is flourishing love, harmony and understanding, your spouse will never stop taking control, he just will not allow it. So consider other versions, deeper versions.
Try to get to the bottom of it together. If you understand that her husband does not want you to admit, gently continue communication. You have to understand that life teaches us the same lessons until we learn them. But as long as you have not found the real reason and are trying to ignore it, the situation will be repeated. That’s why it’s important to you in the first place. When you find the reason for what is happening, you will feel relief.
Step 2. his responsibility.
The next step to forgiveness must take the spouse. He needs to take responsibility for what happened and do everything possible to earn forgiveness. Your task is to let him know what you are not happy with, what you would like to hear from him. Tell him what you want.
If this is difficult for you or you’re afraid that your spouse does not want to follow the advice, it’s likely that you are in a relationship as a victim. How to get out of it, we will tell in this article.
Speak to the man intimately and try to convey to him what he must do so that you could forgive him. What actions or speeches could help with this?
Step 3: letting go.
The final step on the road to forgiveness is to symbolically let go of the offense. Write down on a piece of paper all the feelings you have about the betrayal. All the thoughts that you want to part with. Write yourself, and let your husband do the same. You should not read what you have written to each other. Crumple them and burn them together. It is better to do it near some body of water and let it flow. Or, for example, open a window sash and throw away the ashes – let the wind blow them away.
How to survive an unfaithful husband according to the tips of psychologists? To be sure to forgive and forget about the betrayal, you should do the whole procedure of forgiveness. So you’ll forget about the disturbing thoughts and from this day will try to start life with a clean slate.
Final tips to not have to survive treason husband again.
Dedicate all your free time spouse, constantly communicate and ask him how his day was, what’s new with her, if something unpleasant (for example, at work).
Treat each other with trust, talk about your secrets and maintain an intimate relationship that will help strengthen the relationship of the spouses.
Consider each other’s interests, spend your free time and do things together. Thanks to this you get closer, get to know each other better and live in harmony.
Try to help each other, because it happens everything, sometimes support from relatives is necessary, it will help free the soul and return quiet life.
Take your children for walks together, it will make your family stronger and happier, so you should forget about your husband’s betrayal and other disagreements for a while.
Try to understand your partner and do not forget that everyone makes mistakes and instead of throwing tantrums, it is better to think about how to survive the treason of her husband and keep the family.
Remember that the secret of a strong relationship is trust and understanding, and these strong qualities in the family appear over time. So you should remember that even if you were cheated, you do not need to jump to conclusions. Most likely, you will regret them. You need to calm down and realize that the betrayal has already happened, and it only remains to decide whether to forgive your spouse or leave everything as it is and build a new independent life.
The question is for women who have experienced adultery. How did you survive it?
No I haven’t, and cheating for me is the end of a relationship, the final nail in the coffin lid. Yes, it was hard. But closing one door opens a gallery of endless other doors, so yes it was bad, but then it was good, there was a drive and a kick in the life of a different vector. Everything changed. It’s hard. Very painful. But now I dread to think, what if my husband had not cheated on me? And I wouldn’t have such an interesting, busy, beautiful life, where I move, change jobs, learn again what I always wanted to do from childhood, I wouldn’t have a beloved husband, with whom I don’t need words and who is as natural to me as air? Wouldn’t I have that? Now that’s the horror. There would have been that marriage, that stagnation. Would there have been the old mother-in-law, her endless problems, her uncomfortable life, even in terms of everyday life? Trips to my ex’s dacha, which I hated, if only for the box-shaped toilet? Oh, no. It’s wonderful to be over it. And there would be an old soul fat aunt in auntie clothes, with a put out look and longing, rather than a young lighter in jeans and sneakers who still gets excited about simple things, like walking into the house, that creature flying toward you and having to quickly yell “no jumping!” and it gets so excited and jumps and you dodge because of the paws. Experiencing the delight of sticking to the window of the plane. Experiencing the delight of having a personal huge teddy bear, well a bear, but a teddy bear, growling and scary, but mine and safe and loving. And doesn’t even give me a reason to worry. And all that wouldn’t happen? No, I disagree.
I thought I’d get over it: get over myself and forget. It didn’t work. I am self-sufficient person, and her husband after the treason began to move beyond the boundaries of the permitted. It turns out, the treason suffered, but my husband’s respect was falling with each passing day. They do not like women who forgive, and this is a fact from my own experience. I filed for divorce. He pissed like a dog, he drank all the blood out of me. I am a young, beautiful, successful woman, he is basically a nobody. It is hard, of course, I got used to him, there is a child, but peace of mind and self-esteem, as well as respect for themselves, much dearer than the dork next door, who brazenly overstepped the boundaries of your personality.
At night I cut off his dick with garden shears.
I divorced him, stepped over and moved on. I love myself more. Now I am happy, near beloved man, who carries in his arms, went through fire and water with him. tolerate betrayal and disrespect for themselves – this is not about me.
For six months I hated her, despised her. I continued chatting on social networks during this time, one message a day, slinging slop. At the same time I met two other men. I almost married one of them. Everything spun and spun very fast and deep. We tried to conceive, he introduced me to all his relatives in our town, we went to see the housing estate where we planned to buy a mortgage, we discussed the wedding. And then at one point he just said he was not ready. And I could have been pregnant by then. The man did not even ask about anything. There were no arguments, no hard feelings. He just took it and at one point decided to end it all. After him gave the go-ahead for a friendship, a relationship with another man. He tried to win my affection all these months. But when I turned him down for sex because it was too early, not ready, he simply and clearly said that he did not see me as a prospect. That is two betrayals in a row after. In short, I realized that there would be no princes in my life. I do not know, maybe they walk on other roads. But I did not meet any. So I went back to my ex. Yes, he has flaws, but he is the only man I truly love. I don’t see the point in swapping a bastard for a bastard. There’s no one perfect in my life. I do love him, though. I’m not saying I made the right choice. But I’m happy with him.
For six months I hated her, despised her. I continued chatting on social networks during this time, one message a day, slinging slop. At the same time I met two other men. I almost married one of them. Everything spun and spun very fast and deep. We tried to conceive, he introduced me to all his relatives in our town, we went to see the housing estate where we planned to buy a mortgage, we discussed the wedding. And then at one point he just said he was not ready. And I could have been pregnant by then. The man did not even ask about anything. There were no arguments, no hard feelings. He just took it and at one point decided to end it all. After him gave the go-ahead for a friendship, a relationship with another man. He tried to win my affection all these months. But when I turned him down for sex because it was too early, not ready, he simply and clearly said that he did not see me as a prospect. That is two betrayals in a row after. In short, I realized that there would be no princes in my life. I do not know, maybe they walk on other roads. But I did not meet any. So I went back to my ex. Yes, he has flaws, but he is the only man I truly love. I don’t see the point in swapping a bastard for a bastard. There’s no one perfect in my life. I do love him, though. I’m not saying I made the right choice. But I’m happy with him.
And you forgive the cheating now?
And you forgive the cheating now?
Yes. Then that’s my fate. I no longer have the strength or desire to open my heart to another man. I know that for him, sex is just sex. I’ve read his correspondence in my time and then I’ve seen what happens with them. One or two times and goodbye. It’s not an excuse, but I really can’t look for someone again, hope for something, much less love.
I divorced him, stepped over and moved on. I love myself more. Now I am happy, near beloved man, who carries in his arms, went through fire and water with him. tolerate betrayal and disrespect for themselves – this is not about me.
There. This is the key to any success, in any field. Love yourself to death. Anybody. Fat. Scary. Old. With a shitty temper. To love and cherish. And do not allow such a wonderful and infinitely beloved person to be hurt and somehow hurt. He must be cherished, pampered and protected from all attacks. He is the only one we have, with a very short life.
I think it’s hard to forgive cheating at 25. Or when there was a lot of mutual love. And, if it’s a mature marriage with a cool head and 20 years together, then fuck it. A fuck is just a fuck. I’d never kick my husband out and give him to some random woman for free. — Those who have broken up with husbands, I’m sure there was nothing to hold on to, that’s why they broke up easily. And I don’t think anyone would leave a good husband because he just pussyfooted around.
I think it’s hard to forgive cheating at 25. Or when there was a lot of mutual love. And, if it’s a mature marriage with a cool head and 20 years together, then fuck it. A fuck is just a fuck. I’d never kick my husband out and give him to some random woman for free. — Those who have broken up with husbands, I’m sure there was nothing to hold on to, that’s why they broke up easily. And I don’t think anyone would leave a good husband because he just pussyfooted around.
There’s no such thing as “just pussyfooted around.” It’s a self-indulgent fantasy. It’s not like he came in, unclenched his dick and piled it on the floor. Or the couch. He was communicating. He was courting. He was in contact. Before sucking up, man-woman contact is lost between people. The relationship is already built around material community, children, joint projects, and the “our love” project ends forever. It is two people bound together by serious mutual obligations, not by love and interest in each other. For me, it is the invalidation of my life, the removal of a very important, if not the most important piece of it for my soul part. And there is no point in being in this project. If it invidifies me, I want to live life to the fullest. As full as possible. I’ve seen the wives of good husbands sob. It once turned me away from my job in education, I was 25 and didn’t have the technical ability to look through the glass or the mental strength to take this pain on and support these women. I didn’t know what to say. Now I can, almost know how, but there is still something holding me back from going out into the “field.” It is very hard work, that’s why they ask for so much money, you give up your resources. And women weep. Beautiful, intelligent, a house full of tea, wonderful adult children, and women do not want to live, but in public smiling, and only crawling to the chair of people like me, they open this horror inside.
