How to forget the man you love: psychologist advice to get rid of men
Unfortunately, the ideal relationship exists only on the screen of the TV. In life, feelings are rarely mutual and lead to a happy marriage. Many unions fall apart at the request or fault of the second half. Others suffer from unrequited love, remaining just a friend to their object of adoration. It is tiring and sad to live peacefully when the volcano explodes inside and emotions go off the scale every day at the sight of a lover. In this article I will talk about how to forget forever the person you love very much.
17 recommendations by experienced psychologist Daria Milay
- Accept the fact – there was a breakup. The loved one must be eradicated from life, forget the period and erase the memories. Nothing can be returned, tune in to this thought.
- There is no hope of return or reconciliation. Delete any connection with him – all correspondence, contacts in your smartphone, from your friends in social networks, so that you do not meet information about him.
- Get rid of the psychological anchor that causes memories of the man: photos from all available sources, gifts, erase the songs to which significant events took place, try to bypass the places where you were walking, cooing about love.
- Don’t think about your other half’s feelings. You should not be interested in who he spends time with, what his mood is. Show total indifference.
- Do not blame yourself for the failed relationship. Of course, it is useful to introspection and to note those moments where they were wrong, but only for the construction of a happy future.
- Take a pencil, a piece of paper and ask yourself a few questions: who was responsible for the breakup, why it happened, what kind of person I dream to see as a companion, what was learned from the past, what mistakes were made. If you are as honest as possible, you will find the answer how to quickly forget the man you madly love. After all, his guilt in the breakup is no less.
- You should not fall into loneliness and think that there are no more of them. There are plenty of people around who are capable of giving you love. That doesn’t mean you have to throw yourself at the first person you meet. But don’t hold in your head the idea that you’ll be alone until your old age. Breakup – a time of growth and the opportunity to start something new, to take care of themselves, self-fulfillment, to achieve their goals.
- Do not hold a grudge against your ex-partner. To accumulate negativity in yourself, to call or write angry texts – it means to transfer the imprint on the next union. It is better to thank your lover, for the pleasant moments experienced.
- After a breakup, to disengage from the person you love, don’t switch to the “they’re all the same” motif. People are different, and if you weren’t lucky enough to find a companion, that doesn’t mean there isn’t one. By having such mental attitudes, you are subconsciously searching for negativity in people to confirm your theory.
- There is no permanence in the world. Life is a swing in which you can be at an unknown point, that’s the beauty of it. If you’re having a hard time right now, there’s bound to be a moment of happiness. The peaks of downs and ups quickly replace each other.
- You owe it to yourself to be open with your soul to a new love adventure. Do not close yourself off and do not doubt everyone.
- When rushing out to find a crush, never compare it to previous partners. Don’t look for the same parameters and characteristics. You’ve already had bad luck once.
- Remind yourself of your positive qualities. Don’t depress your consciousness that you’re the only one who doesn’t have a second half, so you’re not good enough. This union is over, another, better one will begin.
- Don’t say that “he took my heart” or “ruined my life.” All your characteristics stay with you. You’re just as good, self-sufficient, sexy. This can be shared with a more deserving person who will appreciate your qualities.
- The best way to get over a bad man is to believe that the happiest is ahead.
- Don’t seek a new relationship to mess with your ex. Pursuing revenge will not bring you happiness and peace.
- Most importantly, don’t take the next steps. Don’t drown your sadness in alcohol. It’s trivial to grief and only harms your health. Don’t hope that a long trip will erase your memories. You will return home, and everything will start all over again. Overcrowding negative qualities of the former lover does not cause indifference to him. Don’t think about him at all. That kind of thinking takes a lot of energy. Do not switch to another person, just to cross him out.
Is it possible to forget
Everyone has the experience of not very successful communication and felt the bitterness of parting. It could have happened for a variety of reasons: physical infidelity, spiritual betrayal, lack of attraction, cooled feelings. Such an event can lower self-esteem, create complexes, bog down in depression, for a long and deeply imprinted in the mind.
To life again has found a colorful story, difficult memories left behind, you need to try to live without a second half. After all, before her appearance, you feel great.
Three uncomplicated actions.
- If you do not know how to quickly throw out of the memory of a man for whom there are feelings, the first thing to do – to splash out the bitterness of emotions and experiences outside. Yell, cry, break dishes or tear paper, crumple to the holes of the anti-stress toy.
- Don’t lose yourself in the waves of grief. Many people stop taking care of themselves, do not worry about the relatively dirty hair and wrinkled clothes. After all, life is over and there is no one to dress up for. Throw those thoughts out of your head. On the contrary, take care of your appearance – go to a spa treatment, a relaxing massage, run or work out at the gym. Another hobby that will bring pleasure is shopping.
- How to get behind a dear person you love – think of positive moments where your ex isn’t there, but other dear people are. Go to them for a cup of coffee or invite them to a movie.
Breaking up with a loved one.
Okay, if the relationship ended mutually. But how to get over the pain, if only one wanted to? Someone who did not plan a breakup has warm feelings mixed with a taste of sudden betrayal. It interferes with full work, eating, socializing, taking care of themselves. The former partner completely loses himself and psycho-emotional control. Depression, tears and aggression occur. Often it comes to suicidal thoughts.
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Situations are different. It is important to be able to forget a man and not to remember, to completely get out of his head and start living again. In this I will help you, to do this, sign up for my personal consultation. I will arrange the thoughts in my head and find a way out to the long-awaited freedom from love addiction. You will find peace and confidence again, life will be filled with new colors and impressions.
When there is a need to forget a loved one
- The connection had exhausted itself. The man told you that he is no longer interested in communication, he doesn’t see a future.
- Over time, you may realize that the other half has many reasons not to break the connection with you. But among them, there is definitely no love. You are just convenient to his chosen one.
- If your partner preferred you to another.
Distance. If you do not have the opportunity to leave your home.
How to cross a guy out of your memory
With the task of how to forget the most dear, beloved person and stop thinking about him, it is rarely possible to cope in the shortest possible time. The best medicine – time. But by building the right tactics, make your life easier.
Breaking up is a painful test on the road to new happiness. About the recommendations to follow, so as not to depress yourself with thoughts of an ex-boyfriend, I will tell further.
How to fall out of love with a married man
You should look at the disadvantages that will appear in the case of a successful development of an affair with an unmarried young man:
- Do not hope that he found his happiness and cheated on his wife as an exception. It is possible that after a while the same fate awaits you.
- You may think that such a relationship is not serious, and at any time you will switch to another available guy. In fact, you’re just wasting your time and missing an opportunity to have a normal relationship, wasting your energy on an affair, without the certainty that the one you love will ever leave you.
- At first you will enjoy the fact that the man preferred you to his wife. Your mind is fueled by the thought that he is leaving his family and rushing to you. But, you will have lonely holidays, weekends, and conversations about his family. You will be the second and the realization will come very quickly.
- In such an affair, you won’t be able to enjoy family holidays together, to establish small traditions, to feel wanted and the only one.
- Give other guys a chance to win your favor. You do not need someone who has already been used, who has already experienced the joy of marriage or the birth of a firstborn. The second time his emotions will not be as sincere.
Methods and tips from experienced psychologist Daria Milay, how to quickly forget a dear and beloved man
Here is what the standard sequence of correct actions after a breakup is composed of:
- Let go. Accept the fact as a given, do not try to change something, constantly tormenting yourself with thoughts of loss. Write down all the negative traits of your loved one and unpleasant moments of the relationship. Maybe the list will be quite a big one, which will help you break up with the “non-ideal relationship” faster. Take away all his things and gifts, erase contacts.
- Change. Work on your image, change your style, your hairstyle, your job, or enroll in a refresher course. This will be a great distraction for you.
- Fall in love again. When the first two stages are passed – do not be shy about new acquaintances and communication. Loneliness does not make a person beautiful.
Five reasons to forget a broken relationship
You need to do this in order to:
- Not to transfer the remaining feelings to the next relationship. This will interfere with its development and again lead to a breakup.
- To be ready for new love adventures.
- Do not blame yourself for what happened and find peace of mind.
- Restore self-esteem, be convinced of your individuality, uniqueness to take a step towards a happy future.
- Stop waiting for the resumption of the relationship and not to live in hope.
How to erase unrequited love from your memory
“You won’t make nice by force” – the deep meaning and truthfulness of this phrase is not understood immediately. Refuse to act on emotions and rash actions that will put you in a bad light.
Do not indulge in illusions that your chosen one will suddenly remember you. Do not look for a date with him and do not clarify the relationship. He does not care, and you spoil your nerves.
Do not spy on him, finding out details of his existence. Do not build intrigue and do not weave intrigues. This will not help you get your loved one back. There is also no need to cry about the love that left. Find time for more interesting affairs.
How to forget the loved one with whom you are constantly communicating
It is easier to erase from your memory the person who disappeared from your sight, does not call, does not write. Much harder if you work or study together. Constant meetings will only aggravate the bitterness of separation and pain. Use the following tips:
- Don’t act friendly, but don’t be aggressive either. Don’t be too insistent about his life, but it’s silly to turn away from him either. Act at ease. Your coworkers shouldn’t know about the tension. Rumors are not good for anyone.
- Do not turn the team against him. If they become interested – briefly say that the romance is over.
Behave calmly, without emotion. Give yourself the opportunity to be independent.
I can not get over the man who loved me, who left me.
Do everything you can not to think about the breakup. As soon as the thought creeps into your mind, think of an interesting movie, a trip, read a book. Constantly find yourself company and activities so that you are not alone with your musings. Go on a trip, go to a cafe, shopping, visit relatives.
Find the negative aspects of your relationship and the positive effect in the fact that it ended. Perhaps the partner was not decisive enough, soft, mumble, absent-minded, forgetful, irresponsible. Concentrate your attention on the shortcomings.
What you can not do after the breakup
Do not go at the behest of your thoughts and give free rein to your emotions. Categorically not recommended:
- Go over what happened in your head, driving yourself into depression;
- Trying to settle accounts with your life;
- Fight with friends or family;
- looking for a quick replacement for a loved one out of spite.
Such actions will bring nothing but internal dissatisfaction and negativity.
How to help a friend to forget another person
If you see a loved one suffers from unrequited love – show unobtrusive participation. Of course, you don’t have to change his mind that the ex is a negative hero.
Invite him for a walk, go to the cinema, offer to go on a weekend trip to another city or together enroll in courses. Or ask for help, coming up with a good reason. If he wants to participate, he will distribute his thoughts and spend time on another activity.
Life goes on
No matter how sad the fact of parting with your loved one is, you need to accept it. Each new day brings you acquaintances, emotions, feelings, experiences, but without your ex-partner. Over time, thoughts about the world around you will displace painful memories and allow you to fully enjoy your freedom. Overcome the addiction, you will find the strength for another person you will like and bring many times more happiness.
In difficult life situations, there is a feeling of hopelessness and despair. The most effective way is a personal consultation.
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How to forget an ex-boyfriend: really working tips psychologist
Breaking up with a loved one is a serious ordeal for any girl. You literally have to start your life all over again. The first time the image of your ex will constantly haunt you and remind you of yourself.
The sooner you put it out of your mind and stop remembering, the sooner you will start a new life. This article contains tips from psychologists, how to forget your ex-boyfriend, husband or lover. Following them, you will be able to significantly reduce the time of mental torment.
How to forget an ex-boyfriend
If you do not have time to bind the relationship through marriage, forget your ex-boyfriend will be much easier.
Do not indulge in memories
After parting with the man you love, in the head constantly flash happy pictures from the past. How he takes care of you, carries you in his arms, kisses and cuddles. In contrast to the harsh reality of these thoughts as a breath of fresh air. You want to go back to them again and again, to grasp a piece of illusory happiness.
In fact, it’s a very unhealthy thing to do. The emotional high you experience during this kind of thought onanism comes at a high price. Come back to reality each time will be more and more difficult. And the figure of the ex in your head will grow to unbelievable proportions.
So cut off such thoughts, they should only visit your mind. Do not hold a dialogue with a man in his head, do not re-read correspondence, do not go through his gifts. Realize that his love for you is in the past, and now he is cold and indifferent.
Make the right conclusions from this situation
To close the love gestalt, you need, first of all, accept the separation as a fait accompli. Secondly, you need a sober analysis of the reasons. Do not give in to the emotional impulse to dump all the blame on your partner. Think about your behavior and attitudes towards him.
Maybe you were too cold and arrogant? Or, conversely, too intrusive and clingy? Do not you ask too much of him, do not bear his brains? Think of all your faults, write them down and try never to repeat them. After working on your mistakes, it will be easier to build a new relationship.
Be open to a new relationship.
If the guy himself dumped you, you should not hope for his return and be faithful to him. He literally gave you the green light for a new relationship. Another thing is that the first time you probably won’t want to look at anyone. The image of an ex still occupies a huge place in your life.
Nevertheless, be open to communication with the opposite sex. There is no need to rush head over heels and hang on to the first guy you meet. Communicate in a friendly format, be polite, friendly and smiling. Meet new people, visit new places, find new hobbies. You may soon have a mutual sympathy with one of your friends and develop into something more.
Take care of your image
Shifting the attention from the figure of the ex in your head to yourself instantly helps to reduce the degree of homesickness. Work on your appearance makes the energy flow in your direction, not wasted. Only the work should be active, creative. Do not hope to get off by going to the beauty salon.
Engage, finally, his figure. Let the separation will be the stimulus that you were missing. Buy a membership to the gym and start actively exercising. Just do not do it with the ex in mind. Like, I’ll lose weight, he’ll see me beautiful and regret that he left. Such thoughts should be put aside.
At the center of your motivation should stand proudly by yourself. Tell yourself that you want to be better than you are and enter a new life renewed. In your new life, new acquaintances, new meetings, new relationships will be waiting for you. And let the past remain in the past.
Do not monitor his social networks.
For many girls it is one of the most difficult points. Hands are attracted to go to his page and satisfy your information hunger. The reason is that everyone thinks it is quite harmless activity. So what, looked around at his former possessions. And the fact that this look lasted for two hours – no big deal. But now you know who he likes and who the new chickens in his friends.
Remember: go to his ex-boyfriends pages in social networks – a taboo. Mentally put up there a sign with a skull and bones and the words “do not get into – will kill. To make it easier for you, keep your pathetic and miserable image in mind at this moment. Like you peeking through the keyhole at the person who turned away from you and closed the door behind you. And I’m not exaggerating. That’s exactly how you look from the outside.
Stand up, square your shoulders, scrape together a pinch of pride, and promise yourself to keep away from the bad places. Keep your promise, no matter how it itchy to break it. It will be hard the first week, and then it will be much easier.
Stop all communication.
If a man has announced the breakup of relations, you just have to submit to fate. Do not find out the reasons, blame him, throwing tantrums. The calmer you behave, the easier it will be for you and the harder it is.
Do not agree to the proposal to remain friends and communicate from time to time. Otherwise you will do your partner a favor – to allow him to get rid of you softly, without feeling guilty. But in this way you will betray yourself. All the time you will communicate as friends, in your soul will be a flickering hope for the resumption of the relationship. And the former partner will know about it and look at you with pity.
Show your will and pride, give up those crumbs. So you’ll win some respect and leave a beautiful image of yourself in his memory. And, of course, recover faster.
Get rid of things that remind you of him.
Do not keep at home gifts from your ex, joint photos, his personal belongings. Get rid of all this wealth, and you will immediately feel better. Things and expensive gifts give back through mutual friends. All kinds of small things, trinkets, stuffed toys should be thrown out. As a last resort – send it to the cottage until your feelings finally cool down.
Do not discuss the guy with your girlfriends.
It is good when there are true friends and girlfriends who can support in a difficult situation. However, it is worth refraining from joint laundering oars to your former lover. So you only feed his image with your attention, and it becomes more and more. Also, do not take an interest in his life with mutual friends. This will save you from painful thoughts and conjecture.
Ask your acquaintances not to touch the matter at all. Use the time with friends to distract yourself.
Immerse yourself in your work
In difficult times in life, work should be your lifeline. Put your energies and attention there. For the time when you are overcome with boredom, ask your bosses to give you additional professional tasks. Work selflessly, not distracted by sad thoughts, until you feel better.
You can sign up for refresher courses, learn a related field, learn a foreign language. This way you can kill two birds with one stone – improve your professional skills and stop missing your ex. And career advancement will be a nice bonus to the start of your new life.
Don’t go on a binge.
The first thing you want to do when you hear about a breakup is to forget about it. The easiest way to do this, of course, is with alcohol, various psychotropic substances, and immersion in debauchery. However, I strongly recommend that you refrain from these methods. The effect from them is ephemeral, but the payoff is quite real.
Everyone knows all too well about the harm of alcohol and drugs. But I want to talk more about casual sexual relations. Many girls feel that with their help, you can restore self-esteem and to feel desirable again. And also to get back at an ex-boyfriend.
In fact, it is an illusion. Waking up in the morning in bed with an indifferent man, a girl is sure to feel used. And the longing for the beloved person will multiply. After all, even though he is gone, he once loved her and took her seriously. Unlike a stranger who may not even remember her name.
Find the secondary benefits of breaking up.
Every phenomenon has two sides – a positive side and a negative side. Your emotional state depends on which one you focus on. At first glance, it is difficult to find the pluses in breaking up. However, if you think carefully, you can see many positives.
Well, first of all, you will have more free time. You will be able to do things that you have long wanted to, but have been putting off. Secondly, you will have the opportunity to relive the beginning phase of a relationship again. Beautiful courtship, romantic dates, butterflies in the stomach – what could be more beautiful?
How to forget your ex-husband
In marriage, people are connected by much more than just love. It is a common territory, and children, and joint affairs. Divorce is more difficult to go through than just a breakup. For many women it is a real tragedy, after which you have to pick up the pieces.
The situation is complicated by the fact that her ex-husband is not easy to throw out of life. Especially if there are common children. You still have to communicate, negotiate, reckon with his opinion. Forget him 100% you are unlikely to succeed. But to stop regretting his departure and let go – very realistic. Let’s look at what you need to do to do this.
Avoid conflict
Try to part peacefully and calmly, as adults. No matter how hurt and wounded you were, do not throw tantrums and do not blame him. Remember – it’s in your own interest. So you avoid emotional swings and feelings of remorse for their unrestrained behavior. But it will be much harder for him to endure your calm.
Next, try to build a polite and respectful communication. Bypass sharp corners, do not give in to provocations, do not lose your temper. War is not beneficial to anyone, and children suffer from it most of all.
In addition, any conflict draws attention to itself and takes a lot of energy. You will constantly be chewing on the situation in your head and getting upset.
Don’t use children as a means of manipulation
Don’t try to manipulate your estranged husband with your children. Make sure he can see them and be a part of their lives. He is a parent, just like you, and has every right to exercise his parental responsibilities.
If you try to come between the father and the children, it will only make things worse for you. You will make your own worst enemy. Instead of building a new life, you will spend your energy fighting with him. So you will remain in the merger with your ex-husband for a long time, although love will be replaced by hatred. It will be very difficult for you to start a new relationship.
Keep communication to a minimum.
There is no need to be friends with your husband, who left you. Your communication should concern only the children and common chores. Do not have intimate conversations with him, asking about his new relationship and talk about his. The less you know about his life, the better.
Try not to cross the common company. At least until the healing of your heart wound after the breakup. Otherwise, each such meeting will be painful to your soul and knock you out of shape.
Be prepared for the fact that at times it may come over him nostalgia. He may try to hug you, kiss you, and even initiate sex. Don’t take these steps as an attempt to reconnect. Politely withdraw and remind your husband that you are no longer together.
Settle all formalities as quickly as possible.
If your husband has announced the divorce, it is in your best interest not to drag out all the bureaucratic procedures. Try to negotiate the division of property and alimony without recourse to court. Court proceedings will take a lot of time and effort. The sooner you become free legally, the sooner you will be free from homesickness for your ex-husband.
How to forget the man who left her.
It is generally believed that the initiator of the breakup is in a better position in front of the one who is dumped. Undoubtedly, the moment the relationship ends, he feels much better. By this time he usually has finally cooled down feelings for his partner. Perhaps there is even the prospect of a new relationship.
However, not everything is that simple. If a man will behave beautifully and correctly, very soon the girl who left him can become very bad. The thing is that at a distance, all the bad things are forgotten. And the good, on the contrary, starts to resurface in your memory more and more often. You may be overwhelmed with intense nostalgia for the person and the moments you spent together.
You will want to see him, talk to him, walk together. If he agrees, it’s likely to stop there. Up close, you’ll remember why you left him and confirm your decision. If he refuses to get in touch with you and maintain friendly relations, write off. You may be filled with regret and a strong desire to get it all back. Let’s look at how to act in this case.
Do not blame yourself
As a rule, once in a similar situation, a person begins to blame and blame himself for what has happened. You may feel that you with your own hands have destroyed their happiness, and now you are waiting for payback. Starts an active idealization of the partner, it seems almost an angel.
At this stage it is important not to give in to emotions and to include reason. Think about why you decided to end the relationship. Maybe your feelings have cooled down, or you are not satisfied with something, or began a new love story. In any case, you have acted on the basis of the situation at that time. Do not blame yourself for this choice. You do not know how things could have turned out, you have acted otherwise.
Respect your choice
If the decision to leave was deliberate and thoughtful, there’s no point in questioning it after the fact. It was your decision-accept and respect it. You took responsibility, don’t see it as a cross to bear. Follow your choice consciously and confidently, banish doubts away.
Let the swing come to balance.
Realize that the sudden nagging at you – a temporary phenomenon. If you do not succumb to it, it will soon come to naught. And if you give it to the mercy of it and start to make a convulsive action, you can get deeply into trouble. Imagine that you can not help but pounce on the ex with remorse and declarations of love. If he agreed to take you back, everything may soon return to normal. From past nostalgia will not be a trace, and you will soon pull in the opposite direction.
If he rejects your offer, you too will be unhappy. Feelings of guilt and remorse will be multiplied. So the best tactic in this situation – stay put. Wait until the emotional swings come into balance, and then move on with your life.
Conclusion
I’ve told you how to cope with pining for an ex-lover and to cut him out of your life forever. Read also our article “How to Stop Missing a Man”. I wish you find your true love and never part with it again!
