How to get over a divorce?

How to get over a divorce with his wife: 16 psychologist tips to help you

It is not easy to go through a separation with a loved one, especially if it is not by mutual consent, but at his initiative. Therefore, many men are concerned about how to survive a divorce from his wife.

Faced with this situation, unfortunately, many: according to Rosstat, each year in Russia recorded about 610 thousand divorces. And if you are among those who also recently visited the registry office for this reason, then below we have collected tips from psychologists on how to survive a divorce with his wife.

11 tips on how to survive a divorce with your wife

1. Allow yourself to experience different (sometimes conflicting) strong feelings

Divorce is a stressful situation even if you have both come to the conclusion that it is the right decision and you no longer have any feelings for each other and want to live separately.

And if your wife’s decision to separate was like “out of the blue” for you, you may well experience feelings ranging from despair, frustration and anger to confusion, sadness and pain. This is a perfectly normal reaction, and you are entitled to emotion. But what you shouldn’t do is take them out on others.

2. Never take revenge on someone who is “guilty.

Pretty obvious advice, but still: do not try to look for the “guilty” in your divorce, and even more so – to inflict reprisals on them. Your resentment-inflamed mind may be “tempted” to blame someone else (your ex’s new partner, her relatives or friends) for your breakup, but remember that’s not true. Respect the girl’s decision and find the strength to accept the situation and calm down.

By the way, any violence (both psychological and physical), as well as threats, scandals and harassment will not only not help you get your wife back, but may cause you problems with the law.

3- Don’t try to get your wife back when you’ve been drinking.

There are plenty of examples of divorced couples getting back together after a while, and it’s possible that you and your ex-wife will be one of them. However, we strongly advise against taking reconciliation steps while under the influence of alcohol.

Yes, “tipsy” you can be braver and a little more sensitive, but you can not adequately assess the situation, to reason reason reasonably, and. admit it to yourself – to communicate with a sober person drunk is not very pleasant. So all the talk about trying again, and how much you care about her, put off until you’re in your right mind and clearly decide exactly what you’re going to say.

4. Give yourself time.

So, if reconciliation is out of the question, you need to figure out how to get through a divorce with the wife you love. You’re not Superman and it’s likely that this blow will affect you with a decline in productivity or a decrease in motivation.

Don’t put pressure on yourself and allow yourself to rest and do nothing for a while after the divorce to come to your senses and recover from what happened. If possible, take a few days off or don’t force yourself to start a new project if you feel like things are falling apart.

5. Find a way to distract yourself.

Every person is unique, as are their reactions to stress, so this tip is the opposite of the previous one.

If you’re the kind of person who best copes with grief and disappointment by immersing yourself in work or starting a new business, now is the time to find an exciting project that will occupy you completely, distracting you from sad thoughts.

“After my divorce, I had a glass of wine and went to my favorite museum.” 9 memories of ex-spouses

We asked readers of Tinkoff Magazine how they got divorced and why it happened. We collected their stories about what you may face in the divorce process and what you may feel after it’s over. It turns out that it’s not all that scary, and when you have a divorce certificate in hand, life only picks up.

These are stories from readers in the Community. Collected in one piece, carefully edited and arranged according to editorial standards.

There was nothing funny about the divorce process. But unpleasant there was. When I walked out of the registry office, a lump rose in my throat from the situation. It was so sad that I couldn’t say anything for about 40 minutes – even when I tried. It was very painful to do so.

Then somehow everything abruptly went away, and I felt more or less normal.

It wasn’t much fun, of course. We were getting divorced on good terms, but I was experiencing a personal tragedy: my family had fallen apart. It was one of the saddest things that ever happened to me.

It’s all behind me now. But I still look back at the past and wonder how that frightened young girl was able to be so brave and dare to do all this. Even though only three years had passed since then…

We had a kind of mundane thing going on: we just did everything and put an end to the story. That’s the way it is.

I think that everything went smoothly with us, there are much worse stories. Although the divorce itself, even if it’s on your initiative, is still a very unpleasant thing. For me, it’s a tough experience, even after a few years.

After my divorce, I took a walk alone in the city, had a glass of wine, and went to my favorite museum. Oddly enough, the Impressionist paintings had a healing effect: I realized that I needed to move on and not turn my back on the beauty and ugliness of the world. It’s just life, and divorce is a possible part of it.

We were divorcing in court. My ex-husband’s mother showed up at the first hearing as the defendant’s representative. It was both sad and funny – and made me realize who I had been living with all these years.

It happened just as I thought it would: after the divorce, it was as if I had escaped the psychological vacuum and constant neurosis.

After a year, I changed my activities. After another year I bought an apartment, and after two years I moved to Germany.

My ex-husband still sings and hangs out, telling everybody that he is very successful and busy. Although he lives with her mother at the age of 37.

The date of my divorce fell on my birthday. I did not care, just to get rid of this man quickly.

After the divorce, things got better. I bought an apartment in a new building with a mortgage and closed it early. I married a sensible, thrifty man – we’ve been together for five years.

Divorce was at 11:30, everything was quiet and calm afterwards. In the evening, my ex-mother-in-law called and started demanding $4,000! Allegedly it was her personal money, and I have to give it back to her.

Let me explain: it was not even my mother-in-law, but my husband’s sister who gave us the money for our wedding. My ex-husband did not want to take this gift at first, but he was pressured. No one put anything in my hands. We spent the money jointly as agreed.

My ex-spouse had no complaints against me. And as soon as his mother started extorting money, I immediately called him and complained about my former mother-in-law. He resolved the issue – there was no more extortion.

I was very uncomfortable with this situation. So was my ex-husband, because his mother was meddling in his affairs and disrupting him. The proverb “the apple does not fall far from the tree” did not work in this case: what a noble thing the ex-spouse did, and what a pigish thing the ex-mother-in-law did!

I want to avoid these unpleasant moments in the future. That leaves me with two options: either cohabitation or a prenuptial agreement.

The most enjoyable moment was when a picture of the divorce certificate came in “Votsap”.

I was working two jobs and decided to celebrate this great news over the weekend. But my friends made me come to Kitay-gorod on the same day to go to a bar. I saw and heard them in the underpass: their mobile was playing Stas Mikhailov’s song.

But no. It was even more pleasant to answer the debt collectors, saying that I no longer have anything to do with my ex-husband’s debts. It sounded like music.

You went through a divorce, too? Tell us what it was like and be the hero of the next story

Reader Divorces. Reader Divorces. Stories of ex-spouses breaking up

I also find it interesting, and even a little funny, that all of the male authors in this article are referring to it as a “hard experience,” even if it went okay. And most of the female authors mostly respond as “Finally! Go out, hang out, etc.”).

Dmitry, in the experience of my acquaintances, if a woman has decided to get a divorce, she has already lived through everything a hundred times, changed her mind, and most likely lived in this state for quite a long time. Hence the feeling of “Finally”, no need to get on your nerves and think “should not, do not”, all solved, all done.

Elena, well, yes, and men’s reaction: everything was normal, what is she!

Dmitry, because men in marriage behave as if everything is normal, and so should be.And the news about the divorce for them often as a bolt from the blue. And the woman is carrying everything for a long time. then patience bursts, and after a divorce, she throws you off the load.

Dmitry, either they cheer up, or everything is already lived to the bottom)

Divorce is not the end of a happy marriage, but the end of an unhappy one.

The decision to divorce was made overnight when I learned of my ex-husband’s betrayal. He moved out immediately at my insistence. For the first two weeks I was under terrible stress: I had no energy for anything, constantly chasing in a circle the same thoughts, productivity at work dropped drastically. I slept only on pills. Almost immediately I found a psychologist and this helped a lot: I talked to her about all this history several times, we were looking for a way to ease the pain, to understand why all this happened to me, and how to live further. After a month she persuaded me to sign up for an online dating app to chat with someone, flirt and boost my self-esteem. I lived in a foreign country, worked from home, didn’t have many friends, so I agreed. This decision turned out to be fateful – on the first date I met a man with whom I am still together today. In the end I came to the official divorce at the embassy smart and cheerful. My ex-husband was, for some reason, very angry and twitchy. He abruptly declined my offer to enjoy a new life and drink wine together as a farewell.

Leave a Comment