“Come back, I’ll forgive everything”?
According to statistics, about 800 to 900 marriages out of 1,000 are broken up. Often the reason for divorce is the husband leaving the family. Sometimes a woman cannot come to terms with the breakup: in every way she tries to get her loved one back. The reasons for this may be many: from wounded self-esteem to a reluctance to leave children without a male upbringing.
Do I need to return her husband to the family?
Before taking decisive action, the wife left by her husband should honestly answer herself the questions:
- “was she satisfied with the terminated relationship?”
- “Is it her fault that her husband left her?”
- “does she think he is the only decent man in her environment to build a relationship with?”
- “can she forgive her husband for leaving her?”
If the woman answers positively to all of these questions, then she is ready to begin the mission of getting her loved one back.
If the terminated relationship was fraught with resentment and recriminations or constant infidelity, it is worth thinking about the feasibility of their resumption.
An important role is played by the reason for the man’s departure from the family:
- If he left because of the quarrelsome and harmful wife, then this fact can be corrected quickly, doing the appropriate work on himself;
- If the spouse left the family for lack of emotion, it is worth thinking about how to return the romance in the relationship;
- If he met someone else, the wife will have to make a lot of effort to demonstrate that she is better than the rival;
- It happens that the husband leaves because of his wife’s infidelity. In this case, the repentant wife may try to return his beloved, showing him the depth and sincerity of his repentance.
How to get a loved one after the breakup?
There are several ways to help bring back the husband who left the family. Consider the most common of them.
- Tip one. Start with yourself. Sign up for fitness, strip-plastic, visit a beautician or makeup artist. It is important that her husband saw that you are interesting to others and yourself first of all, that you are able to excite the interest of men.
- Tip number two. If you have no common ground (mutual hobbies), try to do something that interests your lover. Do it softly, without boring him. Try to organize your meetings as casual. Do not run to him immediately: mind your own business, as if noticing him.
- Tip three. If the separated couple has children, you can act through them. In this case, it is important not to traumatize their psyche, turning them into a weapon of blackmail. Hint subtly father of their children, that they feel bad without him, that a native father is always better than another man.
- Tip four. Keep in touch with mutual friends and family relatives. Influence them in the same way you did with him: surprise and charm. When you meet with a man, they will tell him how you have changed.
- Tip Five. Try telling them how you feel in person or with a message. It may be that your estranged husband has no idea that you are going through a painful breakup and are dreaming of a reunion. Any, even the most brutal man will be pleasantly surprised that he is loved and waited for, especially if before he was not told about it.
How do you get your husband back if he doesn’t want a relationship?
However, it is not always possible to maintain benevolent relations with a husband who has left. It happens that he categorically does not want to communicate: does not answer the phone, refuses to meet, does not respond to the arguments of relatives or friends. In this case, a woman should re-analyze your behavior and understand what could hurt your lover so much. After introspection need to change their line of conduct and make her husband saw a change.
Not always the cause of this behavior on the part of the man is a grudge against his wife. Maybe he was ashamed of his departure or even betrayal: such behavior he is reacting to the situation. In this case, you need to convey to him that he is not alone to blame for it and that any tests in family life can be endured together.
Is it worth writing first if you want to get back in the relationship?
Women often write letters in order to win back their departed husbands. Using the epistolary genre, they try to resume the relationship through blackmail, complaints and threats. Psychologists say that after a breakup you can write the first letter and indicate your vision of the situation. The first letter, sometimes later not even sent, will help to analyze the relationship and let go of grudges.
An independent and confident man can be annoyed by constant letters of complaint. A softer personality will be helped by a romantic letter reminiscent of a dating story. If the couple has children, letters can talk about their achievements.
Tips from a psychologist
Modern women are no longer shy to visit specialists to solve their family problems. Psychologists, after analyzing the situation, help develop tactics for the return of her husband to the family:
- In any situation, you need to preserve your dignity. Few people like the clarification of relations in public, suicide attempts, threats of public censure. Be calm, do not fill your relationship with unnecessary negativity;
- Let yourself and your loved one cool down. Of course, you shouldn’t think that you can easily get him back in six months, but you shouldn’t run after your husband the day after the breakup either;
- A man by nature a predator. Even if he came back to you in search of easy sex, do not be flattered. You need to show that you will accept it only if the final return to the family;
- Change your behavior dramatically. If you were soft and compliant in family life, try to interest your spouse coldness and impregnability. On the contrary, if your husband reproached you in the callousness and callousness, in dealing with him, be like a malleable and gentle kitty.
Thus, any woman can bring a man back into the family. However, before you take decisive action, you need to weigh all the pros and cons and decide whether you can truly forgive the once departed man and start anew.
How to reconcile with your husband after a divorce and rebuild a broken marriage.
When creating a family, spouses sincerely believe that it is forever. But unfortunately, no family is immune from quarrels and scandals. If the spouses do not come to an understanding, it may end in divorce. Over the past 30 years, the frequency of divorce in Russia has increased by 20 percent. For some women, divorce is an excuse to start a new life. Others cannot come to terms with what has happened and hope to mend the broken cup of love. “How do I get my ex-husband back?” – this question becomes vitally important to them.
The most common reasons for divorce
Each family is unique in its own way. Accordingly, everyone has a different reason for divorce. But psychologists single out the most common reasons.
This is one of the most common reasons. Not everyone is able to forgive adultery. If one of the spouses finds out that his second half has someone on the side, with a high degree of probability the relationship comes to an end.
This can be explained by the fact that many of us in relationships are possessive. That is, the husband is perceived as property. Cheating on her husband for many women is the loss of a piece of herself. In addition, it is unpleasant for a woman to realize that she is in the eyes of her husband worse than a mistress.
If the cause of separation was treason, before you think about how to return her husband after a divorce, it is worth to think about whether you can live with a man who once betrayed.
Lack of emotional intimacy
During the romantic “candy and bouquet” period of the relationship, it seems that with your lover, as one. One gets the feeling that this will always be the case. But time passes, and from the past understanding is not a trace. A gap between spouses appears and the marriage breaks up.
Sexual incompatibility causes disharmony in the relationship. It may lead to infidelity. Sexual dissatisfaction of one of the spouses may seek a sexual partner on the side.
Alcohol addiction has a detrimental effect on a person’s behavior, disrupts comfort, tranquility in the family. Alcoholic in the family often becomes an intolerable burden. And the other spouse decides to divorce.
Violence can be physical, sexual, emotional. The victim of violence tolerates the situation for some time. But, in the end, there is often a desire to end it.
Money problems often become an unbearable ordeal for the family. Constant lack of money leads to quarrels, dissatisfaction with each other. The family can not afford to buy appliances, clothes, full rest. This situation often becomes unbearable and the couple decides to divorce.
Interference of parents
It happens that the spouses are unable to buy (or rent) their own home. In this case, they have to live with their parents.
Living together often leads to conflicts. Parents try to teach life to the young family. In addition, during quarrels, they usually take the side of their son (daughter), which also does not contribute to harmony in the relationship.
Do women have to return her ex-husband
So, the family boat broke the household and divorce became a reality. It happens that the initiator of the divorce is her husband. And the wife still have feelings for her husband. In such a situation, she has a flicker of hope to restore the relationship. “How to return the husband?”, “How to behave after the divorce, so that the family is restored?” Such questions become urgent for women.
Divorce is a real shock. At the first time after it the spouse may make impulsive attempts to restore relations. Here it is necessary to wait for a pause, to give herself a chance to calm down a little.
Here it is important to understand whether the desire to restore the relationship is sincere. There may be pride and resentment behind it. Some women become ashamed of the fact that they could not keep the family. In this case, behind the attempt to return her ex-husband is a desire to prove his worth to those around him. But, with the restoration of the family will return and the problems that led to its destruction.
If the reason for the divorce was her husband’s infidelity, the estranged wife often tries with all her might to break up her ex’s new relationship. To do this, she tries to win her man back. But such a gamble will not lead to anything good.
You have to realize that families don’t just break up for no reason. There was a good reason for this. Success in recreating the family depends on the willingness of both spouses to work on their mistakes.
How to behave properly and what to do to get back her ex-husband
So, after the divorce, a certain amount of time has passed. The woman has calmed down, assessed the situation in a balanced way and made a decision to restore the family. What should be done to achieve the goal? After all, in order to recreate the relationship, you will have to work hard, the plot here will not help.
First of all, you need to put yourself in order. This applies to both the body and thoughts. It is worth visiting a beauty salon, taking a subscription to the gym. You can even change your image, find a new hobby. Perhaps the new look will give confidence during the reconciliation.
You should try to maintain a friendly relationship with him. Perhaps he will need help, advice. It is very important here not to be too intrusive. It is necessary to take care of his personal space. At this point it is desirable to be in the eyes of his man as a friend, and not your ex-wife.
When the moment is right, you can call your ex-spouse for a frank conversation.
In no case should not sort things out, blame him, recall old insults. Otherwise there is a risk of losing him forever.
Instead, it is better to tell him how you feel.
- It is desirable to discuss what was missing in the relationship, what can be changed.
- In such a conversation you can find out the reason for the breakup, and also discuss what everyone can do to prevent this from happening.
- In the conversation you need to hold yourself with dignity, not to humiliate yourself. It is not necessary to cry, to take all the blame. Instead, it is better to smile (but not to flirt).
A great option is to go together to a psychologist. A specialist will help to determine the real reason for the breakup, and will give recommendations on what to do for a harmonious relationship. A psychologist from the outside can see what the spouses do not notice.
Mistakes when restoring a relationship
Often girls make mistakes that not only will not bring back the ex-husband, but can put an end to further relationships.
For example, some of them, before returning the loved one, take the image of a sufferer. They show their former, to what it brought the divorce (overweight, pale appearance, bad mood, etc.).
The psychology of such a woman is to cause pity in the man, hoping that he will feel sorry for her and return to the family. But these hopes are in vain. Pity is a destructive feeling.
It is unlikely that the ex-husband will show compassion and the family will be restored in this way. Rather, he will be glad that in time to get rid of a burden.
The only one to blame is you!
Other women try to blame their spouse for the breakup. In every conversation, they blame their ex for his mistakes. In their opinion, the husband is the one to blame for the divorce.
This pattern of behavior will not save the family either. The man will feel guilt or irritation. He will prove that he is right. And all conversations will come down to figuring out who is right.
Some of the fair sex, when talking about relationships, use the place “we”. There is no need to generalize. Many men are annoyed by it, especially if he does not agree with such a statement.
The wife has her own view of the way of life in the family and her own emotions, and the husband has his own. It is important to tell him exactly how you feel.
And it’s good without you.
There are types of women who are sure that if the ex sees how good they are after the divorce, he will definitely come back.
This pattern of behavior can lead to results if things are really happening. That is, when the woman is really cool, if she genuinely enjoys life, it can work.
If the wife only shows her joy, you can forget about achieving the desired result – the man will sense falsity or find out the truth from common acquaintances.
You can as much as you want to post in social networks your photos from parties and resorts, you can not dream that the ex will arrive and will beg for forgiveness.
Sometimes the situation seems hopeless. Therefore, some wives see the only way to return her husband as a conspiracy (or girlfriends give such advice). Yes, some time-tested rituals can bring back the beloved.
But here you need to be very careful – many conspiracies can bring harm, and not only to the ex-husband, but also to the woman herself. The best solution is to go to a psychologist.
Exploitation of the subject of children.
From the separation suffer most from children, especially young children. Many women try to use this topic to restore the family. They are constantly telling her husband that the child will grow up without a father, that he will no longer see the baby. This is a gross mistake.
Do not use the topic of children in the clarification of relations.
Recommendations of a psychologist
Going to a psychologist can help make sense of the situation and identify the pattern of behavior that led to the breakup. Below are the recommendations of psychologists that will help women to return their loved one.
- First of all, you need to determine how sincere is the desire to restore the family. Maybe behind this lies a fear of loneliness? Maybe it’s just a desire to be like everyone else or not worse than others?
- If the reason for the divorce was adultery husband, it will have to forget about it. Need a sincere, whole-hearted forgiveness of his man. And, forget about it should be forever. The slightest hint of treason can destroy all the initiatives.
- With the treason of his wife situation is more complicated. It is up to her to become forgiven, to win back the trust of her loved one. It is necessary to determine what was the cause of treason. After that, it is advisable to discuss these points.
- If the ex left to his parents, it is very good to establish a relationship with them. In a conversation with her husband about his parents only speak well. This will pleasantly surprise the man. Mother-in-law and father-in-law can contribute to the restoration of the family.
Divorce is, unfortunately, a common phenomenon. Many loving wives believe that a broken family can be restored. They make every effort to do so. But if you can not return her husband, do not despair. Maybe this is a reason to start a new life.