How to get along with your daughter-in-law?

How to get along with your daughter-in-law?

Sooner or later, children grow up and they begin their own adult lives. The mother of the son faces a challenge: to find a common language with his chosen one and not break their lives both of them. After all, constant quarrels with her daughter-in-law can destroy the union of the young couple.

The mother of the groom should be able to restrain her emotions and learn to avoid conflict situations

As is known: “The stupid mother-in-law loses a son, the smart one gains a daughter.” It is necessary to show wisdom and try not to provoke the daughter-in-law, in order to always remain on good terms with their children.

A few recommendations to help build a relationship with your daughter-in-law:

  1. Do not get upset if your daughter-in-law does not want to call you mom.
  2. Show patience.
  3. Don’t teach the young ones about life.
  4. Don’t visit the young unannounced.
  5. Do not be too intrusive.
  6. Take care of yourself and your life.

Don’t be upset if your daughter-in-law doesn’t want to call you mom.

You might be pleased if your daughter-in-law called you mom. In fact, it does not matter: she can treat you very well and respectfully, without saying the word “mom. Let her address you as it is convenient for her, for example, by her first name and patronymic. Especially since the girl has her own mother, who raised and brought her up. After all, you deep down, too, do not consider her your daughter, even if you treat her very well. In any case, no matter how your daughter-in-law addresses you, be tactful.

To build a relationship with your daughter-in-law, be tactful

Show patience.

If you witnessed your son’s conflict with his wife and heard her yelling and swearing in a rude manner, you don’t need to interfere in their family squabble. Of course, you will be unpleasant and even hurt for her son, that he puts up with the behavior of his spouse, and the woman makes him a “rag. There will be a great desire to speak out, to open his son’s eyes and shut his mouth rude woman. But tomorrow they will reconcile, and you will remain guilty and unwelcome in their home. The right thing to do in such a situation is to leave the moment you feel that the atmosphere is heating up. If you live in the same house as the children, go into your room and close the door. If you live separately, leave at once, without waiting for the young people to start arguing in front of you.

You should not teach the young ones about life.

Do not compare your daughter-in-law with the sisters-in-law of your friends or acquaintances, no matter how good they are. Don’t talk about her shortcomings or make public remarks, especially if your son is around. If your young wife is having trouble with something, offer to help her: clean the house, do the laundry, cook dinner, take your grandchild for a walk. Do not demand gratitude for their help and do not reproach your daughter-in-law for the fact that some of her worries are done by you.

By helping the youngsters, you can build a relationship with your daughter-in-law

Don’t visit the young unannounced

You can, of course, visit your son at any time and come into the house uninvited, but by doing so you will put both of them in an uncomfortable position. For example, if your son’s wife has not had time to put the house in order, she will be ashamed to host her mother-in-law. Your son will also be embarrassed in front of his mother for the dust and mess.

Give young people the opportunity to prepare for your arrival, warn them in advance

Don’t be too intrusive

You stayed up nights when your son was sick. You did everything you could to make sure he grew up to be a happy child and a successful man. Your son is grateful to you, and his mother will never stop being an important person in his life. But that doesn’t give you the right to call every time and ask him to come over because you missed your son or you need to buy something. He will, of course, buy and come, but your son will have to change all his plans. He could be busy at work or going to the movies with his family. At your age, everyone has something that hurts, and it would be better to discuss it with a friend or your spouse.

Don’t call your son for every little thing.

Get busy with yourself and your life.

Now it’s time: Your son has grown up and gotten married, and now he has a family of his own. You have time to spend on yourself. Now another woman will cook your son’s favorite meals and take him to work, wash and iron his clothes. Even if your daughter-in-law can’t handle these responsibilities as well, that’s their business and none of your business. Take up sports or dancing, visit exhibitions and theaters.

Now you can do something that you’ve been dreaming about for a long time.

Go out with friends or travel. If possible, babysit grandchildren, and never allow yourself to suffer from loneliness.

The relationship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law can be very friendly and trusting if they hear and understand each other. After all, both have one common goal: to make a happy husband and son.

Other secrets of communication and rules of conduct of mother-in-law – in the following video:

How to get along with your daughter-in-law?

Six important rules for mother-in-law. How to get along with your daughter-in-law?

About the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law they make up jokes, make movies and sing songs. In this case, most often the mother-in-law – a jealous rival, and the daughter-in-law – the victim. This is because many of today’s girls can not even get along with their own mother, and endure admonitions and advice from a woman who is “nobody” to her, they do not intend.

Many women who brought up the son, seeing the girl he brought home and introduced as his daughter-in-law, immediately realize that she was not his partner, but are afraid to express their opinion out loud, so as not to set against himself son and give him an opportunity to sort it all out himself. But the choice has already been made, albeit wrongly. The mother accepts her daughter-in-law with pain in her heart, certain that she will not make her son happy.

After the wedding, the mother tries her best to help her son, both financially and physically, to make it easier for him to support the family, turning into their free housekeeper, nanny, and cook, but she hears no gratitude from her daughter-in-law. On the contrary, to reduce the influence of the hard-working and caring mother, who unlike her, cooks delicious meals every day, knows how to keep the house clean and earns money, the daughter-in-law begins to weave intrigues against her mother-in-law and achieves her goal.

The son, who once loved his mother, becomes more and more estranged from her, and begins to blame his mother for all his problems. In this case, the mother-in-law has only to reconcile, that’s the way life works, nothing can be done about it. Arguing with her daughter-in-law and figuring things out with her son is not worth it. Even if the mother-in-law manages to win, nothing good will come of it. Mother only ruin her son’s life and he is unlikely to be grateful to her for it.

The motto of a wise mother-in-law should be the proverb: “A smart mother-in-law gains a daughter after her son’s wedding, and a foolish one loses a son. To remain on good terms with her children for the rest of her life, every mother-in-law is advised to follow six important rules:

1. Don’t be offended if your daughter-in-law doesn’t call you Mom. Even if your daughter-in-law during the conversation with you in no way comes off your lips the long-awaited word “mom”, do not pay much attention to this. Be tactful, let her call you by your first name and patronymic, or just refers to you as you. Calling mother-in-law Mom – it’s only a tribute to tradition and nothing more. Well, what are you her mother! Admit honestly, because at heart you yourself do not consider her a daughter. There is nothing worse than hypocrisy, do not pay attention to what she calls you daughter-in-law, and do not throw tantrums because of that.

2. be patient. Even if you have witnessed your daughter-in-law yelling at your son, forcing him to cook, do laundry and clean the toilet, there is no need to meet in their quarrel. If you hear that the air in the family is getting heated, get dressed quickly and go home. If the young people live with you, lock yourself in your room and pretend to be asleep or take a walk in the fresh air. Of course, it hurts when someone yells at your son or makes him a “rag”.

Every mother in these cases, matures in the mind a lot of options for words to her son and daughter-in-law, so that justice finally prevailed. Stops only that tomorrow the young will reconcile, and mother-in-law will remain guilty if she showed up in the middle of a scandal with his fair share of assertions. It is not without reason they say: “Husband and wife – one Satan. And you are in their family is all the same “stranger.

3. don’t teach young people how to live. Do not compare your daughter-in-law to yourself, no matter how great a mother you may be. Don’t make remarks to her, especially in front of your son. Do not sarcasm, noticing the unmade bed and mountains of dirty dishes. Better offer to help, if the daughter-in-law really “zashivayut” – tired at work or taking care of a baby. True, help should be from the heart, and not by demanding reciprocal help and gratitude for it.

4. Never come to visit your son without telling your son or daughter-in-law by phone. No doubt you have every right to come to your son’s house at any time of the day or night without an invitation, but what if they have had an argument, have already gone to bed or are going to visit? Or just the daughter-in-law didn’t have time to clean up, and you can’t stand to see dirt everywhere? The son will also be unpleasant to meet his mother in the apartment, where there is disorder and dust everywhere, and treat her with nothing. So be tactful, call first and let them know when you are going to visit them, give them time to prepare to meet the eye-eyed mother-in-law.

5. Don’t ask your son to visit you . Yes, you are a mother and you raised him, stayed up nights and did everything you could to make him successful. Your son knows this well and is grateful to you. But this does not give you the right to call him almost every day, and asks him to come see you, complaining, then sickness, then that you again forgot to buy something. Son, of course, drop everything and come to you if you ask him, but let him do what he wanted to do before your call. Chances are he was planning to stay late at work to make more money or go to the movies with his family. By the way, don’t complain about your son’s health, and especially don’t play up the indisposition when you don’t have it: because at your age everyone has a bunch of sorenesses that need to be treated under the supervision of a doctor.

6. Live your life . After their son gets married, many moms have time to devote to themselves. They no longer need to wake him up every morning for work, wash and iron his clothes, cook him borscht and cutlets. Now there is another woman for that – his wife. Even if you’re not sure that she will be able to take care of her son as well as you – do not take over her duties!

Do not join the team of those who suffer from lack of attention from the children. Enroll in a sports or dance group, visit theaters and exhibitions, meet with friends – you have raised your children and have every right to relax! And in order not to suffer from loneliness, do not deny your children help with childcare, babysit when possible and fill the void with grandchildren and hobbies.

– We recommend that you visit our section with interesting materials on similar topics “Psychology of relationships

The information on this site is subject to consultation with the attending physician and does not replace a face-to-face consultation with him. See more in the user agreement.

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