How to Find Yourself
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To find yourself, know yourself first. Finding out who you are is an eye-opening experience. This is how you can become self-sufficient and finally start living for yourself. It’s a hard feeling to describe in words, but when you don’t know who you really are, it’s hard to ignore. Finding yourself is not easy, but as in that proverb, it’s worth it. Here are some tips on how to begin the process of knowing yourself.
- This is not an immersion in your life. It’s all about figuring out and identifying problems. These problems may be keeping you from discovering your true potential and feeling like you are in your prime.
- Take some time and clearly describe your past in a chronology. A chronology is a surprisingly objective method for noting events in your past that you find significant. Look at them as the building blocks that make up your entire life experience, don’t bring too much emotion into them (about the same as if you were keeping a diary). Write simply, write the truth, and focus on the main impact of the event or the lesson learned from it.
- When analyzing your past negative experiences, look at the positive lesson you learned from it, don’t focus on the mistakes and failures. After all, you learned something from it all. Everyone has such stretches in life, don’t exaggerate them or, conversely, assume that they didn’t happen at all. Instead, accept and acknowledge that if these events had not happened, you would not be the person you are today.
- Society secretly teaches us to see the “undesirables,” condemn the “losers,” worship the “beauties,” and shun the “weirdos. But here’s the conundrum: All these judgments have no basis in reality. How do you feel about the world around you? Think specifically about what you think is good and what is bad – don’t accept someone else’s opinion on that.
- Feel free to think more specifically. Do you really agree with your parents’ political and religious beliefs? Is building a career the most important thing in life? Do black glasses really make you “cooler”? If the answer to all of these questions is no, great! There is no problem in not adjusting to the norms that already exist. All you have to do now is unlearn and then learn again. Only this time, follow your intuition.
Adrian Klafaak is a career coach and founder of A Path That Fits, a career and personal coaching company based in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is accredited as a professional coach (CPCC). Uses his knowledge from the Coaching Training Institute, as well as his training in Hakomi Somatic Psychology and Family Systems Theory (IFS) therapy, to help thousands of people build successful careers and lead more meaningful lives.
Embrace your individuality. Adrian Kiafak, a career coach, says, “In the U.S., our culture does not encourage people to know themselves: their passions, their gifts and their unique qualities. What’s more, we are all so busy all the time – work and commitments just don’t leave time to put our passions into action in order to know who we are. If you live in similar circumstances, too, you will have to make time for it. Once you find your way, don’t let fear, doubt and uncertainty hold you back.
How to find yourself.
“How to Find Yourself?” – is a collection of techniques in the area of finding your purpose, meaning, cause and purpose in life. The book contains more than 30 techniques for working with clients, which will be useful to coaches, psychologists and other helping practitioners.
Table of contents
- Techniques for finding yourself
This introductory fragment of the book How to Find Yourself? was provided by our book partner, the company LitRes.
Techniques for finding yourself
Ikigai (Jap 生き甲 ikigai, “meaning of life”) is a concept that came to us from Japan, and it means a sense of your own purpose in life.
Ikigai is a cause that is at the intersection of 4 criteria:
What you love. That is, something that ignites, arouses interest, curiosity and passion.
What you are good at, what you are strong at. Abilities, knowledge, skills, experience that allow you to engage in certain activities.
What people need. The results of your work are in demand and meet the needs of others.
What you are paid for. People are willing to pay for your work, the chosen business provides all your needs.
Of course, the concept of “ikigai” is much more multi-faceted and deeper than shown in the diagram. Books are devoted to it, because it is a kind of a whole philosophy of attitude to life, yourself, other people, events.
The easiest way you can try to find your ikigai is to create detailed lists for each item and then look at the intersections. Further techniques in this book will bring you closer to your ikigai in one way or another. At least, I really hope so.
The “saving masterpiece” technique.
Imagine that you find yourself on an island and are captured by a cruel, bloodthirsty local population. However, you managed to convince the tribal leader to promise that he would let you go if you left him something in return. And not just “something,” but something beautiful, ingenious, meaningful – a certain masterpiece.
What can you offer him? What can you do to impress the tribe and its leader? What can you do best? What was the first thing you thought of when you read about the need to create a masterpiece?
Constructive Envy Technique
The word “envy” has a negative connotation in our culture. All of us as children were scolded for displaying this feeling: “It’s not good to be jealous!”
But it is not all so unambiguous. And it is envy that shows us what we would like to have, reveals our deepest desires. For example, you see someone realizing one after another his material dreams, and you realize that you also want a better life. At first, of course, there is anger and dissatisfaction with yourself. And this is where it is important to find that point and see where the energy goes next. You can remain in a negative state, angry and feeling sorry for yourself, or you can turn this energy into growth and development, into achieving your own goals. So if envy is overwhelming you, it needs to be explored to be used as a springboard.
Options for dealing with envy can be as follows:
1. Draw three columns on a sheet of paper.
2. In the first column, write down three reasons for envy.
3. In the second column, identify the desire behind your envy.
4. In the third column, write specific steps you can take to fulfill your wish.
New Society Technique
Imagine there was a plane crash. You were on board. There were no casualties, everyone was safe, but the plane made an emergency landing on an uninhabited island. There is no way to contact the outside world. All crew members and passengers are forced to stay on the island indefinitely.
Gradually, responsibilities begin to be allocated, society is built up, rules appear – people are rebuilding their lives. In this new world, it doesn’t matter who you are or who you were before the crash. Now you have the opportunity to choose any role you want.
Think about what you will do in the “new society”? What role will you choose? Who do you want to be? Don’t limit yourself, imagine and feel the picture, think and reflect. You can help yourself with questions:
– If you chose to build, what would it be?
– Or maybe invent something? What would it be?
– To be on the farm? And specifically?
– If you want to work with people, in what role, in what type of activity?
– Do you want to work in a team or alone?
– Perhaps something to write, create, capture What? How?
– Help someone? In what?
– Manage? Who or what? And how?
Which role will give you the most pleasure? Where is your comfort, self-actualization?
The “My Kind” technique.
Think back or ask your parents what your grandparents, great-grandparents, or great-great-grandparents did in their lives, jobs, vocations, or talents? Perhaps you can find out older stories about someone in your family.
Try on all of these roles and paths you’ve traveled. Would you like to live any of these lives or parts of them?
The 100 Meanings Technique
This is a difficult technique that requires focus and persistence. You will inevitably have resistance, you will want to quit or put it off for later. Some of these thoughts and feelings (laziness, anger, irritation) will appear almost immediately, some – in the middle of the technique, some – to the end.
The essence is simple. Take a piece of paper and write at the top of the question, “What is the meaning of my life? And then, point by point, answer it. Write whatever comes to mind, even if it seems fantastic or delusional.
Be sure to keep track of your feelings as you go along. Make notes, ponder if you see any emotional or bodily responses to a particular answer. See where the energy, the expansion, where the resistance appears-any sensation is important here.
This is an all-day assignment. Prepare a pen and notebook in which you will write down literally every moment of your day. Spend a day of your life doing this for the insights that follow.
From the moment you wake up, just by opening your eyes, write down in writing: What did you think or regret? Looking out the window – what were you dreaming about? Were you washing your face and thinking about what? Hearing the news – what did you focus your attention on? Watching a movie – when your heart skipped a beat? How did you feel when you remembered your old job?
Over the next few days, as an outsider rereading what you’ve written, find out what you like, what you talk about excitedly, what keeps on coming back to your mind, what brings you sincere joy.
Perhaps you have managed to decide on several directions that you are interested in. Obviously, that the chosen case you will be engaged regularly. After all, in any business, daily work and boring tasks have never been cancelled.
If the idea inspires you, you will not look for excuses, but will overcome obstacles. If it makes you happy, you’ll be able to give it your all.
Think about what your routine will consist of? Imagine that you will have to do it every day many times. Are you sure you want to do it every day? Imagine yourself in your chosen direction in six months, a year, five years. What if the income, the recognition won’t come right away? What if, at first, things don’t work out?
One possible reason why you do not dare to do what you love – the illusion that there is still so much time. In psychology, this is called delayed-life syndrome.
What if you have a year or six months to live? A month? One day? What really matters when every minute is precious? Who do you want to be around? And what do you want to spend the time you have left?
So reflect and answer the question: What activities will you dedicate yourself to if you only have six months left? When answering, keep in mind that phrases like “devote time to my family,” “find a way to provide for my loved ones,” and “enjoy the sunsets” do not count. The question is what exactly do you want to do and/or finish while you have time.