How to find peace of mind after a breakup?

How to quickly calm down after a relationship breakup

Surely many of us have experienced the breakup of a relationship with a loved one. Anyone in this situation experiences disappointment and sadness. In this case, you definitely need to know how to calm down after a breakup.

How to survive a relationship breakup

Parting with a loved one

It is difficult to put into words the range of feelings that arise during the separation. These feelings are so diverse and strong that they consume the mind and dissolve the abandoned person. At such moments, it seems as if the ground is slipping from under one’s feet, and a furious whirlwind prevents peace of mind. The abandoned person feels like a defenseless flower or like a snail that has lost its shell. Every memory strikes a naked nerve. The common feeling that all rejected people have in common is the loss of something vital.

How to recover from a breakup

A panacea, which will completely get rid of mental pain, unfortunately, does not exist, but by following the simple advice of psychologists, you can alleviate your suffering. Specialists who studied the path to finding peace after the parting with a loved one, came to the conclusion that it is necessary to go through certain stages. When a person is familiar with them, the recovery process is much faster and gentler. There are the following stages:

  • shock;
  • anger at the ex;
  • doubt;
  • depression;
  • coming to terms with the situation.

Without getting enough information about how to calm down and stop feeling nervous after a breakup, a person can get stuck on one of these stages for a long time, which can lead to depression or even neurosis. And this is quite natural, because the status of being unexpectedly rejected knocks a person out of the normal course of life and causes severe stress, which becomes a hindrance to an objective assessment of the events taking place.

How to get back to life after the breakup with a man

Regardless of who is to blame for the breakup, the pain settles thoroughly in the soul of both at the realization that the native man was unworthy. Often life destroys the stereotype of an ideal relationship. But there is no need to get lost in negative emotions, because then you can get stuck in the maze of sadness for a long time and lose the bright moments of life.

After breaking up a relationship with a man, the mind is consumed by incomprehension of what happened and its denial. The pain of separation envelops the soul and interferes in the performance of daily activities. The woman becomes unsure of herself, and there comes a period of self-injury. The former lover reasoning as if she is to blame for the separation, and therefore begins to look for flaws in themselves. It is not uncommon for women to conclude that all men are traitors.

Depression after a breakup

Before you make any decisions, you should allow yourself to cry and grieve. It will be useful to throw out all the negative energy – for this you can swear, dance or find another way out. After the mental devastation has occurred, you can move on to restoring equilibrium. If calmness does not come, then you should write a letter where you designate the negative thoughts. Then you should burn or tear it up. This will help to achieve inner peace and to let the person go.

To exclude the return of the former pain, you need to change your view of what happened.

You have to accept everything as a necessary experience and understand that it happens to everyone, no one owes each other anything. There should be an understanding that everyone is healthy, alive, life goes on and in time it will come back to the way it was before. Get over the breakup with your loved one will help positive emotions, for example, you can:

  • sign up for yoga;
  • go on a trip;
  • Add something new to your everyday life;
  • make an appointment with a stylist;
  • to update the closet;
  • indulge in beauty treatments.

Go shopping with a friend

It is useful to look at the situation from the outside, to analyze it in the role of an outsider. Such reflections will help to make the first step toward a truce. But it should be borne in mind that more often than not, former lovers of the idea of resuming a relationship comes to mind, rather from despair, fear of loneliness, rather than from strong feelings.

To successfully survive the parting, you need to give up revenge ex.

It is necessary to sort themselves out, to overcome their feelings, to understand that others have the right to choose. The situation should be taken for what it is, and stop looking for someone to blame. It is during this period that an active desire to work on oneself awakens. Motivation caused by separation is considered very strong, but you need to control yourself to avoid impulsive actions. It is worth finding the positive aspects of separation. A woman no longer needs to:

  1. Cooking meals for two.
  2. Picking up dirty socks around the house.
  3. Cleaning up all the time.
  4. Reminding her to fix the faucet in the kitchen.
  5. Being dependent on someone.

You should remember your desires, your dreams. Perhaps it’s time to fulfill them. It is forbidden to dwell on the negative, and you need to look for the pluses. It is worth understanding that any problem has a solution, it is worth finding the right approach.

How a man to survive a breakup

When experiencing a breakup, men and women have certain peculiarities. The stereotype that it is easier for a man during the breakup, long ago destroyed. Studies have proven that men are more reserved, so they do not show their emotions publicly. But in reality, they possess deep emotions, and they are easily hurt. Guy is separated from the girl is even more painful.

Go to a psychologist for counseling.

He needs to accept the fact that nothing is permanent. And then find something to do that will bring pleasure and devote his free time, then there will be no time for sadness. It is important not to give yourself into an emotional hole, the exit from which is not easy. If it gets really bad, then you can resort to taking sedatives, but only after consulting a doctor.

Do not rush around looking for a new girl to replace and quickly create a couple. As a rule, such relationships are fleeting and pointless. The former must be “let go” and find harmony within yourself. During the year, it is recommended to revise the perception of the relationship and perform an analysis of all mistakes.


Now it has become clear how to calm down after a relationship breakup and get rid of negative emotions. When a person will truly love himself, feelings for the former will weaken and will not be able to consume him.

How to find peace of mind after a breakup?

7 ways to restore emotional balance after a relationship breakup

Love is a very important part of our lives. When we are in love, it seems to us that only love matters – it brings a sense of reality to our dull, hopeless existence. It is the feeling that shines its light into our lives, and when we lose our love, we feel like we have no reason to live on this planet anymore.

The breakup of a romantic relationship causes the greatest mental pain

Breakup heartache is not a new phenomenon; it has been around for centuries, as long as the greatest mountain ranges on our planet, and for thousands of years man has dedicated plays, poems, and songs to the experience. Chances are you are reading this article now because your heart is (or has been in the recent past) broken, and despite understanding that you are not alone in experiencing or have experienced all this heartache, you feel that such suffering and anguish was only experienced by you. You feel like other people don’t understand you.

The pain that heartbreak causes us is actually very real.

Mental anguish and suffering

If you feel like you are heartbroken at the moment, you are in a great deal of pain. The word “pain” is often used to describe the experiences and emotions a person experiences after the breakup of a romantic relationship, and it ends up being more than just a metaphor. Studies have shown that experiencing the painful breakup of a relationship activates the parts of the brain that are responsible for experiencing real physical pain. Just as with any other pain, it takes a certain amount of time for us to heal.

People around you may reassure you and give you various pieces of advice, such as: “Don’t dwell on your ex(s), there are plenty of other interesting men (women) in the world!” However, while such platitudes are technically true, they don’t seem true to you at this point.

It is our love that makes our partner the only person who is completely right for us in this world, our soul mate and soul mate.

Does each of us really have a soul mate?

Is there a person who, by Providence itself, is “meant” to be with us?

Do we all really have a soul mate?

Well, you might think so. We often use the term to describe that person with whom we feel a certain emotional, sexual and intellectual kinship, that person with whom we have many points of contact, and our relationship with such a partner develops on its own. We feel “one” with that person.

We often refer to a wonderful and harmonious relationship between two people as a “marriage made in heaven.” Many people talk about how they have waited their whole lives for this person, how they have spent their whole lives searching for their one true love.

And all these notions were not born in the course of recent history. Plato, the great Greek philosopher, wrote 2,500 years ago that man was originally a whole, consisting of a combination of male and female, but when these beings – androgyny – arrived in our world, each of them split into two halves, which have been wandering the earth ever since, looking for each other. In order to fully enjoy life, to find complete satisfaction and harmony, each of us needs to find our other half.

But if there is only one person on this planet that suits us completely, and for some reason we part with that person, how do we recover from this terrible loss?

Reality and Delusion

I do not consider myself an expert in understanding the eternal laws that govern our destiny and the universe itself, but I suspect that even if each of us has a soulmate, we may well make the mistake of thinking we have found one, when in fact we have not. The fact is that even with real gold, so-called “fool’s gold” can also seem like a pretty convincing fake to us. And, of course, if we are able to feel our true connection to a certain person, we are likely to be able to feel a similar connection not only to that particular individual, but to someone else as well.

Being able to “test” your relationship, to determine if this person really is your soul mate and true soulmate, will help you avoid the unfavorable outcome of that relationship.

Regardless of your beliefs, the pain of heartbreak can seem simply unbearable. However, just as with all the other difficulties that life throws at us, a certain behavioral strategy will help you get through this difficult period and come out of this mess stronger than you were before. It is this strategy that stops the unbearable emotional agony and starts the process of recovery, which can be much faster than you expected.

1) Give Yourself Time

When we are in love, our levels of “good mood hormones” such as the “attachment hormone” oxytocin and dopamine, which are also associated with the development of addiction, rise in our bodies. Serotonin levels in our brain increase, and these changes contribute to a feeling of lightness, higher energy levels, and improved mood.

If your lover(s) is constantly making you feel miserable, that relationship can be called anything but love. We often mistake masochistic addiction for love, but that can only last so long as we don’t find the courage to face the truth.

In any case, after parting with the object of our love, the hormones responsible for our good mood decrease in our bodies. A sharp decrease in dopamine levels leads to a deterioration in well-being. That is, even though your condition may normalize much faster than you anticipated, do not assume that you “should” return to normal immediately.

The biggest mistake that you can make, however, is to become genuinely convinced that you will never feel better. And this is an illusion. No matter how awful you feel right now, in time you will find meaning in life without this person.

2) Keep doing those things that fully capture your attention.

Because of our heartbreak, we begin to engage in constant self-deprecation, we fantasize about how things could have gone, we replay over and over in our imagination those moments when “things went wrong.” In other words, we begin to abuse the power of our imagination.

When we are transported to reality from the world of our fantasies and waking dreams (remember that even anxiety is a form of waking dream habit), we begin to feel even worse. Certainly, to some extent, this is all perfectly normal, especially as you try to adjust to the situation at hand. However, recent research has shown that we feel happiest when we are engaged in some activity that fully captures our attention. It is concentration, not fleeing into fantasy land, that helps us to feel more and more happy each day. You should concentrate as much as possible on the outside world, on some kind of activity, whether it’s a demanding painstaking job or a passion for a sport.

3) Maintain relationships with friends, don’t forget about your daily activities

When we fall in love, we often “put all our eggs in one basket,” and begin to concentrate entirely on the object of our adoration, forgetting about the people around us and the outside world. If you have done so – at least to some extent – it’s time to kick the habit, get back to your daily life, pay attention to the world around you, start meeting people again, and remember your forgotten hobbies and interests. This will help even if you don’t feel like it, because desire and interest often arise in the process of doing something. In order to heal your wounds of the heart, you need to accumulate all available to you willpower.

Give yourself some time, and then consciously begin to monitor the presence of the following factors in your life:

Socializing with friends and family members;

Regular going out “in the world”, enjoyable activities for you;

Getting enough exercise-in fact exercise is a great way to improve your mood!

Concentrate on your own interests.

During this difficult period we can easily forget about our health! Make sure that you are following a proper and healthy diet and that you are spending enough time on sound, healthy sleep.

4) Get rid of old associations from the past.

You know what I mean: certain songs, certain places, heck, even certain times of day can at first constantly remind you of your lost love! You feel like absolutely everything around you reminds you of him or her. This is a completely natural part of the grief and bereavement process. At this stage, you may feel like you are hurting just to live in this world. However, you should not think that there is nothing you can do about it.

It is very important to keep going to the same places, to keep listening to the same music, until new associations no longer associated with your former partner form in your mind. Conscious action in this direction will not only help you heal your broken heart, it will also give you confidence and allow you to regain your strength and energy.

For a while, try to avoid painful associations associated with your ex-partner. However, once you have managed to cope with the initial shock, you should purposefully choose certain associations and create new memories based on them, which are not only related to your ex-partner. This method will help you reduce the number of painful “reminders.

5) Ask yourself the question: was this person really your soulmate?

Chances are, you have friends who, for the best of their ability, are starting to assure you that this person wasn’t really your soul mate, and whether you believe it or not, such assurances may have no effect on your well-being. The bitter truth is that we may grieve over the loss of things that were not really good for us.

A person may miss smoking, using heroin, or longing for unhealthy foods. You may become attached to a habit that doesn’t do you any good just because you find the activity enjoyable. This is why your longing for an ex-partner can’t serve as solid evidence that he was actually right for you.

A relationship with the person who does not suit us deprives our life of harmony and destabilizes our condition – we lose our sense of security, or we form in our mind undervalued expectations of ourselves, which, in turn, lower our self-esteem. However, the partner who really suits us helps us to grow, develop and achieve outstanding success; in the most wonderful relationships both partners are able to support and inspire each other, they help each other to see new opportunities and realize all their dreams. Relationships with the person who really suits us are really able to overcome all difficulties, partners do not seek to sow the seeds of destruction at the beginning of the relationship.

Think about it: is this person really right for you? When answering this question, try to go beyond your own feelings and experiences. That person who seems like “the love of your life” may actually be a turnoff, taking you off the path to a really happy and lasting love relationship with someone else.

6) Think back on the negative moments in your relationship and think about the lesson you learned from them

Every time one of the people I knew started pining for her ex-partner or getting upset about the end of their relationship, she would conjure up real images of her partner in her mind, as if looking at pictures from life, unadorned and retouched. Of course, your ex-partner can be incredibly photogenic, but I wouldn’t want you to fall into the trap of “bias-based memories.” After the breakup of a relationship, we tend to evoke only the good times we had with our partner, the romance, the fun, and the excitement. But still, that relationship is over! You’ve decided to break up, which means there were also less pleasant moments in that relationship. Concentrate on the unpleasant memories.

It’s very easy to sit back and think of all this and wonder, “How could I have ever been such a fool/ such an enthusiastic jerk?” However, love-at least in the phase of mad infatuation-causes us to see our relationships in the light we want them to be. Very often the warning signs that tell us that things are not so great in your relationship are perfectly visible to others, but we ourselves don’t notice anything until it’s too late.

So, once again, I want to remind you that you need to focus on the unpleasant moments in your relationship, learn a lesson from them, and stop blaming only yourself or only your ex-partner for everything. You are both to blame. As the saying goes, it takes two people to dance the tango.

7) Don’t turn into a convinced cynic, try to fall in love again.

Most of us-at least a lot of people-at some point in our lives suffer from heartbreak.

At that point, we can easily put on the mask of a cynic and sincerely believe in notions of the kind “all men are rabid possessives,” or “real dogs,” or that all women are “promiscuous minxes. Drawing a general rule from specific experience is a very serious and widespread error of perception that has had a detrimental effect on many lives.

Every person is different and unique. You can love again and you surely will. Even if your last love seems like the best episode of your life, that doesn’t mean that nothing even more satisfying can happen in your life.

You may have experienced incredible pain, and you may have been in a state of real shock. You will certainly be able to get through this; in time, you will definitely get better. In the same way, when we stand at the foot of a hill, it may seem just enormous, but if we look at it from some distance, that elevation seems to us a perfectly natural part of the countryside, and if we move even farther away, we may even mistake it for a plain.

If you have truly found your soul mate, you will not notice in this relationship a global misunderstanding, lack of intimacy or excessive and over-the-top enthusiasm, instead you will enjoy true mutual understanding and genuine sincere passion.

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