How to find a husband?

How to find a husband – where you can meet a decent man for the family

Many girls from an early age are obsessed with the idea of romantic relationships, dream of marriage and children. Not everyone manages to find their soul mate at a young age. When years go by, and the right person still does not appear, some fall into a real depression. Do not do this under any circumstances. Regardless of the circumstances, every woman has tremendous potential to create a beautiful and satisfying relationship. The main thing – to understand where to look for your man.

Rare girl does not dream of marriage

Where to Start Looking

Most women believe that you have to go to places where interesting and single men frequent (sporting events, restaurants during business lunch periods, communities of interest) and wait for someone there to be interested in them. That’s really too complicated an approach.

This is really a way to meet new people, but not the fact that among them there will be someone who turns out to be the right partner. In fact, the search for a man should begin with the study of their desires, fears, as well as the setting of the subconscious for the relationship of their dreams.

Women in the first place should not think about where to find a man, but to what end result she seeks. She needs to create in her mind a picture of a relationship full of respect and understanding. Try to feel what it is like to be truly loved when you do not have to try to “earn” a good attitude towards yourself. Only this kind of mindset will help to recognize at the initial stage of dating unsuitable candidates for life companionship. Also understand what you need to change in yourself in order to a worthy man interested in her.

Pay attention! You can often find information online that, in order to attract love in your life, you need to keep in mind the image of your future partner, to present in detail his character, appearance, income level, “visualize” a joint pastime with him. However, it is much more important to concentrate not on specific features of the person, but on the nature of the relationship itself. Otherwise, you can get into a situation where an ideal man in all respects appears in life, but the relationship with him is not very happy, and the couple eventually break up.

The warmth of the relationship, mutual respect, and not a superman by your side – this is what should be the goal for a woman

Where to look for a guy for a serious relationship

Every young girl can easily get a lover, but the question of how to find a normal man for a serious relationship, many people are stumped. Nevertheless, as life practice shows, you can meet your only one anywhere. However, if a girl decided to help her fate, then she should not waste her time in nightclubs and bars. Regulars of such institutions are usually in search of a partner exclusively for one night. The same can be said about online dating – in the virtual world it is difficult to understand what the person really is and what his true intentions are.

Moreover, after meeting a girl in a hot spot or through a mobile app and even falling in love with her, dating for several years, a guy may still not perceive her as suitable for a serious relationship. The stereotype that decent women do not meet in such places works. As a result, the one and only woman worthy of being a wife and mother of his children is found somewhere on the side, while the real partner is used as a staging post.

Nightclubs are not the best place to get serious.

So you should try to get acquainted with a man not in a sexually entertaining format, but at work, school, or during some decent leisure activities. A foreign language school, a bookstore, an art gallery, a hiking trip – these are examples of places for dating, which will be perceived positively by the stronger sex to build a serious relationship.

How to find a future husband

A woman does not find a man – she meets him when she is ripe for relationship. In order for the meeting to take place, you first need to love and respect yourself enough not to settle for less than you need. A man who knows what he wants and openly declares his desires, attracts those who are ready to meet him.

Do not try to win a man, playing in front of him the role of an ideal girl in his mind. Fanned passion – not a guarantee that he will later give up their life priorities for the happiness of his girlfriend. A much better chance to keep your loved one, if he was aware of the initial stage of the relationship about the lifestyle that he wants to lead a girl.

It is important to be able to openly and confidently declare your desires

The desire to have a family, children, career plans – all this should be allowed to find out men as early as possible. As a result, only those who have similar aspirations and views on life will stay close by.

What not to do when looking for

Often a woman feels “inferior” until she creates a family. However, the idea of remaining unmarried should not scare. otherwise, next to the candidate for a life partner will now and then arise an unhealthy sense of dependence, morbid jealousy, huge expectations. Men read such signals as well as women and rush to retreat. No one wants to play the role of the almighty parent, this magician, which depends on the happiness of another person, except that evil manipulators.

Important! It is necessary to get rid of the running line on his forehead: “I want to find a husband immediately. There is no need to plan a wedding after five minutes of acquaintance. This only discourages potential partners.

There is no need to reach for a man as a lifeline

Develop a relationship should be at a healthy pace: flirt, make friends, and not think intensely about whether the new acquaintance is worth the time spent on him. Every man you meet on your life’s journey is not there in vain. Only by communicating and comparing how you feel when talking to different people can you figure out what really has value in a relationship.

How to identify a good man for a relationship

All at once you do not learn about a man. Sometimes the true face is revealed only after years of life together. However, there are some signs by which you can judge whether a man is suitable for a relationship:

  1. He treats women with respect. Not only to his mother, but also to his colleagues, fellow students, and most importantly, to his ex-girlfriends. This is a clear indicator that the man is not inclined to shift the responsibility for the problems in the relationship on the shoulders of his partner.
  2. He does not refuse to meet his parents, he treats them with respect. This is a sign that the man is not afraid of a serious relationship, ready to share the love of his girlfriend with other people dear to her.
  3. He is generous. Greedy man is without exaggeration a diagnosis, as we are talking about a violation of one of the most natural natural reflexes – the ability to give his energy to the world, so to provide for his children. The man may be limited in finances, saving, but still within reasonable limits.

Tip. Where else can not find a good man for the family, it is among ardent supporters of the patriarchal system, because it is a sign of an unhealthy desire for power, the inability to see a woman as an equal partner.

Is it possible to find a man for a woman with a child?

The stereotype alone, that no one needs a woman with a child, is able to become an obstacle on the way to personal happiness. In no case should not consider your daughter or son as a source of problems in relationships with the opposite sex.

Find a man a young mother is not so difficult. It is only worth taking your interests out of the sphere of interest of other mothers with small children.

The child can not scare a real man

Under no circumstances should not hide the existence of a child from a chosen one. Revealed in the future lies can ruin the relationship that had good potential.

Isn’t it too late to start at 30-40.

The idea that a woman over 30 years old is not quoted in the market of brides, that men are nymphets – another stereotype that prevents the construction of personal life, for some reason it is particularly alive in the former Soviet Union. In developed countries, women who have reached the age of thirty begin to think about starting a family for the first time.

Further information. The age of first marriage is increasing for both men and women.

Men’s attention can be paid to them at any age: at either 35 or 50. The main thing – to be confident in yourself, love life and men. Many members of the stronger sex to 30-40 years have gone through a divorce, are in search of a new partner and are looking for a wife among older, independent women, not young girls, do not really know life. So your age and wrinkles to the contrary need to appreciate, rather than consider a defect.

Advice from psychologists

There is no ready instruction on how to find a husband, because women can fail to create a family for various reasons. In consultations it often turns out that female clients subconsciously themselves avoid marriage, as they are afraid of responsibility, loss of freedom, cooling relationships and cheating … Others complain: “Where to find a good man, if around some womanizers, alcoholics, losers, fools.

These attitudes towards marriage and men need to change. Then you will really be able to discern in the next acquaintance the one with a rich inner world and capable to provide financially for the family, the life with which will be much happier than in the proud solitude.

Five life changes that will help you find a husband

Sometimes ladies of marriageable age write to our “fat lady”: “I live like a squirrel in a wheel – home and work. My girlfriends got married, and they don’t invite me to visit. Mom and cat – the only close people. But, of course, want some more loved ones – husband, children. Only where to get them? In such cases, we always advise: it is necessary to come out of the shadows – to see people, to show themselves. Yes, it is a bit frightening. Everything in the “wheel” is familiar, native. My mom is sacred. Nevertheless, the first point of our program is “separation” from my mother.

1. We exchange the paternal home for… a dog!

Olga lived with her mom and dad until she was 35. Using the economic benefits of this situation, she traveled, saved up for a car, bought clothes. Shopping and travel were the only pleasures of her life. Admirers she did not alienate, but their quality was deplorable: easy and inconsiderate men. In desperation, Olya repeated the walking mantra: “all normal people are married. And then one day she found in her entryway … no, not her husband. A sheepdog. A big, skinny, lousy dog. Kind neighbors let it get warm. Olya felt sorry for the dog: she took it in, cured it, and began to attach it to friends. And her friends already have a lot of animals of their own. And the dog is huge, it barely fits in the hallway. Olya rented an apartment and lived on her own. Of course, she had to cut back on her travels and update her photos on social networks. Now she posed not in a fur coat behind the wheel, but in a jacket with a dog. Soon her cheerleader lineup underwent a miraculous transformation: kind and unmarried people swarmed in from out of the blue. A year later she married a PhD candidate.

– When a ‘baby’ fourth decade in the same apartment with his parents – says psychologist Irina Petrova – this is detrimental to the image. Responsible, mature person, when he wants to create a family, looking for a peer – also responsible and mature. Taking care of a dog is an even more compelling plus. “Falling off” an audience that is addicted to “packaging,” there are people who are ready for a deep relationship. A special case: if we are close to our mother, we unconsciously fill the position of “deputy” father – we become emotionally attached to her, we become the best friend or even a guardian (especially when mom is elderly), and there is no more energy left for our own personal life.

We separate the flies (society’s expectations) from the cutlets (our own desires).

How often do you hear from smart, successful ladies: “I still have to get married and have a baby! My tongue is itching to ask: You do not sit quietly in a Mercedes without a husband? Can’t you lie down in a spa? Are you sure you want it? Or your mom and dad, great-aunt and third cousin, whose son is a loser and husband is an alcoholic, but “life is good”? We go out into the big world dragging the shackles of prescription-we ignore them and confuse them with our own personal needs. An ironic aphorism on the subject runs the web: “Get a job like Dad wants, get married like Mom wants, have grandchildren to please Grandma, make everyone around you happy, shoot yourself. Not separating the flies from the cutlets in time, we run the risk of a lifetime of prostitution, performing “debts”, and his man – will not meet ever.

– Qualitative choice of a partner is available only when you can immerse yourself in your feelings and know how to read them,” says psychologist Anna Khnykina. – But how do you separate your desires from social layers? In the zone of “grandmother” prohibitions sensuality – a taboo subject. Good girls do not get pleasure, they obey their elders. Often a woman’s epiphany does not come until her thirties: we suddenly realize the limitations. We realize that our time is not infinite, and it’s stupid to kill it to follow someone else’s expectations, it’s time to learn to feel and articulate their desires. The main thing is not to be too late.

3. Make friends and girlfriends!

It’s just a mass fashion among girls of all ages – to say: “I do not party, I have few girlfriends. And then casually add: “And in social networks do not hang out. Meaning: I’m not a pacifier, that only hang out in the pubs, and like the kitties. I am a deep, intelligent person.

– However, such a nature risks to sit in prideful solitude to carrot-tops, – says Anna Khnykina – Today to meet someone you need – love, business partners or employer, you need to “open the door”, the more diverse society, the greater the chances for success. And social networks are a more reliable resource than dating sites. By looking at the profile you can get a sense of the person “over time” – what they are interested in, what they are thinking about – if the person talks about themselves willingly, this will give you an even more complete picture than a personal conversation.

4. Make friends with your complexes.

“There’s this stereotype: you need to like yourself, and then others will like you. But this is a fundamental misconception,” writes psychotherapist Andrei Kurpatov in his new book “Translation from female to male.

In fact, like yourself – not necessarily. Whether you like yourself, or not – it does not bother anyone.

Personally, the author of these lines would be happy to correct some features. She would have added height and a bust. Reduce the weight and the nose. However, my “flaws” have never prevented me from enjoying some success and happily marrying several times. Dr. Kurpatov explains this strange phenomenon: the standards with which we check, looking in the mirror, live on in television and glossy magazines. In men’s heads everything is more delicate and individual: their beauty standards were formed in childhood, at the age of 3-4 and at 13-14. And it’s not a fact that during these years they had a TV in front of their eyes and a men’s magazine with blond tits at hand. You think you’re a fucking scarecrow, crammed into a corner and afraid to stick your nose out. And somewhere on the planet there’s a guy whose babysitter looked just like you. Or the potty-mouth neighbor at daycare. Or the math teacher. He won’t find you while you’re hiding, mind you.

5. Do something interesting!

I mean hobbies and hobbies here, not what everyone thinks.

In the company I know, we recently had a conversation about what to do to avoid being lonely. And one lady said, “Do something very interesting!” She herself became interested in rock climbing – and in a few days got rid of loneliness. She had no sooner put on her climbing shoes than she met her husband. She proved a well-known truth: the strongest couples form in service clubs.

It is even surprising that still among us there are people who do not know anything, except the TV show “Dom-2” and the series “Stairway to Heaven.

– Of course, even having the horizons of a penny coin, you can get married, – says Irina Petrova – but what will be the quality of this marriage? When men say “women – fools,” they mean this sad type – and perfectly recognize it. I had a client who purposely married a shallow, limited woman, to make it easier to cheat on her with others.

Instead of an afterword.

What else gets in the way of meeting love?

We’ve talked about how to change lives. But what about the head, if it is clogged with the debris of previous feelings?

Personally, the author of these lines at some point became determined to burn her personal “island of love ships.

And pretty quickly my personal life shone with new colors. Beautiful, virtuous men appeared around me.

But there are women who cherish memories too much. Instead of scratching ahead without looking back, like the biblical Lot, they sit and muse about their first (second, third), who was especially fit. In face, in mind, in social status. Except he chose someone else to be his wife, but that’s no big deal. I must surely find a copy of him! I’ll tear myself away, but I’ll find a rock star!

And there are even worse cases.

My friend N, for example, imagined herself such an uncle, who combines the features of her former lovers. He is wealthy and generous, like A, witty, like B, and excites her instinctive femininity, as C was able to do. Clearly, the assembled Mr. ABC does not exist in nature (and if he does, there’s no way to get to him: his schedule of wives and lovers is drawn up 20 years in advance). But that’s exactly what she needs! Meanwhile, his real-life prototypes are getting old, getting fat, getting bald, having children and swapping third wives for fourth. And she is almost turned into a pillar of salt…

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