Played and enough: how to end a relationship with a married man quickly and effectively
You should not blame yourself for having an affair with a married man. If you want to end it, you need to do it right so that there is no way back. Tips from psychologists will help you break up with a married man as quickly as possible.
So that you don’t have to worry about not being able to break up with a married man, it is better not to start a relationship with such men at all. The problem is that sometimes they hide on purpose, pretending to be single. Previously, we told you about the signs that give away a married man. Do not forget to use them, so as not to start a relationship as a potential divorcee.
Stop dating and reduce the likelihood of a chance encounter
You need to tell him that you no longer want to date. This is the most important thing. You need to have the courage to say it and explain to him the reason so that he has no more reason to talk to you about it.
If you work together, you may well have to quit your job or transfer to another department. A man in love (whether married or not) will still stay in sight, trying to meet you. If you have seen each other often in another place, it is better not to visit him.
Occupy your thoughts with something else.
This is in addition to the first step. Take up sports, find a new hobby. If you haven’t worked in a long time, try to get a job. Go on a trip, visit your parents.
Any new business will be very helpful because it will allow you to think less about the married man you like. The less you think about him, the faster and more painless you will forget about him.
Fall in love with someone else.
First, the breakup process has to start with yourself. You can’t leave someone you care about. It is for this reason it is worth starting with the search for a replacement in order to get rid of the role of a mistress. You need to start an active search for a free man. Communicate more with your surroundings, get acquainted in social networks and on dating sites. Do this as often as possible, so that as quickly as possible to find love or at least interest in someone who is not married.
After that, it’s worth it to fall in love with that person with all your might. You can make a couple of dates, talk to him closer, get to know him. If there will be streams of love from him and you will be confident in his feelings, then the first stage will be successfully passed. Previously, we told you how you can tell if a man is in love with you or not and check his feelings.
This is an alternative method that works not always, but in most cases. Become unbearable: start to fight all the time, argue with him. Be sad, insecure, ask him for money. It won’t hurt to increase demands on him – ask him to start going to the gym to get rid of his belly, go on a diet.
Start comparing him to other men. Open flirting with other men is better not to practice, because jealousy can play in the opposite direction, only strengthening his love for you.
You can become selfish and predictably negative. Criticize him, think of yourself more often. He himself can’t take it and will run away. This technique works, but it takes time.
Introduce him to a cute friend.
Transfer it into other hands. Find a single but beautiful acquaintance and talk to her about the “hand-over process. It is important to tell her everything as it is, without embellishments or lies. You need to make her understand you.
If she likes his appearance, you can set up a chance meeting. That’s where your imagination comes in. The main thing is that the lady knew what she was going for, because he is married. Such an unusual way can be effective, but you should be sure that this lady will not tell anyone anything and will not undermine your reputation.
A piercing of the conscience
You can appeal to a man’s conscience by telling him that “it’s not good to go left,” that “you have understood everything and now your eyes are open.” Tell him that all of this is wrong and needs to be corrected as soon as possible. The frankness of the conversation should create a grain of doubt in him that he is doing the right thing.
Sometimes this actually works very quickly and effectively. On the other hand, even if he disagrees, it is obvious that he will understand your position in all of this. He probably won’t get it right, but he’ll have to break up.
You could try threatening him with a confession to his wife, but here you should be sure of his cowardice. He may confess everything himself, ruining the marriage and the family. If he certainly will not go to tell her everything himself, you can try to scare him in this way.
If you have changed your mind to break up with him, be sure to read the list of things you should not do in a relationship with a married man. Don’t forget that such a relationship requires a lot of effort and conspiracy.
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How to break up a relationship with a married man: Top 8 tips
Author: Zhanna Mulishina Practicing psychologist-consultant on family problematic relationships, personal dissatisfaction and other things.
How to quickly and easily end a relationship with another man’s husband? Top 8 tips from professional psychologists to help break the connection with a married man.
A married man is a taboo for most free women. But it is not for nothing that they say, “You can’t help your heart. Sometimes there are feelings for another man, and if he reciprocates, then the romance flares up. Even if a girl was initially set up for easy and non-committal meetings, it does not mean that it will be easy to break the flawed relationship. Does not help the sincere recognition to herself that, in fact, such a relationship is immoral, they do not paint any of the participants adultery. And when it covers despair and jealousy, many women still do not manage to put a final point, so that we must sometimes resort to the help of a professional psychologist. We offer TOP-8 tips that will help build up determination and break this vicious circle.
Get disappointed in the ideal.
When a woman is in love, the first step that pushes toward breaking up with another man’s husband is the realization that the married lover is essentially a complete stranger. Even if the relationship with him lasts more than a year, only at home, within the home walls, he relaxes and shows his true face. And, as life shows, it is usually very far from ideal!
If only because a man in love does his best to make sure that his date is not disappointed. So he shows up on the doorstep well groomed, in a clean suit, with a bouquet and a big smile on his lips. While at home he is likely to wipe his old sweatpants, he is silent when his wife asks him to wash the dishes and does not let him sleep at night because he snores unashamedly in the whole apartment!
In fact, the mistress is dealing with a so-called demo version. And not the fact that she will like the full version!
Let’s call a spade a spade.
Let’s face it – a person doesn’t want to be bad in anybody’s eyes! That is why people always find an excuse. And their own deeds, for which they are ashamed, even if somewhere in the depth of their soul. And to break the connection with a married man, it’s just more correct to call everything by its own name.
Of course, you can talk about this relationship with the beautiful word “affair. And still claim that between the lovers flashed true love. And even the word “mistress” sounds very romantic and seductive.
So to sober up, it’s better to remember a few other names people have invented for women who are charging at other people’s husbands. For some it’s a real bucket of cold water, from which all feelings evaporate like smoke.
Describe the situation soberly.
If the first two steps do not bring the matter to an end – it still seems that you sincerely love the married man and are willing to do anything for the sake of this connection, it’s time to go to the drawing up of a conditional “explanation”. It is best, a little sober, write it by hand, so that in a moment of weakness return to her.
The “explanatory note” is written not for someone, but for yourself. The essence of such a document: to be as honest as possible about the situation in which a girl fell in love with a married man.
You can divide the sheet into two such columns:
- What do I get for myself from the current situation?
- What do I have to lose by dating a married man?
Or you could call each of the columns “Pros” and “Cons” for short. On the pluses, as a rule, there is not much to contribute. Perhaps many girls in a relationship with a married man draw fuel for self-esteem. Like, I fell in love, despite the fact that the wife is nearby. But this is a dubious advantage, if you think sensibly. After all, very often the mistress is nothing more than an outlet. To put it bluntly, a man simply takes a break from everyday life, from family hassles and disagreements.
Of course, it is possible to write a splash of emotions, satisfaction of needs in sex and warmth of the soul into the pluses. But then, for the sake of fairness, you need to write in detail in the minuses, how much pain the relationship with a married man brought. How many tears have been shed during the weekends and holidays that the woman spent alone while her lover rested with her family. How many aspirations and dreams are not destined to come true!
Even if today it seems that feelings are so strong and important, that not the most respected role can be tolerated, it is better to think about the future. Time flies very quickly, and with it the chances to create your own strong family and have a child. It is better to try and break the bond with a married couple than to remain in old age in complete loneliness.
Turn off your “demo”
What a sin, a girl in love shows her lover all her virtues, that is, she behaves just like a married man. Or maybe she tries even harder! She goes out of her way to make him leave his wife and come over, even if it’s just for an evening. Lover buys seductive outfits, carefully performs all cosmetic procedures to impress the beauty. And also cooks a delicious dinner, creates a romantic atmosphere. Let him come and aghast!
Yes, yes, let him come and gasp, but not with excitement! Can we stop turning every date into a holiday? After all, everyone has weaknesses, everyone has flaws. If even with all the soul believes that love for a married man is the most that neither is strong and real, and most importantly – mutual, it is worth to run such an experiment, to show that you are a living person. How will the lover behave if you cry in front of him, to express his dissatisfaction? In such situations, he will show himself different, if the relationship is not as strong and high as you want to think.
What points should be pressed if you are seriously worried about how to break up with a married man:
- You can start with the easiest and most innocent – talk about your own dreams and aspirations! About how, since childhood, saw a large and friendly family. As detailed as possible is to describe the vision of the prince on a white horse, with whom, and in the shack of paradise, but I would still like a spacious house, car and all other goodies. And, of course, enthusiastically telling about childhood dreams, it is important to track the reaction loved one. As he behaves married, if the mistress “carried”: carefully listens, nods, frankly bored and tries to move the subject, and maybe even angry? Already at this stage you can draw many conclusions!
- If even at the first point a man showed all his best qualities, it is too early to draw his halo and the wings of an angel! Let’s go from the other side. What happens if you show him a mercenary and calculating face? After all, in fact, “married men” enjoy the comforts and company of pretty ladies with great pleasure, because it costs them nothing! Even if a guy rents an apartment or a hotel, buys the best expensive food, this is paltry spending compared to how much he permanently allocates to his spouse. No, it’s not the goal to compete with your lawful wife. It’s just time to make your own needs known! As life shows, many lovers find the subject of finances very stressful. One can again observe and draw conclusions. And sometimes the question of how to part with a married man, falls away by itself after such a fallout: he suddenly loses interest himself, breaks away immediately, or just quietly disappears from the radar.
- And you can and need to test the masculine qualities of your beloved! Not in bed, here they are all heroes – in the domestic sphere. It’s time to ask the guy to clear the clog in the bathroom. Or you can start a repair, relying entirely on his physical support. Sometimes this is enough to make the ardent lover “wrap up the ropes. And no more need to think up and twist, to find the best way to end the relationship with a married man.
- Isn’t it time you stopped hiding your own negative emotions and worries! Why should only a girl have to suffer! You can and should talk about how you can’t sleep on lonely nights. Be sure to speak often about his own jealousy of his wife. Of course, if seriously concerned about the problem, how to get out of a relationship with a married man. We assure you, no man will like such a brainwashing! Especially on a regular basis. Feel sorry for him? Does he feel sorry for his mistress when he goes with his family to the mountains for the New Year, knowing that she is pining alone in her apartment?
- You can come at it from a different angle. Just show yourself in that unsightly way that a girl usually hides from her lover. Yes, yes, to meet him in a greasy bathrobe with stains from borscht. Be sure to spend at least an evening muttering and expressing dissatisfaction on all sorts of issues – from the problems at work and ending with complaints about the bitter fate of destiny. You can just watch how to behave wives who have been married for more than a year. Instead of preparing a five-course dinner in advance, it’s better to meet them on the doorstep with “Oh, I’m so tired! Make something yummy!”. And, of course, it’s time to hit the most important thing of all: to show that even the unreliable mistress, it turns out, can have a headache and have other reasons for not jumping into bed. This is hardly the most reliable tool that can cut the knot of problems associated with the question of how to end a relationship with a married man. Let’s face it, he comes just for affection and intimacy, and here he is greeted just as he is at home!
- Finally, it is possible to walk on a knife edge, not literally, if all of the above revelations have not led to the desired result. Namely, it is worth forgetting about conspiracy! Of course, this does not mean that you just have to show up at your lover’s house. What do you have to do if the man is married? Wait for his calls and visits, to communicate through secret channels. So this is exactly what you can “forget” about. It is not necessary to break the arrangement directly. It is better to include the feminine cunning! For example, to call at an inconvenient time, looking for a very good reason.
Get busy with your own life.
More often than not, the problem of how to forget a married man arises from the fact that the girl gives the relationship too much time. In fact, all the strength, energy and even thoughts are aimed at this relationship, wrong in the root and futile. If it seems that there is no way to get out of this swamp, it is time to take new actions. Take steps toward freedom, even if not breaking the bond in one fell swoop.
In general terms, instead of puzzling over how to end a relationship with a married man, you should make every effort that they simply do not have time or energy. At first it will be very difficult to tear yourself away from his image. But you can be guided by one simple rule: there is time to think about the married man you fell in love with – so far, there is too much! That is, time, you need to take some extra work, to think of other activities that will make you switch from a painful subject.
What’s the best direction to take:
- Enroll in a continuing education course or study in a new direction that has long been of interest. First, then for sure every minute will be worth its weight in gold. Secondly, a new circle of communication will involuntarily open up. In particular, there will be familiar men with whom, perhaps, a friendship will develop. And who knows, suddenly a non-friendly interest will flare up too!
- Take up dancing, singing, drawing – any kind of creative work! But it’s better to go out in public too, and not to do it alone at home. Because when you are alone all your thoughts involuntarily go to your beloved man who is married. If you go to class in a club or interest group, there are new connections that help distract. Even better, when you have to strictly on time to perform certain thematic tasks.
- Engage in sports, and preferably a very energy-consuming one. It’s best when, after a workout, there is absolutely no energy left. Of course, provided that they basically remain at the end of the working day. Different martial arts are ideal, although they are not considered to be a woman’s occupation. But, punching a punching bag, you can get rid of all the energy, including accumulated resentment and anger at your loved one and the situation of the relationship with him. As an option, it is worth thinking in the direction of team sports games. They mobilize, make you switch. After all, involuntarily you have to immerse yourself in interaction with other players, you want to show yourself with dignity, not to let the team down. So there is no time for thoughts to escape: you have to concentrate on the present moment.
- Organize an exciting tour! Not immersed again and again in the psychology of a married man, it is better to travel around interesting places in his native city, country, or even in other parts of the globe. And, again, it is desirable to go somewhere with the company. This step is probably the most advantageous! First, the change of places works by itself in a miraculous way. Secondly, your brain will have to deal with much more pressing issues: organization of accommodation, meals, excursions. So there are no free minutes to be sad about your loved one. Thirdly, very useful new acquaintances.
That is not worth relying on, although sometimes you may feel like it – it’s a revelatory program with an abundance of alcoholic beverages. If madly like a married man, but you want to quickly forget him, do not spend all your free time in nightclubs. It is very expensive in all senses: you lose energy and money. At first it seems that the image of the chosen one is forgotten in a drunken binge, but when the fun subsides, the girl is alone in an empty apartment, longing piles up with renewed force.
To give up common habits
As life shows, the longer the vicious connection lasts, the harder it is to break. And not because it really is the best man in the world, which has only one drawback – he is married. In fact, gradually, he becomes a part of life.
Even if there are just occasional meetings at the apartment, they develop some symbolic habits of their own. For example, there may be a connection to a particular area of the city where dates usually take place. Even a trivial morning coffee with a croissant becomes such a beacon.
What is the right way to behave with a married man to end a relationship? It is necessary to analyze what little things are associated with this relationship. And make every effort to give up established scenarios and rules. This is extremely important at the stage when the girl is getting ready to leave. And the same should be remembered, if there was a breakup, but do not succeed in forgetting your loved one.
Get a pet
If you are afraid even to present yourself as a former mistress of a married man because of the loneliness that keeps the house, it’s time to change the situation fundamentally! That doesn’t mean you have to have a baby for yourself in a hurry. There is a much simpler solution!
Why not look out for a pet. Ideally, you should realize your own childhood dream. If a child wanted a puppy or kitten running around the house, it’s time to run to a pet store or shelter!
Such a “horse move” is beneficial from all sides:
- The apartment will no longer be empty! At the very threshold after returning from work, you can press a warm and affectionate kitty to your chest.
- Thoughts will not run only to the object of admiration. Pets are great at drawing attention to themselves. When the doggie will merrily lie on his back to be petted belly, or kitten curls up in the evening by the side, suddenly a completely new feeling settled in the soul. It turns out that you can be needed by someone, to receive love and warmth, without paying for it with suffering!
- The lover will show his attitude toward the animals and the situation as a whole. The psychology of a relationship with a married man is such that a woman usually gives all of herself, receiving only paltry crumbs in return. And the “married man” is more than happy with that! Coming to the lover’s apartment, the guy instantly gets used to the fact that he is the center of life here, only he is expected, only his interests are served. And suddenly the girl is chatting delightedly during the whole meeting about how great her doggie has learned to carry out commands! Or during the date she had a cheeky cat on her lap. Or even the date is canceled, because the pet needs to be taken to the vet! In general, a lot can open your eyes if you only have a pet at home.
See a psychologist
Alas, not everyone manages to get out of these tangled bonds on their own. Relationships with a married man are not as simple as they seem. Often they arise on the background of old traumas, including reasons from deep childhood. There is a reason why some women go their whole lives without even looking at another man’s husband, while others are drawn to him! Of course, there is a lot of excuses for themselves.
Some psychologists say that subconsciously a girl is not ready for a normal relationship and the creation of a family, since she got involved with a “married guy. Others argue about low self-esteem: this is such a poor self-esteem, to be content with “pieces from the bar table”?
Sometimes a girl does not know how to understand that a man is married, falls in love, and then learns about the status of the chosen one. In any case, if you can not resolve the problem, you can and should seek help from a specialist. He will help to cope with his own feelings, to stand firmly on his feet to get a chance to find female happiness and create a family.