Psychologist tips on how to let a man so that he came back: how to behave properly after the breakup and break the emotional connection with his ex
Hello, dear female readers! Today we will discuss one of the fundamental, complex relationship issues in a couple. We will talk about a painful breakup, when feelings are too strong to just forget and put an end. Let’s try to understand how to let a man to come back, psychologist advice in this case, by the way, will help better than the hackneyed Internet algorithm with throwing things and a week of weeping. Let’s find the pluses where it seemed they could not exist, learn to finally love yourself, and not live for someone else.
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What not to do
Traditionally, it’s worth starting with a disclaimer of what not to do immediately after a breakup, so you don’t regret the rest of your life later. Someone who had a partner was everything in life is left alone with themselves, with feelings, or rather with a nagging pain that nothing seems to overshadow. Constant thoughts about your partner, an expression of his own worthlessness, uselessness, makes you weak, vulnerable, uninterested. In this state, not the best ideas usually come to mind:
- To suffer, to beg for a return are deliberately failing options – in the first days the ex feels a rush of freedom, independence, pity can not persuade;
- running to the bar for an adventure – it means blocking the possibility of renewed communication;
- to close oneself at home, burning photos in order to survive the first stage of “liberation” – there is a danger that ordinary grieving will turn into protracted depression;
- building a new love – not having dealt with the past, you will only drag the burden of worries into the future and exhaust yourself and the new guy;
- Overeating and alcohol – you can’t get happiness by destroying yourself.
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What does it mean to let go
It’s worth defining, letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. Letting go means giving your partner freedom, and most importantly freeing yourself from projecting your inner dependence on him. In one esoteric talmud described an interesting method of how to mentally let go of a person or visualization of liberation:
“…You need to close your eyes and visualize the tight ropes pulling from your heart and lower abdomen toward your departed partner. They pulsate, pumping out life energy, giving him the confidence that he is better than he is and deserves more. Then large golden scissors are taken mentally and the ropes are cut…”
Some people will find the practice ridiculous, but it has quite a scientific basis in terms of psychology. Thus, usually the one who is less dependent, the one who allowed to love, declares the breakup in the couple. Exaggeratedly, such a partner believes that if there is such an attachment, then he really is better than the others and deserves more, and while there is no more, it is possible to be in this relationship. After a breakup, this confidence is fueled by pity messages and the unhappy look of the abandoned party. Only by cutting off this feeding can we stop feeding him illusions of his own superiority, and force him to plunge into a reality where no one wants him.
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It is not without reason that they say that if you forget a man, he will come back. This is not just a grandmother’s saying. Whoever wants to achieve love, the return of the past, must understand that partners equally must be dependent on each other. If one side is too full of attention, it will give back the same amount of care less. So, as much as you want to be accepted, loved, appreciated, so learn to appreciate, love, accept yourself. Stop catching up, convincing love, give yourself the opportunity to feel how it could be otherwise.
At this point the most interesting thing will begin. When a confident in his exclusivity, will not find the usual support, his idea of himself will begin to crumble. A crisis in this case can not be avoided, perhaps the man will appear back with claims, conflicts. After all, if one party becomes independent, confident, the other is experiencing discomfort. It is not necessary at this point to destroy the built-up understanding of himself, to give in to suggestion of guilt. He must survive the internal conflict, and then realize how wrong the assessment of what was happening.
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Motivation and first steps
I think the first part of the article blog bursin.ru already made to move in the right direction, it remains only to understand how to let go in practice the man you love, especially if he is not you. According to the media psychologist Labkovsky, this is a prepositioned wrong question. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been dumped or not, the action comes from the head. That is, the union is physically over, but the body was not prepared, so it breaks down, it protests. Breaking up with a loved one is like taking away a drug addict’s dose. So you need to think not about how to forget him, and how to overcome internal problems, to deal with his head, stop seeing the other person as a “dose.
At the same time, the psychologist notes that even the return of a loved one will not bring happiness, as a drug addict, and it will be both bad and good at the same time. As long as there is no self-love, there is no equal union, the partner will be a means of taking out irritation with the taste of understanding that at any moment everything can come crashing down again. So it is necessary not to weep over the joint photos, but to direct all efforts to restore inner balance. Immediately after the breakup you need to:
- Analyze mistakes, rethink, ideally learn to meditate;
- prioritize yourself, your own feelings and emotions;
- take your free time to work on yourself;
- As a bonus you can do what you have always only dreamed of.
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Back and forth.
The so-called vicious circle, when a man basically does not want a relationship, he then disappears, but wants to get it all back again. And his return usually happens in a big way, with promises of eternal love, apologies on her knees, flowers. And leaving can be a spectacular scandal, and quiet, without explanation. Manifestations of such “love” can be several:
- Abusive relationships. The man gets high by hurting, he needs a surge of emotion, which he feeds on like a vampire. In such a union, there will be no plump babies, no lavish wedding, just repetition of pain and momentary joy. Such a man should not just let go, but hope that he never comes back. And he will disappear only when he finds no response and no nourishment.
- “Backup.” Besides hardened abusers, there are also practical guys who leave a backup airfield after a breakup. He’s met a new fling, but he’s in no hurry to leave with all his socks in a bunch. He may periodically write, call, and may even stop by for the night. You need to realize, there is no such thing as temporary or weekend love. You don’t have to wait for him to make up his mind, it’s humiliating, you need to let go and forget such a person.
- Owner. Another specimen who, even after a breakup, needs to know that there is no replacement for him. He does not love, does not care, but at the same time jealous, scandalous, literally suffocating with total control. You should not confuse this kind of behavior with love, there is nothing in common. Even if at first such treatment can be flattering, then over time you will want to howl at night from the lack of personal space.
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Tips from Men
All words are good in theory, so it is more objective to take advice from real men. If the desire to renew the union is too great and there is no doubt that it is without him that life will not be bright, then it is worth resorting to behavioral rules and start your game on the return of your beloved. So, what advises the stronger sex:
- Take care of yourself. A man of either sex longs to see a beautiful and neat appearance. If the time spent together forgot about the manicure and the gym, it is time to catch up. Let him see even in a casual meeting the one that he fell in love with at the first meeting.
- Confidence. Back to the subject at hand. If a woman loves herself, she is loved by those around her. The gait, the look, the tone of voice, everything should scream that in front of him a self-sufficient and confident person.
- Common interests. He likes chess? Go to the courses of the game. Snowboarding? It’s time to go downhill skiing. World of Tanks? There’s probably just enough to stop hating the game.
- Self-development. At a general party, he should realize again that he is a developed person, not a couch TV critic. Start reading, learn a new language, or master the intricacies of cooking. The main thing is interest.
- No contact and no surveillance. No phone calls or social networking. No monitoring. Also, do not overfill your feed with staged photos of your happy life. It is better to go online less often, let him be bored and perplexed.
- Patience. Waiting can take months, do not accelerate his decision to return.
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The bottom line .
In conclusion of all written it is important to understand one thing, even being in a couple and even more so after a breakup, you need to learn to let your loved one go, so that he feels dependent on the emotional nourishment, and returns in search of her. You can’t get a man through pity or threats. He can be there for you, but only physically and only until he finds a way to escape. Respect yourself, accept without abandonment, love, and then you won’t have to return anyone, because unnecessary people will leave and those who are worthy to be around will surround you.
Let’s support those who are just learning to love themselves and not depend on others in the comments. Tell your story of love and getting your loved one back.
How to let a man out of your life
When a romantic relationship ends, the stronger sex experiences the breakup less emotionally. Women often begin to think about how to let a man out of his life. Forget that wonderful time is not easy. Advice from an experienced psychologist will help to survive the parting with a loved one.
Three phases of release
Many psychologists believe that before you finally let go of the man you love, you need to go through three basic phases. This will help you get through the grief and start to live again.
The first is to give in to grief. There is no need to stifle your emotions, they should just get over it. Remember all the good things you had with your former lover. Do not be afraid to scroll in your head unrealized plans. All of this will lead to strong emotions and tears, but it is necessary to cry out your bitterness.
The second phase is to dispose of everything that is associated with memories. You shouldn’t be afraid to be ruthless or callous. It is better to return everything to your ex-partner:
- his photos;
- gifts of any value;
- clothing (even his favorite sleep shirt);
If he refuses to take these things back, they must be thrown away or given to those in need. A new life will not begin until you get rid of all the old stuff. There is simply no room for it.
Before you can let a man go from your heart, you must get rid of him in your mind. At this point, you need to stop being interested in his life. It is not necessary to visit the page of the ex in social networks or ask about him from friends and acquaintances.
Mentally, you should be prepared for the fact that it will be difficult to overpower yourself. Hands will still be reaching for the phone to check his feed. If this happens, it is better not just delete it from friends, but also to block it. Photos and gifts will no longer be able to be held as they have already been disposed of.
The third step is the separation from the past. At this stage, the woman realizes that she can safely live and do her own thing without her former lover. She no longer thinks about how to let go of the man so that he returns.
The third phase helps to realize that the past no longer hurts. Looking back, the girl feels no pain, only gratitude for the time spent together.
What not to do, getting rid of memories
The main thing that should not be done, letting a man out of his life – immediately enter into a new relationship. The next partner should not become for you “pain pill”. Get into a relationship with feelings, not in order to heal from the past. It won’t do any good.
The time between relationships is worth spending on your own mental development. During this period you can:
- Analyze your mistakes.
- Set the right priorities.
- Rethink all of the past.
- Get enough grief.
- Find something to do.
- Do something you’ve always wanted to do.
- Reflect on what kind of relationships in the future will be ideal and acceptable.
Spending time productively, you can learn a lot of lessons for yourself. Moving from one relationship to another will not help get rid of heartache. A woman only exhausts herself and her partner constant suffering and memories of her former lover.
How to break up with a man to get back together again
The reasons for breaking up a relationship can be different. But when a young man wants to end an affair, it is better not to prevent this. Advice from a psychologist will help you learn how to let go of a man so that he returns.
The first thing to do is not to bother him with his calls and meetings. If a man wants to break off contact, it means that he needs time to think things over. Some men can be intimidated by their own feelings, which he begins to feel for his beloved. Therefore, the young man needs to figure out himself and the seriousness of his own intentions.
You should not do things to spite him. A man will not want to go back to the one who decided immediately after the breakup to start a new relationship. To heal the wounds of the soul it is better to go on vacation, where you can spend time alone with yourself.
After the breakup should be engaged in their own self-development. In this case, the girl will not have time for calls, likes on social networks and silly messages. Other hobbies will help show the man that there is no vital need for him.
This will spark his interest. A former lover will try to resume the relationship and will most likely fall in love with a girl who is doing herself.
Get rid of any habits that may have caused the breakup. You should not give up a hobby for the sake of a man or try to lose weight, when for health reasons it is not necessary to do so. However, it is worth trying:
- Don’t drink a lot of alcohol.
- Don’t flirt with other men.
- Do not smoke or reduce your own rate of smoking cigarettes.
If the man makes adequate demands and calmly presents arguments, you can go along with him.
How to survive the departure of the man who does not love.
The most painful breakup of a relationship are experienced by girls. Immediately after the breakup, they begin to wonder how to let a man out of their thoughts, heart and life. The most common problem of women who have gone through a breakup – how to let go of a man who does not love you.
Such a situation immediately seems like a dead end. In the breakup, the girl begins to blame herself: she is so bad that she does not even have anything to love her for. You should not do this.
The first step is to realize that the person is not worthy of attention and tears. If you really want to, you can let your emotions out. However, it does not hurt to think for whom to cry.
The second step is to analyze whether there was love in general. Strong feelings do not just go away. It is impossible to wake up and realize that feelings for the man suddenly gone. An adequate man will immediately say that it is necessary to break up, and will not torture his beloved.
The third phase is not to give in to persuasion and not to return. It is better to immediately block the ex, so that there is no temptation to write to him. Lack of feelings will make him a callous consumer. He is sure to take advantage of the situation, to invite you for a one-night stand or a few hours.
The fourth step is to thank and let go of the young man who does not love. A new phase in a woman’s life begins. All former resentments and problems are in the past. The relationship with this man brought a tremendous experience, which will help not to make mistakes with a future man.
The results .
It is necessary to remember that in order to find your own peace of mind, you will need to go through three phases. During the first phase, you can cry, swear, express your emotions. The second phase is to get rid of everything that reminds you of your former lover. Gifts and things can be returned to the man or disposed of in some other way. When the suffering and bitterness recede, the girl takes the third step – calmly talk about the past and thank the former lover.