How to deal with rude people?

What are some tips on how to communicate with insolent people?

Are there any tips, following which will, to some extent, protect yourself from the insolence of people? If you have to communicate with an insolent person, what rules and recommendations should be followed?

First of all, when dealing with insolent people you must (preferably very calmly) make them understand that they will not be able to get on your neck and leave, and that they will get off where they sit. At the same time you should not stoop to insults.

As a rule, insolent people are very good at sensing human weakness, fear, defencelessness and inability to fight back, and quite skillfully use it.

Very often they start to make various requests to do or provide them something, which can be expressed in different forms. In such cases, you need to be able to defiantly ignore all of their wishes and firmly say no.

Usually, feeling a serious rebuff and realizing that with this person is not so easy all rolled, people have the impudence to give up significantly.

You know, the common belief is that you have to deal with insolent people by his own method.

But this is a fallacy. The fact is that if you communicate with him in his own language, he will only become convinced that everyone does the same, and there is no need to change either his behavior or his tactics.

But try to agree with him, and when he gets on your nerves, do not look him in the eye, and look at your nose. From the outside it will be seen that you are, ostensibly, looking at him, but really just at his nose.

The thing is that sassy people, like whiners, though, are energy vampires, and it’s impossible to do with them in their own way, it fuels their energy. Yes, they’re annoying with their behavior, but at the same time if you don’t do it the way they do it, you can put them in their place, they’ll understand that you can’t do that to you, and eventually they’ll get off, they’ll look for another victim for the source of energy that they just can’t get from outside on their own.

So the advice on “how to communicate with insolent people” would be to go against the logic of the insolent and the boor, don’t act on their own thinking, it will knock them out quickly.

And here’s a link about their psychology:

It is said that insolence is “second happiness.” This implies that such a person can easily achieve what he wants by attacking you boldly and openly. This catches him off guard. Your task is not to let others treat you like that. Recognizing this thought is the first step toward defeating the insolent man. He clearly does not expect pushback and is confident in his strength. Upon hearing the insolent speech addressed to yourself, the first thing to do is to remain calm and say: “I will not allow you to speak to me in this manner.” In response, you may hear an emotional outburst, using the “broken record” technique, you repeat the same phrase over and over again. Believe me, it will work.

It depends on what the goals of that communication are. And it’s not very clear what “having to communicate” means. You can always say, “I don’t like your tone, please get out.

And if it is difficult to say so, and there is neither self-confidence nor real leverage, what other rules and recommendations can there be?

Only to pump up your own self-defense, self-confidence, and primacy skills. People can sense power even in the tone of voice. In the East, if you shout and curse, then you have the right. But for most “insolent” people, even the tone of voice and the manner of speaking is enough.

I was in the bus, I had a baby in my arms, and my husband was next to me. The young guys next to me were using foul language in a way that made my ears droop. Sounds disgusting. My husband listened and listened and said calmly: “Enough already. The baby is here. They immediately shut up. Instantly. I know for a fact, if I had said that and I was without a husband, they wouldn’t have listened to me. I was almost the same age as them, an engineer on the outside, insecurity in my voice, and why on earth would they listen to me? The most I could do was ask. But today – calmly say, and they will obey, not go anywhere.

Really strong brazen people – very few in fact. Most of the rudeness and boorishness – from self-defense, or simply the lack of education – when they meet with a calm force, they become humble.

I personally have not encountered rude people for a long time. And if I do, I rather like them – it’s nice to see an equal in strength, albeit ill-mannered.

Well, I can recommend Litvak’s Psychological Aikido, if by insolence of others is meant too frequent pressure on you. Personally, I could not read this book. Everything is familiar. But I know many people who have been well helped.

Insolence is a blessing in disguise. If not the first.

That’s what makes these people use it to the fullest. And communication with them, by the way, actually can be a pleasure).

Example: a queue at the ticket office and in front of you, it is trying to get someone who needs to go faster, and with a complete lack of desire to wait for someone.

To your question: Maybe you should not be cheeky, the answer is: sometimes, if necessary, it is worth it, the situation as it were not in your favor, but this is only if you stay on “their wave.

Turn it 180 degrees and say the following, for example: your portrait and so on every corner, under the heading “they are wanted by the police,” so I would be in your place, slightly lessened the heat and stood at the end of the line.

Of course, the reaction would be, “What are you talking about?

But here is a “remote control”, will be in your hands, so pull a smile on his face, pull a cell phone and pushing the call 103, we say into the tube the following text: the man you are looking for is in the building of the station. Come over, he is just here, he’s starting a concert, at the request of the peoples of the far north…

Just trust me. Not only that everyone will immediately take a hard look at the one who is brazen (which he (or she) will not be able to underestimate), so he or she, still have in front of them, and the prospect for a pleasant conversation with the police, which will also be a lesson and a benefit for the future.

You think it’s a little harsh?

I’ll tell you, it’s just right. After a person will not have the 100% impudence, which was before this case. In fact. In my personal conviction, the right to insolence should have only those to whom it really suits.

It should be made clear to everyone else that insolence can be punishable.

If someone starts yelling or rudeness at me, I try to keep silent, bluntly focusing my gaze in the upper part of the bridge of my nose in the “third eye” area; if I have to answer something, I speak softly, almost in a whisper. Usually this quickly cools down the ardor of the yeller. And really, try yelling if you cannot hear what the “victim” is answering. I ignore impertinent people who try to use me, and firmly refuse. Once a neighbor at the cottage complained that she loves tomatoes, but she does not want them to grow. So I shared my harvest with her. And then I overheard her another neighbor to the question of why she did not plant tomatoes, said that there was no point – I have a lot, anyway, will bring the excess. Of course, after such insolence has ceased to share, I will be around tomatoes, “dancing”, and she every night drinking vodka. Unfair.

In life and at work very often had to deal with insolent people.

In my experience, I say that the more superficial and evasive you will respond to their attacks, the sooner their intrusiveness will come to “nothing”.

In general, there are a few rules for dealing with such people:

  • translate everything into a joke.
  • Ignore
  • changing the uncomfortable topic
  • counter questions
  • behave just like him, asking the same uncomfortable questions, shooting quippy phrases (excellent advice, by the way)
  • Make it clear that you do not like it, even rudely. Often they do not understand any other way of communication.

The main thing is under no circumstances lose self-control, to be sufficiently tough. Always remain calm.

And do not try to hurt them. They are unbreakable. Take care only of your own feelings and nerves.

Many people limit the concept of the word “impudence” to rude or even boorish external behavior. Communicating with such people is, of course, difficult. Because here there is rather a defect of upbringing. It is impossible to explain anything to such a person.

Personally I refuse such contacts. I think it makes no sense to talk to a person who shouts or is rude. However, in life I met such blatant rude people very rarely. And when I have met them, I simply turned my back and left at the first manifestation of aggression.

However, I think that the most insolent people are those who just outwardly behave quite decently. But in fact they have a real insolence. With these people really need fortitude, toughness and straightforwardness. For example, he (she) may come up with a friendly smile and nicely ask to do a great job (which himself does not want to do). In such cases, you need the ability to firmly say “no”. And this is more difficult than facing a shouting boor. But it is necessary to learn how to do it.

I had a friend who tried to sit on my neck. She asked me to write a term paper for her daughter in college (at that time I helped students write their diplomas). I did it once. But then I started getting the same requests again. And the lady herself is educated and literate woman. That’s when I realized that I was getting on my neck. When she called me on the phone with another request, I told her directly, that she should look for free stuff elsewhere, or she wrote her daughter’s college papers. Backtracked.

It’s important to set a determined tone. And then everything will go by itself. Yes, and the irritation of the insolence of people will also add to the anger.

Rudeness at work: how to subdue a rude person

Respond to the boorishness of a co-worker in such a way as to quickly put him down, keep your dignity and win in the eyes of employees. This will minimize psychological stress and worries.

When we hear rudeness or when faced with a disregard for our personal opinion, some people immediately respond appropriately, while others remain silent. Thus, according to studies by psychophysiologists, the reaction to rudeness is embedded in our genetic code. Therefore, even witnesses of conflicts are stressed – those present have short-term weakening of attention and memory.

The victims who do not know how to resist the insults, because they also weaken the immune system, worsen the psychological and physical well-being, plus there are problems in private life, have the hardest time. As the result the most decisive of them, about 10 %, quit their jobs in unfavorable collectives.

Coach-psychologist of “Format Management” agency Inna Butenko listed four main reasons for harsh verbal outbursts.

First, the child grew up in an atmosphere of rudeness, humiliation and scandals. Since childhood, he heard his parents insulting each other, in addition, he experienced their constant irritation, anger and beatings. Over the years, boys and girls adopt the adult style of communication, consider it the norm and translate it to others.

The second, underestimated self-esteem (it is formed in the family and at school). Children quickly learn that they can assert their status in their own eyes and in relationships with their peers with angry remarks and even physical force. It should be noted that such a habit remains for life.

Third, there were failures in their personal lives, careers, and unrealized dreams.

Fourth, temporary difficulties which take a lot of strength to overcome. Man frazzled and irritated, and therefore snapping at everyone who gets under the hot hand.

After listening to the psychologist’s theses on the causes of rudeness, I had the impression that the unfortunate insolent should be hugged and cried. Probably, most of us would do the same. However, the damage that is done to others is so great that we forget about pity.

In teams, where rough treatment and humiliation of employees is allowed, hidden work is sabotaged, and at home, victims of attacks broadcast their bad moods on people close to them (Take a test for conflict in the team)

If you say nothing in response to rudeness of the employee, the verbal attacks are sure to repeat and over time, such behavior becomes a habit, besides the number of aggressors in the team will increase. Therefore, provide decent feedback right away. But avoid the bazaar principle: who shouts the loudest and most inconsiderate, and he is right – this kind of tactics will only lead to an escalation of the conflict.

Imagine the situation: walking through town, you hear a sarcastic remark from a drunken citizen or a drug addict. Naturally, most of us pass by such an individual without turning our heads. At work, in most cases, this technique also works well, that is, it allows you to show that the attacker and his words are nothing. As a result, the attacks come to naught, which helps save nerves and your own dignity. There are several proven non-verbal ways to ignore.

Examples of nonverbal responses to rudeness. Demonstrate to a coworker that you do not see him point-blank, even when it comes to performing joint tasks, that is, you have to communicate. Make it simple enough – master a few non-verbal techniques.

Always look solely over the head of the subject (during the morning greeting and office dialogues), pass him quickly. This tactic is extremely unpleasant for any of us.

In business conversations, “close up” – cross your arms over your chest or (if you are sitting) put your foot on your leg – this technique works without fail on a subconscious level.

Show that you are very busy – to quickly end the conversation, pick up the phone and pretend to dial the number of the caller (you can even leave the general office).

Respond to snide remarks with an arrogant eyebrow raise.

Tip. If you see that the person wants to reconcile, stop the stiff ignoring, but for a while longer be restrained.

Change the attitude by using praise. After all, positive emotions are more effective than appeals to reason, in addition, encourage correct behavior, so that you listen to kind words more often.

Examples of situations and phrases to respond to rudeness. If an individual makes angry remarks about you, use simple manipulative sentences:

  • “Rudeness does not add credibility even to a competent professional such as yourself.”
  • “Insults are unbecoming of a good person like you.”

A coworker came back from a supervisor in a bad mood and began to take his bitterness out on you. Kindly say:

  • “What can I do for you to not have the pleasure of hearing inappropriate remarks.”
  • “There are difficulties at work, but you will definitely do well.”

A colleague is having problems (with family, children or health), so he gets agitated and annoyed about everything, and he doesn’t realize how aggressive he is. In that case, ask: “Do you hear yourself and understand how this is seen by others?

For some unknown reason, the person makes angry insults. Calmly say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear what you said, I think you misspoke.

If there is a manipulator in the team, then peacefully rephrase his words, with the first part of the sentence sounding like:

  • “You probably meant to say…”;
  • “Justify your message…”.

Learn to keep your composure (even if only superficially) if you hear rudeness or sarcastic barbs directed at you. Be sure to try to reproduce the indifference on the face and intonation. Ask, shall we say, an elegant question, which will help reduce the level of insolence of the employee.

Examples of situations and phrases to respond to rudeness. You walk into the office in the morning and literally immediately hear the unceremonious treatment. Smile affably and fend off the attack: “And you have a (great) day. Believe me: any normal person will immediately lose the desire to be rude.

A coworker in a bad mood and starts to take it out on you. Calmly look him in the eye and ask: “Why are you shouting at me? In most cases, the opponent immediately becomes uncomfortable – he calms down. If that doesn’t happen, ask another question (any question, depending on the situation):

  • “Do you intend to offend me, why?”
  • “Are you having a tough day?”
  • “Do you want to vent your bad mood”?

Then listen to his tirade and ask, “Is that it?

It is considered impolite to answer a question with a question. Although in circumstances where you are being rude and have to defend yourself, it is a perfectly acceptable tactic. Force the interlocutor, and over and over again to specify and clarify your messages.

Examples of situations and phrases to respond to rudeness. You’ve done a good job, but a colleague in an elevated tone begins to lecture, and his comments are devoid of objectivity. Immediately delicately block the unauthorized creeps with a retort:

  • “Thank you for the advice, but do not worry about the results of my work;
  • “You don’t have to bother with recommendations.”
  • “Thank you, I’ll take care of it myself.”
  • “Please don’t interfere with my direction.”

Tip. Avoid the usual line: “None of your business. Soften the wording and inquire correctly, for example: “Excuse me, but are you relevant to this area of work?” And the word combination: “It’s my business” – forget it (it makes you the center of the conflict).

Senior in age, but not in rank, you begin to examine and evaluate, say, prepared by the report or report. From the get-go, ask:

  • “Why did you decide to test my knowledge and skills?”
  • “On what basis are you using mentoring techniques?”

If a colleague or even a supervisor turns to shouting, immediately ask:

  • “Why do you raise your voice”; “Why do you allow yourself to speak so loudly.”
  • “Your line sounds very rude. You would like it if I addressed you the same way.”
  • “What makes you say things like that to me.”
  • “Why did my words irritate you so much?”

There are times when an employee begins to “spew venom” for people who seem to be offended by you. At the top of his voice, he tells you how you did the wrong thing to a third person who was not present during the conversation. In that case, briefly summarize:

Examples of response phrases to this type of rudeness:

  • “Why are you accusing me of an unethical act in a barefaced manner?”
  • “Claims against me should be made solely by the person you say is hurt.”
  • “You have chosen to assume the function of an umpire.”
  • “If you wish, you can write a report to our supervisor – the superiors will sort out who is right and who is wrong.”

Important: even if the unsubstantiated accusations are very offensive – don’t explain anything, don’t give evidence, and don’t make excuses.

This method is great for people with a choleric temperament, and those who are not looking for a word in the pocket. Start skirmish – it will help blow off steam, and you and your opponent. You may even win a long-term victory and discourage further contact with you. And even more importantly, the remaining employees (witnesses of the scandal) will properly select the words and intonation when communicating, because you also in their eyes become a boor.

When parrying rudeness remember that the main impression on the aggressor produce not your words, and the manner of behavior, that is, self-confidence and equanimity

Coach-psychologist agency “Format Management” Inna Butenko: “If a person resorts to insults and raise your voice, it is a sign of low self-esteem and / or lack of valid arguments. Accordingly, respond to rudeness to the extent lenient, but be sure to provide the individual with adequate feedback.

Confront the rudeness and insolence of a colleague with complete outward indifference.

Contain nervous tension (read: how to quickly calm down), because when an aggressive interlocutor sees someone else’s excitement, he is encouraged and continues to harass.

Don’t raise your voice or get personal – the intonation should be very restrained to avoid an altercation.

Do not “feed” the scandal with your emotional statements.

Do not make excuses – this is perceived as doubts about your own strength and professionalism. In addition, it shows your inflated sense of duty and possibly guilt.

Don’t allow facts to be twisted – interrupt the conversation immediately and correct the employee. You can reinforce your words with a non-verbal device, such as shaking your head.

Do not wait until the flow of eloquence in the rude person runs out. As he begins to repeat his arguments, say, “I heard you. Then add: “Now play your tone and words in the presence of the head”, – or say that you will write a report to the Chief.

And most importantly, in all situations, maintain a sense of self-confidence.

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