How to behave at the beginning of a relationship: useful tips for guys and girls
How to behave at the beginning of a relationship – a question that many indifferent people ask, because the moment of the beginning of a relationship is the most important in the life of lovers. There are butterflies in the stomach from the fact that you just look into each other’s eyes, pleasant words, gifts and a sea of tenderness. The most important thing is not to do anything stupid and be adequate in this period.
In this article you will find some rules that will help girls and guys for a long time to keep their feelings and not to scare away his or her chosen one. If you follow these recommendations, you can turn the short confetti-bouquet period into a long and strong relationship.
5 recommendations for a girl to behave correctly at the beginning of a relationship
No need to become a “mommy”
Some girls, not knowing how to behave at the beginning of a relationship with a guy, go to extremes, taking the pattern of behavior “mother – child” as a basis. They are full of confidence that their boyfriend can not make a step without responsive guidance. The role of a mommy can have two roles.
The first – the role of the mother is manifested in constant reproaches for not paying enough attention or in persuasions to spend as much time as possible with her.
The second is constant care on the part of the girl, which manifests itself in total care: laundry, cleaning, cooking. In essence, such a role is reduced to a servant.
Of course, love is based on care, but you need to understand the boundaries beyond which you should not overstep. A grown man is able to take care of himself. And the role of “mommy” reduces the level of trust to zero, because the mothers are rarely shared secrets.
Do not give up your favorite things.
It happens that in the early stages of the relationship girl begins to dissolve in his chosen one, reshaping his interests under him. For example, suddenly begins to watch the program about hunting and fishing, although previously such entertainment did not interest her at all. Or begins to give up her hobbies in order to give more attention to her partner. Both of these vectors of behavior – a mistake, because a man chooses his partner because of the manifestations of her personality, and she, among other things, consists of hobbies. In any relationship, you need to maintain your personality.
Don’t give up socializing with your friends
A man, jealous of his partner’s friends, may insist that he stop communicating with them. Or, failing to find a common language with any of them, demonstrate his dislike in every way. Such behavior is typical of a man who is trying to hide his complexes and insecurities with the help of control over his significant other. As practice shows, the rejection of friends does not help strengthen relationships, but leads to a breakdown of friendships. As a result, you risk to remain not only alone but also without time-tested friends.
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Don’t try to be perfect in everything
Psychological attitudes of many women lead to the fact that, plunging into a relationship, they try to become for their partner an ideal companion. This is just taken into account the criteria for “perfection” in the opinion of the woman, but not a man. An established personality is very difficult to break, remaking the character, principles and outlook on life. Negative consequences for the woman’s psyche will come inevitably. And the man may not appreciate the new “ideal”, because he got acquainted with a completely different personality.
Do not require a man of the command-unit relationship
Men, as it turns out, this is the head of the family – its defender and chief earner. He should feel like a support for women. Such feelings he will not be able to experience, if they will be ordered around, giving orders in a commanding tone. If you want to ask your partner for something, then ask, not demand. Otherwise, the man will run away from such a general in a skirt.
I would like to say that in the early stages of a romantic relationship you should not fill your head with ideas about how to behave at the beginning of the relationship. Don’t try to make everything around you and yourself perfect, just give yourself to the new tender feeling.
Girl mistakes at the beginning of a relationship
When a woman is interested in a man and seeks to take the relationship to the serious stage, she becomes afraid of losing the connection. Therefore, she is subjected to panic attacks and begins to make mistakes that only provoke a breakup.
Mistake No. 1: Being played up. It was mentioned above that a woman, not knowing how to behave at the beginning of a relationship with a man, begins to recast her self under the imaginary ideals and lifestyle of her partner. She changes her manners, behavior and even appearance. The trouble is that the playfulness does not go unnoticed, it catches the eye and causes confusion, and sometimes disappointment to her partner.
Mistake #2: Imagined future together. Do not have time to begin dating her boyfriend, she has already decided when the wedding will take place, what will be the wedding dress, how many children will be born, what their names will be, etc. And the chosen one is not even aware of such far-reaching plans. Yes, he likes the girl, but he does not expect to spend the rest of his life with her, but is interested only in a non-committal relationship.
Mistake #3: Provoking jealousy. Many ladies attempt to provoke their partner’s jealousy in order to show their worth. In the end, she achieves the opposite effect – the man sees her as an unreliable partner. The fact that you are bright and extraordinary, you can prove in other ways. Trying to cause jealousy, you just prove your insecurity. Strong unions are not built on manipulation, but on trust.
Mistake #4: Invasion of personal space. This mistake isn’t just in love relationships-every person has a right to his or her own life. Trying to control your partner by invading his personal space will not lead to a happy happy ending, he will simply run away from you.
Psychologists’ tips for men on behavior at the beginning of a relationship
How to behave properly at the beginning of a relationship? Such a question torments the stronger half as well. There are five indicators that women pay attention to when choosing a partner.
Appearance. The fact that a woman loves the ears – only partly true. Every lady wants to see next to her well-groomed companion in good physical shape, neatly dressed and without the funeral tape under his nails.
Intelligence. It is not necessary to have a couple of higher educations to prove intellectual abilities. But to be able to speak with more than just interjections, to clearly state his point of view, and just be able to maintain a conversation on various topics – it is important for the vast majority of women.
Education. Although we live in an era of feminism, any girl will be pleased if her beau opens the door in front of her or gives her a hand when getting out of the car. It is not just gallantry, it is a simple upbringing, once again emphasizing the intelligence of a man.
Character traits. The main character traits that give a woman a sense of confidence in her partner, this determination, the ability to care, kindness, honesty, the ability to set and achieve goals, to be a leader.
A sense of reliability. Women need to feel with a man as a stone wall and look to the future with confidence. If a partner does not have goals, does not feel the need to share household chores with his girlfriend or ready to live off his lover, it is likely that the woman will not be interested in him.
By nature, men find it more difficult to understand women on an empathic level. Therefore, they often do not know how to behave with the beloved in times of crisis in the relationship. To men do not act on instinct, making mistakes, psychologists advise them to
Take care of your woman every day;
Do not let lull passion in intimacy;
Periodically arrange a romantic date;
Give gifts not only on holidays;
Do not forget to pay compliments;
Be gentle and considerate;
show interest in a woman’s personality, her hobbies and aspirations;
maintain a good relationship with her relatives and friends;
try to spend their free time together;
Do not allow lies in the relationship;
Be attentive to the words of your chosen one;
Try to avoid criticism, even if there is a reason.
4 mistakes men make at the beginning of a relationship
Not only women make mistakes when trying to impress their chosen one. Men also go to extremes, making blunders. How to behave at the beginning of a relationship with a girl, so that she does not run away without looking back? Do not make the following mistakes.
Mistake #1: Lack of self-confidence. A woman chooses a partner who knows how to make decisions. If the chosen one is constantly cautious and shifts the responsibility on the partner, she is unlikely to want to continue relations with him.
Mistake number 2: The manifestation of rudeness. If a man allows himself to be rude to his partner, it’s not just a lack of parenting. In most situations in life, one is rude to those who definitely cannot respond because of physical or psychological weakness. That is, the rude person knowingly understands his impunity. This is a sign of cowardice. A truly strong man takes care of his beloved and spoils her with affection.
Mistake #3: Demanding sex. This is one of the biggest mistakes men make in relationships. If a partner insists on moving into an intimate relationship as soon as possible, his main goal is sex and only sex. He is not interested in the woman as a person, she is perceived only as an object for the satisfaction of carnal needs. No one is arguing about the importance of sexual life in a strong relationship, but both partners must be ready for it.
Mistake #4: Fear of showing weakness. Men often carry their own labels instructing them to hide their emotions and not show weakness. This usually comes from childhood, if a boy has been indoctrinated that “men don’t cry.” But women want to see next to a man alive, able to empathize. A demonstration of genuine feelings are sometimes much more valuable than a thousand words.
All people make mistakes. The main thing – do not be afraid to admit them and work to eliminate them. By analyzing the blunders, you can change your behavior in the future.
Ways to avoid problems at the beginning of the relationship
To answer the question of how to behave at the beginning of a relationship, let’s say the following: the easiest and most effective way is dialogue. Communicating and discussing personal problems helps to strengthen the relationship.
Open communication on topics of concern allows you to avoid misunderstandings. After all, often instead of asking directly, one of the couple “invents” the problem, sinking into doubt.
In the early stages of building relationships logical, that you know each other little, so do not always correctly understand the inner feelings of the partner. Yes, and do not hurry to reveal the depth of their fears, fearing to scare away his chosen one excessive revelations. But such isolation builds a wall that prevents the outgrowth of love in a strong sense.
On the part of your inner worries may be perceived by a partner as indifference. So in some moments it is worth overpowering yourself and talk openly with his partner.
Another important condition for a stronger relationship is sex. And sex at the beginning of the affair. During intimacy, touching and kissing each other, your bodies produce certain hormones that allow the brain to label the lover as the chosen partner. A seemingly simple chemical reaction in the body actually promotes a sense of psychological togetherness. And this, in turn, increases the chances for a lasting and long-lasting relationship.
Summing up all of the above, it is worth adding that the strength of the relationship depends on the mutual work of a man and a woman. The beginning of an affair greatly affects the further course of the relationship between the partners. Love is the foundation, and any mistakes can be corrected. The main thing is to do it right.
How to properly start a relationship with a guy you like?
Copywriter with a degree in psychology. Can’t get past articles about how our brains work.
Expert – Margarita Lopukhova
Family psychologist. For 8 years I save the “family unit” from collapse. I help couples regain love and understanding.
The beginning of a relationship with a guy – an important and serious stage during which the foundation is laid for the future of the couple. If there is one, of course. And to be or not to be the future depends on many factors, but the most important is the correct and harmonious development of the original relationship, so every step of the way should be thoroughly thought out and weighed.
The future depends primarily on the wisdom of women. How she behave, how to avoid the pitfalls so that the relationship was favorable and led to good results?
Already on the first dates the couple begins to lay the stereotypes of future relationships, which then it is not easy, and sometimes impossible, to correct.
In order to better navigate in such matters, it is necessary to first understand the psychological types of men. And how to behave at the beginning of a relationship correctly.
Classification of men according to psychological types
- Type one, unable to build a relationship
The inability to build the right relationship has two reasons. The first is that the man is not mature enough for a long-term relationship, but there is hope that over time he will change for the better. The second reason is that he is not capable of building relationships with people a priori. To come to the right conclusions, it is worth asking how are his relationships in the workplace, with neighbors, parents, friends, if any.
A man of this type can coexist with a woman, but more in the physical plane. Psychologically, he is deeply indifferent to how the woman feels. He doesn’t even try to take care of her, it doesn’t occur to him. Taking care of her is enough.
Ideal, almost saintly, representatives of the strong half of mankind belong to this type. Their small group is diluted with an ennumber of monks and spiritual gurus, who practically do not need women’s society. There are not enough of these men for all women.
- Type three, ordinary.
Sinful men, strong and not so strong, yearning for love, understanding and recognition. Psychologically vulnerable, largely dependent on women. The most numerous group.
With a representative of the first type it is better to say goodbye immediately and forever, because this psychological parasite will not bring anything but heartache and disappointment to a woman’s life.
A representative of the third type needs a woman as much as she needs him. So, with him it is quite realistic to build a relationship, especially if properly behaved at the beginning. It should be remembered that a lot depends on the first impression, and then it will be impossible to correct it.
The beginning of a relationship with a guy: how not to make mistakes
Some of the female sex when dating begins to play roles that are not appropriate for them. This is a big mistake, because it does not work to play for life. Moreover, if the girl has no talent for acting, then such a game turns out insincere and false. Well, if the partner who has seen the trick will be indulgent, but after all he can wag his finger at his temple, at least virtually. For the normal development of relations it is important to respect yourself and your loved one, to be yourself, and not an invented character.
- Do not give a chance to illusions.
A woman is characteristic of endowing the beloved man with noble features, next to which he, perhaps, did not stand next to, and sacredly believe in their fantasies. Love clouds the mind, the novelty of feelings blinds, and the faults of the chosen one are not seen, or are seen, but not considered significant.
Life can alarmingly semaphore a woman, but she will stubbornly ignore the signals she receives, so she does not want to let bad things into her love. Illusions will be shattered anyway, it’s just a matter of time. The most frustrating thing is that this happens most often already in marriage and is a source of disappointment and dissatisfaction.
If a girl can not adequately assess the chosen one herself, it is a good idea to invite a more experienced friend or relative as an independent expert.
- Don’t get attached prematurely
Attachment is not love, but it is still a strong feeling. If there is no confidence in the sincerity of your beloved’s feelings, do not overestimate the importance of the relationship.
A guy can use a girl’s premature attachment for his own purposes, without regard for her desires and needs. This will lead to serious suffering on the part of the woman as in the case of the relationship breakup, and in the case of their further development.
- Do not rush things
You should keep a certain distance for a while, then allowing a man to get pretty close, then slightly moving him away. Men like this style of communication, which allows them to feel like a conqueror. A woman, on the other hand, as if she were keeping her chosen one on a leash, allowing them to walk freely, but at the same time not allowing them to run away.
It is inevitable when two adults with different upbringings and worldviews come together in one union. But compromises should not humiliate or deceive either party.
The financial component may not play the last role in the development of the relationship, although not every girl will agree to admit it even to herself. In any case, it is worth avoiding talking about this topic so that the admirer does not get the feeling that he is needed for the sake of money.
- Domestic issues are not trivial.
The beginning of a relationship with a guy is perceived as a holiday, and the first time does not give proper importance to domestic issues. As life shows, everyday life is far from being a trifle. Often it is the most difficult obstacle to a happy family life.
- There is no need to dissolve in the chosen one
Do not give yourself all of the man, who is still a stranger and it is unclear whether he will ever become his. Man accepts what is happening as a matter of course, and does not take adequate measures in response. He will get used to this state of affairs and will demand such an attitude forever.
If a man behaves disrespectfully to his girlfriend, in a boorish way, to tolerate and be silent is impossible. Otherwise, the result of this behavior will be even greater insolence of men.
Do not serve her lover, forgetting about themselves, their needs and hobbies. In this case, the man is gradually beginning to lose interest in the woman as a person.
A woman should in the first place to accept courting and signs of attention, and return them to a man – this is the second. It is appropriate to compare a woman to a flower that is watered by a gardener. The flower thanks the gardener with its blossom and fragrance.
It is unnatural for a flower to start watering the gardener. In this case, the flower will wither away without love and attention.
Some guys may treat excessive tutelage differently. They may find it unpleasant, as it violates their personal space and freedom. A break from each other is necessary, at least for a short time.
- No Claims
Making claims at the beginning of a relationship with a guy is rash. During this period, no one owes anyone anything. Everything is still shaky and unclear.
It is necessary to turn to a man for help. If the girlfriend perfectly copes without him, even with men’s work, her admirer begins to feel his unclaimed, unnecessary, which leads to the degradation of the relationship.
- Do not scare the guy
It is not necessary to pour out on a man a whole bowl of their sorrows and troubles, especially at once. Men, though they are the strongest half of humanity, are actually afraid of all the difficulties and problems.
- Checks – no!
Don’t make a test of your feelings. This is a direct way to disappoint a man, because it implies no trust and is a sign of sheer stupidity.
- Talking about the future is forbidden
The beginning of a relationship with a guy is not the right time to discuss a common future. During this period, men do not think about such things and may treat such conversations with apprehension.
It will be better to put a taboo on the past. No talk about who had what, and how many times. And certainly no comparisons.
A woman does not have to reveal herself completely in front of the chosen one. It is necessary to conceal a kind of mystery, intrigue. Again, it is important not to overdo it with secrets.
- The family is sacred.
It is not bad to get acquainted with the parents of the guy, to visit them at home, and not just once, to find out the atmosphere in which he grew up. According to experts, a person subconsciously transfers to his family what he saw in his parents. Observing, as parents treat each other, whether the man helps the woman – you can make far-reaching conclusions.
Not hurtful would be to carefully find out about the health of the parents – no one cancels hereditary diseases.
Do not be fooled by hasty declarations of love. Love matures gradually, juicing like grapes in the sun. It is possible that a mutual sympathy develops into a real feeling of light, but it may be the other way around.
It is impossible to find the perfect man, everyone has his own advantages and disadvantages. It is not right to think that you can re-educate a grown man, to fit the desired pattern. But despite the shortcomings, it is much easier to coexist with a man, if you do it consciously.
Every girl dreams of a happy family life. The first step on the long road to the dream is the beginning of a relationship with a guy. Women’s wisdom, patience and love will help you to go through all the thorns and achieve your goal.