How to communicate with the boss psychology?

Communicating with a “difficult” leader (Methods of confronting the supervisors-samodura)

In all circumstances, keep a sense of dignity. Serfdom has long been abolished, and we all work not for the masters, but for themselves.

The employer is well aware of this. Moreover – any director (unless, of course, he is an autocrat, and not a dinosaur of the team economy) deep in his heart would like to see initiative specialists near him. Managing a modern dynamic company with obedient puppets is simply unrealistic.

Don’t be afraid to object if you have reason to doubt your boss’s decisions. Yes, perhaps his objections will make him angry (power corrupts everyone in one way or another), but then he will cool down and appreciate your candor.

How to communicate with the boss at work?

How to communicate with the boss – this question concerns every subordinate, and any employee should know the basic rules of communication, avoid typical mistakes, so that the conversation with the management was constructive.

Bosses can be different – from quite democratic and adequate to the real autocrats. But they all have one thing in common: they are the leaders, and you – the subordinates, and therefore should be able to find a common language with his boss.

First of all, remember that the head is much more responsible than his team. He has to make decisions, sometimes to act tough, and the problems at his level are often more serious than ours.

Hence the habit of command, authoritative tone, heavy-handed look. So what to do: to tremble and fall to his knees? Not at all.

Before a visit to the office of the bosses need to adjust, because in a stressed state we are not capable of adequate communication. Sit quietly, breathe deeply, remember your strengths, to raise self-esteem. And tune in to the positive. Will broadcast your fear – you will be treated as a victim.

Whatever the reason you’re not going to talk to the boss, carefully prepare – a report, a request, even a “call to the carpet”: all his words you have to control and argue.

Speak confidently, clearly, do not lose the power of speech and do not mutter excuses under your breath – it irritates any manager. Make a plan of the conversation, on any point you should be ready to briefly and clearly explain your position.

How to communicate with the boss constructively – do not start from the doorstep to “load” it with problems. Entering the office, look around for a few seconds, feel the mood of the boss. If he is angry or depressed, your cheerful voice will be inappropriate. Speak calmly, muffled and measured.

If the boss is optimistic and looks upbeat, the dramatic notes in the subordinate’s voice may spoil the upcoming conversation. Learn to be a bit of a psychologist, because communication is an art, and knowing it provides many advantages.

Remind the manager what question you came to talk about. He already has a lot of problems and worries without you, he can not remember everything, bring him up to date: we have a problem with the supplier of N for so-and-so reasons.

“The boss is always right” – this slogan, of course, is to the liking of many managers. But a qualified and experienced employee must be able to defend his point of view.

However, this is only done face to face, it is unacceptable to point out to the boss his mistakes and blunders in the presence of a subordinate, be he three times wrong.

Disagree with the instructions of the boss – try to reasonably prove it to the boss. And many are beginning to discuss unfair, in their view, orders behind the back of management, with colleagues who, of course, sympathize. But then somehow your discontent will reach the chief.

The distance between superiors and subordinates must be respected. Even if you have a small team and your boss is your friend, you should not show it. It is better to address him as “you”.

There are, of course, situations where the director is too democratic and prefers a friendly style of communication, but it is still worth remembering who holds what position.

Do not forget to follow the important rule: all the issues on the work, which require a decision with the participation of other managers of the same level as yours, solve only by agreeing with your boss. Otherwise, you will show disrespect to your boss.

Many managers have, in turn, superiors of even higher rank. For their subordinates, you are undoubtedly a threat and an authority. But when communicating with your boss, forget it. Maybe at the same time, better understand their own employees.

Bosses, from whom you want to run away, enough – there are tyrants and manipulators, and even psychopaths. They understand the concept of “staff motivation” as one big stick (the carrot is out of the question).

There are only two ways out of the situation when you are tired of such bosses. If your salary is not worth it to suffer humiliation, to be in a state of perpetual stress and lose self-esteem – look for another job.

And if you are afraid to lose a significant source of income, if there are prospects for career growth, or just to date you can not give up and leave – stay and do it.

The head you can not change – change your attitude to the situation. Try to imagine that everything that is happening is a kind of training for endurance, psychological stability and endurance.

In dealing with an unbalanced boss do not be rude in response – this will only inflame the bully. Talk to him more or less constructively will be possible only when he cools down.

Arguing in general is useless. After the boss slightly “goose”, say that you regret his mistake and fix it. But add – I do not see the need to talk to me in that tone, it prevents me from focusing on my work.

And there’s also good advice – try to stay away from the autocrat in the moment of a surge of supervisory aggression. Unless, of course, you were called to the carpet in the midst of an angry outburst.

Then there are still methods for keeping a balance and suppressing your desire to run something in the yelling type.

Imagine that you are on stage and play the roles: the boss – in the form of a tyrant, and you – an undeserved victim.

Do not take what is happening seriously – you play the scolding scene and the show will go on in a different direction.

You can build a wall between the boss and yourself in your imagination – made of glass, bricks, concrete – anything. But you’re here, and he, strung out, is there. And all his anger crashes against that blank wall.

Another interesting method – imagine the tyrant in the home environment: there he is in an apron and chef’s hat cooking something in the kitchen, or snuggled in a chair in his pajamas. Is it possible to be offended by such?

In your imagination, you can go even further – you can put a too harmful and hateful boss on a potty and let him swear at you from there. Such a picture causes only laughter. And you are not at all offended by his angry speech.

Unscrupulous bosses are not only in the workplace. Many firsthand experience of sexual harassment.

Do not provoke the head of his frank appearance, observe the dress code and moderation in makeup.

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Attempts at flirting should be stopped, not silenced, otherwise it’s like you’re encouraging sexual harassment.

How to communicate with the boss – in a businesslike manner, do not accept any gifts, do not answer the phone after work.

Express your dissatisfaction in private, and if the outrage continues, you can attract the attention of colleagues.

Emphasize your stable relationship with your husband or significant other, call him in the presence of the chief.

A conversation in the boss’s office in private is expected – take a tape recorder with you so you have proof of his harassment.

Even when the case does not go to court, the evidence against the excessively reckless boss will help him cool his ardor.

There is also an option to seek help from higher management. But you can not tolerate harassment. Stand up for your rights, no matter how difficult it may be.

Work, in addition to the financial income should bring and moral satisfaction.

You yourself choose how to communicate with the boss – to tolerate humiliation, or to seek different ways out of this situation.

You haven’t had a drink on the brotherhood table yet.

Feeling the intonation of confidence in the voice of the head, do not hurry to portray yourself as a shirt-boy or a crazy woman. There is no need to be the first to call him “you”, to pat his shoulder amicably, to make eyes at him or to tell dirty jokes at a meeting in the office corridor.

Even a very democratic boss would consider such an attitude suspicious familiarity. Maybe someday you really become friends, but it takes a long time and special circumstances.

Let’s say more: a somewhat detached communication is the most comfortable for you. So you won’t look like a sycophant in the eyes of your peers.

At first, always address your boss by his first name and patronymic. If he sets himself a European style of treatment (ie, will call you by your full name, but at “you”), you have the right to call him in the same spirit. True, we emphasize that the latter assumption is valid only if there is a slight difference in age.

In any case, knock on the director’s door before you enter.

How to handle in a conflict situation?

The team includes people with different characters and ambitions, so it is natural that conflicts arise between employees. It is important to notice and stop them in time.

Therefore, the question arises, how to behave with subordinates in a conflict situation? There are no universal algorithms. You can only consider options for solving conflicts among subordinates on examples.

There are differences when misunderstandings occur in medium-sized businesses and among “white collar workers”. In the second case, the situation is resolved more easily because it occurs in a huge machine where individual parts of units can be replaced or reinstalled elsewhere. It is more difficult to fix the situation in a small organization, where each employee was selected specifically for his or her place.

It is necessary to get into the problem. Do it discreetly. Find out the reason for the conflict and think about what you did if the conflict occurred outside the office.

Try to bring the situation up so that the employees end the conflict on their own. In this case, the dynamic of heat will come full circle and everyone will take their own places.

How to deal with a subordinate who goes against the will of management? To solve the problem, it is worth inviting a psychologist who will establish the positions of each side and find a common solution. In examples with small and medium-sized businesses, arrange meetings on outside territory. This will allow you to vent your emotions without harming your reputation.

The situation is common and arises as a result of advocating for your own resources, authority. This is due to the fact that the heads of logistics departments do not understand the buyers, the head of the sales department does not delve into the capabilities of the logisticians. The problem can be solved at a round table, chaired by the company owner or general director.

Peculiarities of the relationship “chief – subordinate”.

In the old days, few bosses worried about building a favorable relationship with their subordinates. People worked without sleep and rest for mere kopecks (slaves and serfs, and even free), and the attitude of management to them was indifferent, contemptuous and often cruel.

And in our time, unfortunately, there are immoral and dishonest bosses who do not take into account the legitimate rights and interests of workers. These are the cases when “people are not considered as people”.

Unscrupulous employers take advantage of the fact that many people today are willing to work like slaves, “for food” or out of fear that if they are fired from an unloved and intolerable job they will not be able to find any other (often it is not just fear, but the reality of unemployment). This is a relevant and painful topic for many, which requires a separate consideration.

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In the twentieth century, a special, “protective” function of workers began to perform trade unions . They were created in order to resolve conflict situations in the team and protect workers from the arbitrariness of their superiors.

Today trade unions also function, but life in the XXI century is such that everyone gets used to rely only on themselves and their own strength and does not place much faith in the fact that in the case of trouble with the bosses, the team or trade union will help him.

Labor relations between the employee and the employer in our day are regulated by legal acts, the main of which is the Labor Code. But the law, unfortunately, is not always respected by everyone. For an employee to work diligently and for the boss to treat him respectfully, it is not enough to know the law and remember the duties described in the employment contract and job description.

These days, only a bad boss doesn’t think about establishing a proper, trusting, yet subordinate relationship with the people working under him.

Management today understands that the “first fiddle” in the success and efficiency of the enterprise is the employee’s desire to work, which depends directly on the relationship to the boss and supervisor.

More and more employers do not encourage employees to “stick”, but “carrot”.

Communicating with your boss: basic rules

Employees have different relationships with their bosses. Some speak as equals, others are afraid to make the wrong move. It is usually necessary to talk to the boss every day, so it is necessary to establish contact at the beginning of employment. The prerequisite is to show respect and build the relationship on a basis of trust. Be friendly and tolerant. It is possible to find a common language even with an angry boss.

Rules of conduct

Good relations with the boss – the key to a comfortable environment in the team and productive work. But everyone has its own characteristics, strong and weak qualities, bad habits. With this you need to come to terms with it. Change the bad, capricious boss is very difficult, but to adjust to its characteristics – much easier.

The first thing you should do is to draw boundaries. Discuss problems in a calm tone, but if necessary, defend your point of view. You can also voice your grievances. It is better to do it face-to-face and in a polite form. Explain what you are dissatisfied with, and offer options for improving the situation.

Do not start empty conversations about the boss in the team. It is better to direct this energy to improve performance. Try to help the boss in achieving work goals. This will help build relationships, gain recognition and improve your position.

  1. Predicting problems. Do not be afraid to report shortcomings and mistakes. You can unobtrusively advise how to do better or correct the situation. An experienced and wise chief will appreciate such behavior and thank you for your help. If the attempt was not successful, it is better not to do it a second time.
  2. Ask for advice. In difficult situations, when the success or defeat of the whole company is at stake, you can consult on the working points. Think through a plan of action and agree it with the boss. This will help avoid mistakes.
  3. Be sincere. There are bosses who are negative to flattery and hypocrisy. Therefore, to praise without reason is a bad decision. It’s better to approve of his performance when you really think you need to.
  4. Maintain neutrality. There is a strictly businesslike relationship between the boss and the employee. It is better to talk to the boss only on business matters. It happens that it is better not to make friends with him and not to impose. The optimal solution – to work for the good of the company and do your job well.
  5. Do not put pressure on painful points. Instead of criticizing, let him know the ways to fix the problem. If he’s late for an interview, advise setting the alarm 15 minutes before the planning session. If he forgets to meet with customers or other important business, remind him of it. Consider what else you can help your boss with, and don’t lose that opportunity.
  6. Reward for doing good things. Often good but demanding bosses don’t hear warm words for themselves. Compliment on your leadership style, recent successes, or other merits. Do it sincerely and from the heart, not for the purpose of hearing nice words in return.

Even if he behaves inappropriately, remain professional. Remain calm and behave with dignity. Listen to him carefully and leave the office.

Five types of managers

In psychology, there are five main types of bosses. The main differences between them – the attitude towards employees, personal qualities and patterns of behavior.


It is important for him to feel superior to others. Excessively arrogant and self-confident. Takes decisions without thinking. Thinks he knows all the working nuances. His behavior is often the object of gossip and objections. Unable to stand it, he wants to punish by any means those who spoke ill of him. It is useless to argue with him. He will never listen to anyone who is under his command. He will never listen to another’s opinion, considering it wrong. Instead of arguing, it is necessary to use advice that will emphasize the mentor’s position.

  • Ask for help with a work problem;
  • ask for advice;;
  • express respect;
  • ignore negative feedback, etc.

The main thing is to make the supervisor feel needed. Such actions will help to avoid conflicts and scandals.


They are excellent businessmen. They like to take risks, they are not afraid of defeat. Any mistake is perceived as a challenge to get better, they do not tolerate competition. Therefore, the presence of an informal leader in the team perceive sharply and will try to eliminate by any means from the workplace. “Jokers” – excellent bosses for those who love to work in a team. Can properly organize the work with the orientation on the result. Do not try to compete. You will fail anyway, and the relationship will be permanently damaged. The best thing to do is to listen carefully to the teams and deliver the work on time. Then no conflicts will arise.

“The Boss.”

The most common type of boss. Can call late at night on a business matter or give a heavy weekend assignment. Being a workaholic, he does not know how to rest. He is rarely happy with the result of his subordinates’ activities, so quarrels happen often. He considers subordinates his property and often calls them bad employees.

How to behave with the “master”:

  • initially set boundaries;
  • not to take work home;
  • Do not stay at your workplace late at night;
  • Do not be afraid to say “no”.

It is important to stand up for your interests. If work is not a priority, make that clear. If he calls in the middle of the night, it makes sense not to answer the phone. Show that you welcome the division of the day into work and leisure time. The boss may be offended at first, but later will stop being so intrusive toward the employee.

“The Actor.”

Voices tasks loudly and specifically. Demands their immediate execution. Constantly positive and energetic. Always has a plan of action, which he necessarily adheres to. He dislikes bold and enterprising employees and often punishes them. He has a hard to get out of work early, even if the reason is valid. Bonus is also a rare occurrence. The only correct decision of an employee is to be result-oriented. Turn in work on time, constantly improve productivity. This behavior is a guarantee of a good relationship.


Most polite and courteous. Has a sense of humor, loves to communicate with subordinates on work and everyday topics. Always keeps morale up and takes care of every employee. For him, human values are more important than professional qualities.

  1. You can offer ideas to improve the work of the team. He will certainly take them into account and try to implement them.
  2. It is better to ask about working moments in private.
  3. With him you can not be afraid to talk about promotion or ask for a salary (if there was a real success in the activity).

Praise for the successes is desirable, but only sincerely. He does not welcome hypocrisy.

Talking during a quarrel

It happens that the boss is the initiator of all conflicts. As a result, instead of a favorable atmosphere in the team, the atmosphere is very tense. Then employees feel disgusted not only with the boss, but also with their work. As a result – productivity is low, the mood is bad and the quality of work leaves much to be desired. Ignore the constant insults or pretend that this is a normal attitude, not worth it. Sit down at the negotiating table and have a quiet conversation. It is desirable to have evidence of the negative impact of the boss. This can be emails, voicemails, text messages.

The worst thing a female employee may do during a quarrel is cry. It is necessary even in a conflict situation to behave with dignity and not to show weakness.

Rules to be followed during a quarrel:

  1. Do not stoop to the level of the chief. Yelling back is the worst thing an employee can do. Wait until the boss calms down, and only then give your opinion on the quarrel.
  2. Interrupting the conversation. There are some people who can’t listen to insults for long. Then it is better to apologize, interrupt the conversation, and leave the office. Ask to continue the conversation after the boss calms down and comes to his senses.
  3. Focus on the problem. If you are being scolded for a problem that you actually allowed, you need to listen carefully. Try to ignore the aggressive behavior. Think about how you can correct the mistake or ask for advice.

In any quarrel you need to behave with dignity and not to speak in high tones. This can only make the situation worse. Excessive emotionality is a sign that the person cannot adequately assess the situation and quickly find a solution. In this case, anger and aggression are a protective tool.

Ways of solving problems

It often happens that the employee tries to explain to the boss his wrongdoing or offers to forget about the conflict, but he does not retreat. As a result, every day is accompanied by quarrels and scandals. If the chief constantly reproaches and shouts about something, you should think about changing jobs. To tolerate such behavior is disrespectful to yourself. At this workplace, there are unlikely prospects for career growth. You need to take care of your health, especially mental health.

Another correct decision – to go to another department, if the work in the firm suits you. It is necessary to find out in advance whether there are vacancies and talk to the employees about their boss. But to ask about the transfer to another department or division is worth the head of the entire firm. Clearly explain to him the situation and ask him to help.

If an employee has been a victim of discrimination by his superiors, it is worth contacting the appropriate authorities to protect employees. There are conflicts that cross the line of the law, and the initiator requires punishment.


Often employees do not know how to behave with the boss. Some begin to hypocritical, others begin to criticize and discuss his every action with colleagues. But it is important to learn how to build trusting relationships. In a conflict situation, it is necessary to behave with dignity. Try to overcome excessive emotionality and discuss everything in a normal environment. If even after several conversations with clarification of relations it was not possible to eliminate misunderstanding, it is worth thinking about dismissal. Sometimes this is the only correct decision.

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