How to build a relationship?

How to build a relationship with a man and boundaries in them correctly

A few years ago, not many women wondered how to build a relationship with a man. It seems to be simple – met, fell in love, got married, if it did not work – divorce. Now those who are trying to figure out in advance what you need to do to make the relationship a success, there are more and more.

Very young girls and mature women choose a strategy of behavior, they understand with whom they feel more comfortable, how to make life more cozy, happy and interesting, they listen to the opinion of psychologists. If you’re one of those for whom it’s important to understand how to build a relationship with a man, let these few tips help you navigate them and become happier.

Be careful what you plan to do.

If you met a guy who suits you fine at first, second or even third glance, don’t rush to plan a wedding or force the issue. Let your relationship flow on its own, free, warm, somewhere rich, intense. Enjoy the moment, enjoy the meetings, dates, new acquaintances.

See how the young person communicates with you, your parents, friends, strangers. In some cases, it’s good to stop, assess the relationship, check the balance of emotions, actions. See how you feel after communicating with him, losing energy or, conversely, gaining it. Who initiates trips, meetings.

Practice shows that if at the beginning of the relationship you drag everything on yourself, it’s likely to be the same in the future. Life, the problems of two people, and then even children, on your own back can not be pulled.

You and he are real people.

One of the biggest mistakes that women make on the way to building a relationship is the blind belief that they can become one with the lover. Indeed, at some point, at the peak of love, you can feel the integrity, the inseparable unity. But in normal life, you are completely different people with different interests, desires, needs, friends.

The beginning of the relationship. What should be discussed?

If that thought makes you angry, take a deep breath and see what happens. You’ve dreamed all your life that your young man would be the best, would definitely understand you half-heartedly. Drawn in your imagination an image that is perfect for you.

The time came – you met the guy, you liked him. You discarded all of his shortcomings, focused on the advantages that you have dreamed all your life. You fell in love. You got married. You had a baby. And then comes the conflict. All the time before that, you loved the fantasy.

The baby forces you to dive into real life. Before there were two of you, you were concentrating on your husband, dissolving in him. Now there’s a third little man. He demands attention, action, satisfaction of needs. The connection with the husband is broken, you wake up and see that in reality there is a completely different person in front of you.

So, the advice is to look at people, even those who seem perfect to you, with your eyes wide open. Appreciate the reality, what really sets a man apart from you and how he can complement you.

Be yourself

When you go to a party, a first date, you always embellish yourself a little. A beautiful dress emphasizes the slim figure, unusual shoes – the elegance of the feet. You try to be soft, to smile. You glow with inner beauty. You try to adjust to the interests and preferences of the young man.

He likes blondes? You dye your hair lighter. Like skinny? Go on a diet, go to the fitness center. From the very you, a little lazy, who likes to lie on the couch and drink coffee and croissants is only a shadow.

But is it worth losing yourself? Maybe it’s easier to stay true to yourself and let a young man to love you for who you are?

You can not always wear a new image. Gradually you let go of the situation and begin to return to their habits. They do not always like your partner, sometimes they can cause him discomfort, uncertainty about who you really are, mistrust.

When a relationship is just budding, it’s very easy to give. On a wave of energy, of love excitement, you prepare surprises, you can bring dinner to work. Quickly enough, interest in such actions is lost, especially if you get nothing in return or hear only teasing from your friends.

In reality, strong, stable relationships in which the parties all the time giving something to each other – care, love, quite tangible things.

Taunts of friends and girlfriends quickly remain in the past, they themselves break up with their spouses, while you have every chance to build a beautiful, lively, filled with positive emotions, family life.

Never use threats.

It seems so easy – throw a tantrum, promise to leave, commit suicide, and get what you want. As a rule, most well-mannered, cultured, intelligent men easily succumb to their significant other’s threats, at least for the first time.

It’s worth remembering that if you’ve ever used threats to get your wish, there will be no happiness in the relationship. This moment will constantly appear between you like a ghost.

The problem is that the threat has disrupted the natural course of events, has given the relationship a different direction. In essence, by applying it, you showed fear of the future, of yourself, of losing a young man. But, in doing so, you only destroyed trust, and gave the impetus for a possible breakup.

Pay attention to horoscopes and stereotypes

Of course, a horoscope is a wonderful thing. You can read so many interesting, fascinating, fun things about yourself in it. Horoscopes pick out the perfect couple for you, tell you what to look for when choosing a partner.

The only problem is that in the world about 10% of the population are Virgo. And you think all these people are the same? Capricorns, for example, are about 8%. It’s probably not very correct to assume that if you’re a Virgo and your boyfriend is a Capricorn, you will definitely be compatible psychologically. It is not so much the horoscope that affects how a person will grow up as the relationship in the family in which he grows up, the social environment, access to education, personal characteristics, appearance, and mental abilities.

There are many factors that influence the formation of personality, and in reality you love a specific individual person, but not the image described in the horoscope.

The same situation occurs with stereotypes. They are convenient to use for a quick assessment of others, for understanding one’s place in society, but everyone is different.

You can’t say that someone who grew up in an orphanage will be a thief, a brat, a loser. Nor can it be said with certainty that a man who grows up in a full family and well-to-do with good parents will be a well-mannered, cultured man.

Every man is different. To build a relationship with him, you need to know him, to understand, accept, love.

Fight right.

In a normal, lively relationship quarrels and arguments are inevitable. They allow you to reach a compromise, to get to know yourself and your partner.

It is important that quarrels do not turn into empty conflicts, and participants do not stoop to humiliation, contempt, indifference, empty, stupid swearing, physical and emotional violence.

Show respect, appreciate each other. Enjoy how you manage to get around conflict situations, aggression.

13 secrets of strong relationships. Learning to build them together

Practicing journalist. Been in copywriting for 6 years. Focus on sex and relationships.

Expert – Margarita Lopukhova

Family psychologist. For 8 years I have been saving “family units” from disintegration. I help couples regain love and understanding.

How to build and maintain strong relationships in such a sophisticated world. Millions of tips, recipes, and coaching from coaches who have three divorces under their belt. But there are things that are immutable, indestructible, undeniable, the observance of which will serve not only as a solid foundation for the relationship, but also as the key to a long-lasting and strong union.

The energetic aspects

  • Feminine energy

Cultivating the feminine, nurturing wisdom and patience, will already bear fruit in the initial stages of communication, not to mention the value of such important things when the relationship lasts several years. Women’s touch, caress, tenderness, all this charges a man with the energy of creation, encourages strong-willed decisions, and stimulates the exploits. How to awaken the feminine energy and what psychologist Larissa Raner says about it, read the article on the link.

Power training, housework, simple repair of furniture or mowing the porch at the cottage, sprout in a man of his natural energy. Which in turn spreads to surrounding people gives them a sense of security, reliability, and faith in the strength of the owner of the house.

Reverence and acceptance of the past

Without knowing the past, there can be no future, as well as it is impossible to establish a strong relationship without accepting the environment of the person that existed long before the meeting.

Everyone had a certain social circle before they met their partner. Everyone’s friends and company have a different influence on everyone, but if it’s great, it’s a big mistake to go against communicating with old acquaintances. And it’s better to accept the person with all his baggage, not trying to radically remake him. And by communicating with each other’s friends, you can find new acquaintances for yourself and learn more about each other.

Aunts, uncles, nephews and brothers, numerous or vice versa single relatives, are also an integral part of partners. It is important, if not to love them, at least to respect them.

The most precious thing a person has is his parents, and even if they are not oligarchs, but mere mortals, or even dysfunctional mates, there is no need to remind your partner of this. In no case, in any of the quarrels, you should not reproach a man with his parents, whatever they may be.

The only thing a person has that cannot be measured and seen. And we are not talking about the same religion, but about a tolerant attitude toward each other’s religion. Of course, going to temple or mosque together is fine. But if the views of the halves on this subject differ, then each should show respect for the opinion of the other and not try to change it.

Psychological tricks.

  • We get what we continuously encourage.

If you constantly tell your partner that he is inattentive or unfaithful, sooner or later, he will start to behave that way. And shrugging his shoulders, he will justify that it has long been known, and he always hears it. But positive phrases, about how caring and loving he is, will push his soul mate to conform to what he said.

There is a very interesting psychological trick when a negative emotion becomes positive attention. This happens when a person lacks good and positive emotions. In their absence and bad feelings, become the only source of emotional experience. And if you do not regularly nourish each other with affection, care, attention, showing empathy and support, then sooner or later even a scandal in the relationship will be for happiness. Pursuing the motto “At least there’s someone to fight with.”

  • Trite but true.

Mutual attention, care, and support are integral parts of healthy communication, without them you can’t build a strong relationship. This can also include friendship. It is important to maintain a friendly, trusting relationship. Take an interest in each other’s affairs, and if professions and occupations are so different that partners don’t understand two words, then it is worth to have a common hobby. So that there is room to grow, but already together. There will always be a topic for conversation, and something to do at leisure.

New is forgotten old.

  • Respect and fight profanity.

Respect for each other’s personality, acceptance of character traits and habits, an integral part of a healthy relationship. However, more and more often you can hear couples talking to each other with joking, but still offensive words. An innocuous “goofy,” a word said at a quiet time as a joke, becomes a habit and easily turns into a “fool” when caught up in unpleasant circumstances. During quarrels and conflicts, people do not watch their speech, and even in the heart of expressing what was boiled over, it is important to save face and not to offend his partner.

In the union of two people, there is always one leader and one slave, and even if walking hand in hand, it seems to someone that the rights are equal, it is still not so. It is just that in this pair, the first and second violin are so harmoniously played that one does not notice how they complement each other. And the established priority of one of the couple, regardless of the duration of the relationship, should not be questioned. And if you really want to convey to your partner his idea, using the phrase “you are infinitely right, but …”, you can achieve much more than a banal “no, I want to do it in another way.

Strong relationships = mutual trust

  • Honesty

Mutual trust implies not only confidence in the loyalty of partners to each other, but also confidence that each of them accepts the other. In order to fully understand and support each other it is important to know what partners are thinking and feeling. Open heart-to-heart conversations can help avoid many misunderstandings, conjectures, and suspicions, and take preventive measures against quarrels and mutual recriminations.

Trust in itself is a luxury, but mistrust is the worst enemy, it provokes suspicion, jealousy, speculation, even in places where it cannot be. Trust in your partner may seem like a weakness. Distrust, on the other hand, is more likely to serve as a catalyst for cheating and rupture of relationships.

Thus, paying attention to simple things, taking a man for what he is, not judging him, but praising him, partners are able to build strong relationships, and make them a model of wisdom and patience, an example of mutual respect and love.

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