Psychologist's advice: how to break up correctly

Tip psychologist: How to break up correctly

Parting with a man should be beautiful. Or at least in a civilized manner. All other options – from the evil one!

In psychotherapy there is a term “gestalt” for incomplete relationships. It means that the relationship hasn’t been worked through to the end and fate will still bring us back to the unfulfilled lesson. Perhaps with other people, but in similar situations. Therefore, it is always necessary to break up before the end. To test completeness choose one of your usual days. And in the evening try to remember how many times you have returned mentally to the former connection. If there are more than five such marks – it’s already a red flag! A clear indicator of “getting stuck” – viewing the pages of your “ex” in social networks. Why do you need his profile? What are you looking for there?

How to break up correctly

There is no instruction manual on how to break up properly. There are only tips on how to make things less painful and more effective.

Burn Bridges.

The right breakup is when the relationship is completely over and it is no longer possible to return to it. The most important and most difficult thing is to let the person go from your thoughts. Ideally, remember briefly and with gratitude for the stretch of life you went through together.

State the reason for the breakup

Explain to your partner the reason for separation can be very difficult, especially when you are confused about your explanations and claims. But it is still necessary to try to outline the problems that are not satisfied, and explain why you do not see any other way except to break up. Remember, your arguments should be formulated clearly and clearly. They should not make double sense or the possibility of a different understanding than the one you are laying down. Be careful with “examples from life,” they very often look like an accusation.

Don’t accuse.

Blaming is the position of the weak. The person in front of you is someone you once loved and spent wonderful years (months, weeks – underline) with. He a priori does not deserve humiliation at such a difficult time in your life together (and it is still together). Be above putting the man in a position of guilt, in this case it is better to take the fire for yourself. Just don’t say those dreaded “it’s not about you…” – hackneyed words, turned by the cinema into a synonym for indifference.

Rehearse

You’ll still say things differently, but rehearsal makes sense. First, it will give you confidence. Secondly, the mood for a decisive way. Third, if at the most crucial moment you “lock”, somewhere in the head rehearsed phrases that will save the situation from total failure and shameful surrender.

Avoid romantic memories

Memories are the hardest thing to get over. Those evenings when you were walking along the beach, romantic actions of your soulmate, early summer breakfasts on his balcony … I’m sure you will find something to remember, so force yourself to be silent about the past and interrupt your partner’s conversation if he decides to enter this forbidden land.

Choose a neutral place

This point follows on from the previous one. No apartments, favorite parks or restaurants where you have often been or are. Of course, you should not break up in the subway lobby or at a bus stop, try to opt for something neutral. Let it be a place that neither you nor your partner have ever been and definitely will not be again. The breakup spot should never come up on your map again.

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Don’t Offer to Stay Friends

By suggesting that we part as friends, you run the risk of ending up back in the unfortunate role of being part of a dubious romcom. In general, take an example of parting with the characters in the movies is not the best idea. At least because all of their words are subordinated to the logic of the writer, not your life situation.

Don’t get into a shouting match.

Yelling, screaming and mutual accusations in high tones is not good. Do not hope that so the breakup will be easier and less painful. It is possible that after a while you will regret what he said and decide to apologize … What will happen next, we think you have already guessed. No, not the best sex in your life (although anything can happen, but still, it’s again a story about the movie), and the repetition of everything that made you decide to stop the relationship, and at the end of the second round of separation. This time even more painful.

How to break up with a guy – how to painlessly end a relationship for good

Greetings to the beautiful half of the readers of the site In Your House! Get your handkerchiefs ready, today we are discussing a very sad topic – breakups. I will tell you how to break up with a guy and not feel like a heartless bitch.

Feelings are an area of the human personality to which our consciousness has almost no access. They arise spontaneously and just as spontaneously can leave us. The ability to end a relationship beautifully is a very valuable skill that you also need to learn.

To do everything must be done subtly and competently, so as not to hurt the guy and not to regret his decision the next day.

Let’s break up correctly

If you are firmly and finally decided to end the relationship, take into account some nuances.

All of your hardness may fade away immediately after the words “let’s break up. Especially if there is no objection and entreaties from the other side. Be prepared for this. Think a hundred times before breaking up, weigh the pros and cons. If so, after the climactic conversation you wanted to play it all back, think again about the reasons that influenced your decision. Repeat them to yourself like a mantra. And follow the course taken. There’s no need to toss back and forth like a tennis ball.
Don’t let guilt and pity overwhelm you. Perhaps your departure will be a shock to the man, and he will panic trying to keep you. Show firmness and respect. Don’t look down on him, don’t make excuses, and don’t pass the buck. Even if now you guy seems miserable, after a while he will forget you, put his shoulders back together and meet new love.
After the breakup also need to behave beautifully. Do not think that after a breakup man will instantly disappear from your life. If you go away from him, not feeling the reciprocity, he will long live with you in your mind. If you have fallen out of love, it is likely that the guy will start reminding himself by SMS and phone calls. Weigh each word, talking to him, do not give even the slightest hint at the possibility of renewing the relationship.

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How to leave a relationship if you have fallen out of love

This is the most difficult case, because the responsibility for the breakup will fall entirely on you. You will be torn by doubts and contradictions, you may even hate yourself for being heartless and cruel.

In fact, there is no cruelty in this action. As has been said before, our feelings are beyond our control. A person can fall out of love, can be disappointed in their partner, can fall in love with someone else. If you feel that you don’t have love, don’t try to create it by willpower – it’s useless.

Honestly admit that your leaving is the best thing you can do for the guy. Don’t keep him “spare” from greed, give him the opportunity to meet his true love.

So, what do you need to do to gently break up with a guy without offending him?

Choose a place and time where you will inform the man about the breakup. It is better if it will be on neutral territory, and not in your or his home. Suitable would be a quiet quiet cafe or park.
The conversation will be hard – keep this in mind. Think in advance what you will say to a man, that you will answer his questions and accusations. Many people make the mistake – the question “why” and then plunge into a lengthy explanation that his partner did wrong throughout the relationship. Such rationalizations usually have nothing to do with reality, but after they poor guy may indeed feel guilty about the breakup and begin to run after you in order to prove that he has changed. Explain to the man that you are breaking up with him because your feelings have cooled down and you don’t know why this happened.
During the meeting, act calmly, do not give vent to your emotions. Even if you will face accusations and recriminations, control yourself. It is best to listen in silence, while your man talk, and leave. Only the abuse is not tolerated – go away at once.
The first time after the breakup your partner will come to his senses, it is better to leave him alone. You will want to keep it a friendly communication, you’re not strangers. It will be possible, but later, and if he wants. In the meantime, your every movement towards him will be interpreted as an attempt to reconnect.
If you have any unfulfilled obligations, debts, agreements before the young man, be sure to deal with them, otherwise they will hang heavy on your neck. Very expensive gifts are also better to return or at least compensate with something.
If you have another, do not make the guy aware. This can cause a flash of anger towards you and leave a very unpleasant impression last. Well, and all your friends then know what you careless, careless and lovable in a bad sense of the word.

How to break up with a man who does not love you

No matter how much you were in love with a man, no matter how much joy and happiness he did not bring into your life, in the case of his dislike you better end the relationship. This rule applies to both girls and guys. Let’s look into why.

Mutual love is beautiful, but unrequited love is destructive.

A relationship is a constant exchange. People share with each other their emotions, thoughts, material and immaterial resources. The stronger the love, the stronger the desire to give.

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When one partner loves more, his contribution to the relationship becomes much more weighty than that of the other. But the value of the investment is seriously diminished. Imagine if you received two identical gifts-one from someone you love very much and the other from someone for whom you are indifferent. Which one will please you more?

In such an unequal relationship, you are simply wasting yourself. In addition, the critical eye of the person who does not like suffers from self-esteem. You have to make up your mind firmly that this situation does not suit you.

To make it easier for you, I’ll list the warning signs on which you can recognize the indifference of your man. But remember – all situations are individual, always guided by common sense in the first place.

The guy does not want to spend free time with you, although he has the opportunity. If he is willing to generously include you in his schedule somewhere between fishing and soccer with friends on Fridays, you should think twice. Do you value yourself so low that you would even be happy about it? Of course, this is by no means about work. There are chronic workaholics, ready to work from morning till night, no days off. In this case, you have nothing to blame your man, you just need to decide whether you are ready to be with him and accept his lifestyle.
Your wishes and requests are systematically ignored. For example, you ask the guy does not smoke near you, but he still smokes. You only go on vacation where he wants you to go. The last slice of pizza always go to him. The list goes on and on – I hope you get the point. Just do not explain this behavior by the peculiarities of the character. He, they say, by nature is greedy and lazy, there’s nothing you can do. Loving man is ready to do anything for his beloved, even if he is the last greedy in the world.
Man gives you reasons to be jealous and, seeing your excitement, does not try to calm down. Reasons for jealousy may be the constant correspondence with the girls, flirting, late meetings. If in your head creeps doubt, then there is reason for them. Tell them to your boyfriend and watch his reaction. His irritation and resentment at a polite and respectful question should sober you up.
You repeatedly caught him in a lie. If a man is constantly lying to you, especially on all kinds of minor occasions, send him away.
Favorite not in a hurry to introduce you to your parents and friends. You are dating a man for quite some time, but still do not know the closest and dearest to him. Obviously, you do not include you as one of these.
The guy talks negatively about your loved ones and in general about what you value. If you hear that from someone you don’t know, what will you do? That’s right, tell him what you think of him and stop communicating. So it’s the same tactic with a guy. At least until he begs for forgiveness.
The man raises his hand against you. If it came to this, it means that you missed all the previous alarm bells. Staying near such a person is simply dangerous.

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If you find these symptoms in your relationship, they certainly can not be called healthy. Why then the man meets me if he does not love – you ask. There are different reasons. He may be comfortable with you, so he keeps you as a backup. Or simply pity the unhappy girl in love. Either way, it’s not what you want. There is nothing worse than being miserable and used.

Leave such a relationship better quietly, calmly, without showdowns and tantrums. Writing goodbye letters of ten pages is not worth it. Remind once again about your love too. Just close the story for yourself. Do not call for a meeting, from invitations to refuse. Most likely, the man himself will understand everything. If there will be inquiries from the other side, tell him you do not see a future with him. Do not reproach, do not accuse and do not explain what the guy needs to do to change your mind.

Ironically, he may not want to break up. Inertia and habit keep many people together as a couple. If he tries to change your mind, don’t give in. The guy may indeed reconsider his attitude towards you and fall in love for real, but it will take time for that to happen. In the meantime, he offers you to stay on the same bondage terms.

After parting you, of course, will be hard. Voluntarily break up with the person you love, it’s a feat that requires considerable effort. In this period, ask friends to support you, dive into work, start going to the gym.

Psychologists advise to please yourself as much as possible in difficult moments. Buy a new dress, have a bachelorette party with your girlfriends, go on a weekend in another city to unwind.

Try to distract yourself from your former lover – do not write and do not call him, do not monitor his pages in social networks, do not immerse yourself in memories of the happy moments with him. Places where you can accidentally meet, bypass at a mile.

Find the strength to refuse a guy if he offers to stay friends – you will definitely not benefit. If you work together, reduce all communication to work issues. Every day you will become easier, the pain will begin to recede.

How to dump a guy after his betrayal

Not every person is able to forgive betrayal, for some it is the point of no return. What can be considered a betrayal? A major deception, intrigue behind your back, disclosure of some intimate information. But most often, of course, it is treason.

At the moment when you will withdraw the traitor in the clear, it is important to behave with restraint and correctly. Do not break dishes, do not throw his things out the window, do not scream and do not cry. The fewer words you say the better.

The right behavior will help you avoid feelings of guilt and regret in the future.

If the person does not even repent of his actions and do not feel guilty, break up firmly and decisively without any regrets. If he is suffering, begs for forgiveness, and swears his love, you can so sever the connection do not cut it so drastically. Say that you do not trust him anymore, though feelings are still left. And he’s sure to do his best to return your favor.

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There is one caveat for this case – you yourself must be crystal clear in front of a man, otherwise you will start to stagger.

What to do in the case of insurmountable obstacles

At the beginning of a relationship, objective obstacles can fuel the heat of passion. Remember at least the story of Romeo and Juliet. But when the heat subsides and you have to go back to earth, it is not clear what to do with these obstacles. The most common of these is distance.

With the development of the Internet, long-distance relationships are more and more common. People get acquainted on vacation or on a business trip, fall in love, and are no longer able to say goodbye.

In all of these stories, sooner or later the question of moving in together arises. This is a fairly serious step, and someone in the couple may not be ready for it.

If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time and you’re tired of sitting in the suitcase, start a conversation about living together. Get your partner’s opinion on the subject and build on it.

There is one catch – the guy is unlikely to say that he does not want to move in together. If a life together with you is not in his plans, he is likely to refer to the temporary difficulties and objective circumstances. In this case, set a deadline for yourself, how long you are willing to wait.

If after that time nothing happens, make your decision known. Again, politely and politely, without pretensions and reproaches. Refuse a “goodbye” meeting, if offered.

Is it possible to part by SMS?

In the latter three cases you can not be particularly ceremonious and part as you wish – even send a carrier pigeon. But if you are leaving a guy who loves you, this is not the best way. Try to scrape together the courage and fortitude to tell the man about the breakup face to face. If you can not, then at least stick to the following rules.

Set out all in one message to avoid unnecessary questioning.
Treat politely and respectfully, avoid accusations and recriminations, don’t be dramatic.
Praise the guy, note his positive qualities.
Thank him for everything and wish him happiness.
Do not disappear immediately after the message, be prepared to answer questions.

For clarity, here is an example of a finished message.

Dim, I need to tell you something. You are a great guy – kind, caring, intelligent, but I no longer have the feelings for you that I had before. I don’t know why that happened, but I can’t help it. I don’t want to torture both of us and I’m making the decision to break up. You deserve a girl who will appreciate you and love you with all her heart. Thank you for everything.

Conclusion

Our intimate women’s conversation has come to an end. Post your thoughts on breakups in the comments, let’s chat. Next time I promise to tackle a more fun topic, so stay tuned!