How to break up with a boyfriend?

Advice from psychologists on how to break up with a girl or a guy you love very much.

Even the strongest feelings of love and affection sometimes do not give a guarantee of life together, you have to accept the inevitability of breakup. This is a traumatic, stressful process, the effects of which can be felt for many years.

We show you how to make a deliberate separation softer and more restrained that the memories of it will leave a pleasant aftertaste. How to break up with the person you love, we’ll tell below.

Reasons for breaking up with loved ones

In love, close relationships very often give the illusion that people “belong” to each other, that they will never have to part. However, romantic tragedies are very common, it happens for personal, family, social reasons:

The one-way game.

There is unrequited love, when one partner in a relationship has a very strong attraction to the other, depends on him, and the other is almost indifferent.

At first, it is pleasant to him the increased attention and care, then it becomes indifferent, he wants new bright sensations.

The addict becomes more and more immersed in this relationship, it seems to him that sooner or later he will be able to awaken a reciprocal reaction, will wait for mutual love.

After all, he tries so hard, so he should get “love dividends”. Psychologists have found that a true relationship occurs literally in the first minutes of communication and strengthens over several meetings.

Then it is very difficult to change or correct the opinion about the person, to form a different model of relationship with him. It depends on psycho-physiological factors, the nature “tells” who can be a potential companion and reliable defender in life.

Only this is not enough.

By themselves, in isolation from real conditions in a “spherical vacuum” feelings and relationships can not develop. It will take a few months, and it will become clear how compatible interests and hobbies of both, how appropriate lifestyle, coincide or not further plans.

Suppose one of the partners wants to move to another country, and the other strongly against. You will have to choose what is more important and decide on the exciting conversation.

But the reason is the other family.

One of the partners has a family that he is not going to destroy even for the sake of great love and passionate promises. Even with mutual attraction, it is difficult for a family man to rebuild the foundation of his own life .

To do this will have to engage a lot of psychological and socially significant mechanisms: change personal habits, convince friends and relatives, the legal division of property and a new status. It is much easier to organize romantic meetings and dates on a “neutral ground”.

It all depends on the patience of the second partner, whether he is willing to stay in the shadows for years, or will stubbornly seek agreement on a life together.

By the way, very often the semi-legal format of the relationship is a systemic factor. As soon as the family man gets a divorce and the freedom to act, the former ardor of the lovers fades, and he returns to the family.

In some cases a close relationship is impossible because one of the partners is a public figure, a celebrity who needs to maintain his or her reputation. If such a person tries to keep personal relationships a secret, his partner may feel hurt, flawed. Relationships can be complicated by all sorts of provocations and attempts to make a loud statement.

Swiss biologist Claus Wedekind conducted a study in which he identified the main histocompatibility complex that determines the choice of a partner. His findings are often referred to as the “sweat shirt theory. The male participants in the experiment wore the same T-shirts for two days, then they were put into identical boxes.

The women were asked to smell things and choose the ones they were most attracted to, aroused. It turned out that women were most attracted to the men with the most different histocompatibility complex, which is determined by their sense of smell.

Men’s Motivations.

The main reasons for breakups on the part of men :

  • Women’s actions and behavior,
  • cheating,
  • hysterics,
  • provocations.

Men in love turn into deaf and blind males, they tend to completely trust their chosen one. Not because she has impeccable behavior, but because the ego of men is just off the charts.

They are consummate actors and posers, far less than a woman’s coquetry and seductive flirting. Sample content of the male self-presentation when dating: “I am a man with a fine organization of soul and a thick wallet. But if a woman is unable to hold a man’s conceit, often criticizes him, doubts his abilities, she is on the road to separation.

Wait and be patient! According to statistics on the causes of divorce, experts conclude that men are capable of breaking up even a long, comfortable relationship if they feel it is “the wrong coat.” Weak ladies are much more resilient than men; unloved women tend to keep their marriage or keep their partner at all costs.

Women and their motives

The main reasons for breaking up on the part of women:

  • The desire to survive a “tragedy”,
  • Inability to live together,
  • emotional incompatibility.

Usually, beautiful ladies are very calculating, even in the most passionate and beautiful relationships. They always want to know what is hidden behind the horizon line. This is how nature regulates the function of the continuation of the species, you need the certainty of a sufficient diet and a warm shelter.

A woman is patient only if she is sure that she is alone on the pedestal, as soon as she realizes that the man has another passion, that he has a family, which he will not leave, she begins consciously or subconsciously to look for another option.

Sometimes a woman provokes a breakup in order to emphasize her importance and help her man with his final choice. But usually there is no second chance, men are very categorical about their own resignation and strongly prevent the resumption of the relationship.

Psychologists have found that those who have experienced a love tragedy or a painful breakup are much more likely to meet new happiness in the future. They have experience of deep sensual cognition, instinctive recognition of secret signs in people’s behavior.

Hostages of love catastrophe more organically perceive new acquaintances and relationships, more productively use the “law of compensation” for the received suffering.

Where to start in a breakup?

Regardless of the reasons for the breakup, one of the partners should initiate a “serious conversation” that will show the prospects and results of the relationship. This is preceded by extensive internal preparation, because until the last moment there is a chance of reviving feelings and mutual attraction.

Before the start of the breakup and summarizing the conversation, you must specifically understand what everyone’s communication, psychological goals. You can communicate or block calls and correspondence, you can politely answer or make a scandal. But it is better to have a soulful date to clarify all the differences and come to a common denominator.

The right actions

The process of separation may drag on for a long time, even for several months, there may be “relapses” and other plot twists. You must conduct a flawless strategic operation, to play your part from the first take, otherwise the repetition of tragedy turns into a comedy. Remember how comical a situation looks when people “break up for good” three times in one day.

A Serious Decision.

It is the inner conviction that there is no future together and it is impossible, is the “point of no return,” further discussion of the situation with the companion, roughly speaking, refers to the technicalities.

Delay, of course, should not be either, your frank attitude will be a beautiful final chord, the apotheosis of trust and gratitude:

  1. Assess your state of mind, you should not act impulsively, on the advice of friends or relatives, trust only your own heart.
  2. Choose the appropriate moment when your partner is ready to talk, no need to offend or shock him.
  3. You have to start the conversation with a firm conviction that you are right and that it’s time to break up. Do not torture yourself and your partner if this way you want to “resuscitate” hopeless relationship.

What can and can not tell themselves?

No need to exacerbate the situation and wind up to frenzy thoughts like “more I’ll never have such happiness,” “apparently, I do not deserve love for the sins in the past life. Your goal is to preserve your personality, to accept the new shattering experience, and not to bring the situation to psychosis.

Try to turn off your emotions for a while and answer a few questions categorically:

  1. “Do I want to continue the relationship in its former format?” (Rare dating, inability to live together, or other factors).
  2. “Do I feel ready to stay with this person for the long term?” (What might change in a month, one year, and so on).
  3. “Can my partner change his or her attitude toward me, arrange different living arrangements?” (Will he agree to divorce, to move, to change his place of residence, or other circumstances).
  4. “Will we be able to exist together in ‘the same territory’?” (Domestic compatibility, common interests and hobbies, and other family and social prerequisites).

What is the best way to behave during a breakup?

In the final of the love drama, you have to get full confidence in your rightness and a new emotional experience, regardless of your partner’s position.

He may agree or disagree, react calmly or debauch, your position is the same: our relationship is in the past, I feel ready for a global change.

As a result, no matter what storms are raging in the soul, you have to express your complex feelings in simple words, to get from your partner a coherent response. Such a “conversation” can go on for a long time, be repeatedly interrupted, and be filled with new topics.

In the process of communication, it is better to directly and openly discuss the most “heated” moments:

  1. “I think we need to break up for these reasons” – concrete facts, another family, different interests and life plans, no common future, emotional instability.
  2. “I want to hear and understand your opinion” – be patient and considerate, use rational arguments.
  3. “I’m in a very upset state” – not by the other’s behavior, but by the situation as a whole, by the fact that the concomitant factors came together that way.
  4. “I’ll try to help you, contact me anytime” – show that the person remains part of your past life, one of your best memories.

How do you communicate with your former partner?

Than the heart will calm down – it’s your mutual decision whether to communicate in the future or not, to congratulate each other with the holidays or completely ignore the joint past.

The main thing is to accept as a fact the possibility of separation, do not drive the events, each stage must logically and psychologically follow the previous one:

  1. Do not try to restore the relationship later, if you are not 100% sure that this is really necessary. Do not call, do not write, do not provoke a date, most often this ends in great disappointment. Previous feelings have faded, and self-esteem will suffer even more.
  2. Do not involve outsiders, even your closest friends and relatives. They will be forced to take a certain side, which is very humiliating for the other person.

Every man is the author of his own destiny. Literary critics and art critics estimate that more than half of all fiction stories are based on conflicts and parting of loving people. Most often the basis of the collision is intrigue, jealousy, rivalry.

As soon as the relationship becomes stable, predictable, the plot breaks down, recall the infamous Cinderella story: all the fun is before the wedding.

All the great books and songs, movies and music are built on love and separation. So you can feel in yourself a poetic talent and write a couple of brilliant lines about it.

Features of a relationship during a breakup .

You have to stay on a practical, rational level so that you don’t snap into a whirlpool of emotions.

Your goal – to voice your position, to sort out your own life.

You do not have to report back on future plans. You don’t have to endlessly comfort or make up for the loss of the relationship in any way.

Men are much less likely to become the authors of the idea of separation, the more so, they try not to discuss their feelings and feelings. If a woman initiates such a conversation, he will listen to her and try to understand, but rarely will he insist on continuing.

The fact is that men perceive the content of the conversation in the first place, while women perceive indirect, indirect signs: the environment, the timbre of the voice, intuition and premonitions. The male scenario: “Let’s break up! – Come on!”. Female version: “Let’s break up! – Endless talk about feelings and experiences.”

Men’s reactions to what’s going on

There is a total divergence of strategies between men and women: the man is thinking about what changes in his life will follow, how to minimize his losses and how to stop a woman’s tantrum quickly and easily. And the woman is trying to show the depth of her suffering and worries, looking for answers to “eternal questions”, for a long time “hangs out” in an exalted state.

After a breakup, men more quickly eliminate the consequences of the disaster and make meaningful organizational conclusions: how to better build and continue the relationship with a woman, how to respond to whims and nagging.

Begin a new relationship, if a woman really liked her, it is interesting to communicate. They rarely repeat previous mistakes, while women are able to repeatedly link their lives with similar types (abusers, alphonse, “narcissists”).

Women’s conclusions.

Women demand guarantees and promises even when breaking up, they want to remain “the one and only”. They are willing to wait for the beloved back, as long as necessary, the negative facts the woman tries to interpret in their favor. For example, she can present partner’s infidelity as “temptation”, “an accidental mistake”.

Women tend to idealize the experience and even ignore the negative qualities of the former partner. They often compare new and previous relationships, look for “secret signs of destiny” and are willing to try a new relationship to “forget the past.”

Important points and mistakes of partners

Of course, mad passion or complete dissolution in the other person for a long time remain the benchmark of the relationship, a precious memory. You voluntarily or involuntarily compare subsequent episodes with this one, let it remain a pleasant souvenir in your memory. No need to expect repetition, or to build around this dominant new life scenery.

Behave properly when breaking up, it means to think about the feelings and consequences for your partner, because it turns out that it was you who “dumped” him, offered to end the relationship. You will do the noble and right, if at the time to forget about themselves and their worries, to pay maximum attention to his partner. He should feel that it is not your whim, circumstances are stronger.

You can:

  • Express gratitude and appreciation for unparalleled feelings;
  • Recall all the interesting, pleasant moments;
  • articulate your amazing feelings;
  • share the warmth of your soul, take care of each other’s condition;
  • to wish wellbeing, good luck, and happiness in the future.

It is inappropriate to use general meaningless phrases like, “I feel very bad,” “you don’t understand me,” “it’s over between us.”


  • reproach for past grievances and disagreements;
  • Demand to change, set conditions;
  • Shifting the blame for the termination of the relationship;
  • Use against a partner confidential information.

Video on the topic of the article

How to survive the breakup with the person you love will prompt the video:


The pain of loss is a priceless experience that becomes a catalyst for unexamined feelings, a moral and moral catharsis. You can immerse yourself in this boundless feeling, enjoy your boundless loneliness among other people.

Love, passionate intercourse, is a gorgeous gift of fate that will change your self-concept and perception of life forever.

It is the tragic love that is hindered by external circumstances or other reasons that proves to be the deepest and most passionate. A happy, prosperous love is never comparable in its intensity to a separation, a lingering wait.

The parting of loving hearts is part of a lofty relationship, the culmination and conclusion of heady feelings. Not without reason did Shakespeare ask: “Tell me, where, when in the world was true love happy?”

“I want to dump a guy beautifully”: 8 principles of breaking up.

Don’t know how to break up with a man without consequences? Read this guide

Not every relationship ends with a happy ending. Sometimes the decision to break up is the best thing that could have happened to you. So let’s talk about how to break up with a man correctly, to remain in his memory as a bright memory.

Experiencing a breakup is difficult in any case, regardless of who initiated it. It’s stressful, a blow to the self-esteem, a shock, the collapse of hopes. How to part beautifully, with minimal losses for both? If you have any secrets about this, be sure to share in the comments. And I’ll give you working tips as a psychologist.

How to break up with a man: a guide for women

How to break up with a man? Yes, if the initiator is a woman, it is still a problem. On the one hand it is good that you leave, not you. But on the other hand – it is you who act as a kind of executioner of love. It’s not very nice, isn’t it? So often girls procrastinate with the difficult conversation, do not know how to begin. It’s a pity for the effort, and sometimes even years, to end up like this, right? Of course, in the heat of another fight it’s much easier to yell, “Let’s break up!” Only to tear relations in the heat of the moment is not desirable.

To go beautifully, to save face, but at the same time did not hurt the once loved one, not to put a cross on his self-esteem, you need to prepare. And the first thing to do – is to make a firm decision. Weigh all the pros and cons, to understand for yourself: is it really gone love? And then see my instruction.

How to break up with a guy: 8 basic principles

Leaving leave!

Do not give a guy hope that everything can still be returned. Burning bridges is wise, right and fair. There’s no point in taking time-outs and promising to think about it if you’ve already made up your mind.

Do not blame anyone for what happened.

Thank your man, if you are even a little bit well together. This is a plus to your spiritual rating.

Talk to him honestly, but not too open.

If you’re looking for parting weighty excuse, a clue, something to think of on the fly, tell yourself: “Stop! You’ve made your decision and that’s enough. You don’t have to tell him how you hate his snoring or that you haven’t had fun in bed in a long time. You can, in general, do not explain anything in detail, if you, for example, already have a new partner. It is better this way. Well, love is over and gone, it’s true.

Tell the man about the breakup one on one.

It is a basic respect for him as a person. Leaving by text message is pretty low, if you were having a serious affair. And telling him about the breakup in public means embarrassing the guy. In general, put yourself in his shoes.

Don’t discuss your breakup with mutual friends.

The relationship between two people is personal, there’s no need for others to know unnecessary details. In addition, friends can tell him the content of the conversation, only in different words.

Stop all communication with the now ex-male

Yes you have a lot in common. However, the phrase: “Let’s stay friends” again gives only unnecessary hope. No friendship between exes usually doesn’t work. But to start a full life with a new partner is more difficult. Girls often do not want to let go, even if there is no love, and the relationship has exhausted itself. But remember that a sense of possessiveness comes from insecurity. Work on it.

Break up without conflict.

Turn the last conversation into a scandal – this is the worst thing you can do. Do not take over a man’s negative mood, be wiser. Forget old insults, you have a new life ahead of you.

No goodbye sex

This is a clever trick of guys. Afterwards it will be harder for you to leave and not give in to the man’s entreaties to start all over again. Plus, it’s more hope for your partner again. If you’ve had this happen, do you regret it or not? What did it lead to? Write in the comments, it’s completely anonymous.

And another important point: do not start with the phrase: “We need to talk,” men, and women incidentally, too, afraid of her. Choose a moment and discuss everything calmly, without accusations and hysterics. But for a man to break up did not become a shock – prepare the ground. How? About this read below.

How to break up with a man quickly: feminine tricks

So, what else includes preparing for the breakup, except the conversation and your mood? Be with a man cold and reserved, to spend with him less time than usual, more often refuse him intimacy. Of course, do not turn into a fury, but to make it clear that your attitude towards him has changed.

And how to break up with a man even faster? Provoke him to break up? You can try to severely restrict his freedom, start calling him during work hours or make a guy’s life a living hell. However, all of this is not very honest.

You can also put him in front of a choice, give him an ultimatum. But then you have to be sure that he will make the right decision. Let’s say, tell him, “Either we move away from your mother, or I leave.” And if the man is unable to leave his mother for some good reason, rent another place to live, etc., then he will agree to the breakup. But believe me, it’s much easier to admit honestly that you no longer see the guy as your life partner. There are no more feelings. If, of course, this is the case.

And how to break up with a man if he does not love?

That is, you love, but you see that there is no future. He does not reciprocate, but only uses you. For example, the man is married. Then you have to pull yourself together and break up with him. You deserve to be loved, that’s for sure. Wasting your life on a hopeless affair is sacrilegious. Don’t let them wipe their feet on you, girls. Decide to break up to make room for true love.

Be honest and don’t believe a man if he tries to change your mind or even suggests the very same goodbye sex. Respect yourself. Your happiness is in your hands. And to be sure of this, come to my training “The price of female happiness. I will teach you how to be happy and choose the right men. Follow the announcements here on my official website Pavel Rakov and register.

Breaking up is always difficult for both partners. Being the initiator is very hard. But please: make the choice in your favor. No matter how painful it is now, it will definitely be easier later. Check out Life After a Breakup. Here you will learn how to let go of the ex and survive the breakup, and find other valuable tips.

And what tips have you heard from psychologists on how to leave a man? What worked best for you? Share your opinions in the comments.

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