Relationships with the boss do not work out. How to make contact with the boss?
There are several of the most common factors that can cause a relationship not to work out:
- Antipathy and misunderstanding are usually mutual things. It is likely that both of you, there are reasons for this. Try to find a motive for the misunderstanding in your own words, actions and/or work;
- the boss feels insecure for various reasons, for example, he/she has some “friction” with the superior, or due to transfer to a new area of work, temporarily lacks knowledge;
- psychological characteristics of character and management style.
Nevertheless, if there is a hidden conflict, it is necessary to properly overcome it.
According to statistics, at least 30% of employees do not have a relationship with their boss. Change the situation by establishing a mutual understanding, using the right tactics of communication and protection
When mutual antipathy is approaching a critical point, the chances to fix the situation tend to zero. Emotions prevail over logic, the spring of actions and counteractions unwinds. In such a situation, it is necessary to “stop” and leave the boss’s sight for a short time. Take a short break and wait for both of you to cool down. Of course, if things are very neglected, it is better to take time off or even a vacation. During the time out, try to understand the intentions and logic of the boss, and analyze all the actions you have taken. When the person calms down, as a rule, comes the decision to settle a disagreement or even a conflict.
Understanding Strategy. Choose a convenient time when the boss will not be very busy, plus in a normal mood and start the conversation. Exclude the tactics of forcing – move in small increments, while carefully watching the reaction of the boss. Concentrating the conversation on the topics that he is in agreement can significantly change the atmosphere. Then gently “open up” one of the points of contention.
Analyze the issues that create displeasure and relate them to disagreements that are based on emotions and annoying stereotypes. After all, very often in misunderstandings we are “fighting ghosts,” that is, we are not fighting reality, but what we think reality represents. Clarifying the positions that lead to misunderstanding can help us see and understand what lies at the heart of the problem. However, if you encounter a confrontation, immediately stop all attempts. In such cases, you can assume: the boss is a person aimed at total domination.
Recommendation. Take all possible precautions. Namely: perform your job duties unmistakably, watch every action and statement.
Tactics. Do not respond to psychological pressure and demonstrate correctly that the nature of such interaction with you is not acceptable.
Now consider the second and third reasons for misunderstanding in the relationship with the manager, that is, the chief temporarily and/or permanently does not feel comfortable in the position or adheres to an authoritarian management style. In cases like this, don’t even begin to analyze why this is happening (not your problem). However, develop a proper strategy for responding to the most common grievances.
5 tricks your boss manipulates you and defense tactics
Relationship with the boss: the duty surprise. You confidently report on the work done, because the figures are good. But the head with a grim look listens to the report, and then begins to scold for the inconsequential nuances, when he should have encouraged. Of course, there is a possibility that these moments for some reason he is particularly concerned. It could also be that he is trying to find an excuse to sabotage a bad mood or validate himself.
Defense Tactics. First, give the boss a chance to talk it out (don’t deny anything). Then change the “focus” of the conversation, turning his attention to achievements. Be sure to note that you did not expect to hear criticism and quietly ask him to point out the miscalculations immediately, because this will allow time to correct the result of the work. And most importantly, thank him in advance for the potential regular and short “planning meetings” for you personally in order to clarify the tasks.
Relations with the boss: draconian requirements. The supervisor has such an authoritarian management style that you can’t even get a word in edgewise. The entire team groans, but carries out all orders. You delicately try to tell the chief about the difficulties of specialists in the team. In response you hear: “You are the only one who is dissatisfied. Of course, he may be fully convinced of this. But it is more likely that the boss is using a common manipulation technique – psychologists call it normative pressure. By saying that “you’re the only one” – the manager is influencing the part of the psyche that doesn’t allow for outsider or complainer status.
Defense tactic: do not engage in an argument (it will be fruitless), but simply say that you would like to talk face to face about aspects that seem problematic to you. After the conversation (this is very important) don’t forget to thank the boss. The last phrase should be as follows: “I understand you may not approve of my disagreement. But I am grateful that you allowed me to express my opinion and clarified the situation.”
Relationship with the supervisor: the blame game. The supervisor made a mistake and is “turning the tables” on you to save his image.
A defense tactic: Take the blow on yourself in front of your colleagues and even in front of your superiors. After all, the situation will get worse, if you try to tell the truth. It is recommended to confirm the problem, using the pronoun “we” (“we have made a mistake”), so it sends a message that you are not the only one who has made a mistake. Solve the problem by describing each action and step that you (no longer “we”) took. Practice protective filing – keep all orders, orders and decrees. In other words, collect “debt obligations”, and when the storm subsides, tactfully hint to the boss that you were glad to help.
Relationship with the boss: stealing ideas. You have proposed a new scheme to optimize any production process manager did not approve. Well, he is more aware of the current tasks and goals of the company. However, after a certain period of time you find out that your boss voiced your concept to his superiors as his and it was accepted.
A defense tactic: tell everyone and everywhere what a great leader you have – he supported your proposal. Firstly, your colleagues will know who the know-how belongs to. Secondly, your supervisor will be sure to pass on your words, that is, how well you speak of him. Promote yourself – don’t keep quiet about your successes, achievements and results. Look for allies in other departments.
Relationship with the supervisor: a trap. A supervisor presents you with a very difficult task for which you lack either experience, people, technology or time. After analyzing the work front, you turn to him for help, but get a refusal. There are three possible reasons: the boss is really very busy, he believes that you have all the necessary resources to successfully complete the task, plays with your career. Further events can develop according to two scenarios. First, at the last moment the boss decides to solve the problem, demonstrating that no one can replace him. The second – after you fail to cope, a serious reprimand will follow.
Defensive tactics: try to get help from competent colleagues. An extreme step – think about the possibility of transferring to another structural unit. After all, in some cases, the boss is simply impossible to outplay.
The psychology of a difficult relationship with the boss
The psychology of personality includes an area of active activity – work, career growth. Every person, in production or in the organization, only if he himself is not a manager, has to be in subordination. It is good when in professional activity everything is established and everything is satisfactory – work, salary, collective, daily regime, bosses. But, as a rule, this rarely happens. Usually, in some area there are significant disadvantages that you have to put up with.
It happens that you have found the job of your dreams and are willing to work there until the end of life, giving it all the forces and getting a decent wage. And suddenly you realize that your relationship with management is not the best.
What to do if there is no mutual understanding between you and the boss, and, moreover, there are conflicts? Can psychology of communication can be useful in solving this issue?
But before you start using practical recommendations to change such a difficult area as relations with the boss, think about how much you really need it and whether you are willing to be so flexible to change their rules, principles, established habits in order to keep your job? You may have to do this in order to establish a relationship with management. If you decide that the game is worth the candle, then you can use the following recommendations.
The psychology of expectations and relationships
To understand the psychology of the relationship between you and your boss, it’s helpful to do an internal analysis. Answer the following questions: when did difficulties arise between you? What caused this change? What is the reason – some events, your mistakes, other people’s opinions or the personal character of the manager?
Understanding the cause, you will be easier to think through a strategy of further behavior.
It happens that the relationship with the boss did not develop from the first day of work. Moreover, not only you but also the rest of the team have difficulty communicating with him. In this case, in order to achieve your goal, it is important to adjust to the activity and character of the manager and try to meet his expectations.
The psychology of studying the personality of another person will help you with this. What type of temperament can your boss be assigned to? What happens in his life? How he likes to spend his free time? What does he do? Analyze this information based on how much you know. This will help to understand the psychology of your head, to understand what kind of person he is and what kind of approach to him you need to take.
Next, study the characteristics of his activity and character at work – what does he expect from his subordinates? What does he usually praise them for? What can make him angry?
Having this information, you can build an appropriate communication strategy and behavior at work. When the psychology of your manager and what he expects from his subordinates becomes clear, it will be easier for you to realize those expectations and establish a productive relationship with the higher authority.
Try to be visible
The psychology of communication and effective interaction with the boss depends on your behavior at work. If you want to gain recognition and respect, try to be active in work matters and issues. Participate in seminars, show interest in meetings and organizational gatherings, solve problems of your profile and qualitatively perform the duties assigned to you by the job description. Successful psychology of the relationship with the supervisor depends on your initiative. Don’t pass up opportunities to show yourself to be a good specialist in a healthy competitive environment.
Make a habit of following the rules
Every company and organization has its own rules, adherence to which will give you an outside evaluation. How you comply with them determines the opinion of whoever is above you and in charge of the entire work process. Try not to ignore and treat respectfully the non-working moments – for example, fundraisers for charity or trade union, the organization of collective “kapustniks”, joint outings out of town. Follow the accepted dress code – the appearance must be appropriate to the organization for which you work. Take care of your hair, clothing, shoes, manicure – everything should give in you a businesslike, responsible and serious person.
Observing these rules, it will be easier for you to establish yourself as a person close to the company, living its interests – the psychology of the relationship with the manager depends on it.
Psychology of communication: bring only good news
An important point that helps to achieve the recognition of the supervisor from the outside: let him bring only good news when he meets you. This secret, which reveals the psychology of communication, will help the head at an unconscious level to fix a positive opinion about you.
The psychology of the relationship with the boss
There are universal recommendations that are important to observe in any position, while being in subordination, and in any relationship with the boss – so as not to spoil them or improve them.
Rule one. Do not discuss the manager with your colleagues at work. This is a very dangerous activity, which can turn against you. Sooner or later your emotions and discontent may reach the boss, and then it will be very difficult to build a good relationship or rehabilitate the old one. Take a neutral position and try not to evaluate the personality or professional qualities of the management, especially out loud.
Rule Two. Don’t compare your boss to those with whom you have worked before. Don’t make it sound like he should look up to his other colleagues, or that he doesn’t have enough managerial ability.
Rule Three. Don’t bother your manager with trivialities and questions that can wait.
Rule Four. Be able to competently justify their position in an argument, using logic and tact. This promotes respect for you.
Rule Four. Carry out your duties diligently and don’t take over someone else’s work, otherwise you will have to do it all the time.
Rule Five. If you have found a profession to your liking, do everything to make it your life’s work – treat it with love, invest effort, time and effort.
The psychology of the relationship with the head – a two-way process. But owning the secrets of effective communication, you are able to change the situation at work in your favor.