How to behave with envious people?

7 signs of work colleague envy, as well as how to react in this case

It is human nature to be jealous. Sooner or later we all face this sordid feeling when the long-awaited reward, for which we hoped so much, falls into the wrong hands. Envy, as the popular phrase goes, there are white and black, is this really the case?

For example, at work you get a well-deserved promotion, rejoice. And then you notice that the colleagues began to communicate with you strangely, their smiles do not look sincere, and you begin to feel like a black sheep.

Seven signs that you are jealous of your co-workers

How do you know if co-workers are really jealous of you? Let’s break it down.

  1. Gossiping for no good reason. If before you lived quietly and never heard rumors about you, now they just overflow the office. The reason for this – the banal desire to spoil you, upsetting gossip. It is almost impossible to fight with this, if only because it is impossible to find the source of gossip. Therefore, the wounded person may well “swallow the bait” and seriously upset about it – it turns out that the purpose of the offenders has been achieved.
  2. The same gratuitous criticism on and off. If you get an update, be sure that no one will be happy about a successful acquisition. At best, they will shrug and chuckle, at worst they will make some snide comments about your appearance. Unfortunately, other people’s joy, no matter how insignificant, is simply unbearable for such people.

IMPORTANT: expect that the bigger your luck, the more unjustified criticism you will have to endure.

STATEMENT! This type of imitative behavior is very common and occurs even in small children.

How to respond to the intrigues of ill-wishers – psychologist’s advice

We found out how to recognize the envy of colleagues at work. Now let’s talk about what to do in this unpleasant situation.

    Never oppose yourself to the other members of the team. If you, among other things, also have a happy family life, then try not to mention this in the presence of people for whom this topic is painful.

TIP. Respect the feelings of others, and then others may stop acting inappropriately toward you.

IMPORTANT: If you are a really valuable employee, don’t pay attention to the detractors. Consider that gossip is the flip side of fame.

If you yourself are jealous – how to cope?

This also happens often. For example:

  • My colleague is constantly singled out and praised;
  • She got a raise, but I did not.

Let’s talk about how to cope with jealousy of the success of colleagues.

  1. From this feeling it is better to get rid of as soon as possible, because it is a sign of immaturity and unprofessionalism. Are you so low estimate their own potential, that they are willing to wish harm to another person, so he did not surpass you? Don’t stoop to the level of gossip.
  2. Envy can rob you of your ambition completely – be afraid of that. Other people’s successes can frustrate you and make you think that it is useless to fight for a place under the sun, because others have managed to overtake you. In this case, all the past achievements instantly vanish from your mind. Try to remind yourself regularly what you have already achieved.

TIP. At the same time look closely at your colleague: in what ways is he better than you, and how can you fix it right now?

Useful video

I suggest that you watch a video in which the NLP coach will tell you how to protect yourself from the envious:

Remember, life is not limited to your career: there are a lot of areas in life where you can implement yourself, such as family, a favorite hobby, charity. You do not have to become a director of a company to be just a good person. The main thing is not diplomas and merits, but your actions and feelings towards other people.

What mistakes do we make when dealing with envious people?

Envy is a rather dangerous social phenomenon, although it is often underestimated by those who become the target of this feeling from people with low self-esteem. And here the notion of “feeling” does not quite fit the situation, because the envious person rarely keeps it to himself; on the contrary, envy is a complex of cognitive, verbal, affective, and behavioral manifestations. And all of them are far from harmless.

For example, the envious person constantly monitors the life of the object of envy, hoping and making every possible effort to make it “stumble”, fail, lose its charm, talent, financial source. Only the worst enemy is capable of spending years of his life on such round-the-clock stalking.

Therefore, people who have a large number of envious and ill-wishers should not take it lightly or brag about their popularity. Especially if the detractors are on the same horizon as you – you are available to them both physically and in terms of virtual contacts. Most dangerous are those envious people who are always around: relatives, colleagues, former friends who are aware of your biographical nuances, who are privy to your secrets.

Do not try to placate and “propitiate” an envious person Photo: Depositphotos

  • Demonstrate crazy spending in order to be known as a “spender;
  • Say in interviews that they refuse from time to time super-profitable projects (“I’m rich enough,” “I want to relax with my family”);
  • tell about their unusual habits, rituals, thanks to which they supposedly got rich;
  • they turn their attention to their fabulous “luck”.

It is clear that these tricks are intended for the bulk of people who are similarly socially and mentally passive, hoping for help from the state, for a “miracle,” disbelief in their own strength, and often fierce envy.

Three mistakes in dealing with those who envy us:

1. We try to placate and “propitiate” the envious person. We give them gifts and shower them with compliments. If we do it out of fear of him/her, he/she feels our weakness and becomes more evil, demanding, and dangerous. If we sincerely want to help him to overcome his negative feelings, “to cure him with kindness”, it causes fierce hatred, because our nobility only increases the gulf between us and this wretched person. A person who does good to an envious person risks incurring his wrath, which can take quite dangerous forms. An envious person will not admit, even under torture, that he has this feeling toward another person Photo: Depositphotos

2. we openly make claims and accusations against him – of backbiting, gossiping, spying on us. It is necessary to understand that the envious person will not admit even under torture that he has this feeling toward another person. To admit the presence of envy in yourself is to humiliate yourself in your own eyes, to feel that you are nothing, unable to build your life according to a unique plan, based on your own preferences. Do you think anyone is capable or willing to speak out loud about his or her own inferiority?

Your accusations will be met with a hail of scolding and the most brutal devaluation. Believe me, the envious person, despite the insignificance of his soul, knows how to defend himself quite well, including the unpleasant truth!

3. Diminish our successes, trying to become invisible, leveling our achievements. “I am just like you – a little man, a “gray mouse”, an aphid that never became a butterfly. Yes, that will work. But against you. The envious person will look at your hunched over figure and guilty eyes with a feeling of deep satisfaction. And will agree with your new image. At the same time taking steps to ensure that you are in this image and stay.

So the strange (to put it mildly!) Advice of some people that you should pretend to be poor, unsuccessful, complaining about your husband and children, dress badly, hide your talents, can easily lead to a decline in the quality of your life.

  1. First, you have to move to a higher level of existence. This refers to everything available to you: an apartment in a more prestigious area, and a position, in which you will be permanently disconnected from the bunch of stalkers from the past work, and new acquaintances who have the qualities of self-sufficiency and sincere friendliness.
  2. Second, two universal tactics should always be applied to envious people: emotional coldness and irony. Do not speak first. When you try to ask about his personal life, health, family problems, to scold him with some belittling remark: “Stop talking about me! What’s going on with you?” etc. These tactics can and should be used if you can’t yet completely distance yourself from these unpleasant people.

If you are good-looking, talented, successful, in demand in society, then be prepared for a considerable number of envious people. Do not be afraid of this circumstance, but do not dismiss it lightly, do not make the typical mistakes in dealing with such people. Read history: the victims of others’ envy became not only individuals but also entire nations. Take care of your inner world and your values!

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