How to respect yourself during a breakup
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After a relationship is over, how can you behave in a way that keeps you respected? This is difficult because if you have been dumped or the relationship just ended, you may feel like you have failed. Nevertheless, it is important to respect yourself as a person and move on. Suppose you are a young woman whose boyfriend has just told you that he wants to break up and date other women.
Don’t beg. He has broken up with you. He’s already made his decision. Regardless of the shock, panic, or pain you feel, don’t beg him for a second chance. It’s very hard to do, but try not to cry too much – of course, it may be impossible not to cry at all. But crying a little, then saying, “This makes me very sad, but it’s your decision and I have no choice but to accept it” is much better than yelling, “No, don’t leave me! I’ll do anything you ask!!!” Let him go, and then throw a tantrum.
Get your support group together. Now is the time when you need your friends and family more than ever. Call and tell them that you have broken up with your true love. They will hopefully immediately come to your rescue to comfort and keep you company while you try to mend your broken heart. Don’t try to go through everything alone.
Determine when it is pointless to try to talk to him again. He can keep calling you, trying to get rid of you easily, saying he still cares about you, and many other things. But he still can’t just be with you, doesn’t want to be your boyfriend, etc. Let him go. It doesn’t make sense. His attempts to communicate with you after the breakup have nothing to do with his feelings for you – it’s all just for him . He’s trying to make sure he’s not seen as the bad guy, but the reality is that he’s done with your relationship and has moved on. It’s time for you to do the same.
Don’t let him cheat on you. He told you about his plans to date other girls and maybe he even said he would “leave you in case things don’t work out.” Even if you still love him, this is a lose-lose for you. This man wants to be a dog in the hay – he wants you around as a consolation prize in case his plan to find a Playboy bunny fails. You’re the backup. What a creep! Regardless of how much you love him, tell him it’s not working for you and let him know it’s over. Period.
Never let him see you worry. Once the big breakup is over, don’t let him upset you. Even if you’re not in the mood for it, dress up and go out with friends. You don’t need to get drunk or try to pick up guys (like they might do), but it’s good to just get out of the house and spend time with friends. Try not to go to places where you might meet him. If you do see him when you go out, just smile and nod. If you feel like you are about to cry, apologize and go to the bathroom. Cry there and don’t come out until you look strong again (even if you’re all shaking inside, you should do a good job of looking like you’re okay).
Reconsider your relationship. There’s a good chance that now that he’s gone, you might look back and realize that you haven’t noticed all the signs about this guy. Analyzing the relationship and identifying problems can be valuable for the next relationship – they can point you to danger signals in the new man, or give you an opportunity to correct your own behavior if you really believe it’s your fault.
Listen to songs and stories about breakups. Filling yourself with positive feelings can help with songs like “I Will Survive,” and “You Oughta Know.” It can help if your friends tell you stories of their breakups. Understanding that others have gone through the same pain can help you feel less alone. Turn the music up loud and dance – it helps if someone has written a song that you can apply to your situation. Go for it, girls!
- It can show him that you can tolerate being mistreated and get back at him, so there’s a good chance he’ll mistreat you again (considering he’s done it before).
- This can make you look weak in his eyes-it’s no good if he’s overbearing, dominant, or if you know your confidence and self-esteem isn’t as high as you’d like it to be.
- The relationship takes on an air of inevitability – in other words, you may start to feel that this is your fate and your cross, that no matter how hard you try to escape, you will always come back to him, again, if your confidence and self-esteem levels are low.
- If he has behaved disrespectfully, it reduces your sensitivity to his disrespect.
Understand that few people will respect you unless you insist on it. If you don’t respect yourself, you are giving other people permission to treat you like dirt. Don’t you dare do that to yourself! Stand up for yourself and insist that you be treated with respect – the way all people should be treated. If you let a guy step over you, it will be the worst display of disrespect in the world.
Realize that you just got rid of the terrible prince. So you are one step closer to the beautiful prince. And whatever you do, don’t limit yourself to the mediocre prince.
Psychologist’s tips on how to let go of a man to get him back: behave properly after a breakup and break the emotional bond with your ex
Hello, dear female readers! Today we will discuss one of the fundamental, complicated issues of relationships in a couple. We will talk about a painful breakup, when feelings are too strong to just forget and put a period. Let’s try to understand how to let a man to come back, psychologist advice in this case, by the way, will help better than the hackneyed Internet algorithm with throwing things and a week of weeping. Let’s find the pluses where it seemed they could not exist, learn to finally love yourself, and not live for someone else.
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What not to do
Traditionally, it’s worth starting with a disclaimer of what not to do immediately after a breakup, so that you don’t regret the rest of your life later. Someone who had a partner was everything in life is left alone with themselves, with feelings, or rather with a nagging pain that nothing seems to overshadow. Constant thoughts about your partner, an expression of his own worthlessness, uselessness, makes you weak, vulnerable, uninterested. In this state, not the best ideas usually come to mind:
- To suffer, to beg for a return – in the first days the ex feels a rush of freedom, independence, pity can not persuade;
- running to the bar for an adventure – it means blocking the possibility of renewed communication;
- to close oneself at home, burning photos in order to survive the first stage of “liberation” – there is a danger that ordinary grieving will turn into protracted depression;
- building a new love – not having dealt with the past, you will only drag the burden of worries into the future and exhaust yourself and the new guy;
- Overeating and alcohol – you can’t get happiness by destroying yourself.
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What does it mean to let go
It’s worth defining, letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. Letting go means giving your partner freedom, and most importantly freeing yourself from projecting your inner dependence on him. In one esoteric talmud described an interesting method of how to mentally let go of a person or visualization of liberation:
“…You need to close your eyes and visualize the tight ropes pulling from your heart and lower abdomen toward your departed partner. They pulsate, pumping out life energy, giving him the confidence that he is better than he is and deserves more. Then large golden scissors are taken mentally and the ropes are cut…”
Some people will find the practice ridiculous, but it has quite a scientific basis in terms of psychology. Thus, usually the one who is less dependent, the one who allowed to love, declares the breakup in the couple. Exaggeratedly, such a partner believes that if there is such an attachment, then he really is better than the others and deserves more, and while there is no more, it is possible to be in this relationship. After a breakup, this confidence is fueled by pity messages and the unhappy look of the abandoned party. Only by cutting off this feeding can we stop feeding him illusions of his own superiority, and force him to plunge into the reality where no one wants him.
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Not without reason they say that if you forget a man, he will come back. This is not just a grandmother’s saying. Anyone who wants to achieve love, the return of the past, must understand that partners equally must be dependent on each other. If one side is too full of attention, it will give back the same amount of care less. So, as much as you want to be accepted, loved, appreciated, so learn to appreciate, love, accept yourself. Stop catching up, convincing love, allow yourself to feel how it can be otherwise.
At this point the most interesting thing will begin. When confident in his exclusivity, will not find the usual support, his idea of himself will begin to crumble. A crisis in this case can not be avoided, perhaps the man will appear back with claims, conflicts. After all, if one party becomes independent, confident, the other is experiencing discomfort. It is not necessary at this point to destroy the built-up understanding of himself, to give in to suggestion of guilt. He must survive the internal conflict, and then realize how wrong the assessment of what was happening.
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Motivation and first steps
I think the first part of the article blog bursin.ru already made to move in the right direction, it remains only to understand how to let go in practice the man you love, especially if he is not you. According to the media psychologist Labkovsky, this is a prepositioned wrong question. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been dumped or not, the action comes from the head. That is, the union is physically over, but the body was not prepared, so it breaks down, it protests. Breaking up with a loved one is like taking away a drug addict’s dose. So you need to think not about how to forget him, but how to overcome internal problems, to deal with his head, to stop seeing the other person as a “dose.
At the same time, the psychologist notes that even the return of a loved one will not bring happiness, as a drug addict, and it will be both bad and good at the same time. As long as there is no self-love, there is no equal union, the partner will be a means of taking out irritation with the taste of understanding that at any moment everything can be cut short again. So it is necessary not to weep over the joint photos, but to direct all efforts to restore inner balance. Immediately after the breakup you need to:
- Analyze mistakes, rethink, ideally learn to meditate;
- prioritize yourself, your own feelings and emotions;
- take your free time to work on yourself;
- As a bonus you can do what you have always only dreamed of.
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Back and forth.
The so-called vicious circle, when a man basically does not want a relationship, he then disappears, but wants to get it all back again. And his return usually happens in a big way, with promises of eternal love, apologies on her knees, flowers. And leaving can be a spectacular scandal, and quiet, without explanation. Manifestations of such “love” can be several:
- Abusive relationships. The man gets high by hurting, he needs a surge of emotion, which he feeds on like a vampire. In such a union, there will be no plump babies, no lavish wedding, just repetition of pain and momentary joy. Such a man should not just let go, but hope that he never comes back. And he will disappear only when he finds no response or nourishment.
- “Backup.” Besides hardened abusers, there are also practical guys who leave a back-up airfield after a breakup. He’s met a new fling, but he’s in no hurry to leave with all his socks. He may periodically write, call, and may even stop by for the night. You need to realize, there is no such thing as temporary or weekend love. You don’t have to wait for him to make up his mind, it’s humiliating, you need to let go and forget such a person.
- Owner. Another specimen who, even after a breakup, needs to know that there is no replacement for him. He does not love, does not care, but at the same time jealous, scandalous, literally suffocating with total control. You should not confuse this kind of behavior with love, there is nothing in common. Even if at first such treatment can be flattering, then over time you will want to howl at night from the lack of personal space.
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Tips from Men
All words are good in theory, so it is more objective to take advice from real men. If the desire to renew the union is too great and there is no doubt that it is without him that life will not be bright, then it is worth resorting to behavioral rules and start your game on the return of your beloved. So, what advises the stronger sex:
- Take care of yourself. A man of either sex longs to see a beautiful and neat appearance. If the time spent together forgot about the manicure and the gym, it is time to catch up. Let him see even in a casual meeting the one that he fell in love with at the first meeting.
- Confidence. Back to the subject at hand. If a woman loves herself, she is loved by those around her. The gait, the look, the tone of voice, everything should scream that in front of him a self-sufficient and confident person.
- Common interests. He likes chess? Go to the courses of the game. Snowboarding? It’s time to go downhill skiing. World of Tanks? There’s probably just enough to stop hating the game.
- Self-development. At a general party, he should realize again that he is a developed person, not a couch TV critic. Start reading, learn a new language, or master the intricacies of cooking. The main thing is interest.
- No contact and no surveillance. No phone calls or social networking. No monitoring. Also, do not overfill your feed with staged photos of your happy life. It is better to go online less often, let him be bored and perplexed.
- Patience. Waiting can take months, do not accelerate his decision to return.
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The bottom line .
In conclusion of all written it is important to understand one thing, even being in a couple and even more so after a breakup, you need to learn to let your loved one go, so that he feels dependent on the emotional nourishment, and returns in search of her. You can’t get a man through pity or threats. He can be there for you, but only physically and only until he finds an opportunity to escape. Respect yourself, accept without reserve, love, and then you won’t have to return anyone, because unnecessary people will leave and those who are worthy to be around will surround you.
Let’s support those who are just learning to love themselves and not depend on others in the comments. Tell your story of love and getting your loved one back.