How to become confident in yourself?

How to increase self-confidence?

Client: I’m afraid to look into the future and don’t set long-term goals because I don’t believe I can achieve it. What if it doesn’t come true? Coach: And what do you want as a result of our meeting? Client: To believe in myself…

Believing in yourself is the key to our success. Sometimes people reach incredible heights only on the basis of strong self-confidence. But not everyone has it so pronounced. So how do you increase self-confidence?

To increase self-confidence, you need to understand its nature.

Self-reliance is a person’s experience of his abilities, both adequate to the tasks he faces in life and those he sets for himself.

Thus, a sense of self-reliance comes to us when we recognize that our capabilities are adequate or appropriate to the task that we are currently undertaking. We can tell ourselves that it is “within our grasp.

Two conclusions can be drawn from this definition:

1. Self-confidence is always associated with tasks.

If there is nothing to solve, there is no need for confidence. If we are handed everything on a silver platter, then we will have confidence only that it will be so. And when the “free ride” ends (usually along with parental care), and there is no experience in solving problems independently by that time, there will be no confidence. Since we will not be able to assess whether or not we have all the means to solve the problem.

If we brand ourselves as “I am an insecure person,” it is highly likely that we are deceiving ourselves and walking away from action. For, an insecure person does not feel capable of handling any task. If we can cook our own eggs or tie our own shoelaces, that is clearly not our case. So the first thing is to outline the range of tasks where we feel insecure. That’s where confidence is built purposefully to the task.

2. Self-confidence is formed through a sense of their capabilities or abilities.

And this feeling in turn comes from experience. To conclude whether or not I can rely on myself in solving this task, we need to rely on something from our past or present.

We have tried something and either failed or succeeded. So, for example, we once set a long-term goal, walked to it, and got lost. And from this experience, we made a conclusion about ourselves: I’m not capable of setting long-term goals. From this, our self-confidence in setting distant goals is nullified.

Our experience of achievement, colored by negative emotional experiences, often distorts our perception of ourselves and inhibits our development. Experiencing one’s experiences as unhurried can be unreasonable. And so, to increase our confidence or regain it, we need to examine our experiences in a constructive way and draw conclusions from them that will encourage new actions and endeavors.

To increase self-confidence it is also important to deal with a concept such as a person’s level of pretension.

A person’s level of ambition is an aspiration to achieve goals of the degree of difficulty that a person believes he or she is capable of.

Our level of ambition forms the list of tasks that we set for ourselves and, in part, those that arise in front of us.

If we overestimate ourselves, our abilities, then we may set ourselves too difficult tasks and raise the bar for mandatory achievements. If we underestimate ourselves, we, on the contrary, minimize our aspirations and accomplish tasks more easily than we actually can.

Psychologists have proven under experimental conditions that our level of ambition is formed under the influence of success or failure in the activity, or rather our subjective experience of their achievements as successful or unsuccessful.

And here a key mistake in the formation of the level of pretensions comes out: we can evaluate the experience as unsuccessful, but not understand that it is successful for our level of development.

For example, my daughter, age 6, sat down to draw in an online lesson after her teacher, a professional artist. She wasn’t able to do exactly the same as the teacher. She would get frustrated, tear up her drawings, and scream that she wasn’t going to study anymore. At that point, she was, first of all, not adequately shaping her level of ambition. And secondly, she lived her experience as an unsuccessful one, because she could not achieve the result as a teacher. Even though I felt she was doing a great job, and the experience seemed to me to be a success.

So, to increase self-confidence, it is important to take on tasks in accordance with an adequate level of pretensions. Then our development will be harmonious, and we can strengthen our competencies, building like a snowball successful experience.

Self-confidence can gradually become a stable property of our personality, as we will transfer our successful experience to tasks that we have never done. But in order for this to happen, it is important to give ourselves time to form a baggage of success.

How to form it? Set ourselves tasks adequate to our level of pretension and solve them according to the following algorithm:

1. Choose a task that is relevant to you, the solution of which is really important to you.

This is important, because it determines whether or not you will make the effort and overcome difficulties if they arise.

For example, I want to launch a career coaching training course to pass on my experience and knowledge to my colleagues and to strengthen the professional environment in this type of help. This is one of my important professional goals, and I am willing to sweat to achieve it.

2. describe what abilities and capabilities are needed to accomplish this task.

List all of the resources that are needed to accomplish what you have in mind. You can use the 15 keys from the article “What Are We Missing in Career Development?” Part 1 and Part 2.

So, for a career coaching course, I need: practical experience and theoretical knowledge of the field, the ability to create training programs and communicate my knowledge, the ability to describe the value of the course and promote it to convey that value to the target audience, the ability to organize the training process, and the time to apply all of these skills.

3. Form your level of ambition in relation to your task.

What outcome do you expect? What exactly do you want it to be? And if you lower your expectations, what might the result look like?

For the harmonious development of confidence, it is better to designate three levels at once on the input: minimum, normal and super results. What for? This is how we bypass the trap of an overrated level of personal aspirations. You agree to the minimum variant and it is guaranteed to meet your capabilities. And once it is achieved, you can painlessly adjust your level of ambition to develop in a more environmentally friendly way.

For example, for a course, I can designate the minimum level as teaching a group of 6-8 people to get enough learning experience on this topic. Although the norm for me would be 15-20 people. Anything above 20 people would already be a super result.

4. assess how much you possess from the list in step 2.

This is where we begin to form the adequacy of the problem to our capabilities. We honestly evaluate each item in terms of the level needed to accomplish that particular task. Not like my daughter: I also want to be a professional artist. How can we really do that?

Notice, we take only what we need to do the task as our fulcrum for the task. We don’t rely on unsuccessful experiences in other fields, or on being called a “no brainer,” a “fool,” a “mediocre” as a child. Put that aside until it gets in the way of your task. And if it does, just get help from me or another coach or psychologist you trust to close the issue for you.

5. What can you do about what you are missing?

If you find that you are missing something, first, double-check that you really need it. Second, try doing a SWOT analysis on that item: what other capabilities or strengths can you acquire it from? Sometimes, just delegating to another professional is enough. Third, lower your level of ambition. Perhaps you are not yet competent enough to expect such a result. Fourth, if this is a stumbling block to action and there is nothing you can do right now to replace it, then decide when and how you acquire the necessary capability/capacity.

This is where we need to understand whether the current task is adequate to our capabilities in the end. Perhaps we can take on this task, but not now, but later, when we have pulled up the missing resources.

For example, for a course of the above, I have almost everything except a temporary resource, but that will come in about a month. So, I can decide on dates and schedule it to be created.

6. Assess the risks and weaknesses.

Even if we have everything, there may be internal barriers, circumstances, or a course of events that will affect the success of the task.

For example, my daughter would just quit halfway through her drawing because she felt the result was not up to her level of ambition. Each of us may have such internal restraints in our heads that at one point all of our efforts come to naught. It is important to recognize them and design your actions that will help you remove these constraints on your success. The stage of predicting risks helps us to form an adequate belief in ourselves: to see what depends on ourselves and what does not depend on us.

For example, knowing the way I work with course material, I can get stuck with books and preparation for months. So it’s important for me to organize my writing process so that I feel like I’m making progress, not trying to cram everything or even more in, and have time to do my other projects. So I’ll just get myself a coach to accompany me through this phase, put limits on the amount of time for each topic to prepare material, and form deadlines for the start of the course.

7. Design and Steps.

Design how you will construct a solution to the problem, taking into account risks and weaknesses. Then form for yourself at least a rough plan of steps you will begin to follow. In the process, maybe other steps will come and other opportunities will fly in.

8. Analyze the outcome.

When you’ve gone your way and achieved a result (or not) sit down to analyze:

  • Did your expectations and the result you achieved match?
  • What helped you achieve it?
  • What did you succeed in? What could have been done differently?
  • What conclusions can I draw about the correspondence between my capabilities/abilities and the task I have accomplished?
  • What conclusions can I draw about myself?

Before you evaluate your experience as unsuccessful, be sure to answer these questions. They will help you make the experience worthwhile in any case. Read more about how easy it is to live through failure in the article “How do I easily respond to my failure?”

These eight steps are worth doing for each task until you feel confident without additional analysis at the start of the next more difficult task. They will not only help you pump up your confidence, but also help you develop a resourceful approach to any task and a successful person’s mindset.

You should start your way to confidence with easy tasks, gradually increasing your level of difficulty. Each successful experience will become a brick to your basic self-confidence. And even if you stumble at some point, remember that there are experts like me who can help you in time to recycle your experience and take it easily and constructively.

Increasing your confidence is a process. It takes time for more and more successful experiences to accumulate in your life. If you didn’t acquire it as a child or for some reason squandered it in adulthood, prepare yourself for the fact that the road to self-confidence may not be traveled quickly. Give yourself time and encouragement that it is normal and attainable. At the very least, remove expectations of perfect success on your first attempt: it doesn’t have to work the first time, nor does it have to work the tenth time, nor does it have to work the hundredth time. Everyone needs a different number of times to succeed!

Love your business and have confidence in yourself!

Question from the coach: With what task will you begin to build confidence?

Copying and quoting this article is possible only with the indication of the author – Marina Nekrestyanova

55 simple ways to become more confident

Self-confidence is one of the few personality traits that affects the quality of virtually all areas of human life. Along with an increase in self-confidence, the effectiveness of human actions increases, relationships with other people improve, new relationships are acquired and unnecessary connections are cut off. A confident person is better motivated to achieve what he wants to achieve, sets himself up for success faster and achieves it with less effort. Self-confidence gives its bearer a huge number of advantages and even makes a person happier, so if you are not confident enough, you should immediately think about the development of this most important property of personality. It is not difficult, just start to make the steps given in this article on a daily basis and you will not only become more confident, but also change your life for the better.

55 ways to become more confident in yourself:

  • 1. be a confident person. Make a decision from now on in all situations and in all places to speak and act with confidence, to be more decisive and bolder than ever before.
  • 2. Stop complaining about your shortcomings. Flaws are present in every person, but there is one important point – self-confident people do not give them too much importance and do not think of them at the worst time.
  • 3. Take care of your strengths. Let your strengths be your support in life, work on their further development and make them even stronger.
  • 4. Stop underestimating your abilities. You should examine all your abilities and trust yourself that if necessary you can perform a familiar task, even if this time it looks a little more difficult.
  • 5. Start learning what you want to excel at. Stop just daydreaming about how talented or capable you could be and how many enthusiastic looks would be directed at you. Start taking real steps toward actually becoming one.
  • 6. Revise your rule book. Your own rules are what should strengthen your spirit and make you stronger. Revise your own rules and eliminate those that get in the way of your success, and add rules that can definitely make you more successful and confident in yourself.
  • 7. Make a list of things you enjoy doing. Allow yourself to take an hour out of your daily routine and reflect on the things you really like, write down a list of things you like on a piece of paper, and save it until next time.
  • 8. Develop your skills. Do you work as a programmer, designer or copywriter? If so, start perfecting your skills and become highly skilled at what you do.
  • 9. Direct your attention to the things you enjoy. You’ve already made a list of things you like, now, your task is to remember them as often as possible, especially in those moments when you are disturbed by negative thoughts.
  • 10. Show concern for others. Treat other people with more benevolence, help those who are in a difficult situation, especially if they are your close relatives or friends.
  • 11. Forget your insecurities. The more often you talk about your insecurities, the harder it becomes to fight them; on the contrary, if you forget about them and don’t pay much attention to their signs, you will get rid of them with great ease.
  • 12. Stop putting up with things that are unpleasant for you. Make a list of the things you have to put up with, and begin to get rid of those that are most detrimental to your emotional well-being in a planned, step-by-step manner.
  • 13. Turn your attention to your environment. Stop analyzing your feelings and going over negative thoughts in your head, instead direct all your attention to what’s going on around you.
  • 14. Get to know people. Communication is one of the basic human needs, don’t deny yourself the opportunity to just chat and start a conversation with people you don’t know. Don’t get upset if any of these people aren’t in the mood to chat, you’ll have better luck next time.
  • 15. Stop comparing yourself to anyone. There are many different people in the world, with a variety of different skills and abilities, and each of those people is unique. You are unique too, so it’s not too correct to compare yourself to anyone.
  • 16. Remember the 80/20 rule. The 80/20 rule states that 20 percent effort usually leads to 80 percent results. So, you do not need to grieve if 80 percent of your efforts were in vain-the other 20 percent will definitely bring results.
  • 17. Treat your shyness calmly. Consider your shyness as a feature, not as a flaw. This will make it much easier for you to work on eliminating it.
  • 18. Stop berating yourself. Never berate yourself for mistakes or failure, in general, never berate yourself, even if you think there is a reason for it. What happened is what happened, draw conclusions, analyze the reasons for your failures, and continue to move forward with new knowledge.
  • 19. Examine your doubts. Insecure people often doubt themselves, and most of their doubts have no solid foundation. This does not mean, however, that all their doubts are empty. Examine your doubts and find out which of them can be justified, and how great the risk is that they will be justified.
  • 20. Seek help. Remember that you are not alone in this world, there are many people in the world with the same problems. There are also people who have coped with these problems and are willing to help others in this, don’t be afraid to ask for help, someone will definitely help you.
  • 21. Do something stupid. You are human, and like any human being you are imperfect in some ways, and like any human being you are not immune from doing something stupid. Do something stupid, but safe for you and the people around you on purpose, and laugh at yourself with others.
  • 22. Flirt- A light, meaningless flirtation with a person of the opposite sex can lift your spirits and bring variety to an ordinary environment. Of course, to use it, this person must adequately perceive flirting.
  • 23. Start exercising physically. A fit body is not only a guarantee of health and longevity, but also a source of self-confidence. Make it a rule to exercise every day.
  • 24. Learn to say no. Sometimes we find it difficult to say “no” to acquaintances, friends or relatives in response to their request, because at that moment we find ourselves under social pressure. And yet, remember: you don’t owe anyone anything, and you have the right to refuse a request from anyone, if you are really busy. Learn to refuse other people in a calm and confident manner.
  • 25. Identify the cause of your insecure behavior. Try to identify what is keeping you from speaking and acting confidently. What thoughts are coming to you at this point? Break down the negative beliefs that have become a hindrance to your confidence.
  • 26. Recall past successes. Many people are much more likely to remember their failures than their successes, and as a result, deliberately underestimate their abilities and give ground for further development of insecurity. Instead, at the slightest sign of negative thoughts, start remembering your past successes.
  • 27. Put things in order. Get your house, your appearance, and your head in order. Order will make you feel more confident and give you a sense of control over your own life.
  • 28. Listen to your intuition. Separate the voice of your intuition from the empty doubts, learn to distinguish them, and do what your heart tells you to do.
  • 29. Recall a state of confidence. Recall a situation in which you felt and acted with maximum confidence. What caused the confidence to emerge? Was this reason internal or external? Try to recreate the same way of thinking that supported your sense of confidence in the past. Memorize your state of confidence and learn to summon it in any situation.
  • 30. Watch your posture. Try to keep your back straight in any place and at any time, and relax all other muscles that are not involved in maintaining your posture.
  • 31. Find encouraging words. Make a list of phrases and sentences that motivate you and make you feel confident. Write them down on a piece of paper or memorize them and read them when you feel insecure.
  • 32. Learn to accept your insecurity. Your insecurity is how you feel at any given time, and it is most likely caused by a situation with which you are unfamiliar. Accept it and convince yourself that next time you will act differently in a similar situation.
  • 33. Make friends with your fears. Fear is natural; it only becomes a problem when you don’t take steps to overcome it. Therefore, use your fear as an opportunity to boost your confidence.
  • 34. Be calm about your mistakes. There’s no need to get upset about mistakes, rather look at them as an opportunity for your learning and personal growth.
  • 35. Do things in a new way. Choose a new route for your walk to work or home, a new store to buy groceries, a new way to do your daily work. The more often you do something new and the more often you are in new places, the more confident you begin to feel in situations that are unfamiliar to you.
  • 36. Do something useful for the community. Be useful to other people, this will greatly increase your confidence.
  • 37. Be sure that you have enough strength. No matter what happens to you, remember that you have enough inner strength to cope with any, even the most difficult situation.
  • 38. Find your true goals. It’s easy to start feeling insecure when you’re not in your right place, and conversely, once you identify your true goals and start doing what you’re really interested in, you’ll find that you can easily cope with insecurity.
  • 39. Take action. Stop sitting idly by. If a situation makes you feel insecure, then you should work on yourself and take real steps to remove your insecurities. Decisively go ahead whenever you feel it is necessary, this practice will help you in gaining self-confidence.
  • 40. Learn to control your body. Controlling your body is an important skill. Develop it. Learn to relax completely, release muscle tension and control unconscious movements. Learn body language, model confident postures and gestures.
  • 41. Meet the future self. Imagine an image of the future self, a confident and determined person, think about what he or she would do in a given situation or circumstance?
  • 42. Identify your values and hold on to them. Try not to depend on other people’s opinions. Make your own list of values and stick to them in every situation. Stand up for them if it is really necessary, and do what you think is right.
  • 43. Make yourself known. Stop being in the shadows, if you have something to offer and you’re sure your offer is worthwhile, speak up and give your opinion. It will either be accepted or not, nothing else will happen, and you’ll know you at least made an attempt.
  • 44. Have a plan of action. Learn to plan your goals. Make a plan of action for each next day, week, month, year, or any other period of time. Implement it day by day, the results will not be long in coming.
  • 45. Get things done on time. To become more self-confident, you need to start doing your things on time. There is no need to put them off until tomorrow, it will only reduce your confidence in yourself.
  • 46. Learn from confident people. Observe confident people, note how they behave, how they speak, what body language they use, copy their behavior. If necessary, ask for some lessons in confident behavior.
  • 47. Become an idea generator. Practice creating new and original ideas. Give second life to unnecessary things. Invent new ways to use things. Think about what you can do with your life. Just use your creativity.
  • 48. Surround yourself with positive people. Negative-minded people often unknowingly spoil the mood of those around them. Try to stay away from such people, or if you feel strong enough, charge them with positive energy and ideas. Try to be around positive, kind and cheerful people more often.
  • 49. Smile more often. Find a reason to smile as often as possible. Watch a funny video or film, read jokes or funny stories. Get together with your friends and have fun with them.
  • 50. Stop pleasing others. There’s no need to conform to other people – just be yourself. If you don’t like something, don’t do it just to please or please other people. Choose your own way of life.
  • 51. Visualize yourself as a confident person. Visualize as vividly and vividly as possible pictures of confident behavior in various situations involving you. Scroll through these images in your head day by day and try to act accordingly.
  • 52. Make affirmations. Repetition of affirmations is one of the most effective ways to change your beliefs and inner attitude. Start telling yourself that you are a confident person, that you are becoming more confident and self-assured every day. Repeat positive affirmations of your confidence every day in any free time you have.
  • 53. Find uplifting music. Good music can improve your mood and even your confidence. Find such music and listen to it from time to time. In a difficult moment, just remember the tune and the lyrics.
  • 54. Realize that no one is better or worse than you. Having an ability or skill that you don’t have doesn’t make someone better than you. Recognize that you are just different, but not worse or better than anyone else.
  • 55. Be in the here and now. Learn to be in the here and now in every situation. Stop the flow of thoughts about the past and the future, stop disturbing your inner state of calm with negative thoughts. Be as focused as possible on what’s going on around you, focus on actions, not thoughts.

Everyone can become more self-confident, all you need to do is to start making real steps to change your way of thinking and behavior. By working on yourself and following the ways to increase your confidence in this article, you will learn to think, speak and act with confidence in any situation. Don’t get upset if you encounter difficulties at the beginning of your confidence journey, it’s natural for any endeavor. Just keep moving forward and you will succeed. Good luck to you!

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