How to become a man? Instructions for real men
Surely every guy at least once in his life asked himself this tricky question: can I call myself a real man? And really, when is the moment when a boy becomes an adult and independent brutal? And, after all, who invented the criteria of “masculinity”, according to which the strong sex is proud to call itself a man?
1. Learn to stand up for yourself and others.
I’m not talking about the constant fighting right now. Bullies were never respected. They were not so much respected as usually just feared. You don’t have to be an adult to mindlessly swing your fists. But being able to defend your property, punish the abuser, and protect the girl you love from bullies is an act worthy of a real man. Note, I do not call to beat up everyone who looks at you or a companion in a short skirt.
To keep yourself in good physical shape and competently put a punch, it is necessary to attend classes with a trainer. You can choose any martial arts, to which the soul lies. Before you pay off for a new hobby a pretty penny, be sure to get acquainted with the features of the sport. Some variants are designed specifically for fighting, while others, on the contrary, are aimed at high-quality defense. Ideally, it would be good to learn both.
You should work with a professional who knows the game like the back of his hand (or four, depending on the number of real fights this coach has). Only the real expert will help you to acquire the skills of hand-to-hand confrontation and self-defense. Even if you think that uncle Vasya from the next door is very cool to fight, when he drinks a couple of shots of whites, he just can’t teach you the basics of fighting. Such fighters are the real athletes to put on the blades with one blow.
Don’t expect fantastic results after the first lesson. Seriously, it doesn’t work that way. Want to know how to be a man? The instructions for real men say that only cats will be born soon. But outgrowing childhood in the shower and the heel isn’t so easy. Even if in the first month of classes you won’t have the skills of Jackie Chan, you obviously shouldn’t worry. You’ll see the results in your first scuffle, when you’ll easily put a block on a fist flying into your nose.
John Fornander , Unsplash
2. Resolve conflicts verbally, not physically.
That’s another big sign that you’ve grown up. It’s very easy to fan your fingers and roll your chest out in a cartwheel. It doesn’t, in fact, require brains or social skills. Resolving an argument on a peaceful note is much harder, as is proving your opponent wrong without the use of physical force.
Remember, a grown man never starts a fight himself. Only in the most extreme cases. He must be able to communicate with people, prove his point of view and defend his own opinion without the use of physical force. Even if the outcome of such a fight is definitely in your favor.
Zoltan Tasi , Unsplash
3. Gain confidence and overcome childhood complexes
What could be worse than a man who is ashamed even of himself? Probably nothing. It’s time to finally climb out of the cocoon as a confident, brutal butterfly. All those childhood complexes need to be left behind growing up and accept your personality for what it is in real time.
Remember that everyone is interesting and attractive in their own way. Also, everyone has their little flaws. These are essentially what one is loved for, as it’s about individuality. You have red hair and freckles, so it seems that girls laugh behind your back? Or are you self-conscious about your floppy ears and trying your best to hide them behind headgear, even indoors? Stop trying to be like some elusive ideal. Just be yourself.
Look in the mirror more often and tell yourself you’re good looking. Yes, let the nose potato (as a child, I rode a bike and did not notice the pole), but a beautiful piercing eyes. Every scar is a story. Every little flaw in your appearance is a highlight. You’re really good at being yourself, you just can’t appreciate it from the outside yet. But the people around you just see an interesting personality.
Mark Broadhead , Unsplash
4. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself.
This is a very important point in the answer to the question: how to become a man? The instruction for real men would be incomplete if this advice were missing. An adult always has his own opinion and personal view of the world and everything that happens in it. And often this must be defended. If you always go along with society, there is a risk of completely dissolving into the crowd, completely forgetting about personal needs.
Remember that having a different view of something from others – it’s perfectly normal. As the saying goes, there are as many people as there are opinions. It is not a crime and it is not a violation of one’s personal boundaries. Rather, it’s more about standing up for your own. Even if you get rebuked for being stubborn. Not all people can accept that someone sees life differently than they do.
Suheyl Burak , Unsplash
You know the first thing that makes a grown man different from a teenager? He’s able to take responsibility for every word he says and action he takes. Sometimes you want to throw your hands up in the air and yell, “I didn’t do it!” But such an act does not embellish a self-sufficient person. So let’s take off the diaper and grow up.
Put a price on your words. They need to be strictly monitored, so do not promise something that is unrealistic to deliver. Take responsibility for every letter that came out of your mouth. Only such a man will be respected by others and loved by women.
By the way, a word about the ladies. If you get into a relationship, you will have to take responsibility not only for yourself. Believe me, every girl wants to hear that you are ready to solve the problem yourself, not to create a new one out of nothing. And, as Sasha White bequeathed, her difficulties would also be nice to take as your own personal ones. Because your woman is a big responsibility.
Allef Vinicius , Unsplash
6. Cultivate in yourself the moral stability.
A real man is a creature with an extremely high degree of adaptability and survivability under almost any conditions. But for this you need to develop immunity to various stresses and psychological shocks. Because a hysterical man is a sad and extremely pathetic spectacle.
Annoyed by the girl you love (she got fat, can’t buy the thing you like, girlfriend is a bastard, burned her hair, PMS, moon in Taurus, needle in the egg, etc.)? Don’t be like the hysterical ladies. Give her a hug and comfort her. You can throw a chocolate bar at her or a purse. But yelling a duet and hitting the dishes is not the best option. Don’t know how to be a man? The instruction for real men says that first of all you have to learn to be calm. You’re a flint, a pillar of serenity and a bastion of stern strength. But not hysterical, that’s important.
Whatever happens in life, don’t take it so personally that you lose control. A grown man commands respect and envy for his stress tolerance. A squealing, drooling guy is seen by others as a moody child.
Allef Vinicius , Unsplash
7. Get your hands out of your pussy.
Imagine that a faucet in your apartment has burst and water is rushing into the ceiling, threatening to flood your upstairs neighbors, just like in the anecdote. And around this sudden fountain in a panic rushes the kid, not knowing what to grab hold of and what gods to pray to, that everything here itself was resolved miraculously. Do you respect that image? Don’t be like that.
At a minimum, you need to acquire a basic set of knowledge, what to do in case of an accident at home. Even if you have never plumber, to know where and how to cut off the water is simply vital. Then you can call a master.
And in general, a grown man is characterized not only by his resourcefulness, but also by straight hands, growing from the right place. Consider that we are talking about basic survival skills in this complicated world. If a woman is sure that next to such a male you can sleep well and not worry that in case of any breakage he will not faint, consider that you conquered her once and for all.
Anyway, how are you even going to start a family or at least a couple if you don’t even trivialize how to hammer a nail in the wall. It’s time to grow out of your short childish pants and take up the niche of the responsible and handy male, capable of sharpening kitchen knives and driving screws into concrete with one stern look alone.
Spencer Davis , Unsplash
8. Learn to say no.
Believe me, saying no to someone is not committing a crime. You don’t have to feel deep guilt or remorse for doing so. Just say no and walk off into the sunset. Otherwise, people will think you’re too soft-hearted and start blatantly taking advantage of the no-no. It’s easy to sit on our necks.
A grown man knows how to filter help from impudence. If you can not or do not want to do something, no need to justify or somehow comment on his refusal. An adequate opponent will never be offended, because everyone has personal boundaries and the right not to take on what is not to his liking.
You have to refuse gently, but clearly and confidently, so that the interlocutor understands that you’re not breaking down like a girl, but really giving an answer. Do not mumble in the style of “maybe,” “I’ll think about it,” “I’ll tell you later,” etc. You just don’t. Sometimes it’s hard to do, because a person gets very attached to society’s assessment. What if they think badly of me? You’re a man. You grew up. Well, they’ll think it’s okay. If they have to, they’ll ask for help anyway. So get a grip and shake the freeloaders off your neck.
Allef Vinicius , Unsplash
9. Appreciate your parents, but don’t become a mama’s boy
It’s a very fine line. We are all taught from childhood to respect our elders, not to cross them, and in general to see each of them as the center of the earth. But you want to know how to become a man, don’t you? The instructions for the real men necessarily contains a paragraph about the relationship with their parents and the painful attachment to them, which must necessarily be plucked from the root.
Yes, mom should be loved, valued and respected. She should help out around the house, and sometimes listen to advice. She loves you unequivocally. But sometimes that feeling gets out of control and turns into a real schizophrenia. Believe me, no matter how much you love your mom, she shouldn’t dictate to you how to live your life. And especially don’t let your parent choose your friends and women. Otherwise you’ll spend the rest of your life under her skirt. At least the son is there, to the delight of his mother.
Know how to say no, even to your parents, and do not allow them to share and dominate your destiny. Do not be afraid to make your own mistakes. Even if you got involved with “the wrong girl”, according to your mother, this is the path a real Jedi has to go by himself. Otherwise you’ll be blaming only someone else for everything. It’s quite possible that your mother thinks you’re just an ideal, that’s why she doesn’t see any earthly lady around. But you know exactly how it can turn out, don’t you?
A real man loves and appreciates his mother, but in the family decides all personal matters exclusively by himself. Especially his relationship with his wife. You have to live with her, not your mother, after all.
Matthew Bennett , Unsplash
10. Don’t be afraid of work.
The baby boys are now breeding in some unbelievable numbers. There are a few signs of this kind of immature boy that will definitely keep you from becoming a real man:
- Thinks it’s a woman’s job to do chores around the house;
- Doesn’t know where the utility bills come from and what to do with them;
- tries to find a job that pays a lot of money but makes less work (everyone probably dreams about it, but the reality is harsh);
- refuses a promising position and promotion, so as not to increase the amount of work and demand from his beloved;
- Is always content with little, if only not to be touched unnecessarily;
- Considers every woman mercantile, because she is clearly encroaching on his masculine salary of 22 thousand wooden rubles (skates, so to say, has not worn off yet, to claim sandals, such a bastard);
- Has no respect for other people’s work and considers all other positions to be nonsense;
- out of principle will not go for some simple job that requires physical labor, even sitting at home for a year.
If you do not want to look your whole life in the eyes of others infantile boy, learn to appreciate and respect any work. Grab a career opportunity and don’t be afraid of responsibility (remember the first Spider-Man movie).
Annie Spratt , Unsplash
11. Prove only yourself.
It’s not about your own opinion or outlook on life here. What I mean is that your destiny is not an ostentatious talk show with a bunch of viewers behind the glass. Don’t try to dust the eyes of those around you to seem cooler. That’s not how it works. You want to be seen as a real man, be a real man. Prove to yourself that’s who you are. And you don’t have to play for the audience.
Think of the serious men who have built an entire business empire or become the head of a major corporation. They are not trying to prove anything to anyone. Most of them dress very simply, use standard “phonecalls,” not iPhones bought on credit with the last of their money. They value simplicity and efficiency. Look up to them, not your friends who have changed their fifth job in the last month and are still waving a credit gadget worth over 100 thousand rubles.
Jude Beck, Unsplash.
So how do you become a real man? A bushy beard and beefy muscles won’t help you if you’re just a spoiled brat, unfit for adult life. You have to change from the inside and follow your principles clearly. Grow up, my friend, and good luck to you!
How to be a man
Contributor(s): Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed psychotherapist in Wisconsin, specializing in addictions and mental health. She provides therapy for people struggling with addictions, mental health issues, and the effects of trauma, both in health care settings and in private practice settings. She received her master’s degree in clinical psychology from Marquette University in 2011.
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Like it or not, just being born with a set of male chromosomes is not enough to become a real man. Cultures around the world have different rituals that extol masculinity, as well as traditions that promote it. While there are no clear criteria defining masculinity, there are certain qualities that are considered hallmarks of a real man, and in this article we will discuss them.
Know yourself. Find out who you are and start loving yourself. There is no one right way to be a man. A real man can be a lumberjack in a sweater who doesn’t wash his face for 10 days straight. A real man can be a university professor who tells students about Milton and Shakespeare. The important thing here is that a real man knows and respects himself.
- General erudition. You know everything about everything in the world. You could win on “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” if you wanted to get on TV. You know what parts of speech and participles are, you know about pterosaurs, and you can tell the difference between a suit for 7000 rubles and a suit for 700 000 thousand rubles.
- History. Unfortunately, very rarely even those who specifically study history use their skills to solve various problems: you can apply the strategy of Roman warriors, Cold War negotiation tactics, the vague economic policy of France, and so on. The person who studies history knows that this knowledge is not only useful for avoiding repeating past mistakes.
- Women. Some men delve headlong into the study of women. If you want to learn to understand them, be prepared to make mistakes and draw conclusions from them. There is nothing worse than a man who thinks that he will make any woman happy, but in fact he is just a boor, an inconsiderate man and an ignoramus. However, no one forces you against the will to adjust to the stereotype of the “ladies’ man”: unlike politeness and respect, it is not necessary.
- Learn to apologize in different ways. Apology can not only be verbal – buy tickets to the soccer game, bring breakfast in bed or arrange a trip out of town. Men know that sometimes it’s much more helpful to act than to talk.
- Do not date certain girls. Do not date a friend’s sister unless you are serious about marrying her. Don’t date your friend’s ex-girlfriend without his explicit consent (this means you should ask your friend about it).
- Sharing things. If a friend asks you in advance to lend him or her work boots, a drill, or a multicooker, you should share your belongings. This does not apply to cars, good luck charms, or women.
- Giving birthday gifts to other men is optional. If push comes to shove, you can always say that your girlfriend or wife insisted that you buy the gift.
- You can’t start a conversation at the urinal. You shouldn’t stand next to someone if there are other urinals available.
- You shouldn’t use emoticons in correspondence with other guys. They can be used when talking to women (although it’s not desirable), but it’s important not to overdo it.
- Did you grow up in an environment where it was acceptable to humiliate someone physically or verbally if they didn’t behave the way they were expected to or disobey an elder? More often than not, cruelty is the result of cowardice rather than a desire to solve a problem. You should not be cruel to friends and relatives or threaten them for the sake of asserting your authority.
- Have you been taught that you should suppress your emotions, hold back tears, and hide your vulnerability in every way possible? The downside of this is that you may have trapped your emotions in yourself, and that will only make things worse. Try to show your masculinity in a different way – be a reliable and strong man who can cope with the vicissitudes of fate.
- Have you been taught to hate or fear homosexuals? Remember, what makes you homosexual is your tendency to be romantically and sexually involved with people of your own sex. Your favorite music and clothes, your desire to cry when watching a movie, flowers for your wife, your sensitivity and friendliness toward everyone does not make you gay. Sharp displays of homophobia indicate a person’s insecurities about sexuality, not their strength, and are completely unattractive.
- You don’t have to shave every day, especially if you grow a beard. For some men, the beard does not grow well, in which case it is better to keep shaving. Others have a beard that grows very quickly, and they may decide to grow it. Sometimes men worry about what women might think about facial hair, but you don’t have to do everything in life for women. You should not shave your beard just because a woman wants you to. Be yourself, that is, as you created nature. Be your own master.
- You do not have to shave hair on your chest, back or other parts of the body. Do not strive for the glossy image of a smooth-shaven man, which creates a modern fashion, advertising and film industry to make money. Some men by nature have a lot of body hair, others have very little – in any case, be proud of your body and the physical properties that gave you nature. The opposite is also true: if you yourself prefer the absence of hair or if you play a sport in which it is recommended, there is no point in being shy about shaving.
Exercise. If you’re a man, that doesn’t mean you can forget about taking care of yourself-you need to take care of your body. (For some men that means strength training.) Be proud to be a man and exercise: cardio, yoga or Pilates (not just for women), strength training, bodybuilding or sports games combined with a healthy diet are good. Try to walk at least 30 minutes a day to burn fat and build muscle.
- Good jeans. One pair of comfort jeans, one pair of work pants and one pair of strict jeans is enough. Build your look with basic pieces.
- Button-down shirts. One comfortable shirt, a few for work and a few strict shirts will also suffice here.
- Quality shoes. As a rule, men need 3-5 pairs of shoes: classic shoes (for work or celebrations), tennis shoes, shoes for work, comfortable shoes (sneakers, sneakers) and not very strict shoes (oxfords, loafers, loafers). Combine these shoes with clothes in different ways according to your habits and lifestyle.
Do not take drugs. Men are naturally inclined to adventure, which can get caught up in drug addiction. Self-confident men don’t resort to drugs. Even if they have a lot of debt, difficulties at work, and a lot of unfinished business among their personal affairs, a real man can enjoy life without trying to soothe himself with drugs.
- A man does not resort to theft even if he is in a difficult situation. A man in a difficult situation seeks help from others and does not appropriate for himself what does not belong to him.
- A man helps those who need help. He knows that someone is unlucky and offers his help, even if he knows the person will refuse.
- A man trusts his friends, his partner, his family. He keeps his promises and expects others to do the same.
- A man never lies to himself or to others. He lives by his conscience, and his conscience helps him come to terms with the truth, even if it is unpleasant.
Be ambitious. Men are naturally ambitious. They want to be the do-gooder and win the respect and admiration of other men. Not all men choose the same career path, which suggests that different men have different ambitions. Whatever job you choose (and you may have many), set goals for yourself, try to achieve them and discover something new about yourself every time. Determine what the word “success” means to you.
- Men know that anyone can be a father, but only those who are willing to take responsibility can be good fathers.
- Men don’t force other people to do things they don’t want to do themselves. They understand the complexity of the task and recognize the risk men take in their place.
Learn to make sacrifices for the people you love. Sacrifice is part of personal growth, whether you like it or not. A man differs from a boy in that while a boy doubts or complains, a man acts. A man is not afraid of sacrifice, especially for those closest to him, and is willing to give up time, money, or other resources.
Be a good person. Integrity is about doing the right thing for the right reasons, even when no one else sees it. You may decide that once you’ve done what you have to do, your responsibility ends there, but that doesn’t always make you a good person. Try to do good things all the time and reevaluate your personality and your integrity. If you want to become a man, become a good man, otherwise you will remain a boy.
- Pay for everything on dates, unless the girl considers it barbaric. Be careful.
- Open doors, move chairs, use the words “please” and “thank you” in your speech. Try to be polite out of respect for the girl.
- Do your homework. Some men who are in a long-term relationship neglect household chores: not taking out the trash, not washing the dishes, not changing the baby’s diapers. Real men know that they have to take part in household chores, even if they don’t like them.
- Know how to lose. Men like to compete, but many men find it hard. Learn to accept defeat as well as victory. It may be harder than you think.
Do not talk about your love affairs on every corner. Men love to dive into romances, but very often they can’t keep their mouths shut. Don’t think that if you don’t talk about something, it doesn’t count as a victory. Success in love often speaks for itself. Quiet confidence will hint to your friends that you are regularly winning, even if you are not.
- You should :
- Listen to your partner.
- Forgive for minor mistakes.
- Keep your word.
- Treat the person the way you would want them to treat you.
- Set unrealistic expectations for a person.
- Manipulate a person to get what you want.
- Treat the person as an object.
- Assume you know how the person feels and how they will react.
Don’t rush into a relationship. Many guys often push girls to do things they don’t want to do. Not only do they not get what they want that way, but they also scare the man away. Men know that in a relationship the pace is set by the girl: if she is ready for a fast-paced romance, you are lucky, and if not, do not try to convince her that it is worth going for. If a man lets the girl herself determine how fast things will go, he will succeed in the relationship and will only benefit from the anticipation.
Be a little mysterious. Men are attracted to women largely because there is something subtly mysterious about them. This does not mean that you have to be silent all the time. Just try not to tell everything at once – surprise the girl with an unusual skill, character trait or deed.