How to be happy
Contributor(s): Adam Dorsay, PsyD. Dr. Adam Dorsey is a licensed psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook, and a consultant to the Digital Ocean security team. He specializes in working with successful adult clients, helping them solve relationship problems, manage stress and anxiety, and make their lives happier. In 2016, he gave a TEDx talk on men and emotions that went viral. He earned a master’s degree in psychological counseling from Santa Clara University and a degree in clinical psychology in 2008.
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Happiness is a beautiful goal to strive for every day. Feeling happy is not something we achieve and then strive to hold onto. It is a series of decisions we make day in and day out. Start developing a positive outlook and live the life that feels right to you. Also, spend time with positive people, socialize with those around you and keep your body and mind healthy. Keep in mind, however, that some mental illnesses, such as depression, can make the road to happiness difficult if left untreated by a psychologist or psychiatrist.
- Keep a special journal or each day list 3-5 things you are grateful for.
- You can put “my cat,” “the job I love,” “the best friend I can call at any time,” “a cozy bed,” and “good food” on your gratitude list.
- When you’re down, go back to your gratitude list to feel better.
- Let’s say you catch yourself thinking, “I’m so ugly.” You can replace that with, “I can’t be ugly because everyone is beautiful in their own way,” – or, “I am unique, and that makes me beautiful.”
- Use positive affirmations, such as: “I can do it,” “I’m good enough,” “If I try, I’ll already succeed.”
Tip: Talk to yourself as if you were talking to your best friend. For example, if your friend screws up a presentation at work, you’re likely to say something like, “It happens sometimes. You’ll do better next time.” [3] X Reliable source National Health Service (UK) Go to source
- Say, “This outfit looks great on me,” “I did a great job with this presentation,” “I’m such a great writer”-or, “I love that I’m so responsive.”
- For example, don’t worry if you think all your friends have made significant advances in their careers. And your time will come. Better yet, compare your progress to what it was last year.
- For example, let’s say you lost your job. It’s a really difficult experience, but you can focus on it as an opportunity to change careers.
Option: sometimes very painful experiences happen in life, such as the death of a pet. You don’t have to look for something good in such situations. Taking the time to grieve and express your emotions will help to put them behind you.
- Meditate for 10 minutes at a time;
- Use all five senses;
- Do only one thing at a time;
- focus on remaining calm and unperturbed.
- For example, perhaps you value helping others and being creative. To live up to these values, you could choose to become a nurse and paint as a hobby. You can also make conscious decisions not to hurt others.
Licensed psychologist and TEDx speaker
Dr. Adam Dorsey is a licensed psychologist from the San Francisco Bay Area. He is the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook, and a consultant to the Digital Ocean safety team. He specializes in working with successful adult clients, helping them solve relationship problems, manage stress and anxiety, and make their lives happier. In 2016, he gave a TEDx talk on men and emotions that went viral. He earned a master’s degree in psychological counseling from Santa Clara University and a degree in clinical psychology in 2008.
Determine what you aspire to in life – some people call it purpose. Adam Dorsey, a licensed psychologist, says, “The most enduring form of happiness is to create a meaningful life. Take the time to realize your life’s purpose or move toward it if you don’t know what it is. Personal values and strengths are a good reference point for determining your purpose. ” Try taking special tests online or enrolling in a strengths and vocation identification course.
How people become happy
Everyone wants to be happy. But how do people become happy? Some people enjoy building a family, while others find a life’s work and enjoy it. Some people use “dope” to feel happy, at least for a while, while others pursue their own dreams. As you can see, happiness means completely different things to people. So is it possible to give a specific definition of this feeling? And what keeps you from experiencing happiness? And can you learn to be happy? Today you will find answers to all these questions.
What is “happiness”?
Happiness, scientifically speaking, is the subjective feeling of being completely satisfied with your life. Happy, unfortunately, are not born. They become happy. This man helps special chemicals produced by the brain: serotonin, dopamine and endorphins. They are also called “happy hormones.
Feeling “happy” does not exclude negative emotions. However, a happy person endures adversity more easily than an unhappy one. It is also impossible to achieve this state without changing the entire way of life. For example, you probably heard the expression: “Wherever you go, you take yourself with you. That is, just moving somewhere else won’t make you happy if you have a lot of unresolved problems. It turns out that it’s much easier to be unhappy, because it doesn’t require any effort from you. But to find inner happiness, you have to work hard.
What is the difference between a happy person and an unhappy person? First, he sets goals and strives to achieve them. This requires energy, activity and concrete actions. Second, he takes responsibility for his life. This, you must agree, is also not easy, because it is easier to blame all the failures of circumstances or others, than yourself. Thirdly, in order not to fall into despondency, a happy person has to look for something good in everything. You are not born with this skill either, you have to develop it.
Generally speaking, it is already clear to you that you cannot just become happy. Unfortunately, there is no magic wand or pill. Awareness of this fact is the first step on the difficult path to happiness. And the second is understanding the causes of your unhappy state. And only after the second step you will know how people become happy.
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Why are you unhappy?
So, before you are the top top reasons that prevent anyone from experiencing happiness:
You don’t know how to deal with negative feelings.
The main feelings that many people have trouble coping with are anger, fear, resentment, guilt, sadness, shame, jealousy, and envy. What makes you unhappy is not the feelings themselves, but how you experience them. Here are some examples you can use to tell if you have this problem:
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- Most of the time you feel sad;
- instead of asking for support, you pretend that you are fine;
- you never cry, even if you really want to, because this is supposedly “unmanly”.
- you very often remember your failures, and every time you relive them;
- you’re basically very often ashamed of yourself;
- you have suicidal thoughts after your own failures.
Maksim Istomin , Unsplash
You’re not confident in yourself.
Happy people tend to have adequate self-esteem. They also have a sense of self-esteem and faith in their own abilities. If you don’t have self-confidence, everything falls out of your hands, nothing works, which further lowers your self-esteem. Naturally, any sense of happiness is out of the question.
You’re addicted.
It doesn’t matter what you’re addicted to: alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, gambling, the Internet, sex, other people’s opinions… The very presence of addiction at best makes you unfree and unhappy. There are other, more terrible consequences: undermined health, mental disorders, death. In other words, as long as you’re addicted, you certainly won’t find happiness.
Your expectations don’t match reality
Are you often disappointed in something or someone because of your own unrealistic expectations? Do you choose professions that you think are great at first, but eventually become boring? Or you meet girls, but quickly become disappointed in them. You buy an apartment, a car, appliances, but it’s all wrong and wrong. Indeed, experiencing disappointment is very difficult. Especially if you have inflated demands.
You are “stuck” in the past
With the “weight of the past” on your shoulders, it’s pretty hard to build a happy present. Past bad relationships, unpleasant work experiences, friends-traitors, sad childhood … If you live in the past, the more painful memories, you can not feel joy and happiness from what is happening “here and now.
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You see nothing but negativity in everything.
How can you be happy if you see only bad things all the time? Your boss is a tyrant at work, your petrol has gone up in price by 1%, and all the women are ugly and stupid… The list of negativities may go on and on, right?
You have created yourself an image of a perfect life.
Nothing is perfect: not people, not jobs, not things. If you’re an inveterate perfectionist, you clearly have a hard time in this world. As you know, people who can’t stand imperfection are more likely to take a job and not finish it. The trick is that since the ideal doesn’t exist, you can’t achieve it.
You put things off “for later.”
If you have a habit of putting things on hold, then you rarely achieve your goals. And this, in turn, makes your life meaningless and unhappy. On the other hand, you are unlikely to forget something interesting and important. Does that mean you don’t like what you do? Think about it.
You’re always waiting for someone else’s approval.
If you let those around you decide whether you’re doing well, then you’re giving them the right to control your mood. Are you sure that praise from an incompetent colleague will make you happy? And do you want to constantly expect your wife to tell you what to do? It’s one thing to follow professional recommendations and sound advice, but it’s quite another to always rely on the opinion of others.
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You are avoiding responsibility.
Avoiding responsibility is infantile in itself. But more than that, when you refuse to admit your mistakes, you cannot correct them. It leads to the fact that you cease to be the author of your life. But then how do you create a happy story for yourself?
You want to control everything.
Unfortunately, it’s impossible to control absolutely everything. If you have this desire, you’re probably stressed and nervous a lot. Chronic stress and constant irritation, in turn, lower your chances of a happy life.
You are exposed to some kind of violence.
Yes, it’s not just women who are abused, but men as well. Violence can be emotional, sexual, physical and financial. If you are being systematically beaten, blackmailed for money, sexually harassed by unpleasant personalities, and humiliated, then rest assured that it all leaves a deep mark on your psyche. Until you get out of this hell, you can’t regain your peace of mind.
You’re having a hormonal breakdown.
As you already know, hormones produced by the brain are responsible for feelings of contentment and joy. So with any serious imbalance of these substances, no matter how hard you try, you won’t feel happy. This can happen with depressive mental disorders. Naturally, you can’t deal with this cause by yourself, you need a qualified doctor.
So now you know the possible reasons why you don’t feel happy. Now go to the third and final step – the psychological recommendations.
How do you become happy?
How do people become happy? They often change their lives dramatically. If someone did it, so it will succeed for you. To do so, follow the tips that will help you find your long-awaited happiness.
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Analyze yourself.
Self-analysis is good because you learn something new about yourself. It is unlikely that you think every day about what makes you sad or happy, what your needs and wants are. But it is very useful knowledge: only with the help of self-analysis can you understand what you lack and what you need to be happy.
2. Take Care of Yourself
Most people face the problem of not knowing how to take care of themselves. To learn how to do this, you need to:
- stand up for your own interests and views;
- Think about satisfying your own needs in the first place, and only after that start helping your loved ones;
- Establish a sleep and wakefulness routine;
- To eat healthy food;
- take care of your health;
- exercise your muscles;
- Make time for yourself and yourself to relax;
- Get out into nature.
3. Learn to think positively
How do people become happy? They learn to find the positive even in the most unpleasant situations. To do this, you have to stop dwelling on the negative. A few techniques will help you:
Be mindful of yourself. As soon as you flashed in your head an unpleasant thought, look around and find a few positive things around you.
Look in the mirror and try to genuinely smile at yourself.
Keep a notebook of good memories, and at the end of each day write there the most pleasant and joyful events.
4. Learn to live in the “here and now.
This isn’t easy, because most people around you live in the past or the future. But your job is to learn to live in the present. To do this, you can use another technique: during the day, focus your attention on different objects and people. Try to look at them in detail and mentally describe them. This exercise will take you only a few minutes at a time, and the effect will be amazing.
5. Appreciate what you already have
To learn to appreciate what you have, there’s also a daily exercise. Write down everything you are grateful for. It can be some event during the day, talking to nice people, someone’s smile, even a good meal. Over time, you’ll realize that you’re not doing so badly. It will give you confidence in your own abilities, and that means you’ll be a little happier.
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6. Solve problems in time.
If you’re in the mood for a happy life, you have to solve all the problems you have. For example, if your relationship with your girlfriend hasn’t been working out for a while, it might be time to break up with her. If you hate your job, start looking for a more interesting and better-paying. If you have self-esteem problems, try getting it “pumped up.
7. Learn how to deal with stress.
In order to overcome the stresses of life, you need to find a person willing to support you from time to time. This can be a friend, a girlfriend you love or a psychologist. The main thing that you listened carefully and understand your worries. It is also good to learn the art of distraction from the negative. Think about what relaxes you, and after a hard day organize a little “relaxation.
8. Learn to “let go” of some situations
Sure, some difficult situations can be “dealt with. But not all of them. What you can’t change, you’ll have to accept as is.
9. Be active
Anything can be a source of energy. The main thing is to start taking action. Maybe you’ve been unable to finish a work project for a long time. Now is the time to cheer yourself up and finish it. Maybe you have long dreamed of traveling to another country. Don’t wait for the right moment, just do it.
