How to get your mom to forgive you if you've done something stupid

How to get your mom to forgive you if you’ve done something stupid

Contributor(s): Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Moshe Ratson is the executive director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a psychotherapy and counseling clinic in New York City. He is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) certified by the International Coaching Federation. He received his Master’s Degree in Psychotherapy in Family and Marriage from Iona College. He is a clinical member of the American Association for Family Psychotherapy (AAMFT) and a member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF).

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When we were children or teenagers, we all did stupid things for which we later apologized to our parents. If you are at that age now and you really want to do something that will upset your parents, this article is for you. After reading it, you will learn how to get your mom to forgive you if you have done something stupid. Unfortunately, sometimes just saying “I’m sorry” isn’t enough to get forgiveness. However, it is still possible to get the forgiveness you want. Ask your mom for forgiveness, treat her with respect and behave well. Thanks to this mom is sure to forgive you.

Apologize to your mom in person. Do not send the words of apology in a text message or via e-mail. Talking to your mom in a tense situation will certainly be difficult, but this way you will show that your words of apology are sincere.

If you don’t know how to begin, try saying the following: “I’m really sorry I upset you. I shouldn’t have gotten into a fight. I’m going to work on myself and try to get better. I hope you will forgive me.”

Tell the truth. You may be tempted to lie to your mother, but trust me, it’s not worth it. You may make the situation worse. If you get caught lying, you won’t be able to get away with it. You’ll get in more trouble and you’ll have a hard time getting your mom to forgive you.

Don’t talk to your mom when she’s angry. Allow the feelings to subside. Go to her later, when she calms down and cools down a little. Most importantly do not argue, it will only make it worse.

Be prepared to understand your mom if she does not want to listen to you. She may not want to discuss the problem with you. Wait a while, and once again approach her with an apology.

Don’t wait too long. Remember, everything has its time. If you wait too long, it may seem to your mother that you are not ashamed of what you did.

Listen to what she has to say. Listen to her carefully and try to understand her point of view, why she thinks you did the wrong thing. If you can understand why what you did hurt her so much, you can get her to forgive you. Try to put yourself in her shoes. She wants you to grow up to be a responsible person, so it really upsets her when you act contrary to her expectations. [2] X Source of information

For example, don’t say, “But you didn’t punish my sister last week for coming home late! Why are you mad at me and not at her?” Mentioning the past incident will only make things worse. Instead, try saying, “I know you’re mad at me, and I really shouldn’t have come home so late. I’m truly sorry I did that.”

For example, you shouldn’t say, “And I wasn’t that late coming home. I just couldn’t leave my friend alone.” Say the following better: “I know I was late, and I’m sorry. Next time I’ll be more careful about the time and I won’t make that mistake again.”

For example, if you broke something, try to fix the broken thing. If you yelled at your sister, be kind to her.

You can write a note that reads, “Dear Mommy, I know you are very upset that I got in a fight with my sister. I know you really want a strong relationship with your sister. I love her, even though sometimes she really annoys me. I understand, I’m older than her and so I shouldn’t react when she tries to piss me off on purpose. Also, it takes effort to have a strong relationship with someone. This will come in handy in my future life. I will do my best to build a relationship with my sister and keep a peaceful relationship with her. I love you very much and hope for your forgiveness. Love, your son.”

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Understand that forgiveness takes time. Sometimes, your mother can forgive you very quickly, but in some cases it may take time. In fact, according to psychologists, there are stages of forgiveness. Mom may deny what happened, feel anger, and be depressed. Then she may accept the situation and forgive you. Don’t expect her to go through all of the above stages. Your goal is to work on yourself to get her forgiveness and gain her trust. [5] X Source of Information

Sometimes mom can be upset for other reasons, too. Your action may only be part of her bad mood. Just as you may take out your anger on your younger sister, Mom may not be able to handle her emotions if she’s had a bad day or week.

Stick to the established rules. You’re unlikely to want to make her more angry by breaking the established rules in the family. So be obedient. If you can do something useful, by all means do it.

For example, if the problem is that you come home late, ask your mom how to cope with the problem. Perhaps she will advise you to set a reminder in your phone that you have to go home. Ask your mom to remind you to do this when you go for a walk.

Stay calm. Don’t make hasty decisions, like running away from home or moving to live somewhere else. Perhaps because of everything that has happened you feel that your mother does not care about you. However, the fact that she feels this way shows that she loves you and wants the best for you. She wants you to be a better person. If you’re feeling lonely, talk to a friend, your dad, your brother or sister if you need to blow off some steam.

Don’t make the same mistake again. If you make the same mistake over and over again, mom will begin to doubt the sincerity of your apology.

Take on extra responsibilities. For example, take out the garbage when you are not asked to do so. Take things to the laundromat. Offer to look after a younger brother or sister, or go to the store to get groceries. Cook dinner. Your mom will surely notice that you are trying to be a better person.

Do something nice for your mom. Bring her breakfast in bed. Give her flowers. Make her a card or a picture she can frame on her desk. Show her that you love her.

Choose an activity to do together that your mom likes. For example, if mom likes going for a walk in the park, go for a walk with her. You can also ask her to go to the library with you.

Be gentle, not angry. By being gentle, you will show that you care about her and want to be a good child. [7] X Source of Information

Show that you are listening. When your mother is talking to you, listen to her carefully and don’t be impertinent in response. Acknowledge that you made a mistake and she has a right to tell you off for your action.

Don’t ignore her. She wants to help you. If mom wants to talk to you, take the time to listen to her. Be prepared to answer her and be sure to take time to reflect on her words. You can assure her at the end of your conversation that such an incident will not happen again. This will allow your mother to understand that your apology is sincere.

How to apologize to your mom if you hurt her badly. How to make up with your mom.

The best way to apologize is to open your heart to your mother and repent. Every mother, even very offended and angry, deep down, loves her child. The reluctance to forgive in most cases is caused by the desire to teach a lesson, to make her realize her mistake and reconsider her behavior.

In order for mom to forgive, you need to not just apologize, but also explain what made you commit a transgression. Let it be not quite pure thoughts and intentions, for mother the main thing that you were able to recognize them. Learn this lesson, and try not to repeat the mistake. Ask the mother’s advice about how she thinks to prevent such situations and conflicts. This will help to get closer and restore trust.

How to ask your mother for forgiveness?

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Video

Preventing a quarrel

For the family to be comfortable and calm, it is important to avoid scandals.

Let’s look at what rules you need to follow to avoid conflicts with your mom.

Don’t throw a tantrum. Your claims must be reasoned, if you want to defend your point of view.
You don’t need to try to evoke feelings of pity with tears, hoping for confirmation of your rightness.
Do not be offended and remain silent. This way you will only provoke a conflict.
Do not raise your voice. Such behavior will only show your disrespect, thus making your parent even more angry.
It’s not a good idea to roll your eyes when you’re mad at your mother. That’s one way of “pouring oil on the fire.

When I was young, I didn’t want to argue with my mother, so I just stopped talking to her. However, this method proved to be unsuccessful. My silence only made my mom angrier, provoking her into a scandal.

What to do if you didn’t manage to make up at the first time

Write a letter. But it shouldn’t be a text message or a letter to the e-mail. Write it on paper. The words should be written neatly. You can attach your drawing to the letter if you think you are good at drawing. For example, there can be an apology to mom from your daughter: “Beloved Mommy, I understand that you are upset that I made a mess in your room. I know the house is supposed to be clean, and you spend a lot of time cleaning it. I promise to keep it clean from now on and help you clean. I love you very much and I hope you will forgive me. Love, your daughter.”
There can be an apology in prose, or you can try to come up with a poem. You don’t have to be a great poet to come up with an apology quatrain.
Have a surprise. You probably know what your mom likes. If you know she likes apple pie, have a tea party for her and try to talk, admit mistakes and ask for forgiveness. It’s unlikely mom will be able to resist.
Understand that sometimes forgiveness takes time.

Get creative

You can think of many ways to beautifully apologize to your mom. Use your imagination, and something unusual is sure to come to mind.

For example, you can record a staged video, in which you turn inside out and tell how bad your words are. Do not forget to tell your mother how much you care and love her. Decorate with beautiful background music.

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If you have non-conflicting neighbors in your yard, you can apply this option: draw your apology on the road in front of the house. It would be good if the windows looked directly on this place, and mom could see everything at once. The words should be readable and beautifully designed. If you’re good at drawing, you can even try to draw graffiti.

Poets in moments of sadness and longing pick up a piece of paper and sometimes create real masterpieces. Be daring and you! You may not be a poet and you can’t write a big poem, but that’s not required – at least four lines everyone can think of. This is another good way to apologize to your mom. Mommy will definitely be surprised by your creative abilities and will forgive you in a jiffy.

Why it’s hard to apologize

You can talk for a long time about the benefits of apologizing. Prepare a speech in verse or beg for it. It’s all useless if you don’t have the right attitude. The difficulty lies in the following:

Pride and selfishness can be a hindrance to reconciliation. It is pride that makes a person think, “Why me? He’s wrong too.” Everyone waits for the first step from the other and, resentment can escalate into hatred. To break this vicious circle, you need to calm down and analyze what you did wrong, and how you can fix the situation. In this will help such a quality as humility. Is it not fashionable now? Yes, a lot of people think so, but we are talking about the relationship with their loved ones. The opinion of the majority should not affect your decisions. There is no shame in admitting your wrongdoing, family and friends will appreciate it.
Upbringing also plays a big role. If you didn’t hear the word “sorry” from your mom or dad when you were a kid, you’re going to have a hard time with it, too. You need to be aware of this fact and work on yourself. Try once to “step” on themselves and apologize, you will feel light at heart and in relationships. The next time to ask for forgiveness will not be difficult. Come up with an apology in verse, this will help smooth out the tension.
The right infusion. How necessary it is. Often people think, “If I ask for forgiveness, I will let it be clear that I am guilty and show my weakness.” This opinion is wrong. Agree, there are at least two people involved in an argument. Are you saying that you did not say too much, or with his icy silence did not show contempt? You know you are to blame.

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Talk

As obvious as it may be, just sincerely apologize and admit your mistakes. It’s best if you say it eye to eye. But if you don’t have the heart and have a lump in your throat, try writing a letter. In it, state your remorse and apologize. Tell them that you did not want things to turn out this way. And most importantly, admit how much you love your mommy.

If you hurt not your mom.

Many people do not even know what to do and how to apologize to the mother of the girl or how to apologize to the mother of the guy? You just need to ask your other half, your wife, your husband for advice. They have lived with them most of their lives and certainly know what strings to pull. And in no case do not hesitate. Silent quarrel may escalate into a huge conflict, which is not so easy to get out of.

Demonstrable Silence

Sit in the corner of the room, take a sullen pose and a hostile expression on your face, and send hurtful looks at your parents with your eyes… Not the best tactic in a quarrel either. Yes, this “war” can go on forever – a day, two, and then you yourself do not like it, because this does not get what you want, but only to worsen the situation in the family.

The worst thing is that other family members may suffer – brothers, sisters, grandparents and even pets – cats, dogs, rabbits … Often the two sides are trying to find allies in the face of these people. Imagine this situation: you quarreled with my mother, told my little sister about it, who shared the news with his grandfather, who did not share your opinion. And become poor Tuzik – family favorite, because you, and grandfather and mother want him to walk, but because of your conflicts, no one can decide who will do the job. Who is better off?

Be proactive and show respect.

If you’re guilty, you should be the first to take the initiative, not waiting for an incentive from parents. What do you need to do?

Give Mom and Dad a gift that will show how sorry you are for the offense.
Challenge them to a frank conversation and take the floor first, explaining the reason for your own actions.
Acknowledge your guilt not only in words, but also in actions.
If relatives do not talk to each other, you should be the first to get in touch, call or write.

Asking for forgiveness for both the girl and the guy is equally difficult. This requires stepping over your own pride, admitting wrongdoing. However, by showing initiative now, the person will show his maturity and sincerity.

Think about the situation and sincerely apologize once and for all

Usually parents are very reluctant to forgive a child who has already repeatedly broken his or her own promises. For example, once having stolen money from the family, the person apologizes to his family. Mom and Dad forgive him, but a week later the problem is repeated. The next time his relatives will no longer show this kind of humanism. They will forgive the person with great reluctance.

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So the best way to achieve forgiveness is to think carefully about the situation and try to never get into it again.

It is also very important to recognize your offense and apologize sincerely. Falsity and lies are always felt. That’s why sometimes parents say they are not ready to forgive their precious child. One word “sorry,” said sincerely, is sometimes more important than a whole ballad, said simply.

How to apologize to a friend

There is no friendship without figuring things out. Only a true friend will not let you do something stupid, will stop you, even at the cost of friendship.

To apologize means to save the relationship. But how to apologize is a rhetorical question. Not all actions deserve forgiveness, sometimes they lead to the rupture of the relationship. That’s why apologies must be sincere. You should ask for an apology without pride, from the bottom of your heart.

It is important. Be honest. Explain the reason for the action. It is the only way to restore trust.

How to behave when you apologize.

Eye to eye, it is this tactic that allows the person you are talking to to believe that you are not lying. This is how you can see your friend’s reaction to the apology. If his eyes become kinder, then he will forgive you. But if suddenly in the process he looked away, it means that the action does not deserve forgiveness. Apparently you have done something that really hurt. It takes time for you to be forgiven.

What you should not do when you apologize.

Under no circumstances should you say that you are not the only one to blame. That he provoked you with his behavior to such an act. Such a conversation will be the end of a friendship. “Admit your fault, this is the main trump card of an apology “*** A heart-to-heart talk over a glass of beer is the best way to solve difficult situations.

Don’t make fun of your friend, much less push him, trying to cheer him up. Such behavior can hurt a lot. The irony of such a situation is that by your action you humiliated him, and you laugh. Offended people are vindictive. Who knows what awaits you? You should not put off apologizing for later. Over time, the person will come to terms with the offense, will become indifferent. Then you have lost a friend!

How to sincerely apologize to your mother through SMS, notes, online, if she does not want to talk: examples of short messages

Sometimes the person does not go to contact – and has a right to do so! But to reach out, today’s progress has made life a little easier – you have a phone. Here are the best messages in that situation when you just can’t find the right words to apologize to your mom in person, or you feel like she won’t listen to you.

There are generally several ways to get through to your mom if she’s avoiding you:

Meet her on the street and at least shout out words of apology in pursuit
send her little notes or cards at the door, mailbox
send her a text message.
Have her do a quest to collect these little notes of forgiveness
Do a little housecleaning.
Hug her and not let her go until you make up!

Poem to Mom

Important: Moms also love romance and the unexpected. Don’t forget – she’s a woman! So send her a heartfelt note with a small gift for her in the form of candy or a bouquet.

How to apologize properly

A man who asks for an apology – gives the impression of a cultured, well-mannered, disposes to society.

Only an accomplished person who is aware of what he has done can ask for an apology. For many people an apology is like a humiliation, and to apologize is to be humiliated accordingly.

From an early age our parents taught us to apologize for various stupid things. Sometimes even when it was not our fault, infringing on our free speech rights. For the unconscious children’s psyche it was seen as a humiliation.

In order not to feel disadvantaged, humanity learned all sorts of tricks. For example: “Well, I’m sorry if I really hurt you.” Sounds like, well, it turns out I hurt her, too. Saying such a person not only does not repent of what was said or done, but also blames the other person without realizing their mistakes.

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Asking for an apology is to bring the person back into emotional balance, not to protect yourself. You need to let the person know that you really deserve their forgiveness.Apologizing means taking a step toward reconciliation. To take responsibility for the situation, to restore trust in the relationship.

To apologize properly, you need the right sequence of words:

I’m sorry, please, for ….
To spell out what exactly for, to argue your act;
Repent of what happened. This will give more confidence that you are truly sorry;
Have sympathy for the person you hurt;
Ask for forgiveness.

It is sympathy, gives a person to understand that the offender is sorry for his act, and it is necessary to sincerely forgive.

How to apologize to your mom if she doesn’t want to talk

Offence can be so great that it temporarily discourages communication even with his own child. If you find yourself in a situation where your mother ignores you, then say the words of apology is still necessary. Sooner or later the offense will move into the background, and your words of remorse will be heard, and as soon as your mom cools down – she was the first to come out in a dialogue.

Also as an option, you can try to put notes around the apartment with words of apology and compliments in her direction.

Do not forget that we live in an age of high technology, and to ask for forgiveness from mom you can send an SMS or e-mail. In order to lighten your mom’s mood, do for her the most difficult and unloved work – clean the apartment, cook dinner, take out the trash, wash the dishes. Seeing how hard you try, mother’s heart will soften.

Ask forgiveness can conclude your closest person in a strong embrace. Believe me, the smile on his mother’s face will not make you wait long.

Effective ways

Showing love for your mother, hug her more often. Since asking for forgiveness is always very difficult, you can melt your mother’s heart in other ways.

There are several ways:

Start a general cleaning in the absence of parents;
Give a bouquet of wild flowers;
Admit your guilt in the writing on the pavement under the window;
Beautifully design a letter of apology;
read a poem asking for forgiveness;
a hug, a kiss.

Cleaning the house, hugs and kisses are more inherent in girls. Sons should do more manly things, and, of course, they can not do without flowers. Naturally, after a quarrel must pass some time to settle emotions on both sides.

If mom does not respond to attempts at reconciliation, do not give up – continue to act and do not skimp on compliments. The main thing is to make it clear that this situation will not happen again.

My bad

Sometimes, a very strong quarrel with mom, and then you realize that she was fundamentally mistaken, and strongly offended a loved one. How to behave in such a situation.

Say out loud your mistakes. Admit you are wrong.
Speak sincerely to your mother. Sometimes it won’t hurt to cry in a fit of remorse.
Use a personalized approach on the way to reconciliation. You know better than anyone else, what actions, surprises your mom will be very happy.
Having a lively conversation is important. Even if the reconciliation will take more than one hour, and you will be able to talk heart-to-heart, figure out your feelings.

Advice from a psychologist

Mom – is the only person who accepts and loves you as you are. However, the understanding of this comes with age. For a long time, children and adults are prevented from understanding each other by life experience. Perhaps now the mother’s attitude seems incomprehensible, wrong, and even evil. But in fact behind all the accusations and scolding hides the desire to do what is best for you. Try to see this, and the relationship will move to the next level.

No matter how many mistakes you’ve made, your mother will always forgive you and love you. Cherish it and try not to offend her when possible. And if you make a mistake, be honest. Rest assured, you won’t be executed.