How to ask forgiveness from a guy for cheating?

How to beg forgiveness from my husband after cheating?

Hello, I have been married to my husband for 5 years, have a child of 2.5 years. I love my husband very much. He satisfies me in every way. An old acquaintance whom I did not see for about seven years wrote to me. We met, began to communicate, I began to be carried away by him, he reciprocated. We corresponded, met, kissed, but I have not fallen out of love with my husband.

Then I stopped communicating with my friend because it’s bad, horrible, it will lead to nothing, I need a husband, my friend wrote me sometimes, I was attracted to him, then we met anyway, everything started again.We slept together twice.Of course I was very worried that I do, but it did not stop me.My husband found out everything. I lied to the last, because I was scared, but he provided the facts: details of phone calls, video recordings.He kicked me out of the house, and now he hates me, divorces me, he does not believe that it will not happen again.The child does not stop him, but I love him, I was wrong, I was involved with someone else, I did not stop, I am guilty. I don’t want anything in common with my lover, I don’t need him. I want to keep the family, to try to fix it! How can I beg forgiveness? What should I do? He says he’ll never forgive me, I disgust him. my husband is very principled, he never cheated on me, he’s strict, from a good family, his parents support him! I suggested to live together for the sake of my son, to try to forgive me, he refused! I am very sorry for what I did! I know that I committed a monstrous act, betrayed my beloved man, and I have to live with it. Probably very difficult for a man to forgive this, but it’s possible. I want my son to grow up in a full family.

Author of the question: Irina

The conversation will be concrete – I’m sorry. You’re really wrong, and you’re wrong in a pretty bad way! Everything is clear: that we are all human, that you can’t tell your heart what to do, that everyone can get caught up in passion, etc. But FAMILY, responsibility, understanding that you are not by yourself, that there are people who love you, who depend on you (yes, yes!) – these categories of the highest VALUES – should be realized! That is, exist at the level of consciousness! In short, you really did a stupid thing! And foolishness is the most expensive whim. Their price is immeasurable. I don’t know how appropriate it is to make kindergarten-level promises like “I won’t do it again. Personally, that would piss me off even more. The basic trust of two family members in each other has been undermined! And such childish “cartoons” do not restore it. Here’s my advice: Ask your husband to forgive you (yes, once again!), but clearly and calmly. Then tell him “thank you”! If you can, then explain exactly what you are thanking him for. For teaching him to understand what is real and what is phony and nonsense. For the fact that now you understand what is most precious to you. That you will appreciate your family even if you split up. For realizing how much you love him. I think that’s enough. Don’t try to get closure with forgiveness. Calmly tell him and walk away. Maybe his heart will waver. Maybe he will see and hear an ADULT MAN and not a silly girl. I say “girl” WITHOUT ANY FEAR! Think of it as a synonym for “stupid”! Only your correct and mature behavior can fix the situation. Tantrums, assurances of love , promises will not work! I really hope your husband wants you to KNOW! Good luck! Good luck to you. Write to me.

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I showed my husband even this post on your site that I repent. He is still raging, says I did not write it, prove it to him, write what date I wrote it! Thank you.

Kindergarten continues! The advice was not to present it to your husband as proof of your love and remorse. Don’t demand forgiveness and don’t prove it that way! Love and remorse cannot be proven by some “store receipts” in the form of internet notes and dates. It only puts the situation in a dead end. And this is not adult behavior, it’s more like manipulation. You need to have an adult awareness of your responsibility for the mistake you made, and an adult, calmly conveying that awareness to your husband. And then only he himself can either forgive you or not. It is impossible to “put pressure” on him and “beg” for forgiveness. Your behavior is more likely to alienate your husband, in my opinion. It seems to me that your incomprehensible behavior is caused by a desire to hold on to your husband at all costs. By any means necessary. And you use everything you can think of without thinking about how it looks. Imposing on your husband only a choice in favor of forgiveness, you deprive him of the opportunity to decide for himself, voluntarily. Even if under your pressure he gives in, gives up, decides to stay, still he will not have the feeling that it was HE who forgave. Because his voluntary, experienced and felt forgiveness will not happen. And this will leave the situation unsolved, and even with further life together will certainly “climb joints” in the form of jealousy, distrust, irritation, and other things. Forcing him to forgive you, “pushing” this decision through prayers, tantrums, hell of suffering and passion, you get unhappy future family life and still the disintegration of the family in the long term. That is, simply put, do not moan and cry: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! You need to calmly say: “I understand that my actions destroyed the trust in the family. I realize that you can not forgive it. I love you very much, and it pains me very much that I ruined the family myself, depriving myself, you, and the baby of happiness. I will learn that lesson for the rest of my life. If you can find it in yourself to forgive me, I am sorry! If you find the strength and desire to keep your family together, I will do everything in my power to restore and preserve your trust.” That’s it. After such a CONFIDENTIAL explanation, just leave him alone. He has to SAY how he feels and decide if he forgives you (this is one thing) and if he can continue to live with you (this is another thing and doesn’t necessarily follow the first one). That’s it. No more “praying”.

How to ask for forgiveness from a boyfriend, men: effective tips

All couples have quarrels, during which there are hurtful words, reproaches and insults. Sometimes the cause of discord becomes a betrayal or unacceptable behavior of one of the partners. If a girl is guilty, she feels terrible and often does not know how to ask for forgiveness, because her attempts can end with a new scandal. Psychologists give general and individual recommendations on how to ask for forgiveness from a loved one. But there are some things you should never apologize for.

All couples have quarrels, during which there are hurtful words, reproaches and insults. Sometimes the cause of discord becomes a betrayal or unacceptable behavior of one of the partners. If a girl is guilty, she feels terrible and often does not know how to ask for forgiveness, because her attempts can end with a new scandal. Psychologists give general and individual recommendations on how to ask for forgiveness from a loved one. But there are some things you should never apologize for.

General advice

Before asking for forgiveness from a guy, it is recommended to read the advice of psychologists on how best to organize this conversation:

  • call him by his name;
  • Do not hide your emotions;
  • to look him in the eye.

It is possible to apologize publicly, if the girl is sure that she will be forgiven, and the guy will react positively to such an act.

How to ask forgiveness depending on the offense

To apologize should take into account the individual characteristics of each partner and the situation. In doing so, the following goals should be achieved:

  • convey remorse, motives for the act and the desire to be forgiven;
  • to assure that it will not happen again;
  • to arouse emotions and make him/her believe in the sincerity of the apology.

Methods of apology depend on the reason of offence.

Cheating .

Not every man is able to forgive adultery and about this you need to know even before it occurs. But you can try to apologize with the help of general tips and ways like this:

  • Write a letter in your own words, in which to pour out everything you are ashamed or afraid to say in person;
  • write a poem in which you can beautifully confess your love and your regrets.

Of fundamental importance in this case is the information that is:

  • The absence of feelings for the person with whom the betrayal occurred;
  • The admission of his own stupidity;
  • A firm conviction that the girl will never do that again;
  • A confession of sincere love for the young man and a desire to be with him.

An example of a prose apology address text:

“Before I explain myself to you, I want to confess to you that I love you very much. I have never felt this way about anyone else, ever. The worst thing for me now is to lose you because of my stupidity. What I did was horrible and unacceptable in any normal relationship. But I want to tell you with 100% certainty that I have no feelings for that man, the connection with him was a mistake, probably the worst mistake of my life.

I imagine your pain and the hardest thing for me is that the reason for it is my horrible act, I am also very bitter that I made myself suffer. I apologize to you from the bottom of my heart. I dare not even hope, but I would be very happy if you would give me another chance. I promise I won’t let you down, you won’t regret it, I’ll do my best to make you happy. Any decision you make I will respect and understand. If you let us meet, I’ll try to find the right words and explain everything in detail. I love you, forgive me again, I need you, very much, only you.

Such a text can be sent in a letter on paper, in a parcel with a gift, on the Internet, or in an SMS. If the guy is romantic, then it is worth to perfume the paper with his favorite perfume and enclose a joint touching photo.

It is not recommended to publicly apologize for cheating. A man will be very painful to realize that strangers found out that he has the status of a cuckold .

Insulting words.

Insults can be in almost every way, but they should not be the norm. You need to apologize for them in person, but you can also in letters. You need to let your chosen one know :

  • That all the nastiness was said in a burst of emotion and rather reflected the girl’s inner state than her sincere opinion of her beloved;
  • What the girl sincerely thinks about the beloved;
  • what good things there are in this relationship that override the unpleasant impressions of quarrels;
  • That such insults will not happen again.

An example of an apology text:

“I’m very sorry that I said so many nasty things to you. In my defense, I don’t think, and never have thought, the things I said about you. The reason for what I did was because of the emotions of anger and resentment that came over me and clouded my judgment, and at that moment I was only capable of making such speeches. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I don’t want to.

You are very kind, generous, considerate, charismatic, goal-oriented, admirable-that’s what I genuinely think of you. For me you and a relationship with you are the limit of dreams, I am happy that we met then and started dating. I have fun, interesting, comfortable with you and I love you very much.

After the fight and tension between us, I realized how bad I feel when you are hurt. I don’t want that anymore, let’s make up, I promise I won’t let my emotions hurt you anymore and I will pick up my expressions.”

Public insults

Insults in front of witnesses are very painfully perceived by men, if he managed to restrain himself and not respond with rudeness, then he is a very decent man. In this situation, it is appropriate to apologize publicly:

  • If it is family and friends then in their company to make a touching speech;
  • Say the words of apology into a microphone at an event;
  • record a video message, add slides of joint photos with confessions and organize its broadcast in a restaurant, movie, nightclub, where the guy will be invited (it should be a surprise, after which the girl will appear in front of your loved one);
  • to sing a song, the lyrics of which will fit the situation;
  • tell your own poem dedicated to the subject;
  • ask mutual friends to send him a text message with the text: “forgive her, she is very remorseful and loves you”;
  • arrange for strangers to come up and hand him notes with a text about forgiveness or tell him “she loves you very much, forgive her, it’s hard for her when you’re fighting”.

Lying

If a girl has been caught lying, the guy is very likely not to trust her as much as before. In this situation, in addition to an apology, information about the reasons for lying should be heard:

  • Fear of his reaction to the truth;
  • shame about some facts and a desire to appear better;
  • Distrust at the current stage of the relationship;
  • desire to “cover up” girlfriends;
  • non-serious attitude to the guy in the past, which was reconsidered after the conflict.

An example of an appeal to a loved one:

“I apologize for deceiving you. I did it without malice, I was very afraid to tell you the truth and to lose you because of it. At that time I had judged you by myself, and I didn’t know how generous and understanding you were. Thank you for that, I really appreciate your qualities and treasure you even more. Now the secrets have come true and the stone was lifted from my soul, I was very uncomfortable to lie to you. I respect you very much, I love you, I promise not to lie anymore, and I want us to be together for a long time.”

Unacceptable behavior

If the girl behaved inappropriately in front of witnesses, she needs to apologize first in person and then (if the guy has forgiven her) arrange a public apology in any of the ways suggested above.

In a face-to-face conversation or correspondence, you need to:

  • Communicate remorse;
  • ask for forgiveness;
  • explain the reason for her actions;
  • assure the guy that it won’t happen again.

An example of an apology for unkind behavior:

“I am very ashamed of my behavior, I realize how disgusting it was. I want to apologize for it, I was definitely wrong. I don’t know if it will excuse me, but I acted that way because I had too much to drink. If you forgive me and give me another chance, I promise not to do it again. I hope you’ll understand.

What not to apologize for

In some situations, guys get offended and angry for things that have nothing to do with a woman’s desire to offend them, but characterize the features of her personality. Psychologists recommend never asking for forgiveness for the following features:

Feature Explanation
Principled life position Unwillingness to live together, to engage in sexual intercourse, to organize a man’s life before marriage – a girl’s choice to be respected
Interests, hobbies, hobbies, occupation, ways of spending time All this appeared before you met him and it was because of this that the girl was interested in the guy. It is better to discuss his attitude towards this, express your opinion, try to find a compromise in a calm conversation
Unwillingness to have children in the current period Such a position may be due to mistrust of the partner or moral unpreparedness for motherhood. In the first case, the guy should try to gain trust, in the second – wait
Raising a child No one will raise a child better than a native adequate mother without addictions and other mental disorders. Therefore, a man should not resent the fact that his woman devotes more time to their child
Sexual needs All women have different temperaments and some need intimacy every day, while others once a month is enough. Man is able to affect this courting and attempts to get closer, but it makes no sense to be offended
Success If the guy is much less successful, the girl should not stress about it and try to assert herself at his expense. But you should never feel guilty about his failure either.
Image and taste in clothing. They are a reflection of the internal state and were already visible at the first meetings, so it is illogical to apologize for them. If your partner’s arguments are sufficiently reasoned, you can make concessions and reconsider your style, but do not lose your individuality to the detriment of your tastes
Inconsistency with his ideas of the ideal Criticize the woman he chose himself, can only a man with complexes. If in the process of developing a relationship the girl’s appearance deteriorated, and the guy realized that she is not smart and interesting enough, you should try to inspire her to change and develop, but do not be offended and do not make her feel guilty
Acts of loved ones Loved ones were in her life before she met the guy, they help her in difficult moments and give her the right emotions. If they behave incorrectly, you can discuss it, but do not hold a grudge against the girl, because she is not responsible for their actions and words

If you could not get your loved one to forgive you, you can try to wait and make a second attempt to talk. Love, patience and positive emotions experienced together before the quarrel help to forget the bad things and start over. The girl should be prepared that she may be reminded of her faults in the future.

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