How to apologize to your girlfriend
Contributor(s): Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Michelle Shahbazyan is the founder of The LA Life Coach, a personal, family and career coaching service based in Los Angeles, CA. She has over 10 years of experience in personal coaching, counseling, motivational speaking and matchmaking. She holds bachelor’s degrees in applied psychology and master’s degrees in construction and technology management from the Georgia Institute of Technology, and a master’s degree in psychology with a concentration in family psychotherapy from Phillips Graduate University.
Number of views on this article: 401 127.
Have you done something wrong to her or said something rude? Do you want to ask for forgiveness sincerely and directly or in an intricate and bizarre way? Do you want to win her back? If you love the girl and can’t imagine your life without her, here are some ways to apologize.
- Why you did something or said something that upset her.
- What part of your character is responsible for it.
- How do you plan to fix the situation so that neither you nor your girlfriend suffers again.
Start with a simple “I’m sorry.” Don’t mumble or stammer, and don’t avoid saying “I’m sorry.” That’s probably what your girlfriend wants to hear from you, so get ready to say those words.
- If she looks very upset and isn’t ready to accept an apology right now, walk away. Ask if you can call her in a couple of days.
- Example: “I know I owe you an apology. I shouldn’t have lied to you and your parents about my age. I know what I did was wrong, but I didn’t want them or you to stop trusting me because I’m older. I do care about you and your parents, so I would like to apologize to them personally. I understand that you and they are still angry with me after this.”
- Example: “I shouldn’t have looked at Katya like that. I know she is your friend, and I don’t want to jeopardize our relationship or your relationship with her. I have no excuse for that, only an explanation: a lot of guys look at other girls. But now I know it bothers you. I will do my best not to repeat my mistake.”
- Example: “I’m sorry I called you by a different name – I’ll never do it again. It was wrong and disrespectful. I understand that. I shouldn’t have allowed myself to slip up like that. I understand that you will probably change your mind about me now, but I will do my best to make it right.”
- Don’t shift your guilt onto her. Even if you are both at fault for the situation, you shouldn’t blame her. Your apology won’t work if you do.
- Give her a chance to express her anger and frustration. Don’t try to convince her to stop being angry, she has a right to be. It will make her feel better about herself.
- Don’t try to express your love at this point-it’s too soon. That means no kissing, hugging, or holding her hand, unless she takes the initiative.
Tell her you’re willing to give her time if she needs it. Briefly repeat your apology and walk away if she needs to be alone. Respect her wishes.
After you have apologized verbally, try other ways if she hasn’t forgiven you yet. Sometimes you need to ask for forgiveness more than once to really be forgiven. It’s okay, the more effort you put into apologizing, the more likely she is to forgive you.
- Example: “I know that writing can’t make up for what I did. I also realize that I can’t express in a letter everything I feel and want to say. But what I do know is that I messed up. I can’t imagine my life without you. You’re the one I think about when I fall asleep and wake up. You are everything to me. I know what I did can’t be undone, but I promise I won’t make that mistake again. I swear from the bottom of my heart.”
- Use an easy way to apologize in public. Just walk up to her as she stands with her friends, get ready, and open your heart to her. Look her straight in the eyes as you apologize and focus your attention only on her.
- If you want to do something really creative, have a flash mob to ask for forgiveness. Events like this require serious work and preparation, so if you dare to do something like this, be sure it will work.
Leave flowers, candy or a soft toy at the door of her apartment or workplace. Girls love these things. Leave a little note, as flowers and candy without an apology note won’t evoke much emotion. Your goal, on the other hand, is to arouse emotion in her!
- Alternatively, make her a songbook. This, of course, is a less personal way to do it, but with the right pitch, you can get it right. Take the songs she loves and the ones you don’t think she’s heard.
Write her an apology verse. Send it to her or record your voice on her answering machine. The important thing is that you get it emotional and heartfelt. For example:
I know my words Are like a void For you I can’t move on And I’ll go on without you I look around And I know you’re my lifeline I just want to stay With you And I’ll spend the rest of my life admiring you
- Try to make your apology special because it’s important to you that she understands how much it means to you.
- The most important thing in your apology is to make it sincere and real. Otherwise, you shouldn’t even begin.
- Whatever you do, prepare well. Concentrate on the details and on executing your plan. You don’t want her to misunderstand you.
- Don’t expect anything in return, focus only on your apology.
- You don’t need to spend a lot of money. The most important thing for a girl is personal attention. For example, pick wild flowers and present them to her at the office, cook a romantic dinner at her home or just treat her to something.
- Don’t make her answer or give her ultimatums. This will put pressure on her and the situation can only get worse.
- Persistence is key, but you must respect her decision if she wants you to leave for a while.
- Remember, the sooner you do it, the better. If you did something wrong, she is probably very upset, so you need to fix it as soon as possible.
- It’s always a good idea to ask her friends for help (unless they’re mad at you, too).
- Jokes during an apology are inappropriate.
- Ask yourself why you want to ask for forgiveness. If you really mean it, your method will depend on it.
- Don’t start apologizing for everything just to appease the person. This will call your relationship into question, and you may break up, resenting each other.
- There are no guarantees! But in the end, it should be important for you to convey your feelings to her.
- You don’t have to apologize for everything just because your girlfriend is offended. Think hard about your and her behavior.
- Don’t put pressure on your girlfriend. Give her some time and personal space!
About this article
Contributor(s): Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Michelle Shahbazyan is the founder of The LA Life Coach, a personal, family and career coaching service based in Los Angeles, CA. She has over 10 years of experience in personal coaching, counseling, motivational speaking and matchmaking. She holds bachelor’s degrees in applied psychology and master’s degrees in construction and technology management from the Georgia Institute of Technology, and a master’s degree in psychology with a concentration in family psychotherapy from Phillips Graduate University. Number of views on this article: 401 127.
How do you apologize to a girl you’ve hurt badly?
The psychology of the stronger sex is quite different from that of the fairer sex. That is why it is so difficult for them to determine the points of contact. If two people are very close, then they caught “luck by the tail. But until this happens, there may be conflicts. Then it is necessary to look for compromises and always be on guard, if you do not want to lose your beloved.
What cases require an apology?
The first thing to remember is that in most cases, you should not immediately take responsibility for the conflict that occurred. You should not do this, because in life there should always be a presumption of innocence. Otherwise you start to flog yourself right and left for what you did not do. So not long to turn into a “scapegoat.
But you also need to be able to admit their mistakes, if there is a good reason and evidence. First of all, you need to apologize when you feel guilty. This intuition cannot be confused with anything else. And every person in the back of his mind should always remember that without admitting mistakes he will not be able to adequately ask for forgiveness. It’s worth thinking about the problem when the following happened.
- You hurt the girl in a drunken rage. At a party there was a situation where you decided that your girlfriend was unfaithful to you. From this your mood deteriorated, and then you lost control.
Said “a bunch of nasty things” and maybe even allowed abuse. Now she does not want to see you anymore. We must say right away that this is the hardest case.
- Because of your intemperance you insulted the girl literally “on the spot” in front of everyone on the street. From this humiliation she left in tears, and now her phone is not available to you.
- Infidelity is the most “unforgivable” case. To resolve this conflict, you will have to try very hard. And you have to be ready for it. It is possible that all the efforts will be spent in vain, but you should not despair, because forgiveness can still be achieved.
- Neglect that is repeated too often can lead to resentment and break up the relationship. If you are not used to taking care of other people, you need to learn how to do this. Otherwise, negative experiences will be repeated over and over again.
- Jealousy without cause is one of the main problems in relationships. Jealousy makes you unbearable for the girl and the people around you. You should fight such manifestations of character.
- Jealousy and selfishness can piss off anyone, and especially your girlfriend. Try to avoid such manifestations.
- Stinginess and self-restraint in any situation is also unacceptable, if you are in a closer relationship.
After the conflict occurred, any guy really wants to fix the situation. Therefore, it is necessary to act, and then perhaps a reconciliation.
It is clear that a real man must apologize to the girl when he hurt her badly. There are many ways to do this. The main thing is that your apology was not intrusive and did not cause new attacks of resentment.
Remember that girls are, in most cases, impressionable and gentle creatures. So do not use any inappropriate ways to get close. For example, if she does not want to make up, you can not shout and threaten her.
If you behave aggressively and try to take forgiveness by force, you will fail. Take advantage of some tips, “adjusting” them to your individual case.
The easiest and fastest way is to find the right words: speak in your own phrases, as well as sincerely repent and apologize. Try to do this in advance to play the situation with the reconciliation and do not forget to prepare a text, which is better to learn by heart.
Only in a meeting, when you will implement the conceived, do not speak in memorized phrases, and make your confession sincere. Then you will succeed. After the apology, patiently wait for the moment when the heart of young lady “thaw” and she will be ready for a dialogue and to continue the relationship.
Explain yourself more reliably in writing. So write on a piece of paper all that you want to say at the meeting. Do not be afraid of frank phrases. When everything is ready, try to reread the entire text and check the correctness of the phrases.
It also happens that in a fit of emotion a person thinks one thing, but writes quite another and with a different meaning. Here it is better to be reinsured. The letter can be sent along with a courier, ordering a huge bouquet of roses (or whatever flowers your girlfriend loves). A note to enclose the flowers.
In today’s society it is customary to communicate in social networks. Therefore, you can ask for forgiveness in private messages. To do this you should write a most sincere apology. But first indicate the problem and admit your mistake.
Only here it is worth thinking carefully before choosing this method. If you had a trifling conflict, then an apology by sending a message may work. But if you behaved extremely ugly, then think about other ways. It is possible that the girl after you treated the problem very superficially and did not deign to make an effort, you simply blocked.
- A surprise may or may not work either. It all depends on the nature of the girl herself and the nature of the quarrel. If the conflict is very strong, you can get a “reverse effect. So if you have decided to return your loved one by surprise, try to think of something “good” and extraordinary. Otherwise, she may take your step as a mockery.
- A good way to ask for forgiveness in verse and in the presence of friends and family. This way you can “kill two birds with one stone”: rehabilitate yourself in front of the girl and rehabilitate yourself in front of people around you.
Of course, it is easy to give advice from the outside. It is much harder for someone who cannot decide on the most effective ways. Therefore it is necessary to take advantage of the experience of those who already have this skill.
Remember that you are not the first and not the last to fall into this unpleasant situation where a girl because of the offense applied refuses to communicate. This situation can become irreversible. You need to start taking action. Try to use the following information, and apply it in practice. Only take into account all the nuances, such as the individual perception of the world, which is unique to your girlfriend.
- It is not bad if you offer your companion to spend time together on a trip. No matter how much the trip will cost and where you will go. The main thing is that you will be able to be alone and finally “patch up” the hole in your relationship.
- Give an expensive gift. Here everything will depend on your well-being and the girl’s needs. Try to make sure that the thing was desirable. Maybe your sweetheart has been dreaming about something for a long time or really wanted to buy some thing. Try to make her dream or wish come true. Then maybe her heart will “melt”.
- Write under the window in huge letters the word “sorry” (you can lay it out with flowers). Be sure to include the name of your offended person. Let everyone around you see this inscription. Girls love to be the center of attention. It will be nice for her to see how much you appreciate your relationship.
- Tickets to a concert of her favorite artist will also make your object of adoration the happiest in the world. It is advisable to arrange everything so that it will be a surprise for her.
- A full spa treatment will not only be a nice gift, but also improve your mood. After the girl will take a cosmetic course, she will feel as if she is “renewed” from all sides and will be ready to forgive you.
- Give the offended girlfriend a beautiful outfit . To do this, you should invite her to the best women’s store and choose together with her evening gown (or whatever she wants). Such actions will increase her self-esteem.
- If your partner loves animals, give her a dog or cat elite breeds. Such kindness will melt away her soul and appreciate your gift. You yourself will be pleased to see a change of mood hurt girlfriend.
Whatever the gift or surprise, it should come from the heart. Then this step will make your relationship stronger.
Tips from a psychologist
If you yourself are very worried about the fact that you hurt your chosen one, you first need to realize that you were wrong. And then help the following tips.
- To begin to reconcile, do not walk on the heels of the object of his adoration. Suffice it to decide on the time and place of the meeting.
- If you have decided to ask for forgiveness, it would be better to meet and talk about the problem face to face. It is necessary to find out what exactly caused such an offense to your girlfriend. This should be done in order to subsequently not act as you did.
- When clarifying the relationship from the young lady may “sprinkle” reproaches and accusations. Listen to them silently. Let the offended person speak out, and then his rage will subside.
- All of your words speak in a calm voice and try not to create conflict situations. Remember that it was you who made a mistake, so try to behave appropriately.
- Sincerity must appear in all your words and actions. Otherwise it won’t work. The girl just won’t believe you.
- Once you have received forgiveness, try not to behave too intrusively. Keep a certain pause in the relationship. At the same time, show care and attention. Skillfully “balance” between these two concepts.
- Try not to make harsh remarks about the young lady, if it was not a lot of time after the reconciliation. If you break some boundaries, the girl may think that you have not realized and are not going to realize your mistake, and improper behavior is a constant part of your character.
- Remember that when you are in a bad mood, it is better not to do anything . Especially not to make steps towards a reconciliation of the parties. In this situation you will only worsen your difficult situation.
- Despite the fact that in the world now it is common to communicate in social networks, try not to make peace via messengers. This method is very doubtful in order to fully express his feelings. Your message may do some good, as long as you’re not too badly offended.
- Do not involve friends and girlfriends in your problem. Such help can only make things worse. Even if your loved ones want to sincerely help you, she may not appreciate such an impulse and think that you are afraid and are not capable of making decisions and realizing mistakes.
- In another case it can be even worse. It is possible that among your friends, there is a person who will be only glad for your quarrel. Assistance from the “helper” you will not wait, but the harm, quite possible, will be substantial.
- Worry and panic also should not be avoided. If you have always had a strong relationship since your meeting, they went nowhere. Just the offense still does not give the young lady to remember all the warmth of your relationship. You need her to cool down a little after the quarrel. Perhaps the partner herself would want to get close to you again.
- Do not blame the girl after the reconciliation in that you still found the strength to ask for forgiveness. First, it was yours and only your decision, and secondly, she did not ask you to make up with her.
Remember that the relationship between two people are formed of mutual respect. It’s better to avoid quarrels and scandals than to fix the situation after such an incident.