Psychology of family relationships between husband and wife.
Family relationships – not an easy matter, which can often be understood not every psychologist. Here you need to analyze not only the circumstances that have arisen at any point of problems between husband and wife, but also the entire history of their relationship. And you need to start, most likely, from the time of mutual love. The roots most often grow from there. They began to improperly create their relationship early in the family’s formation – and now they are reaping the rewards.
What are family relationships built on?
The foundation of any healthy human relationship is trust, honesty and mutual respect. These qualities, or lack thereof, are especially evident in the family, without which it won’t last long. Of course, young people are united by love. If their love is unselfish and unconditional, it will be the main factor that binds the family and helps to go through any trials.
Types and their characteristics.
The psychology of family relations distinguishes the following main types of family relationships:
- Partner – they can also be called cooperation, when the relationship is built on equals. The best and most stable type of relationship.
- Competition – quite a healthy type of relationship, when spouses compete in achieving common goals, provided that goodwill is maintained between them. Otherwise it may degenerate into rivalry.
- Competition – manifested in the desire of spouses to dominate each other. In this type of relationship, it is difficult for the partners to agree on common interests, rather, each cares about his own. This greatly undermines family unity.
- Antagonism is a sharp confrontation between partners outgrowing a competitive relationship. Such a family persists only for good external reasons, internally nothing unites it anymore, relations go to rupture.
In addition to the classic types of interpersonal relationships, there are also relationships based on the game of jealousy, silence, accommodation. Silence is when all dissatisfactions are diligently kept silent just for the sake of preserving the relationship. There are situations in which families exist under contract.
Relationships based on accommodation may be different. One spouse may seek protection or play the role of savior, victim or executioner. Also, quite often in this type of relationship, the husband treats his wife as a servant or housekeeper.
In a contractual relationship, there is, above all, a material or moral calculation. Such marriages are based on an oral or written contract.
Causes of crises
Family crises most often arise for the following reasons.
- Unjustified expectations on one or both sides (more often materially, sometimes spiritually). In such a family, one of the spouses has a one-sided view of the obligation to provide for the family. He or she imagines that their mate will make them financially richer: provide things, housing, travel opportunities, and so on.
- Conflicting views on housekeeping. For example, a man expects his wife to serve him in the kitchen just like in his parental family, but she, considering him independent, lets him take care of himself.
- Opposing views on the upbringing of children. For example, in the girl’s family, it is customary for the parents to walk with the child together, while her husband believes that it is the mother’s care. This can cause misunderstanding in the couple.
- Routine, lack of family traditions. It happens that in the family of one of the spouses is customary to celebrate certain holidays, to spend them in a special way, but for the other half of the couple these traditions may be unacceptable. For example: the spouse is used to celebrating holidays in a restaurant with friends in a noisy company, while the wife likes to celebrate in a quiet family circle. Unquestionable factors that spoil relationships are monotony and household problems.
- The cause of the crisis may also be due to the fact that the feelings of the spouses cooled down. It may well happen when the relationship is built on the reliance on external factors: good looks, financial security. If the relationship is initially weak on a spiritual level (no common interests, hobbies, worldviews), then when the first bright feelings cool down, there is a void in the relationship.
- Psychological climate in the family depends on the emotional characteristics of marriage, their differences in temperament. If one of the spouses is measured and balanced, and the other reacts violently to any little thing, the first can quickly get tired of the emotional swings of the second.
- Sometimes discord in the relationship happens after the birth of a child in the family. Cold relations between spouses arise from the fact that the young mother fully dedicates herself to caring for the baby and pays less attention to her husband. Or the husband completely shifts responsibility for the child to his wife, so she simply has no time for herself or for her husband.
Diagnosis of crises in family relationships is aimed at identifying destructive attitudes associated with the manner of communication in a particular family and care for each other’s feelings, with the way of housekeeping and child rearing, with the way of family recreation, as well as the responsibility for the material support of the family. And another important point in family diagnosis is the partners’ ability to accept each other.
How to fix it?
To restore the broken atmosphere between family members the following actions can help.
- To begin with you need to reconsider your attitude towards marriage: if it is mercenary or your marriage is on the contract, you should not expect from your partner deep feelings and dedication. Try together with him to adjust your contract for the common good.
- Clarify: which of you is the main part of the household chores, who is responsible for the material support. To better understand each other, spouses should assign roles, to decide who is responsible for which area of the household, social and financial responsibilities.
- Allow your spouse to do what they love, hobby. Do not deprive her of the opportunity to be alone sometimes – it’s normal. And also allow yourself and sometimes privacy.
- Know how to listen to a partner, allowing him to talk about something important or to voice boils. Sincere emotional communication will help melt the ice of misunderstanding between you.
- Put yourself in his place sometimes husband or wife – this will help you better understand him and accept his feelings.
- Be aware of your needs. Do not suppress their healthy interests in favor of his spouse. Dissatisfaction can lead to depression or irritation.
- Plan vacations together, make family traditions. This will help maintain a harmonious relationship not only between husband and wife, but also between parents and children.
How should the husband treat his wife?
The husband should always remember that he is a woman. And despite the fact that she works along with him, or even perform some male duties, at heart, she remains fragile and vulnerable, and the task of her husband to protect this fragility. It can be “very deep” and she may cease to feel her femininity, but for the sake of family happiness is worth the effort.
- Often say affectionate words to her, but let them be sincere, genuine. Just do not hold back your tender feelings, as long as they are. Do not be afraid to waste yourself. Love has the property of joy – give a spark of warmth, and in response, a flame of love. That is, women are very sensitive to the manifestation of real feelings and always respond to them vividly.
- For the same reason that your wife is first of all a woman, offer to take some of her responsibilities. You can walk with the child while she manages the household chores, buy groceries on the way home from work, cook breakfast, clean up after yourself from the table or something else, depending on your family routine.
- Listen to the state of mind of your spouse: maybe she wants to be alone or, conversely, you are not together much.
- Just often put yourself in the position of a spouse. Looking at the situation from the outside, it is possible to look at it well and see what you could not see from their position.
How do you change as a woman?
In today’s world, it’s not uncommon for a woman to take on male roles: running an organization, running a household, managing her husband. Many men are trying to retain or reclaim their responsibilities, and on this ground there are often conflicts.
Therefore, to maintain harmony in family relationships first thing a woman – to change their roles from male to female.
- Allow her husband to provide for you, and not vice versa.
- Reconsider your attitude to the household – cleanliness and comfort in the house is a woman’s prerogative, and repair and rearrangement requires male power.
- Take care of yourself, even while on maternity leave. Men are inspired by beauty.
In general, women should learn to trust their husbands more. Let him take part in raising children. Do not doubt him, if he is a sensible man – he can handle it, because you myself have entrusted him.
Let him decide the family way of life and leisure. Even if you think he will do everything wrong. After all, the family for men, like for you, this is a place where you want to show up, create something new, to bring something useful from themselves.
Learn to understand the mood of his partner and do not impede his desire sometimes to switch and go fishing. Do not deny yourself and your healthy interests and hobbies.
The family consists of two halves, so that each partner felt its fullness and fulfillment in it.
A common family mistake is shifting responsibility to the spouse or to circumstances. The partner does not want to admit his mistake, but by manipulating, emphasizes the mistakes of his companion.
Consider other mistakes as well.
- Lack of accommodation between spouses. If you insist only on his own – it will not help to resolve the issue, but only increase the distance between you.
- Self-sacrifice to spouse, work, children. When someone sacrifices himself, it brings him temporary satisfaction of the need for recognition. And when the recognition passes, there is dissatisfaction.
- Guided only by material criteria. This mistake can manifest itself as a constant desire to earn more, and in the constant thoughts about the work, which leads to a dulling of feelings and “mechanical” attitude towards family members.
- Imposing your will on your partner. Such a mistake is the scourge of modern relationships not only in the family. Such an attitude is an attempt to erase the uniqueness of your partner, to equate him or her with your standards.
- False substitution of roles: men are passive, taking away responsibility for the material and spiritual components of family life, and women, on the contrary, take away this responsibility.
Taking important decisions unilaterally is also the erroneous position of those who believe that their opinion is the only true one and do not take into account their partner’s opinion. It is likely that the position of such a person in a dialogue is to stand in the first place (he/she is smarter than everyone else).
Advice from the psychologist
Above were given tips on how to improve relationships in the family and what men and women should do to do this. But the work on strengthening the family does not end there Healthy relationships are the result of daily work of each family member. For those who are willing to make the effort to preserve family happiness, here is a description of a good, favorable atmosphere in the home and tips for maintaining it.
Relationships between wife and husband – stages, types, mistakes
Relationships and Psychology
Family psychology – husband and wife
Family life is a complicated thing. Relationship between wife and husband – who does not care about this topic?
In the life of the spouses happens different things. Even in the most ideal relationship, there are quarrels and misunderstandings. What to do those whose relationship has cooled, in which the family often have quarrels and scandals?
Improve the relationship between husband and wife, you can, adhering to some simple rules. What are these rules?
Respect each other
Support the opinion and position of the other half. Even if you are very annoyed, do not stoop to insults. Respect – this is not talking on high tones, and a calm, trusting dialogue with each other.
Know how to be grateful
Try to thank your partner even for the little things. Say a warm word to him for any useful work. For you it is not difficult, and to improve the relationship is extremely important.
Know how to make concessions.
Do not think that if you give in to your partner, it means you have shown weakness. On the contrary, in his eyes you look strong and noble.
To prevail in the family understanding, sometimes you have to give up some of their habits.
Do not be stingy with expressions of affection
Gentle hugs and touches, fleeting kisses, caressing words – all this only contributes to a good relationship.
If the relationship has become cool, do not be stingy with warmth and affection.
Moreover, do not deny your partner in an intimate relationship. Sex brings us closer, and its absence – separates.
Do not wash your dirty linen in public.
The psychology of a good relationship is that you should know how to keep secrets in the family. Do not go right and left about what you have in the family. You can fight, make up, and it concerns only you two.
Know how to forgive.
If you keep resentments in your soul, your relationship will never become close.
Treat all children the same
You shouldn’t single out one person more than the others. Love should be given equally to children.
Make time to talk
Even if you are tired and don’t have energy to talk, just sit quietly beside each other, holding hands or snuggling up to each other.
You don’t need a reason to do this. Let it be a nice trifle or just a flower – anyway it is pleasant to get presents. So you show your warm relationship to his spouse.
The relationship between your wife and husband
Ideal family relationships do not exist. As a rule, the relationship between spouses are formed on the basis of the family they grew up in. They repeat the pattern of behavior that was present in the family of their parents.
An important role in family life has a psychological climate, which depends on many factors:
- Mutual feelings;
- Interests and aspirations;
- Material well-being;
- Living conditions;
- Demands on themselves and family members;
- Moral atmosphere;
- Respectful and caring attitude towards each other.
Domestic and financial problems can destroy a family.
What is needed to strengthen the relationship in the marriage?
- So that your husband respects your territory, respect his territory. Do not clean his desk without his permission, do not throw away his old things. His territory also includes his phone, social networking accounts, day planner, letters;
- Both spouses should have personal space;
- Don’t talk about your personal life. This concerns only the two of you. Especially when it comes to intimate life;
- Learn to listen without interrupting, this is a sign of respect for your partner;
- Do not deprive your husband of sex, he must be sexually satisfied. Otherwise you are pushing him to cheat;
- Children are a mirror image of their parents. By their behavior you can conclude whether the husband has authority in the family or not;
- Maintain your husband’s reputation among his friends;
- Know how to forgive. Being a wife is a big and responsible job. Relationships do not build by themselves, they have to be worked on.
Relationship between husband and wife in the family
The family begins from the moment of marriage. Love and sexual attraction to a particular person is considered the backbone of a marriage. As the years go by, feelings are squandered and the content of life is work, the couple’s performance of necessary duties, responsibilities, joys and hardships.
A harmonious family does not come into being by itself; it requires mutual respect. If this is not there, the family will start to quarrels, altercations, dissatisfaction with each other, which in the end may lead to divorce. You have to learn how to live in a marriage. If you don’t learn how to be reasonable, the new marriage will work out just like the first one.
Men often lack diplomacy when dealing with family problems, so they provide this opportunity for women. Women’s way of thinking allows for better guidance in raising children.
A serious male disadvantage is their hotheadedness. Men should often learn to control their feelings, because this defect causes suffering to themselves and their loved ones. Women’s feelings are less violent and passionate than men’s, but they are deeper and more constant. The emotional atmosphere in the home depends on the wife.
Here is a poem about a wife’s love for her husband:
Types of Relationships
Family psychology divides the relationship between husband and wife into several types:
- Cooperation. In a relationship of complete mutual understanding, mutual support. This type for the family is the best;
- Parity. In such a relationship, both spouses are equal. When they are built, a certain benefit is pursued;
- Competition . One partner wants to achieve greater heights and get ahead of his spouse. This can lead to tension in the relationship;
- Competition . One spouse tries to dominate the other. There is a struggle of interests between the spouses in such a relationship. This leads to the destruction of the family;
- Antagonism . Rivalry between husband and wife will inevitably lead to the breakdown of the relationship.
Antagonism – rivalry, competition, struggle, contradiction, opposition.
Stages of the relationship
A marriage goes through several stages as it develops:
- Infatuation . This is the most beautiful and romantic time. During this period, lovers see the world in bright colors. They do not notice any flaws in each other. This stage lasts for about three years. Many couples at this time get married;
- After falling in love, addiction sets in. Partners begin to see flaws in each other;
- In any relationship, quarrels are inevitable. The partner no longer seems ideal, his shortcomings are clearly visible and annoying. The infatuation and euphoria have disappeared somewhere. Many at this stage wonder why they entered into marriage in the first place;
- The next stage is the realization that life goes on, it is necessary to cooperate with their spouse, to run a household, to raise children, to pay utility bills;
- If the couple survives the hard times, there is a period of respect. The partner respects his or her partner for her boundless patience. The couple becomes mature, care and tenderness prevail in the family, which become the foundation of a strong relationship;
- The respect stage transitions into the friendship stage . Partners become close people, trust each other completely, and share their deepest feelings;
- After all stages have passed, the stage of true love begins. In order for this feeling to arise, you need to go a long way. It will take patience and wisdom. But on the other hand, people can enjoy happiness.
Crisis in the relationship
In any married couple, there is a crisis in the relationship. In what does this manifest itself?
- In mutual irritation . To survive this period will take time, patience and the desire to preserve the relationship;
- In the absence of trust to each other. The result can be an aggressive behavior of the husband or furtiveness of the wife. The more negativity comes from the man, the more the woman closes down. This makes the man even more angry. The result is a vicious circle. To get out of it, the woman needs to open up to her husband, to ask him to listen;
- The husband becomes petty and stingy. He feels that his wife is moving away from him, so he has no desire to invest in her.
To get out of the crisis, you need to understand its causes. And to do this, you will have to talk calmly and figure out the relationship.
What is necessary for a happy relationship
Each person is individual and unique.
For there to be happiness in the family and for the relationship to be strong, you just need to follow a few simple rules:
- Respect each other, listen to the opinion of your mate. Even during a quarrel do not turn to insults;
- Know how to give in;
- Do not be shy to show your feelings;
- Learn to forgive.
Mistakes that lead to divorce
All people make mistakes. Some people get married and, although they make mistakes, continue to live together happily ever after. And some make mistakes that lead to the breakup of the relationship.
What mistakes do women make that will sooner or later lead to the breakup of the family?
- Unreasonable expectations . When choosing a partner, choose the person who meets your ambitions. And if you have chosen someone else, don’t have any complaints about him or her and don’t try to make him or her the way you want him or her to be;
- Children in the first place. When children come into the family, many women stop paying attention to their husbands and deal only with the children. And this can put the marriage in jeopardy. Marriage is a relationship between a woman and a man, and children are the fruit of their love. If a woman switches all her attention and care to her children, gradually the two lovers turn into people just living next to each other;
- Constant reproaches and criticism . Criticism from his wife’s husband perceives as a lack of respect for himself. All the more painfully he perceives the reproaches expressed in front of strangers. You can not compare it with other men. Be tolerant, do not hurt each other. Before you say something, think to hurt your soul mate less;
- Total control . A wife makes the mistake of controlling her husband in everything. She checks his phone, social media pages. If he has gone to a friend’s house, she calls every 10 minutes to find out when he is coming home. Constantly trying to control your husband can end up leading to a divorce;
- Silencing problems . Although women are more emotional than men, they do not always choose to voice their grievances out loud. Over time, they accumulate, and as a result of a woman pours them on the head of a man in the most humiliating form. It is necessary to talk about their problems, because the man does not know what you think and can not read your thoughts;
- Challenging the supremacy . The wife makes the mistake of starting to figure out who is in charge in the house. She may think that there is nothing wrong with that. But by doing so, she undermines her husband’s authority;
- Dealing with financial issues . When a couple enters into a relationship, they should discuss the approach to finances right away: how the money they earn will be spent and how much of it should be saved. Problems can arise from abuse and too much spending by one spouse. To avoid conflicts over finances, it’s worth discussing in advance how much money will go to the family and how much can be spent on yourself;
- Avoiding intimacy. It is important for a man to feel loved. If he does not get enough affection from his wife, he will look for it on the side. And if he finds what he needs there, he will leave the family. You can’t punish him by not having sex. Over time, this can become a reason for divorce;
- Wrong choice of partner . Some women, when making their choice, deliberately choose a man who is not suitable for them. They naively believe that they can re-educate him and make him the way they want him to be. That is not going to happen. You have to understand that the main condition for marriage should be mutual love.
Video: How to Save a Family? The subtleties of the relationship between men and women
I suggest watching a video about why there are difficulties between men and women, how to come to an agreement in the family relationship.
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