How not to impose on a man you like
To impose – means a lot of attachment to the man, literally do not “depart” from him, to deprive personal space and do not give freedom of action.
Yes, the object of affection always wants to be as close as possible, to turn his attention. But it is very easy to cross that line from “openly express their feelings” to “suck it like a tick. Therefore, at the first signs of obsession it is necessary to immediately take control.
Top 7 signs of obsession
Surely you yourself have faced with the obsession of some suitor. You could identify these “bells” unmistakably. But you may not have seen a “log” in a similar situation.
The following signs indicate that you are beginning to stifle the man you like and push him away.
- “Stalking” on social media.
You are relentlessly stalking the “victim” in all accounts. You look for any mention of him, examine every detail in the photo.
You are afraid that the object of your adoration is someone else, and worried sick.
He may not know about your stalking, but by continuing to behave this way, you will never get rid of the obsession.
- There are too many calls and messages.
Keeping in touch is fine if that’s what two people are trying to do. But if a man isn’t responding to you with the same enthusiasm, and there’s only one of him for your twenty messages, then it’s time to hold your horses.
Give the man the opportunity to take the initiative, too. There’s no need to show that you’re “always ready.”
- Loss of interest in former hobbies.
If what you used to love to do, now you have no interest, it’s also a bad sign. You now only follow what a man likes to do. Even if you’ve never been interested in soccer, you don’t get more interesting from suddenly “starting out.”
Maybe a man liked you precisely because of your personal hobbies. You were a person. Now he may be disappointed.
- The need for verbal affirmation of feelings.
If you’re already in a romantic relationship and you always need to hear how much he likes you, etc., this could spill over into a serious obsessive-compulsive problem. You may not be able to believe your happiness, but don’t terrorize your partner.
- The urge to be the only one in his life.
Can’t stand watching him talk to a co-worker? Or go into a rage when you see his bar storisers? You need to get a grip. The man has had a life before you, and he will go out with friends. Yeah, sometimes without you. You don’t have to be his only friend either.
How do you show love to a man without being intrusive?
- Total non-acceptance of attractive friends and acquaintances.
Obsession in this case is a form of jealousy. If you are annoyed by his pretty girlfriends, and you even allow yourself comments, it is a bad sign. In the future, such behavior is not conducive to strengthening relationships. Yes, and you will make yourself look bad.
- Ending relationships with friends.
In your desire to immerse yourself in your significant other (even if you’re not in a relationship yet), you may lose all your friends. But do not forget that you need to communicate with a variety of people. Then obsession won’t be your big problem. You will have something to occupy yourself with.
How to stop imposing on a man
You have to work on yourself. It doesn’t matter if the relationship has already begun or not yet. Your task is not to spoil either one.
And here’s how you can do that:
- First and foremost, admit there’s a problem.
Until you see that you’ve become obsessive, you can’t change anything. And it will continue until you see the problem with your own eyes. It’s important to acknowledge the truth, no matter how unpleasant it may be. Only then will the solution to that very problem be found.
- Be realistic.
Don’t wallow in your fantasies. Often the desire to be as close to a person as possible is fueled by your own fantasies. Find some slightly repulsive flaw and focus on it.
That way you will realize that in front of you is not a deity to be touched, but an ordinary person.
- Don’t seek contact with his surroundings.
You don’t have to take in all his friends and family at once. Don’t run to subscribe to everyone he tags in his Instagram photos. You’ll look like a crazy groupie who follows his life and wants in too much.
Stay detached. Let them sign off on you and you’ll think about it some more.
- Stop stalking.
Yeah, sometimes it’s itchy to go in and see “what he’s up to on Instagram.” Or compare when he and his ex were online. It’s hard to resist, but you don’t have to keep doing it because you might make a mistake.
By winding yourself up full-on, you’re bound to find what you’re looking for. But it won’t actually turn out to be a horrible compromise, just a misunderstanding. If you’re looking for signs of cheating, you’re bound to find them.
So, stop playing “Sherlock” and give yourself a quiet breather. Imagine someone doing the same thing to your social media page.
- Restore mutual trust.
If this situation has arisen in an existing relationship, this is a problem you will probably have to solve together. On your part, you need to loosen your grip and stop being pushy. And your man needs to help you do that.
Talk frankly and learn to trust each other completely. Then the likelihood of starting to intrude again will drop to zero.
- Give your man freedom.
Do not torture him with questions, react calmly to his meetings with friends and the fact that he wants to sit in a closed room. Personal space is important to anyone. And time alone with yourself is of great value.
If you give your partner more freedom, it will only improve your relationship.
- Don’t rule out socializing with other men.
You don’t have to go on dates with everyone. But you can respond to offers to get acquainted, and spend a couple of nice evenings texting. Thus, you will not bore the object of his sympathy, and do not spend a boring time.
- Pay attention to yourself.
You are so used to living the life of the object of adoration, that you have lost yourself. It’s time to fix it. Remember what you liked to do before, and revive your hobbies. Start dressing the way you like to dress again, not for attention.
Try in every way to draw attention away from the man you like, be yourself and enjoy it. Then your attractiveness in the eyes of others will increase significantly.
- Listen to what he says.
If he is constantly hinting that he has no time, he can not meet, can not go out with you on a break, then leave him alone. You don’t have to pummel him with “when?” questions. At best, you’ll make him twist and lie, and at worst, you’ll end up being rude.
You have been told almost explicitly that you are imposing yourself. No more arguments are needed.
A relationship is always a work in progress. Both on the relationship and on your own personality. In order not to ruin your feelings at the root, you need to reconsider your behavior and develop an optimal strategy of “conquest.
In order not to destroy what you already have, you will also have to make an effort. Perhaps you will even have to ask your partner for help.
How to behave so as not to impose themselves on a man: 5 simple truths
Men and women inherited different strategies and values in relationships from prehistoric ancestors. The ancient hunter would go off on his quest, leaving those who depend on him in a state of uncertainty and expectation. That’s why the stronger sex needs at least the illusion of freedom. Ladies also need stability and predictability. Women should adhere to a simple rule (especially at the beginning of the relationship): Never impose on a man openly! Such behavior is fraught with the direct opposite of the desired effects: the man will either “run away” or start manipulating, using the partner in his own interests.
This is not an easy task for a woman. The fair sex feels an acute need to get confirmation of stability, their attractiveness, their readiness to continue the relationship. Girls are more susceptible to the threat of falling into dependent, unequal relationships. This is normal, conditioned historically, you should not blame yourself for suddenly showing signs of compulsion. But to respect, first of all, their own interests, it is worth thinking about changing the style of his behavior in relation to a man.
No matter how attractive for women would be a potential or real partner, despite the strongest desire to “bind” him and continue the relationship, even in a state of infatuation – it always makes sense to ask yourself the question: “Is it worth imposing on the man?” And the answer is 99.99% of the time: “No!”
Do not continue the dialogue when the man is not disposed to communicate
It does not matter much whether it is a question of correspondence with a potential partner in instant messenger, or the girl’s real boyfriend has not spent the first hour sitting silently, thinking about something of his own. To slow him down, to keep texting or asking him questions like, “What are you thinking about?”, “Why aren’t you talking?”, as well as to be offended, “You’re not listening to me, you’re not paying attention!” – is not constructive.
Men behave this way on four occasions:
- He’s really focused on some important problem and can only think about how he’s going to solve it (any attempt to throw him off focus will cause, at the very least, a deafening displeasure);
- The guy is not interested in a serious relationship with the lady, he remembers her and uses her only when he feels like it, or he is inclined to manipulate the girl’s feelings (such a partner is not worth being traded, taking care of his precious time and responsibly – his happiness);
- A significant rapprochement has already happened, and a man organically needs to distance himself a little to feel free and realize his need for further relationships (if the girlfriend begins to “run” after him, then the partner has to pull away farther and farther);
- The guy has fallen into a kind of “zen” when he needs to reboot and be “out of reach” in general. Celebrity speaker Mark Gangor jokes that everything in a man’s brain is laid out in boxes, and there is one with “Nothing” written on it, which he periodically opens to rest. Girls, with their “streaming,” lively and emotional thinking, cannot understand this, just as it is difficult, for example, to grasp the meaning of hours of “hovering” over a motionless float. Many men remark almost without humor that they will appreciate a woman with whom it is interesting to talk, but truly cherish one with whom it is comfortable to be silent.
Obviously, in any of the four situations described, it is not in a woman’s best interest to be pushy and initiate an active dialogue. In all cases, there is nothing more sensible than not to impose on a man. As a result, he will either pull back or painlessly “fall off” without wasting the girl’s precious resources.
Don’t text him every day.
Men and women have different ideas about the desired frequency of contact with loved ones. Ladies tend to be very active communicators: they willingly talk to friends for a long time, correspond. Representatives of the stronger sex are more constructive and informative. Therefore it is worth striving to find an average (that is, acceptable for both) frequency of contact. Ideally – if a man writes or calls first, and a girl answers. Norms of etiquette suggest that the lady can initiate communication, but with a new acquaintance it is better to stick to a frequency of 2-3 days. If it is difficult to control yourself, it is worth to arm yourself with a calendar and make a schedule. After 3 cases where a woman wrote or called first, but this was not followed by reciprocal activity of the man to maintain contact, you have to admit – he was not interested. There’s no point in wasting precious time on maintaining an unpromising relationship.
It makes sense for a woman to distinguish between two options: regularity and irregularity of contacts on the part of her potential partner.
A man who is interested in a relationship quickly enough establishes some system in communication. Even if it is infrequent, it is clear that the partner somehow “fits” the lady into his schedule. For example, a morning greeting on social media, a short call while he is walking home from the parking lot in the evening, a meeting on the least busy day of the week. A woman may be offended by “unromanticism,” but such practicality and systematicity are normal for a man. Especially for introverts, not prone to vivid displays of emotion. For example, he may just silently give a woman a ride home from work, but if he does it regularly, it is likely to be his bid for a serious relationship.
If a cavalier “appears” suddenly, chaotically, and often at inappropriate times (for example, in the late evening or in the middle of the work day), then there is a high probability that the lady is not of much value to him. He wants to take advantage of her without caring at all about her interests, feelings, or fear of losing her. Suddenly appearing, the manipulator will “swamp” the girl with compliments, emotions, offers, even accuse her of being the one who disappeared somewhere. And after satisfying his need (for sex, emotions, affirmation of his own desirability, adoration and many other things) he will disappear like the wind until the next time.
This is one of the main reasons why you should not impose yourself on a man: you should not give him a reason to devalue a woman. With all the rudeness and cruelty of the wording, but for such “comrades” a girl is like a public toilet: “had the urge” – dropped in, and there though he collapsed entirely, does not care. The psychology of this kind of attitude goes deep into the man’s personality, which it is unlikely that the partner will be able to fix. The only true solution is to stay away from such consumers and manipulators as far as possible.
Do not follow a man in social networks
Girls in love sometimes behave like fanatics of pop idols: follow every movement in social networks, like, comment, post photos with a mark of the boyfriend, put statuses that emphasize their connection (and require the same from the partner!), control his contacts. This kind of attitude demonstration is “This man is my property! Hands off!” – can cause an acute aversion of the stronger sex. So, from their point of view, behaves infantile girl, greedily appropriating a new toy. Feeling “enveloped on all sides”, they tend to run away from the too suffocating embrace of the lady.
Social networks deprive relationships in modern couples of intimacy and tenderness: what is on public display is very easily devalued.
In addition, for many men, their pages are more of a socially approved mask than their real selves. They are not prone to the degree of openness that girls are. And they don’t give much meaning to their actions on social media.
Find interesting things to do
Women often object: “Just talk about how to stop running after a man. But what if you get carried away and already obsessively attracted to frequent contact? And it is impossible to stop, to control yourself? There is a universal answer to these questions: you need to mind your own business, have interests and hobbies that ignite the soul and give pleasure.
Ladies should periodically monitor: whether they have not abandoned their hobbies, whether they have not become prone to put away their “I want” in a drawer, have not forgotten about the meaningful purposes. You can even draw their desires and hobbies in the form of a list and hang in a prominent place. Then, feeling the nostalgia of waiting and longing to “rush on the neck” partner to fill the void, it will be enough to look at your record, choose a fascinating occupation and immerse yourself in it.
By the way, with this approach, a man, when he appears again, will find the lady not exhausted and desperate, but with fire in his eyes, filled with new information and emotions. And this always makes the fair sex particularly attractive. It is very good if these activities are connected with contacts with other people. Demanded, surrounded by friends and acquaintances, the woman will be even more desirable for her partner.
A rich life full of events, hobbies, goals is the best cure for any addiction, including destructive, uncontrollable cravings for the opposite sex. There is no healthier way to stop obsessing on a man than to get as busy as possible with yourself, your interests, your goals, your pleasures.
Save information about yourself and your business
Unspokenness is a great weapon of women of all time. Do not pour out a stream of emotions and information on your partner, exposing yourself to him completely. If there is a craving for such – it is better to communicate with a close friend.
In relation to a man, it is better to be a little unclear, prompting him to ask questions and desire to know you better. In a girl who is completely open and studied, a representative of the stronger sex will be more inclined to be disappointed than in a girl who has many more hidden facets.
In addition the men have a different style of communication. They are not supporters of superfluous words, empty talk. The stronger sex is more important concreteness and informative. Of course, we should not completely resemble them, but still a woman should learn to speak and write essentially. Clear answers to questions without unnecessary details, clear speech for men without cues and metaphors quickly allow you to find common ground with him.
In each phrase can leave a loophole for a further conversation. These women not only support the interest in themselves, but also help a man to have an easy conversation. By the way, this method is a very good way to “test” the interest of the guy to himself.
Compare the two options:
- “I’m going out tonight” (without specifying the purpose and company) – “Where? Why? How will you get there at night?”
- “I’m leaving at night.” – “For how long? When you come back, I want to meet you.”
Or the potential partner asks clarifying questions, showing his interest in being involved in the woman’s life. Or “bends the same line,” talking about herself, her desires, ignoring the obvious gaps in her story. Once you understand this, it will be easier to find ways to stop running after a guy or man who is only interested in himself.
Why don’t you have to impose yourself?
Most ladies have ever been on a diet and are aware of the principles of proper nutrition. Many of them may well be “transferred” to a relationship with a man, especially in the beginning of dating:
- “From the table you need to get up with a sense of slight hunger”: the partner in the contact should not be 100% satisfied, it is desirable that there was both a reason and interest, and reasons for the next meeting. May we forgive such ancient examples, but the great image of Scheherazade can be taken on board.
- “Anything is possible, but in limited quantities”: both frank flirting and initiative and activity of a woman are acceptable, but within reasonable limits.
- “Everything that is much is harmful”: a girl should not be present in a relationship in excess. Leave room for your partner to express herself. After all, follow the old wisdom, “If there are 20 steps between you, it only makes sense to take 10 toward the other person.”
- “Count the calories” : the take-give balance in a relationship is as relevant as controlling the ratio of energy expenditure to food eaten. For every activity of the woman there should be an adequate response from the man. Otherwise, the relationship has no future. “Overfed” partner is as lazy and lacking initiative as a too “full” house cat.
The man quickly gets tired of the increased attention and loses interest in the obsessive girl. For him, the one that demonstrates the increased desire to be near, is painted with a sense of inferiority, accessibility to all and sundry. A woman who knows how to maintain distance, not only feeds the male instinct of the hunter, but in any situation, keeps his “face”, dignity and attractiveness.
Of course, to decide which strategy and tactics to follow in the relationship with your partner, it will always be you. To be accessible and obtrusive, just not to be alone, or to keep at a distance, not fully disclosed, with the risk that you will seem too proud to the “consumers” – only the woman herself always chooses.