How can you cope with jealousy of his wife
You are tortured by the question: how not to be jealous of his wife? It’s clear, because to live with this feeling, frankly, it is impossible. It eats away, devastates a man from the inside, pushes the strange, and sometimes just wild deeds and can destroy not only marital life, but also cripple the fate of the newly arrived Othello. What to do? Is it possible to somehow overcome insidious and totally irrational jealousy? Let’s look into it.
Where do the “legs grow” in jealousy?
I wonder if you’ve ever tried to understand why then and now have the feeling called? What makes you shrink inside, catching glances of interest to your spouse, thrown at other men, and suspect that each of them a lover, or shudder with hatred to anyone who dared to stare at her?
Psychologists have found that, as it turns out, the reasons for eating you feelings stem from childhood. Yes, yes! If you turn to the past, you realize that you always had to share something with their loved ones (the attention of parents, gifts, things, etc.), and even to feel at this point not in first place – is not surprising that this has led to a burning need to preserve, to save, everything that belongs to you personally. This list includes your wife. That is, jealousy in this situation is a manifestation of a sense of ownership: “It’s mine – and basta!
Overcome brought from childhood is quite difficult, but it is possible. The main thing here is to clearly understand its cause, and to be aware of what lies behind the experiences. You need to calmly tell your wife about what’s happening to you, explaining how you hurt some of her actions. Do not be afraid to open up like that, and believe me, a loving woman will gladly agree to avoid conflict situations so as not to hurt you.
Maybe it’s not the lover you’re afraid of.
Jealousy can also be an extension of our complexes. After all, some people are prevented from overcoming this feeling of fear: “What if I can not find anyone else? Doesn’t it feel like adding to that phrase: “Well, who will want me…”? Yes, the fear of being alone most often feeds your insecurity about their own value and low self-esteem – they are, as psychologists say, provoke feelings of jealousy and even feed it. The higher you raise the object, the lower you become on his background yourself!
So get rid of jealousy in this case, you can only by reviewing the relationship to himself. Believe that you are worthy of love, and many women, if you want, will be happy to tie their fate to you. All this will not hold on to his wife, as the last chance and not look for all of her actions to constantly confirm not only the existence of the lover, but your insignificance or insignificance.
Are you sinless?
Men can give one more piece of advice: if you are stubbornly eating a nagging question of how to make sure not to be jealous of his lover’s wife – be honest with yourself.
It is interesting that the stronger sex in some cases has a peculiar “mirror” effect – they transfer their faults to their wives, suspecting them of what they themselves are doing at the moment. Well, yes, a man has just managed to win the favor of a certain belle, and then the wife (for good reason!) is too late at work – and that’s it, since then the husband can not get rid of obsessive suspicions.
By the way, according to researchers, men are equally successful “mirror” and their serious relationship on the side, and light flirting, and even just a secret desire. So maybe you should dig into yourself instead of looking for a “lover” in your wife?
What are the dangers of your wife’s past?
Separately we want to talk about male jealousy of the past of their wives. This seemingly completely unfounded feeling is inherent in many men, and especially those who have excessively developed possessiveness. The thought of a rival who was before you can drive you crazy, so, wondering how to stop being jealous of his wife to the past, understand for yourself some things.
Figure out what is stressing you out so much? Maybe you think that before your beloved lived a much brighter and more interesting? Or the appearance of her former chosen one seems much better than yours? Or maybe you just can’t get over the annoyance at the thought that someone else possessed her? Come on, in order.
The first reason for your jealousy of the past to solve not difficult – any ways to get favorite every now and then told you: “How nice to you!”, and you will realize that jealousy, in general, is not to.
What to do to make reasons for jealousy have not become real
Remember, a little jealousy of the present or the past, which you show from time to time, may even like your spouse, confirming the extinct feeling, but the constant “tragedy”, played out in front of her, can seriously stress and offend a woman.
Therefore, so that you later did not have a really good reason for jealousy, and his wife did not try to really replace you with a lover, you need to follow certain rules.
Do not organize his wife, barely crossed the threshold, the interrogation: where and with whom she was. Just ask her how she had a day.
How to cope with jealousy of his wife, of course, can not say unambiguously. It all depends on what exactly are you experiencing this exhausting feeling. But to the general recommendations offered in our article, we can add a few more.
Do not invent a lover, until you really believe in his existence. Until then, keep yourself in bounds by surrounding your wife with love and attention.
Do not try to overcome the problem, literally locking the beloved in the four walls – it’s more likely to cause the opposite reaction – she will try to escape. But do not relax, for example, sending her to a resort in the company of unmarried girlfriends – it’s a provocative situation. Do not wear yourself out, jealous of her past – it’s over!
Do not tell yourself that you just happened to fall into the arms of an angel – you will very quickly feel unworthy, and you will have difficulty overcoming involuntary shyness in front of “perfection”. But do not forget to admire your wife out loud – then your chosen one will not have to look for a lover. Be happy!
How to stop being jealous of your girlfriend: a detailed guide
Many people in relationships regularly wonder how to stop being jealous and winding themselves up in order to find harmony with their partner. However, not everyone manages to find the right answer.
Some succumb to this toxic feeling and have regular domestic scandals that destroy the once happy union. Others begin to monitor their partner and constantly supervise him, reminiscent of the staff of the repressive authorities.
Both options, of course, do not suit us, because a healthy relationship – it is love and trust. Sometimes you can’t get away from jealousy, but it must not turn into complete destructiveness.
Now we’re going to look at what the main causes of jealousy are, and what to do about it. If you think you need to work in this area, be sure to take a look at our recommendations.
Why are we jealous?
Before we deal with ways to overcome this feeling, we need to understand why we succumb to jealousy in the first place. To do this, here is the opinion of the American psychologist Seth Meyers, who has written more than one work on family psychology.
1 You are insecure.
According to Meyers, jealousy often occurs in people with low self-esteem who may feel extremely insecure about their relationships. They regularly think that they are not good enough for their partner, so they feel like they might be cheated on.
Obviously, this is where you need to work on your self-esteem and become more confident. After all, this kind of self-positioning is clearly not going to do any good.
2 You want to be in control all the time
Some people have a mania to control everything, which turns into despotism, which prevents the construction of healthy relationships. Psychologist believes that this may be due to troubling experiences in adolescence, which laid the idea from the field of “you can not trust anyone.
From there on, and an overwhelming need to keep track of everything, everything to check and know everything. In essence, it is a fear of other people’s freedom and a kind of protest against it.
3 You are too attached to your girlfriend.
There is also sometimes nothing good in excessive attachment. It coexists with unreasonable jealousy resulting from fear of separation. There is also the intrusion into the life of a partner, when he is forbidden to meet with friends, spend time apart and just do something with his own hands.
This kind of jealousy also destroys relationships, and should definitely be dealt with.
4 You have a type of obsessive thinking
In other words, you suffer from obsessive thoughts that may focus on your girlfriend’s potential cheating. Such thoughts can arise for no reason or after the slightest triggers, like coming home late after work.
Moreover, people with obsessive thoughts tend to make up certain events themselves and replay the same episodes in their minds, experiencing more and more.
Thus, anxious thoughts are cultivated here by themselves and there is no real reason to worry, in fact.
In addition, jealousy often occurs in people with paranoid states. In both cases, it is best to see a therapist or psychologist and sort out your problems.
5 You have a significant reason for jealousy
It’s different when you have a real reason to be jealous. For example, jealousy can provoke flirting on social media, which you accidentally stumbled upon from your girlfriend, or some other reason to be nervous.
Nevertheless, there is no need to jump to conclusions. First of all, you need to sort everything out and talk calmly.
What to do about jealousy?
It’s time to move on to the most important part of our guide. In it, we’ll figure out how to stop being jealous of your wife or girlfriend and mend your relationship. The advice given has been borrowed from Robert Leahy, a psychology doctor and professor at Yale University.
1 Analyze Your Thoughts
When you realize that your jealousy is taking on destructive forms, it’s time to resort to healthy analysis. Stop, calm down, and look at the problem holistically.
Do you really have a good reason for jealousy, or is it just unfounded fears. After all, if you suspect your girlfriend is into someone, it doesn’t mean she is. Don’t forget that thoughts and reality are two different things.
2 Embrace your emotions.
If a person is constantly dwelling on negative thoughts-it will increase their anxiety and growing anger. To avoid all this, you need to accept your emotions and let them exist.
You don’t have to get rid of these experiences. It’s best to approach them consciously, which should help you deal with them.
3 Understand that uncertainty in a relationship is normal.
Our whole life is one big uncertainty, so asking your girlfriend for a clear answer to the question “will we always be together” is not a good idea.
There is nothing we can do about uncertainty, no matter how hard we try and what vows we say at the altar. One thing is certain, however. Accusations, suspicions, and other torments from your partner about fidelity can bring the end of your relationship closer.
4 Start doing things for yourself.
To get less distracted by anxious thoughts, try doing things for yourself. For example, start running, find a hobby, or try meditation altogether. At some point, you’ll realize that partner-free time is a perfectly normal situation. Once you get into it, you’ll be able to miss and share the experiences you’ve gained from doing your own thing.
Well, and exercising will make you healthier and more visually appealing, and that will only strengthen your relationship.
5 Don’t forget about trust.
The most effective cure for jealousy is trusting communication. If you’re having trust issues, talk to your girlfriend about it quietly. Share your thoughts and worries with her. Sometimes our partners may not even realize that we are jealous. So it is likely that when they find out about it, they will say, “Well, what are you, or what? I don’t need anyone but you!”
6 Be grateful.
In fact, in small doses, jealousy can even strengthen a relationship. We are against destructive jealousy, which makes it impossible to exist normally in a union with the person you love.
Each partner should be grateful that they have made this particular life choice. After all, there are so many people in the world with whom you can have a relationship, but you chose to be together and remain faithful. That deserves gratitude.
7 Accept your circumstances and think about what to do next
If you have real reasons to be jealous and confirmed facts that make you question your girlfriend’s fidelity, try to approach it with acceptance. The best thing to do is to try to get to the bottom of the problem and work on solving it. That is, think about what to do with your relationship.
Be sure to talk to the girl, share your feelings, understand yourself, whether you can continue to be with her after this or that case.
Once again, note that if your problem is rooted in childhood, see a specialist. There is no need to suppress jealousy, it is necessary to work with it.