5 signs you shouldn’t be jealous of his ex
Distrust, control, questioning, stalking, looking at your phone – all these things can ruin even strong feelings. Think about it, maybe you have no reason to be jealous.
Ivan Bunin could not imagine love without jealousy, and the American journalist Henry Louis Mencken argued that if you “want to keep your husband – make him a little jealous of you, want to lose him – make him a little more jealous of you. There’s nothing wrong with a little flirting on the side.
“Each partner should have a private life,” argues family psychologist Marina Yakuba. – You can not get hung up on each other. Having little secrets from your husband (women’s secrets) is quite natural. Do not confuse this with a constant lie. Yes, you do not have to report and make excuses, but keep in mind that it is only on the trust that you can build a strong marriage. Jealousy arises where there is insecurity. “I became fat, ugly, so he cheats on me.”
And then the person loses control, invents a mythical rival and begins to plague himself. Jealousy is a very emotional state, because the jealous man will try to run into conflict. In the end, what you have predicted and predicted will happen. After all, your suspicions only alienate your loved one, causing irritation and negativity. At such a moment it is easy to find comfort in the arms of another woman. Do not like the scenario that described the psychologist? Then you should stop looking for evidence of his connection with an ex-girlfriend.
Here are 5 signs when your jealousy is unfounded
When you’re having great sex.
If you feel good in bed, then there’s no reason to worry. Yes, there can be loveless sex, but you won’t truly enjoy it. You can only be truly intimate with someone you trust. It’s important not just to have an orgasm. A special pleasure occurs when, after a passionate night you want to cook breakfast beloved, to make him nice.
“If after sex you fall asleep in his arms, and at lunchtime you get a text message from him saying, ‘Missed you,'” says psychologist Marina Yakuba. – At the same time you are happy, then let your feelings and do not think about any treason.
If he behaves naturally at the mention of an ex-girlfriend
Indifference – always a sign of indifference. Any emotion, including negative, – is still a manifestation of feelings. If the memory of his ex-girlfriend changes his mood, it is a reason for jealousy. On the contrary, if none of the muscles on his face did not tremble at the sight of his ex-girlfriend’s photo, accidentally lost in the album, then the fact that a man is committed only to you. The past should not affect the present and future. It so happens that a person experiences several stories of love. But in each one a point must be made. As Robert Rozhdestvensky well said about the first love: “And flew from the past train blind. As if in a long faint, in a snowstorm dived… There is such a station – first love. It’s dark and cold there. I checked.”
If he is ready to be frank with you
When there are too many secrets from your partner (phone and computer blocking, understatement), the more reason to be jealous. Be open.
“Many girls confuse mystery and secrecy,” reasoned Marina Yakuba. – A mystery has to be solved. It’s a kind of game, and it doesn’t build a wall between partners. Loving people should want to be interested in each other, should not be afraid to talk about the intimate, to share what worries them. Also, do not be shy to admit jealousy. On the contrary, frankly discuss the subject with your loved one. This conversation will make it clear whether to continue to play Sherlock Holmes and suspect your partner of infidelity.
If you’re more fantasizing than analyzing
Jealousy is also a fear of losing the person you love. Sometimes the fear that the guy may leave you in a moment, makes you do stupid things. Control and common sense are lost. The jealous man begins to imagine a mythical rival destroying your relationship. He refuses to eat, which means he ate dinner somewhere else. He doesn’t kiss before he leaves – a signal that he doesn’t love you anymore. Cute conversation with a co-worker on the phone – an excuse for a scandal. The scary thing is when in fact these conclusions are false. Refuse to eat because of poor health, and forget to kiss – because of the elementary rush. Well, is it bad when your man is friendly with his coworkers?
“Unsubstantiated jealousy is still most often associated with low self-esteem jealous, – says Marina Yakuba. – Self-confident people will never control their partner, much less dramatize anything. You are beautiful, desirable, unique. And no one can ever take your place. And even if that happens, the one who lost you will regret it. As in the song: “I like to be a string, a string on your guitar. I like to burn, to catch your fingers trembling. I like to be the very first, I like to be the ringing, and you can’t do it without me, you won’t sing your song.”
Feel yourself the very thin and tinkling string.
He never compares you to other women.
Of course, it’s always interesting to know how he lived before he met you. His childhood, youth, school love, student years – all this arouses curiosity. And you vividly imagine that girl, to whom he once ran on a date, as because of her fight with the neighbor boy, as he wrote from the army. A wise woman would see it as the plot of an old movie that she’ll never revisit. A crazy jealous woman will start looking up her ex-girlfriend on social media, comparing her to herself, getting angry looking at her perfect face and long legs (while you are average height with stupid freckles on your cheeks). You forget that he’s always liked your funny cones, your fiery red hair and your witchy foxy eyes.
If a man has never allowed himself to be compared to ex-girlfriends, then why have a ghost contest. Yes, he liked her when she was 18 and he was 21. Now you’re in your 30s. She’s got a husband, two kids and a whole different life that’s not worth peeking at.
“I often observe how women themselves begin to provoke talk about the past – says Marina Yakuba. – In this way they spoil their mood. Don’t. Do not let the stories of bygone days hurt you.
How not to be jealous of a guy to his ex-girlfriend?
How do I stop being jealous of my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend? Fighting jealousy of the past
In relationships between opposite sexes, there are often various difficulties, which sometimes are not so easy to deal with. You can study a man for years, but you will never know exactly how he will act in a certain situation. In fact, it is worth at least a little bit deeper into psychology, and you will realize that men also have their weaknesses and strengths, which are worth talking about. A guy’s ex-girlfriend, who is she?
Many relationships have ended more than once because both partners never learned how to deal with the problem of jealousy of exes. Some girls know how to behave casually even if the ex-girlfriend of the guy spends time in the common company and continues to communicate with him. Others can spend hours pestering their lover with questions about what his ex was like, whether they are in touch and how she was different from her. Some men know how to stop such an empty conversation in time, while others break off the relationship, no longer able to tolerate it.
Have you ever wondered why you feel so negatively about the one you once had with your boyfriend in the past, and why you can’t find the strength to stop wasting your emotions on her? It is actually possible to learn how to control your emotions, it sometimes takes finding the strength and doing some self-management. If you have decided that your silly jealousy spoils your life and your beloved boyfriend, then this article is for you.
Let’s take a detailed look at the main ways to solve this problem , because sometimes it can be difficult to look at yourself from the outside and realize that everything you do is stupid. Jealousy of your ex-girlfriend is most often a real disaster for everyone, because it is a constant nervous tension and emotional outbursts. Follow the following recommendations, and you will be able to solve this problem in the shortest possible time.
1. Look at their communication together . Sometimes you need to look closely at how your loved one communicates with a particular person to understand the heart of the problem. Women often determine the competition or lack thereof, so it is better for you to organize a joint meeting, invite her to visit or appoint some event. You will never be able to get the best clear picture by correspondence on the Internet or on the phone. In any case, you should pay attention to the way they communicate when they meet and how they look at each other. Sometimes it really happens that a guy is flirting with an ex-girlfriend, so you will need to do something decisive here. If you notice that there is nothing between them for a long time, your subconscious will calm down and your emotions will not be so bright anymore.
Pay attention to how often your boyfriend mentions this person. It is possible that he forgot all about her and did not say a word, and you scroll through their past in his head 24 hours a day and then reproach him. If your boyfriend pays you attention, does beautiful things and send all the love to you, then be sure that his thoughts are not currently occupied by his ex. It is possible that the meeting will ask her, but if your loved one will not reciprocate, you have nothing to worry about because they have nothing in common. Do not waste your time on silly worries, if in fact there is no threat to your relationship.
3. find what you like about her and start working on these qualities of character or details of appearance. Sometimes jealousy of a guy’s ex-girlfriend is caused by nothing more than trivial jealousy. It is possible that she has a prettier figure, she tastes better cooking his favorite pie or good in the intimate sphere. Either way, you have to work on what you lack. Once you get to her level or even surpass her in some way, you will immediately realize that now there is no reason for him to go back to her.
4. Learn to heal yourself psychologically . In order to realize the whole point of the problem, sometimes you have to learn to address yourself. “Why am I jealous?”, “What’s in it for me?”, “Doesn’t she enjoy the way I gloat?”. You need to realize that every gust of anger and jealousy you have humiliates you in the eyes of not only the guy you love, but also the girl who is happy for you to treat her this way. Become aware of the fact that your jealousy is only making you worse every day. If the guy you love so much for a long time will observe the decline of your personality, sooner or later he will want to run away to the one who treats rivals more calmly. Your jealousy shows that you’ve been won over, and sometimes that winner doesn’t even put any effort into it.
5. Get busy . Sometimes it also happens that jealousy is the reason for idleness. A girl who is successful in her career or studies, does what she loves and takes care of herself, will suffer from a lack of time, so jealousy will simply not be part of her daily routine. Try to understand that this attitude characterizes you as a successful woman who knows her worth. Find an interesting hobby, spend more time with your girlfriends, sign up for a gym or just visit your family more often, this way you will find new activities, meet interesting people and forget about what jealousy is.
6. Start working on yourself . Psychologists have proved that a girl who is absolutely confident in herself, will not be jealous of the loved one of her former passerby. Of course, the exception is when a guy has an affair and in fact a relationship on the side exists. If the ex-girlfriend and your boyfriend communicate only on business and do not show interest in each other, the problem is in your self-esteem. You need to try to improve your strengths and work on your weaknesses. It is unlikely that you will get rid of jealousy of a long-legged slender ex-girlfriend if you yourself tend to be obese. Sign up for a makeup course, get a new hairstyle, start running in the morning and every day tell yourself that you are the best.
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