How do you respond to insults?

Rudeness at work: how to subdue a rude person

Respond to a coworker’s rudeness in a way that quickly puts him down, preserves your self-esteem and wins in the eyes of your coworkers. This will minimize psychological stress and anxiety.

Hearing rudeness or faced with ignoring personal opinion – some people immediately give an adequate response, while others remain silent. Thus, according to studies by psychophysiologists, the reaction to rudeness is embedded in our genetic code. Therefore, even witnesses of conflicts are stressed – those present recorded short-term weakening of attention and memory.

The victims who do not know how to resist the insults, because they also weaken the immune system, worsen the psychological and physical well-being, plus there are problems in private life, have the hardest time. As the result the most decisive of them, about 10 %, quit their jobs in unfavorable collectives.

Coach-psychologist of “Format Management” agency Inna Butenko listed four main reasons for harsh verbal outbursts.

First, the child grew up in an atmosphere of rudeness, humiliation and scandals. Since childhood, he heard his parents insulting each other, in addition, he experienced their constant irritation, anger and beatings. Over the years, boys and girls adopt the adult style of communication, consider it the norm and translate it to others.

The second, underestimated self-esteem (it is formed in the family and at school). Children quickly learn that they can assert their status in their own eyes and in relationships with their peers with angry remarks and even physical force. It should be noted that such a habit remains for life.

Third, there were failures in their personal lives, careers, and unrealized dreams.

Fourth, temporary difficulties which take a lot of strength to overcome. Man frazzled and irritated, so snapping at everyone who gets under the hot hand.

After listening to the psychologist’s theses on the causes of rudeness, I had the impression that the unfortunate insolent should be hugged and cried. Probably, most of us would do the same. However, the damage done to others is so great that we forget about pity.

In teams, where rough treatment and humiliation of employees is allowed, hidden work is sabotaged, and at home, victims of attacks broadcast their bad moods on people close to them (Take a test for conflict in the team)

If you say nothing in response to rudeness of the employee, the verbal attacks are sure to repeat and over time, such behavior becomes a habit, besides the number of aggressors in the team will increase. Therefore, provide decent feedback right away. But avoid the bazaar principle: who shouts the loudest and most inconsiderate, and he is right – this kind of tactics will only lead to an escalation of the conflict.

Imagine the situation: walking through town, you hear a sarcastic remark from a drunken citizen or a drug addict. Naturally, most of us pass by such an individual without turning our heads. At work, in most cases, this technique also works well, that is, it allows you to show that the attacker and his words are nothing. As a result, the attacks come to naught, which helps save nerves and your own dignity. There are several proven non-verbal methods of ignoring.

Examples of non-verbal responses to rudeness. It is possible to demonstrate to a co-worker that you do not see him point-blank, even when it comes to carrying out joint tasks, that is, you have to communicate. Make it simple enough – master a few non-verbal techniques.

Always look solely over the head of the subject (during the morning greeting and office dialogues), pass him quickly. This tactic is extremely unpleasant for any of us.

In business conversations, “close up” – cross your arms over your chest or (if sitting) put your foot on your leg – this technique works without fail on a subconscious level.

Show that you are very busy – to quickly end the conversation, pick up the phone and pretend to dial the number of the caller (you can even leave the general office).

Respond to snide remarks with an arrogant eyebrow raise.

Tip. If you see that the person wants to reconcile, stop the stiff ignoring, but for a while longer be restrained.

Change the attitude by using praise. After all, positive emotions are more effective than appeals to reason, in addition, encourage correct behavior, so that you listen to kind words more often.

Examples of situations and phrases to respond to rudeness. If an individual makes angry remarks about you, use simple manipulative sentences:

  • “Rudeness does not add credibility even to a competent professional such as yourself.”
  • “Insults are unbecoming of a good person like you.”

A coworker came back from a supervisor in a bad mood and began to take his bitterness out on you. Kindly say:

  • “How can I help you, so I don’t have the pleasure of hearing inappropriate remarks.”
  • “There are difficulties at work, but you will definitely do well.”

A colleague is having problems (with family, children or health), so he gets agitated and annoyed about everything, and he doesn’t realize how aggressive he is. In this case, ask: “Do you hear yourself and understand how this is seen by others”?

For some unknown reason, the person makes angry insults. Calmly say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear what you said, I think you misspoke.

If there is a manipulator in the team, then peacefully rephrase his words, with the first part of the sentence sounding like:

  • “You probably meant to say…”;
  • “Justify your message…”.

Learn to keep your composure (even if only superficially) if you hear rudeness or sarcastic barbs directed at you. Be sure to try to reproduce the indifference on the face and intonation. Ask, shall I say, an elegant question, which will help reduce the level of insolence of the employee.

Examples of situations and phrases for responding to rudeness. You walk into the office in the morning and literally immediately hear the unceremonious treatment. Smile affably and fend off the attack: “And you have a (great) day. Believe me: any normal person will immediately lose the desire to be rude.

A co-worker in a bad mood and starts to take it out on you. Calmly look him in the eye and ask: “Why are you shouting at me? In most cases, the opponent immediately becomes uncomfortable – he calms down. If this doesn’t happen, ask another question (any question, depending on the situation):

  • “Do you intend to offend me, why?”
  • “Are you having a tough day?”
  • “Do you want to vent your bad mood”?

Then listen to his tirade and say, “Is that all?

It is considered impolite to answer a question with a question. Although in circumstances where you are being rude and have to defend yourself, it’s a perfectly acceptable tactic. Compel the interlocutor, and time after time to specify and clarify their messages.

Examples of situations and phrases to respond to rudeness. You’ve done a good job, but a colleague in an elevated tone begins to lecture, and his comments are devoid of objectivity. Immediately delicately block the unauthorized creeps with a retort:

  • “Thanks for the advice, but don’t worry about the results of my work.”
  • “Don’t bother with recommendations.”
  • “Thank you, I’ll take care of it myself.”
  • “Kindly do not interfere with my direction.”

Tip. Avoid the usual line, “None of your business.” Soften the wording and inquire correctly, for example: “Excuse me, but are you relevant to this area of work?” And the word combination: “It’s my business” – forget it (it makes you the center of the conflict).

Senior in age, but not in rank, you begin to examine and evaluate, say, prepared by the report or report. From the get-go, ask:

  • “Why did you choose to test my knowledge and skills?”
  • “On what basis are you using mentoring techniques?”

If a colleague or even a supervisor switches to shouting, immediately ask:

  • “Why do you raise your voice”; “Why do you allow yourself to speak so loudly.”
  • “Your line sounds very rude. You would like it if I addressed you the same way.”
  • “What makes you say things like that to me.”
  • “Why did my words irritate you so much?”

There are times when an employee begins to “spew venom” for people who seem to be offended by you. At the top of his voice, he tells you how you did the wrong thing to a third person who was not present during the conversation. In that case, briefly summarize:

Examples of response phrases to this type of rudeness:

  • “Why are you accusing me of an unethical act in a barefaced way?”
  • “Claims against me should be made solely by the person you say is hurt.”
  • “You have decided to take on the function of an umpire.”
  • “If you wish, you can write a report to our supervisor – the superiors will sort out who is right and who is wrong.”

Important: even if the unsubstantiated accusations are very offensive – don’t explain anything, don’t provide evidence and don’t make excuses.

This method is great for people with a choleric temperament, and those who are not looking for a word in the pocket. Start skirmish – it will help blow off steam, and you and your opponent. You may even win a long-term victory and discourage further contact with you. And even more importantly, the remaining employees (witnesses of the scandal) will properly select the words and intonation when communicating, because you also in their eyes become a boor.

When parrying rudeness remember that the main impression on the aggressor produce not your words, and the manner of behavior, that is, self-confidence and equanimity

Coach-psychologist of the agency “Format Management” Inna Butenko: “If a person resorts to insults and raise your voice, it is a sign of low self-esteem and / or lack of valid arguments. Accordingly, respond to rudeness to the extent lenient, but be sure to provide the individual with adequate feedback.

Confront the rudeness and insolence of a colleague with complete outward indifference.

Contain nervous tension (read: how to quickly calm down), because when an aggressive interlocutor sees someone else’s excitement, he is encouraged and continues to harass.

Don’t raise your voice or get personal – your intonation should be very restrained to avoid an altercation.

Do not “feed” the scandal with your emotional statements.

Do not make excuses – this is perceived as doubts about your own strength and professionalism. In addition, it shows your inflated sense of duty and possibly guilt.

Don’t allow facts to be twisted – interrupt the conversation immediately and correct the employee. You can reinforce your words with a non-verbal device, such as shaking your head.

Do not wait until the flow of eloquence in the rude person runs out. As he begins to repeat his arguments, say, “I heard you. Then add: “Now play your tone and words in the presence of the head”, – or say that you will write a report to the Chief.

And most importantly, in all situations, maintain a sense of your own confidence.

How to respond to insults wittily?

The ability to stand up for yourself in a verbal battle is very useful in the most unexpected moments of life. But in this situation it is difficult to find the words when we are lost, and witty answers come to mind only at home. Especially for this, we have compiled examples of beautiful insults. How to morally crush your opponent without foul language, but with sarcasm and elegant insults?

To do this, keep a list of words, and then reread from time to time. A couple of apt expressions will help shut the mouth of any insolent or joker.

1. Let’s act like adults so you don’t look pathetic.

6. You joke too flat for your big weight.

7. You’re just like a human anecdote. Really unfortunate.

8. I don’t even know how to help you. Should I give you the empty bottles?

9. You don’t look or think straight, either. Were you drunk last night?

14. You can’t make words into sentences.

15. Check the connection between your tongue and your brain.

16. You seem to be a dead-end branch of evolution.

17. Amazing. You answer questions you weren’t asked with brilliance.

18. Are you ignoring common sense on principle?

19. I never argue with idiots.

20. Don’t go on. I get that you’re a jerk and a loser.

21. I’m not going to make fun of you, but I see that nature’s been mercilessly mucking about.

22. You didn’t have the wit or the intelligence.

23. Are you always this nasty, or are you just having a flare-up today?

24. I gotta go. I’ll leave you and your shit alone.

25. Your horoscope says you’re a loser? It just seems like it.

26. Anybody can insult you, but not everybody can answer back.

27. You’re not pretty enough to be rude to anyone.

28. I don’t know what you eat, but that makes you a stupid and unpleasant person.

29. Who cares if you have a bad life?

30. Don’t try to answer insults wittily. Don’t say anything, you’ll pass for clever.

31. I would fight you in an intellectual battle, but I see you come unarmed.

32. Do you know what a knockout is? You’re five seconds away from it.

33. You don’t have to spew shit out of yourself. Keep it to yourself.

34. I don’t hit animals. So get out of here.

35. Are the doors open at the zoo, now that you’re here?

36. Take it easy. I don’t care about you.

44. Don’t whine here. Go complain to your mother or a psychiatrist.

45. Roll your opinion up into a tube and shove it back where it came from.

46. Your low level of intelligence discourages me from discussing anything further with you.

47. Evolution has passed you by.

48. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Neither did I.

49. If I call you dumb, but that wouldn’t be news to you?

50. I don’t care about the opinion of the stupid proletariat.

53. Why break the silence if your words don’t embellish it.

54. Don’t stink in here. Get back in the sewer.

55. I can’t hurt you any more than nature has done to you.

56. As our dear boss says, if a man is an idiot, it’s for the long haul.

57. Make this world a better place. Just disappear.

58. Don’t try to say something clever. You’re no good at it.

59. You’re too ridiculous to make a big deal out of yourself.

60. A sharp tongue doesn’t mean a sharp mind.

61. Stop setting records for human stupidity.

62. I can imagine your parents’ disappointment when you grew up.

63. I’m too busy to talk to people who need doctor’s help.

64. I’m allergic to the stupid and stupid. Step away from me.

66. The goose is no friend of the pig. I’m out of here.

67. Stupidity is not a crime. Don’t be ashamed of your vices.

68. Let’s play hide-and-seek and I’ll never see you again.

69. I hope your day is as horrible as you are.

70. Thought Neanderthals were extinct. Amazing.

71. I’m not arguing. I’m explaining why you’re wrong.

72. Not every gray mass has intelligence.

73. I’m too busy. Can I ignore you another time?

74. It’s so boring and I’m more interested when you finally shut up.

75. Do you have a tiny penis because your tongue is so long?

76. It’s amazing that pimples look better on your face than you do yourself.

77. Is that the best you can do? I’m disappointed.

78. Your breath smells bad. Don’t open it.

79. I am beyond your comprehension.

80. I suggest you use your head more often. It helps.

81. Do you like acting and talking like a fool?

82. Do you try to respond to insults with wit? Your attempts to assert yourself are ridiculous.

83. Judging by your development, you didn’t even go to school.

84. Your thinking and reasoning is more primitive than the last blonde.

85. If I promise I’ll miss you, will you go away?

86. In a zombie apocalypse you would be safe.

87. You have a very contraceptive appearance.

88. You can get clever words, but still remain dumb.

89. It’s better to crouch in a corner, and there moan and weep.

90. You’re out of your league to argue with your elders. Get out of here.

92. You got a whole sperm count on you for nothing.

93. Sorry, but the doctor told me to stay away from stupid people.

94. Nerve cells, like teeth, don’t regenerate. Be careful.

95. I think your ass is jealous of the shit your mouth produces.

96. You have the perfect face for plastic surgery.

97. It’s a good thing you don’t like me. Everyone can’t have good taste.

98. You think too primitive and trivial.

99. You’d better worry not about your extra weight, but about your low intelligence.

100. My sarcasm is a reaction to stupid people like you.

101. The hardest thing in life is listening to the shit that comes out of your mouth.

102. Your face looks like an ass. It’s like talking to an ass.

103. Loudness of speech cannot compensate for a low level of intelligence.

106. Your right to your opinion doesn’t obligate you to listen to the bullshit of others.

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