15 ways to repair a relationship doomed to break up
Even the most loving and friendly partners quarrel – few relationships have no problems at all. To build a healthy bond, both companions need to give it their all – especially if at least one of them has exhausted the credit of trust. Let’s figure out how to get the relationship back on track, and share 15 ways to do it.
What to do if you consider each other unreliable
After breaking agreements, broken promises, or even treason, there is often one desire: to leave, sending your partner far away. This is a natural reaction to what is happening, but in some cases, do not break communications without understanding the situation. Here’s what both partners should do in such a case.
Take responsibility for the misconduct.
The person who has broken trust should acknowledge that they have hurt their loved one. Clinical psychologist Stone Kraushaar advises in such cases not to be defensive and not to make excuses. Instead, it is better to confess everything honestly and offer a solution to the situation.
Give your partner a second chance
Relevant for those who have been deceived. Kraushaar notes that in such cases, people feel resentment and anger – this is normal. The main thing is not to let emotions get in the way of working on the relationship. Try to talk about the problem more often, but don’t dwell on the past: that way you can heal faster.
If you can not forgive your partner – remember that you have every right to do so. The main thing is not to walk away if you haven’t dealt with the situation completely. This advice applies only to cases in which there was no place for manipulation and physical violence: in such circumstances, you need to cut ties without any explanation.
Practice radical transparency
Instead of holding back your emotions, be honest about everything you feel when thinking about the situation. Don’t be shy about admitting unpleasant facts and experiences – this way you’ll get the relationship back on track faster. Talk about what prompted one of the partners to break the agreement, but try not to be judgmental.
Show caring instead of self-injurious behavior.
When a person hurts their partner, they most often want to punish themselves. In this way, the guilty party falls into a circle of shame and complete disappointment in himself, and this is unlikely to help repair the relationship.
Instead, try together with your partner to take care of each other as much as you can. At first, this will be difficult to do, especially if you are driven by anger, sadness, discouragement. Do not forget to talk your feelings, but try not to drown in them completely.
What to do if you are tired of the long distance relationship
It is one thing if you do not see each other for a couple of weeks. It is quite another when the count goes on for months and even years. During such periods, separated partners often think that they are wasting time on something that is not worthy of attention. Here’s how to deal with negative thoughts.
Don’t get your hopes up
Discuss what is going on and set boundaries that you promise not to cross. Some people agree to date others while they are apart, considering a long-distance partner paramount. Others don’t allow themselves to talk to potential lovers and cherish privacy. These are all varieties of the norm, and it is up to you to decide how your relationship will develop.
Try to give an approximate term for a long-distance relationship. There are couples who live like this for years, but more often people either move in together or break up.
Visit each other regularly.
This is the key to a successful long-distance relationship. Feel free to turn meetings into a unique event: that way you show that you care about the connection. If there is no opportunity to visit each other in person, make up for it with other pleasant surprises.
Make time for online dating
Don’t forget to call on Zoom to watch a movie together, cook a meal without turning off video chat; play your favorite computer game or even read aloud in turn.
Don’t get hung up on your partner.
No matter how much you love each other, don’t forget about other areas of life: that way you’ll be able to survive the separation. In addition, staying on the same page with your friends from the outside, you will not get lost in the interests of your partner and do not become dependent on him.
How to warm up to each other after starting life together
The first months after moving are fraught with a lot of stress: partners get used to the habits of the other person; put up with the fact that their personal space has become smaller. We figure out what to do so that there is no desire to give up trying to live together.
Plan weekly family meetings
Meet in a relaxed setting to discuss difficult topics that are bothering you: budget, sex, trust. By keeping them quiet, you risk worsening the relationship or even ruining it permanently.
Learn to respect personal space
Sometimes living together leads to co-dependency: partners all the time under one roof, and the boundaries gradually and imperceptibly erase. To avoid this happening – agree on a separate time. Perhaps the partner would like to be home more often in solitude – for this you can stay at the gym longer. Or you miss going out with your girlfriends – explain to your partner that you need to spend time with someone other than him.
Remember to be tactile.
A common problem with people who move in together is a lack of intimacy. Sometimes they don’t understand why they need to pet or hug their partner, since it can be done at any time. Make it a rule to hold hands or, say, kiss, leaving for work. Tactile contact increases oxytocin levels, which helps counteract stress.
It’s hard to go back to hugging after a fight, when the partners are sick of even looking at each other. In that case, try to sit in silence, holding hands – this will show that you still care about the relationship, no matter what.
Don’t get carried away with romance.
Not the most obvious advice, but it will help to perceive your partner for who he is. Romance in a long relationship often hinges on long-standing memories of the candy-boquetal period. The truth is that you and your partner are changing, which means you should let go of the illusions of the past.
Instead, try to get to know each other better. You may have to fundamentally change the idea of your connection – but you’ll stay on the same page.
What to do if you don’t feel a return from your partner
Sometimes the companion may not show love in the usual ways, flaunting the relationship or investing in household chores. Perhaps he does not have time for close communication now – find out about it by talking to him honestly.
Even after a thorough and long talk about what’s going on sometimes feels like you’ve been cheated, but it does not mean that your relationship is doomed. Here’s how to look at the relationship from a different angle.
Pay attention to the positives
Spend a week noticing what your partner does the way you asked. This will help you realize that the guy isn’t as bad as you thought. The same applies to your date.
Learn to be thankful for the little things.
Being in a long relationship or living together, we take care and kind gestures for granted. Instead, try thanking each other for any helpful actions, whether it’s cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen or doing the laundry.
Forget about the routine for a while.
Relevant for workaholics. Relationship expert Sophia Czajkowska reminds us that a commitment to a relationship is just as important as a focus on productive work.
Even a couple or three hours spent with your partner can breathe life into a relationship. Cling to any opportunity to be together: get out for lunch during work in a favorite cafe, pick up rum-boxes in the evenings instead of scrolling through a feed on social networks, walk through the park on the way home. If you can’t give each other bodily contact – think about how to take care of each other emotionally.
How to rebuild a relationship after a serious fight
A few ways to get back to normal after an argument and make contact with each other.
Arguments and disagreements are part of any relationship. We are all entitled to a personal opinion. Healthy competition in the family, at work, among friends, etc. helps to strengthen bonds if it doesn’t escalate into war and hurt. A quarrel for normal people is an opportunity to take a step back and see the problem through their opponent’s eyes and then find a compromise and return to a happy equilibrium.
Sometimes, however, it is easier said than done. When the ego comes into play, reconciliation is much harder. Even if you and your partner come to an agreement, a serious fight can jeopardize the relationship. It can take time to restore romance and affection. Here are some effective tips to help restore harmony after the “big fight.”
How to get back on track
When you have an unhappy, unhealthy relationship in which resentment and anger have been building up inside for years, a big fight makes it clear that it’s time to end it.
But if people start breaking up after every fight, everyone will be left alone, so let’s assume that you have an otherwise healthy union and you just need to get rid of the effects of a recent battle. Here are a few ways to get back to normal after the fight is over.
1. Don’t get heated.
When the dust has settled, emotions may continue to rage. You may be tempted to throw a few passive-aggressive last-minute punches – you may want to prove a point or just get revenge.
Either way, these jabs, no matter how innocuous they may seem to you, will only add fuel to the fire.
Even when they are disguised as jokes. For a while after a fight, you both remain over-sensitive – as they say, on edge – and your partner may misunderstand your humor.
Here is what psychologists say about this: “Humor can help overcome any problems in a relationship, but only when both partners understand it. It is important to be sensitive to the other person.
If he is unlikely to appreciate a joke, don’t say anything or do anything, even if it is, in your opinion, “funny. When jokes are one-sided rather than mutual, they undermine trust. Be cautious until things are back to normal-that’s better than escalating the fight.”
2. Spread out in the corners.
Give yourself and your partner space. After the “fight,” you may need some time alone to think, recover, and heal. At such times, it is best not to be around until most of the negative emotions have dissipated.
However, there are times when one partner needs to be alone and the other does not. This can be unnerving. Here are important things to keep in mind:
- Avoid intrusiveness: when your partner wants privacy, don’t cling to it. It’s nice to have a loved one around, but not right now. The time he or she will spend thinking about it can strengthen the relationship in the long run, and pestering will only make things worse. You both need a break;
- think: use the time apart to focus on your own thoughts and feelings. Cautious introspection will help you overcome anger. Allow your emotions to subside and try to understand your partner;
- Refrain from punishment: if you feel that you can have a civilized conversation, and your partner is not ready, respect that. Don’t take his irritation and withdrawal from communication personally and don’t refuse to see him later as punishment.
Avoid cold feet and long silences.
It is important to choose the right moment to talk. In this case, people need to cool down and think things through. You don’t want to discuss anything while the person you are talking to is excited and negative.
Even the phrase “I’m sorry, I was a jerk!” will not end the argument. If you both haven’t cooled down enough, you’ll hear “Yes, I was!” in response, and the fight will flare up all over again. Leave your partner alone – just assure them that you love them, and everything will be fine.
Emotional support is essential. Let your loved one know that you are having a hard time being apart and he is very important to you. Neglecting him after a fight will only make things worse. If you can’t act like you normally do, ask for more time to get back to normal.
4- Communicate productively.
It’s a cliché, but communication is the key to any relationship. To get back on track, constructively, it’s important to understand and communicate how you feel about the situation.
Even if you don’t know how you feel, you can’t keep your partner in the dark. It’s hard to communicate honestly and calmly after an argument, but try your best to be frank. If partners don’t know what to expect from each other, they create an unhealthy atmosphere of miscommunication and provoke disaster.
Once you both calm down, try to have a calm conversation with the goal of fixing the messed up relationship. At this point, avoid renewed arguments and mutual blame shifting. Remember: you are both on the same side and don’t want to hurt each other.
How to behave in the future
Difference of opinion is the cause of most quarrels. It is only natural that you and your partner do not agree on everything. A mature way to deal with differences is to appreciate the other person’s point of view rather than rejecting it. When the rage subsides and you both feel it’s time to discuss the conflict in more detail, be mindful of a few things to avoid opening recent wounds.
1. relinquish the need to be right.
Accept responsibility for upsetting your loved one. Explain your point of view calmly, but for the sake of continued well-being, give up the need to prove yourself right.
It always takes two to tango. Even if the conflict was not your fault, you probably played a role in it. Perhaps you said or did something that unsettled a potentially unstable situation. After finding out the reason, confess it to your partner.
A sincere, heartfelt apology is one of the basic and easiest things to help resolve conflict. You always know inwardly when you are wrong, and admitting your mistakes is a sign of courage, not weakness.
If the disagreement was your fault, let your partner know that you are wrong and you are sorry. It’s hard to put your feelings into words – learn some “cute ways to apologize and make your loved one smile.” When the equation is reversed, your partner will surely follow suit.
2. Don’t go into a “protective stance.”
This goes hand in hand with the above. If your behavior has made your partner feel a certain way, give up the need to justify and defend yourself by justifying your own behavior. This encourages the argument to continue.
Accept your opponent’s feelings and consider the bigger picture. If you really feel the need to clarify why you behaved a certain way, do it later when things settle down.
Psychologists give another great tip: Accept the fact that the relationship may take time to fully heal and make up your mind about your position. This applies to both parties.
When coming to an agreement, set boundaries and rules for the future. As you reflect on the “fight,” think about what you personally might do differently next time. The University of Texas Mental Health Center has developed a “fighting methodology.” Here are a few basics:
- Address only one issue at a time. Don’t bring up another topic until the one before it has been fully discussed. This avoids the “kitchen sink” effect, where people pile up all their complaints without allowing anything to be resolved;
- don’t hit “below the belt.” Attacking personal feelings and pressing on any “sore spot” creates an atmosphere of distrust, betrayal, anger and vulnerability;
- Avoid attacks and accusations. They will make the opponent focus on defending rather than understanding your position. Instead, talk about how you feel about yourself.
3 Be kind.
Forcing something is rarely productive. Knowing the rule, some people resort to the principle of “fake it till you make it.”
It works in the process of figuring things out, but then both sides get caught in the middle. Your opponent will realize the falsity and stop trusting you. Don’t be deceitful, just be kind and caring toward each other.
Think about the good times. Show some love and tenderness by sharing nice words and actions.
Hostility and resentment often arise in relationships when one or both parties feel unappreciated or unloved. Small displays of affection, such as a slight hug when you leave the house in the morning, or sending an unanswered “I love you” text message, any little thing can make a difference.
The rule may not work if you really don’t get along. But it’s a good place to start if you’re feeling “stuck.” A little kindness will serve as a reminder that you care about each other. You don’t have to pretend like nothing happened; it’s just a little nudge in the right direction.
4. Talk to a professional.
If you’re really having trouble looking each other in the eye, then the conflict isn’t over. In this case, it is better to talk to a professional. A marriage counselor or psychotherapist will help you understand your feelings and deal with them in one way or another.
Read publications beforehand about how to choose a family therapist and what to expect when you start seeing one.
Understand, no relationship is immune to storms and turmoil. The wise thing to do is to prepare to face these storms and work on building a strong bond that can survive the worst setbacks.
If your relationship is going through a rough patch, it’s hard to come out of a bad situation, rebalance and get back to where you were. Residual anger and unresolved issues destroy the foundations of your intimacy.
With each small and big fight, the distance between you increases, eventually the gap becomes so wide that it cannot be ignored. In order to move forward, it is important to reconnect after each “battle.”
The first step in resolving conflict is to recognize that disputes are part of any relationship. This ensures that you never let a disagreement ruin your union in any way, and a quarrel, no matter how big and unpleasant, is just a pothole in the road.