How do you put a manipulative man in his place?

How to put the place of a man of manipulation – in simple words

Hello, everyone. Today I will tell you how to put the man of manipulation in his place. After reading the article to the end, you can easily save yourself from manipulation and it will be simply impossible to influence you. I will share with you a 100% effective method of protection from toxic men. Let’s not procrastinate, go straight into action.

How to put a man in place a manipulator – a guide from “A” to “Z”

Manipulation is an indirect way of getting what you want, unnoticed by those around you.

Why do people manipulate each other in the first place? – They are afraid.

The person who manipulates is afraid to act directly. The marketer who manipulates the customer is afraid that he will not sell his “unique” product directly. The teacher who manipulates students in school is afraid that without manipulation her subject and herself will not be listened to. Because her lesson is boring and uninteresting.

The same goes for people who are in a relationship. If partners in a couple manipulate each other, they are convinced that there is no other way to solve problems.

Remember: Manipulators are weak people. A strong person always acts directly.

People always manipulate at the expense of basic emotions, namely shame, guilt, and fear.

First, let’s break down the classic “love” manipulation, Closer to Far.

Manipulation – the love pendulum

You begin to build a close relationship with a man, and then what happens is this: he is located to you, says he loves you, shows his attention, and after a while removes and takes a step back. And then he steps forward again and loves you. Man arranges a kind of “love swing,” you sway emotionally, alternating between cold and warm attitude.

This is the most banal and really working technique for falling in love. But what it fundamentally rests on – right, on a sense of fear.

The first fear is not to be accepted by a man. How is it like this, he kind of loved me, gave me warmth, care, and now he has drifted away, he does not accept me? – This is a fear. Add to this the fear of loneliness. It is inherent in most people, and many tolerate all sorts of scum, just to not stay alone.

How do you fight it? Remember, you should always be mutual with your partner. If he is good to you, then you tell him in return. But if he for some reason decided to turn cold and starts to move away, then turn on a cold response and you themselves begin to alienate him.

People make the mistake of starting to chase those who are alienating them. You can’t do that, so you encourage your partner’s negative behavior. The man disappears and does not get in touch? Great, also disappear and disappear from his radar, and better forever (we’ll talk about this later).

Now we’ve taken apart one of the most basic manipulations in the love game. Now I’ll take apart the manipulations that are global and not directly related to relationships. But the principles of influencing people are the same everywhere.

Guilt-based manipulation

In Russia there is a whole industry of business beggars. Not everyone knows, but begging on the streets is a business (and criminal) with its own branches, managers and employees. Not only that, but a huge part of the people who beg are slaves. In the literal sense of the word.

And some of the beggars are maimed on purpose, so that they collect more cash. In general, 99% of all those who ask you for money in the subway, at train stations, or any other public place are a criminal network.

This business exists because of guilt. This is pure manipulation. A cripple enters the subway car and asks for money, and if the person doesn’t give it to him, he feels bad, he thinks to himself, “I did a bad thing. But if he gives money, then I am a good guy. And in order to feel good internally, people contribute to the prosperity of the criminal business. This is a standard example of manipulation with guilt.

But people use this weakness of the human psyche not only to make money; in a romantic relationship, they try to play on the same strings. Let’s look at an example.

Example: One partner says to the other, “You do not love me! If you did, you would behave differently” is pure guilt manipulation.

It is the manipulation of “You don’t love me” that is very popular. That is, you are not directly told that you have acted so-and-so and the person didn’t like it, they are trying to make you feel guilty that you don’t really love, but only pretend since you are behaving that way. This is a great way for the manipulator to avoid responsibility and shift it to you.

Let’s take another example of manipulation. You went on vacation with your girlfriends, you come home, and the man says to you, “I work so hard, I do so much, and you’re resting and walking around” – this is also manipulation with guilt. It’s like he’s telling you between the lines: feel guilty, let your conscience torment you. And don’t go out with your girlfriends again.

How do you fight it? So that you can not do this trick, more often analyze your emotions. Always ask yourself the question: “What am I feeling now, and why? If it’s guilt, where did it come from and how was I made to feel guilty?”

Remember, if the person is not manipulative, you will never feel guilty around him, he won’t allow it. But if you have this unpleasant feeling during communication, it is manipulation. Understanding that you are being manipulated already changes your behavior.

Manipulation with shame

We have been manipulated by these techniques since childhood, at school we are told, “How are you not ashamed to behave this way in class. “How are you not ashamed to do that,” etc.

We were constantly being inculcated with a sense of shame, but in fact, these “shame on you” words are manipulation. We were forced to do things we didn’t want to do, trying to shame us. And a person starts doing these damned lessons, not because he’s interested, but because he’s afraid of being shamed or scolded. That kind of negative motivation, then it’s no wonder people don’t like to learn.

Let’s take the manipulation of shame as an example. This manipulation is often used by abusers who want to undermine your abilities and talents.

For example, they may say, “Are you thinking of taking this job? Aren’t you ashamed to be in that position?”

The very fact that you can be financially independent scares the abuser. He fears that you can be better than him, so any attempts to succeed will be nipped in the bud by the toxic man.

Read on the same topic: Signs of a toxic relationship with a man – in simple words (Opens in a new tab)

Or a male abuser might say the following: “You think you can take this position? Ha, not funny, you overestimate yourself.”

The purpose of any manipulation of shame is to diminish your dignity.

How to fight it? It is better to reduce communication with such people to nothing. Fighting manipulators who are trying to make you feel ashamed is like fighting against the wind. Stupid, pointless and useless. The fool will always defeat you in his field. So it’s better to just stop communicating and send them away for a long time.

Manipulation “double message”.

This is a manipulation when the spoken words do not coincide with the intonation and facial expressions of the speaker. For example, the phrase: “Go where you want” may be said that just try to go somewhere now, I’ll take offense. That is, in words a person says one thing, but with his intonation he demonstrates “just try to do this. This is the real manipulation, which is also based on guilt.

How do you fight it? Uncover the manipulation. Make it from veiled to overt. For example you are told, “Go where you want,” immediately say, “And why are you talking in that tone, you’re obviously not going to be happy if I do that. Maybe what you really want me to do is different.” The most important thing here is to uncover the manipulation and expose the double meaning of what is being said. Then the manipulation begins to lose its power.

How to get rid of a manipulator – instructions for use

The only way to get rid of a manipulator is to break off any kind of relationship with him once and for all.

A very popular query on the Internet is “How to outmaneuver a manipulator?” People are very interested to know this. But my dear girls, the manipulator does not need to be outplayed, this is a very energetically costly and stupid thing to do. If you start playing on his field, you will be outplayed.

It’s like playing chess with a pigeon, he will take down all the pieces, shit the board and fly to tell everyone how he did you. So the only true solution – is to say goodbye and wave a handkerchief.

In my environment there are no manipulators, because in life I adhere to the following rule:

Rule #1 Communicate only with those I like and don’t communicate with those I don’t.

A very simple and cool rule. I do not like interacting with manipulators, so they are not in my environment and the question “How to behave with a manipulator” does not arise. That’s how simple it is. If you take it to heart, you will never have toxic people in your life.

Additionally, I want to share with you another one of my rules.

Rule #2: I’m always right.

No matter what I do, no matter how I act or behave, I am always right. At first it may seem that you can’t go far with this philosophy of life, because then how do you learn from mistakes? But this rule does not deny the existence of mistakes and learning from them. This belief allows you to always feel comfortable and not to blame yourself for something.

For example, if you rudely told off a person who was trying to get on your nerves, you were right; if you told your boss what you thought of him, you were right; and so on.

If any pattern of behavior was ineffective, you simply replace it with a new one by analyzing the mistakes. But the moment the action was taken, you were right!

To a person with this philosophy of life it is impossible to inculcate guilt or shame. You are always right, you were told the wrong thing when they tried to convince you otherwise.

Think back to some of the things you’ve done or situations you’ve faced in your life, especially those that were frowned upon by the public. And you were right. Do you know why I am so sure you are right? Because the concept of “right” or “wrong” is very subjective and abstract.

People say you’re wrong not because it’s true, but because it goes against their interests. This is important to keep in mind.

Accordingly, when you were told that what you did was “wrong”, the situation was actually as follows: you did what was good for you, but someone did not like it, or it was against their interests, and they tried to instill guilt and show you that what you did was “wrong”. But for yourself you were right.

Listen only to your inner voice and stop feeling guilt and shame, then the manipulation will not work on you.

Conclusion

I think we have closed the question: how to put the place of the man of manipulation. Now you can easily identify a manipulator and fight effectively with him. Also, you know a 100% effective method of protection from toxic people – just stop talking to them. And that’s it for me.

If you liked this article – share it with your friends on social networks. If you still have questions about the topic – write them in the comments.

10 phrases that will put the manipulator in his place

Incredible facts

It’s easy to spot a manipulator just by listening to how you feel.

You have an unpleasant feeling that tells you to pay attention to the words and actions of the person trying to play on your feelings.

Psychological manipulation is the abuse of one’s influence through distortion and emotional exploitation with the intent to gain power, control, or gain benefits and privileges at the expense of the victim.

Signs of a manipulator

Unlike healthy interactions between people, where there is a mutual exchange, in manipulation, one person uses the other to his or her advantage.

Most manipulators are distinguished by certain characteristics:

  • Putting their needs before yours.

Putting their feelings before yours.

Tell you what you need to do.

Feed on experiences and strong emotions.

Want to make you feel guilty.

Know how to bring out your weaknesses.

Once they know about them, they use your weaknesses against you.

Through cunning machinations, they convince you to give up something to satisfy their selfish interests.

At work, in the family, and in other situations, the manipulator uses you to his advantage, he will repeat his actions until you put an end to it.

The manipulator’s favorite weapons are complaints, comparisons, lies, denials, accusations, blackmail, devaluing, forgetting, flattery, and gifts .

Manipulators make you feel guilty with phrases such as, “And that is after all I have done for you.

You may be compared to someone else: “Even this or that person does… “

Classic tricks can be threats or accusations like, “You only think of yourself,” “At your age you won’t meet anyone else if you leave me,” or playing the victim, “Without you I’ll die.”

Whatever the reasons for this behavior, it is not easy to be the victim of such hidden aggression. So how do you stand up to a manipulator and put an end to their influence?

How to stand up to a manipulator

Here are a few phrases that will help you put the manipulator in his place:

© pecaphoto77/Getty Images Pro

1. No

“No” is a powerful word if you use it without continuing. The problem is that we often accompany rejection with a reason or an apology for doing something one way or another.

Some people often act as if they have some right to ask and demand something from others, especially if they are used to you agreeing all the time.

In fact, you don’t have to do everything that is asked of you, and you don’t have to make excuses for your refusal to the manipulator.

2. I need you to .

I need you to stop insulting me and talk to me respectfully/quietly.

I need you to take care of it yourself.

When you say “I need” to a manipulator, you firmly and confidently reject his tactics.

This response allows you to deny him his wants and replaces it with a phrase that tells him what your needs are.

3. It would be better for me if .

This is another way to state your needs and say no to the manipulator. When you are dealing with these kinds of people, it is best to try to focus on your own needs.

4. step back.

Manipulators often use emotional and physical intimidation to get what they need.

If they start resorting to this, they expect you to listen to their commands and demands. You can bring the person out and confuse them with this phrase.

If the manipulator starts approaching you or asking too much, ask them to step back, literally or figuratively, to set boundaries.

5. We’ll talk when you calm down.

© Milkos/Getty Images Pro

This phrase works if the manipulator starts to create too much tension and emotional heat to prevent you from thinking rationally.

Try not to fall into this trap. Ask the person to take some time (a day or two) to calm down before asking you for something again.

If you are being manipulated by a child or teenager, it will even be good for them because it teaches them proper communication skills.

6. My feelings matter too.

Some manipulators extol their feelings. Their goal is to make you forget about your feelings while you put all your efforts into fulfilling their requests and desires.

Put an end to these actions by being clear about your emotions and needs. Life doesn’t revolve around one person, just like friendships or relationships.

7 This is not acceptable.

A manipulator is looking for an easy target. They want someone with floating boundaries who won’t cause a scandal when they cross the line.

By telling your opponent that they are doing something unacceptable, you are letting them know that you are not easily neglected.

Most likely, the manipulator will immediately switch to someone else.

8. Walk away

Save this phrase for when nothing else works.

This applies to people who do all sorts of nasty things and then call you for help like nothing happened. Or people you don’t see for years, but who show up out of the blue and ask you for money.

Some people simply have no place in your life. If the person has repeatedly cheated, let you down, and manipulated you, point them to the door and don’t look back.

9. You must feel really bad, since you’re attacking me. Do you want to talk about it?

This statement demonstrates that you acknowledge the manipulator’s anger, sadness, and fear, and your question indicates an openness to address it.

Low self-esteem is one reason why the manipulator is trying to control your emotions.

By acknowledging his feelings, you will be able to dot all the i’s and help the person gradually get rid of destructive behavior.

10. Say Nothing.

Manipulators feed on strong emotions. If they can provoke you into anger, fear and anxiety, it makes them feel like they’ve taken over you.

Stay calm, adjust your breathing, and focus on your inner state. Feel the tension in your chest, shoulders, neck, or stomach. Mentally relax these muscles while looking into the eyes of your manipulator.

Of course, for some people this will be a difficult task. Responding calmly in response to an exasperated expression can further aggravate the manipulator.

Refrain from wanting to engage in controversy. Manipulator will quickly realize that he can’t change your emotions and switch to easier prey.

How to behave with a manipulator

Here, some more tips to help you deal with a manipulator.

1. Know your rights

When dealing with a manipulator, it’s important to know your rights and notice when they are being infringed upon. If you are not hurting anyone, you have every right to stand up for yourself and your rights.

You have the right to expect to be treated with respect.

You have the right to express your wishes, feelings and opinions.

You have the right to set your priorities.

You have the right to say “no” without feeling guilty.

You have the right to get what you paid for.

You have the right to have an opinion different from everyone else.

You have the right to take care of yourself and protect yourself from physical, mental and emotional threats.

You have the right to create your own happy and healthy life.

Unfortunately, there are many people in society who do not respect these rights.

The manipulator in particular benefits from depriving you of your rights in order to more easily control and take advantage of you. But you have the power and the moral right to be responsible for your life.

2. Keep your distance.

Want to identify a manipulator? Observe how a person behaves with different people in different situations in life. Although we all tend to distort our behavior to some degree, many manipulators tend to go to extremes by being very polite to some people and rude to others.

If you notice such behavior from a person on a regular basis, try to maintain a healthy distance and do not engage in unnecessary dialogue with them. The reasons for this behavior may be deep-seated, but that doesn’t mean you need to deal with it.

3. Refrain from beating yourself up and don’t take it personally.

Because any manipulator tries to play on your weaknesses, you may develop a false sense of self-loathing, and you may even blame yourself for not being able to meet his demands.

Remind yourself that you are not the problem, but that you are being manipulated to devalue yourself and discreetly give him power over you.

Think about your relationship with your manipulator and ask yourself:

Do I feel that I am being treated with appropriate respect?

Are the person’s expectations and demands adequate?

Are you the only one making an effort in this relationship or both?

And most importantly, do I feel happy in this relationship?

The answers to these questions will help you understand if the problems d in the relationship are related to you or the other person.

4. Shift your focus by asking questions

Any manipulator will sooner or later make a request or start making demands of you.

Such requests will make you try your best to satisfy their wishes.

When you hear unreasonable demands, it is sometimes helpful to turn your attention to the manipulator himself by asking him certain questions. For example:

Do you think this is reasonable?

Do you think your demands are fair?

Are you asking me or commanding me?

What do I get for it?

Do you really expect me to (an unfair request)?

When you ask these questions, you become a mirror of your interlocutor, and the manipulator has the opportunity to realize the real nature of his requests.

If the person has any conscience, they are more likely to back down and give up their demands.

In contrast? Chronic manipulators will ignore your questions and be even more insistent. If this is your case, use the tips above to stop the manipulation.

5. Take a pause.

In addition to exorbitant demands, the manipulator most often expects you to respond immediately in order to increase pressure and manage the situation.

At such times, instead of immediately responding to the manipulator’s requests, take a pause and distance yourself from his or her influence. You can simply offer: “I need to think about this.”

Use this time to assess the pros and cons of the situation, and figure out whether you should negotiate more equal terms or just turn the person down.

6. Fight back the abuser

A pathological manipulator can become an abuser when they bully or hurt others.

The most important thing to remember about such people is that their choices fall most often on those they consider weaker. Being passive and compliant on your part makes you an easy target for the manipulator.

But many are also cowardly at heart, and if you stand up to them and defend your rights, they often back down.

If you confront the abuser, make sure you can defend yourself or have support from others who can validate the inappropriate behavior.

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