How do you make someone feel guilty so that they realize what they have done?
You may have to learn how to make someone feel guilty in order to let the person know what they really did. Here’s how to accomplish this effectively.
Many people will tell you that it’s wrong to try to make someone feel upset or guilty. Really? Not really, if you need the person to understand your feelings. The only way to do that is to figure out how to make someone feel guilty.
If the person doesn’t care and just enjoys life that way, he will still continue to do exactly the same thing. He might hurt you again or hurt someone else. If you want him to know how much you were hurt, show it.
Guilt is a very strong emotion, if the person feels it, of course.
Many people ignore guilt. They don’t want to admit that they did something wrong. They just don’t pay attention to it, even forget about it afterwards if no one reminds them. But it’s very important for people to feel it.
Because guilt can teach lessons. The more a person worries about it, the more they realize what they have done. And those who ignore guilt often repeat the same mistakes, only each time their “pranks” manifest in an uglier and more “toxic” way.
How to make someone feel guilty so that they realize everything
You have to make the person feel guilty. But what can hurt you even more is when the person doesn’t care at all. This is often the result of his ignorance. If you really want to make someone feel guilty, here’s how to do it.
Identify your feeling.
You can’t cry out in pain if you don’t understand your own pain. Are you angry? Are you hurt? Do you want to hurt this person?
You really need to think about the emotions that are swarming in your head so that you can identify exactly what they are. Once you recognize them, you can reason about why this person made you feel this way. Only then will you be able to work on making him or her feel guilty.
Take the time to make a plan.
You can’t walk up to someone and start yelling about how hurt they have made you feel. That almost never works and ends up making you look like a crazy person. And do you really think the person will feel guilty about it when they yell it in their face?
No. You should take some time to make a plan of action in the first place. Sit down and think better about how to get that person’s attention so you can talk to them about important things. Once you are aware of how you feel and what you want to say, you can move on to the next step.
Present your arguments.
Just do it, but not aggressively. The person will already begin to feel guilty when you tell them about your pain. No one wants to admit that he has upset someone. And so he will avoid you if you start making accusations.
Instead, make sure you are in a calm state of mind and can talk about things in a civilized way. Even if you are really angry deep down, try to look pleasant and appropriate outwardly so that you can really get a grip on the person before they get defensive.
Make the person feel involved in the situation
Often people don’t feel guilty because they can’t figure out what their fault is. This misunderstanding comes from the fact that they think they have nothing to do with the fact that you are hurting. To fix this, you need to talk to them in a way that they can understand.
So explain the situation in an accessible, understandable way. Analogies are great for this, because you draw the same situation in a new light. It will make more sense to the person.
Let him see that you are in pain.
It’s okay to show your pain. You don’t have to force yourself to hide it. If you want to cry, cry. Show the person how much pain he has caused you.
However, control yourself so he doesn’t think you are being very dramatic. Trying to hide how you really feel will make the person think you are cheating. And all the stories about how much you are hurting will be perceived as a farce.
Draw his attention to yourself.
It’s not always helpful to indulge in drama, but some people need it. Sometimes you literally need to go crazy to get your abuser’s attention. So put on a show. If you haven’t been able to get through to him any other way, this may be your only option.
Once you realize you’ve gotten his attention, tone it down. Try to make him understand what you’re getting at. Otherwise, he will just get angry and refuse to listen to you.
Treat him appropriately.
You were hurt. The person did something bad to hurt you, and you should treat him accordingly. You don’t even have to talk to him afterwards. Treat him as if he has done something terrible and you don’t like it.
Avoid him and even insult him if you have to. Some people need this type of “treatment,” or they won’t realize how badly they’ve done. If you act the way you always do, they will think you have not been harmed, supposedly all is well.
Talk about it logically.
Don’t talk about yourself all the time, discussing why you were hurt. Talk about what happened, logically. Take yourself out of the equation. Show that someone was hurt in this situation, and it’s not just you.
Some people think the person is just too sensitive and not as hurt as they say they are. A logical explanation of why you feel that way can help them understand that your sensitivity is not the problem.
Have a serious conversation and get the abuser’s opinion
Most people just want the other person to feel guilty, that’s all. They don’t care what prompted them to act that way.
But you should. The person probably didn’t even mean to hurt you. So let him talk. Listen to him before you attack him with your grievances. You will be able to understand much more than if you used any other way.
Accept the fact that he doesn’t care.
You can’t change everyone. Some people, no matter how hard you try, will never admit that what they did was wrong. They get defensive right away, and they don’t care who they hurt.
You can’t expect anyone to feel guilty, always. After a while you will realize that they really don’t care and they will never admit their guilt. Live your life and don’t let yourself be held back by your feelings.
This information will help you open your abuser’s eyes and show how hurtful and unpleasant what they have done is. It may not be easy for you, but if you want to stay close to this person, it is worth teaching them a lesson.
11 Ways Manipulators Try to Put the Blame on Your Shoulders
Not all manipulators appear to be cruel and rude villains, on the contrary, many of them may seem kind and caring at first.
Violence can be far more than just physical, although some forms of violence are far less obvious than others. And if you have ever been in a personal or professional relationship with a real manipulator, you have probably experienced both personal and emotional violence. More often than not, they manipulate you for their own purposes, shifting the blame for everything that goes wrong in your relationship onto you. But how do they do it? And most importantly, how do you recognize them?
Not all manipulators look cruel and rude villains, achieving their goals solely by threats. On the contrary, many of them at first glance may seem kind and caring, and their social skills may well be at a very high level. Yet they still use their twisted psychological skills to gain control over others, either to achieve their own goals or simply to assert themselves.
If there are obvious manipulators among your past or present acquaintances, you have probably noticed that most of them are also narcissistic narcissists. This may not be apparent at first glance, but take a closer look at their provocative and controlling behavior, and all the secrets come out. For example, manipulative relatives often pressure kinship ties, convincing you that you simply cannot take them out of your life completely because “it doesn’t work that way.
Why do manipulators try to put their own guilt on you?
As you read above, more often than not the personality of these people turns out to be downright narcissistic. The only thing they care about is themselves, and they are only interested in other people because they can get something out of them. And if you are unlucky enough to get caught up in their dark web of manipulation and violence, they soon show themselves in all their glory. They are willing to do almost anything to protect their power over others and their privileged position.
That is why, if you start a conversation with them about any mistake they made, do not expect them either to admit guilt, much less apologize. Instead of hurting their incredibly sensitive ego with an admission of guilt, they will vehemently deny that they are guilty of anything at all. And if they succeed, they will also try to shift the blame for what happened onto you or someone else.
The basic tools of the manipulator
Of course, hardly anyone as a child dreams of growing up to necessarily become a narcissist and a master manipulator. However, the traits of a future emotional manipulator often show up at an early age. Often at first they simply imitate their manipulative parents, and they take literally years to perfect their art.
Manipulators absolutely refuse to take responsibility for their own actions-even if they have to lie or do other unethical things to avoid it. They are much more willing to let someone else take the blame for their mistakes. Below are some typical ways that manipulators shift blame in an attempt to whitewash themselves.
They use dramatic gestures.
Manipulators are often best in crowds. If they are guilty of something, they may try to make others forget about it with pictures or dramatic gestures. They may start acting overly emotional, and raise their voice so that as many people as possible can hear them. They will ooze, cry, suffer in public, and throw tantrums, until public opinion comes to the conclusion that it is your fault for bringing the innocent person to this state. And even if later you will try to explain what really happened, the probability that no one will believe you, is very high.
2. they are constantly digging up long-buried bones.
There is another way in which manipulators shift blame on others when they are caught in the act. They start to bring up all the mistakes you’ve made in the past, even the ones you should have forgotten about a long time ago. Instead of admitting their shortcomings and mistakes, manipulators try to do everything possible to avoid tarnishing their white coat in the eyes of others.
In order to shift other people’s attention from themselves to you, they often begin to remind you in public of all the mistakes you have made in the past. They do this in the hope that the weight of past mistakes will take the blame for the current mistake. More often than not, what they remind you of has nothing to do with the present situation at all. Figuratively speaking, manipulators always have a shovel with them, in case of need, to dig up the past, which you would prefer not to remember.
They ignore the facts and “forget” about them.
Sometimes how masterfully and selectively manipulators “forget” what they don’t want to remember can almost be admirable. They blatantly ignore any facts or situations that might indicate that they are guilty of what happened, and when you bring them up, they start acting like an outraged innocent who has no idea what you are talking about, if not acting as if you are lying in an attempt to smear them.
4. they are not shy about using the faith of others for their own purposes
If you compare most religious cults and cases of emotional abuse, you will find that they have a lot in common. At the center of both you will find an extremely narcissistic person with delusions of grandeur. And if you allow the manipulator to turn full circle in a religious environment, his victims will follow him no matter what happens, no matter how hard they try to persuade him to give up this pernicious attachment.
But even if you are not a member of such a cult, the manipulator may still try to use your own faith against you. Religious manipulators shift the blame onto you, trying to convince you that you are behaving sinfully and generally ruining your soul by your behavior.
When you have to face a great loss, or you find yourself in a difficult life situation, such people immediately try to convince you that you yourself are to blame for what happened, because some of your actions allegedly caused the wrath of heaven. Never give in to this kind of emotional abuse. Religion is supposed to nurture people spiritually and help them soar to heaven, not clip their wings by chaining them to the ground. And so any person who tries to manipulate others through religion is simply not worth your time.
5. They like to play the innocent victim.
Of course, none of us likes to make mistakes, but honest and emotionally mature people will admit their mistakes and try to correct them if possible. But manipulators, as we have written many times before, are willing to do anything to shift their blame onto someone else while remaining innocent in the eyes of others. One of the tactics they use to do this is the role of the victim.
Is there someone around you who, instead of admitting their mistake or shortcoming, plays the martyr role time after time? Then you can be almost certainly sure that this person is manipulating you. Such narcissists take advantage of your own ability to show sympathy in order to get pity from you. They are willing to use any loss or trouble they experience (real or imagined) as an excuse to deflect blame, betting that you won’t blame the already grief-stricken person for anything.
6. They love emotional manipulation.
People with narcissistic personalities are often talented actors, and in most cases they know exactly what to say or what emotions to express to get what they want from others. No doubt you have seen many manipulators trying to avoid responsibility by crying profusely.
They flood you with crocodile tears, hoping you will feel sorry for them and not demand that you confess. On the other hand, some manipulators try to “get around” their guilt through fear. When you try to hold such a person accountable for something, they almost immediately turn to yelling, threats, and intimidation. These tactics are usually used by manipulators who are already prone to physical, verbal, and emotional abuse.
7. They are classic social bullies.
When a narcissist gets into the company of other people, he is bound to want to grab all of their attention – he wants those present to watch and listen only to him. They need all the attention of everyone present, and often try to seize control of the discussion without letting anyone else get a word in. But as soon as the situation takes an unpleasant turn for them (especially if the narcissist is directly or indirectly to blame for what happened), he will immediately go into active defense, trying to blame anyone else for the situation but not himself, and using the same methods.
Narcissists often speak louder than anyone else and do not hesitate to interrupt others in order to get their point of view (the only correct one in their opinion) across to others. And if they are really guilty of something, they will certainly try to change the topic of conversation to something else, just as loudly, and with the same aggression and assertiveness. If at the same time they are also drunk, they lose the last vestiges of attention to those around them.
8. They love gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a psychological term describing the way in which people who are prone to psychological abuse manipulate people close to them. They do everything they can to make a loved one feel mentally unstable and abnormal, and blame them for all the problems in their lives and relationships.
For example, you might accuse your narcissistic partner of cheating. Instead of repenting, apologizing, and talking about what led up to it, he may use gaslighting, and convince you that you are just imagining it, that it is gratuitous jealousy, and even questioning his own sanity (for example, swearing that he could not have been at the café where you spotted him with some girl because he was speaking at the same time). He may even insinuate that you are accusing him of cheating because you are the one who is cheating on him (or thinking about cheating) and are trying to justify yourself in this way.
9. They go on the counterattack.
Another classic way in which a manipulator shifts their guilt onto someone else’s shoulders is to go on the counterattack and “mess with” your brain with completely extraneous topics. If their excuses don’t work for you anymore, they may try to throw you off balance with counter-accusations or verbal attacks. They may begin to criticize your appearance, your intelligence or your character.
For example, imagine you decide to talk to your narcissistic partner about how he’s always sneaking money out of the family budget to play cards or slot machines with. Of course, there’s no way he’ll admit his guilt, and he won’t listen to you, even if you have all the evidence that you’re right. And if you don’t accept his excuses and convictions that he didn’t do anything wrong, he may get angry at you, and say that yes, he does waste money in the slot machines, but it’s because you are constantly “nagging” him, and he needs some kind of outlet.
10. They lie at the first opportunity.
You remember that narcissists will do almost anything to, as they say, “stay in white. Well, this is true. And although they sometimes manipulate you by twisting the facts, if they need to shift the blame for an unpleasant situation onto you, they are no strangers to outright lies.
This is a particularly harmful tactic, because sometimes a skillful lie can ruin a person’s life, especially if it seems convincing to others. And if a manipulative person cannot find a plausible excuse to blame someone else for his shortcomings, he may simply lie to that person to create a smokescreen that prevents the narcissist from seeing the fault.
You may not be surprised to learn that in most cases narcissists find lying acceptable if it makes them look better in the eyes of others. And the fact that it hurts you doesn’t bother them at all.
11 They take pleasure in manipulating the people around you
What do you think narcissists do when they have tried all the tools in their arsenal on you in the hope of getting something out of you, and all in vain? That’s right, they move on to your close friends and relatives. If they can’t manipulate you, they will use your environment to cast a shadow over your personality.
They will use one of the methods described above (or all of them together) to accuse you of all your sins and make you look like the real villains. First they will tell it in confidence to the most deceptive people in your circle, and then they will use all the drama, emotional impact, false modesty, and outright lies to drag everyone else in your inner circle to their side.
Always remember that manipulative narcissists use every opportunity they have to smear you in the eyes of others, especially if you belong to the same circles. And while you may recognize their psychological tricks, other people may not be as resistant as you are at all. And when the narcissist finishes his lavishly tear-filled performance, in which he brilliantly plays the role of the innocent victim, everyone will consider you to be the aggressor and the offender.
A few final thoughts
Never allow yourself to become a puppet when manipulators try to shift the blame for your mistakes onto you or someone else in your circle. These are incredibly toxic individuals who will never, ever admit their guilt, and will never be able to break this cycle of emotional abuse without the help of a psychologist or therapist – but they have to want to change themselves to do so.
So if you are unlucky enough to be in an unhealthy relationship with a manipulator, whether he is a partner, family member, friend or colleague, don’t try to change him. Better yet, just cut off any contact with him or her while your sanity and pride are still with you.