5 ways to love a married man correctly and without hurting yourself
Why do you think a woman stays with a man knowing he is married?
The popular saying goes that love is evil. And who but women know that this is true. The great and bright feeling spares no one, even those who would never think of having an affair with a “married man.”
A course in cognitive psychology.
You’ll learn how to get rid of the thoughts in your head that are ruining your life. You’ll see how to help yourself with stress, anxiety and worry. You’ll learn to understand your emotions and feelings. Find your way to peace of mind.
Men are not in the habit of telling about their marital status at the first meeting, and you may have found out about it already when love has swept over your head, and your head is off. The main problem is that you are the most vulnerable link in this relationship, so keep yourself safe with these tips.
Here are 5 rules of conduct in a relationship with an unattached man:
1. Do not believe his promises of divorce.
Without exception, married men promise this – you just need to wait a little, be patient, wait until he will solve his problems, until his children will grow up.
Listening to this sweet lie, do not argue, do not reproach and do not foam at the mouth in insincerity – you still do not get anything and do not change. Silently nod your head and agree, but in the recesses of your soul remember that all these words – an empty lie. So you protect yourself from resentment, disappointment, and wasted years.
2. Do not expose him to his wife.
Perhaps the dumbest thing you can do in your situation is to rat out a man to his wife. It is unclear what you want to achieve this and what further events you expect.
It may well be that the spouse is aware of the adventures of her husband, and you are not the only woman on the side, with the help of which he makes his life more colorful and diverse. After all, there are different models of relationships in the family and, quite possibly, his wife is one of those women who turn a blind eye to her husband’s affairs and point-blank pretend that they do not notice.
3. Cover your tracks.
Always, in any situation and for any reason, make sure that there was no trace of your connection. You can get caught on the basics, such as lipstick, perfume, a forgotten thing in his car, so thoroughly check everything.
If a man is caught in infidelity, guilt will help him stay in the family, and resentment and anger will break the relationship with you, because he will think that you did it on purpose. Choose what you care about and whether or not you want to keep that secret relationship.
4. Don’t feel sorry for him.
Very often, women in a relationship with a married man take on the role of a benefactress who pities the man, thinking he is poor and unhappy. Stop it, because in this situation, not he is weak, but you. So feel free to use the privileges that you are offered – a promotion, expensive gifts, material support. After all, all of this is a kind of payoff and reparation for the flawed vicious relationship.
5. Work on yourself
Yes, it is difficult and sometimes seems impossible. But this is one of the main rules if you are on the path to a relationship with a married man. First of all, work on yourself is necessary, so that there was no time to torment yourself with doubts and depressing thoughts about the future and the impossibility of being fully together.
In any case, do not give up hope to meet a worthy candidate for marriage, because on your libertine gentleman is not a huge hitch. Take care of yourself, go to interesting places, meet with friends, go to courses, build a career, but in any case do not sit at home, waiting for a man to find time for you, away from his wife.
You love a married man – what to do in this situation
“A married man doesn’t need a wife, he already has one at home,” said a popular psychologist. You know, here’s a very short article about that – about feelings for a married man. However, it is worth reading further to find out how it is and what the consequences are.
It is unlikely that a happy girl will ask this question, “How do I steal a man out of my family, because I want to create my own with him?” By the time the relationship with a married man passes, let’s say, 365 days, the psyche will be in “frayed” status.
Understanding yourself, this man, and your true needs tends to zero. And… where’s the happiness in that? And often women worry about this very thing – how to get out of the painful triangle “wife – husband – mistress” and stop losing vital energy.
The point of loving a married man
“Mama, I love a married man!” – is only sung playfully in the song. In reality, it’s not such a good game. The main strategy is waiting. The goal: wait for rare encounters. Once a month, once every two weeks, once a week. What needs close these forbidden meetings?
For women – the need for love, protection, care. For the man – in general, too. He wants to feel loved. After all, love and care give him protection, a kind of respite from society. There is something that is impossible in a relationship with his wife. To feel loved. Still strong, still young, still meaningful. It’s impossible to talk about anything.
And then she comes along. Someone with whom it’s possible. Things can even be good in the family. And then most of the man stays with his wife. And only the part that’s looking for closure gets the mistress.
The one with whom there is a perpetual candy and bouquet period and zero dirty socks, seems perfect. And the illusion that “if it weren’t for the wife, small children, and other reasons, we would have been together long ago,” blossoms lushly.
Well, no. There are times, of course, when people have outlived their previous relationship, but more often than not, that’s not the case.
And the mistress-husband relationship is a derivative of the husband-wife relationship. Without that husband-wife relationship, there would be no husband-mistress relationship. A man on the side “gets” what he didn’t get in his family, in his relationship with his spouse. And no wonder – when the family union falls apart, the relationship with the mistress, it happens, come to naught, too.
Relationships with a Married Man
And the scathing expression “The mistress is a relationship crutch” quickly brings back to reality. So, any adultery is a way to communicate something important to your partner. And while it’s impossible to get that message across, there’s a way to keep the relationship alive. In the form of adultery. And the one who loves the married man fulfills her function here.
Why is it “necessary” to fall in love with a married man, since “there are so many single guys”? It’s all logical. A married man has a lot of emotional, relational experience. He knows how to love, care, and support. And very attractive in that, unlike a selfish, cold, single man.
Who is the one who loves a married man? It is not uncommon for a young, full of energy girl to fall in love. She is a little naive, fuels by her energy and believes a lot. And if she sees the married man as a father, she dreams of warmth and tenderness and wants to be around him. She longs to have the married (“daddy”) under her wing. In this case, there is the living out of a childhood traumatic experience. And the man is flattered to take care of his “daughter” and – as if they have found each other.
Or here – next to a married man can be a light copy of his wife, only younger. This is how men flee from old age and the fear of death. So there are different motives on both sides. And the motives are to love the married man, and to fall in love with the married man.
Triangle
“I love a married man,” are not just words. If already and secret meetings, secret calls and correspondence went, it is also a conscious choice. Especially if the story lasts more than a year.
When you fall in love with a married man, know that the whole gamut of feelings can wait for you and the man and his spouse. There’s resentment, anger, sadness, fear, disgust.
You’re slipping into what’s called a Karpman triangle. Where victim, rescuer, stalker are tightly bound and sometimes swap places. Well, it’s a hell of a thing to live in a triangle. But it’s up to you. Hopes, fantasies, illusions that the beloved will one day leave the family and be with you are companions for the long haul.
“Everyone has pretty pictures from their wedding, and so will I,” you think. As long as the encounters are forbidden, fleeting, and involve risk – you want them. And then even the scheduled risk ceases to cheer you up and threatens to mental irritation.
What is not enough in such a relationship? Love is enough, but with responsibility – poor. No responsibility – and fight, there is no need to figure out the relationship. From the beginning you knew what you were getting into. In order for the relationship to get stronger, to establish itself, there must be crises. And crises, in turn, imply a clarification of relations, and this includes fighting. And it turns out that it does not work out well. The relationship is unstable.
What does a married man get out of such a relationship? With a minimum of responsibility, there is practically “sex without boundaries,” which in a family with all its conventions and rules, is sometimes difficult to obtain. Adoration on the part of the partner, especially at first. He is welcome by definition. That he pays attention, comes over, smiles. Even once every two weeks. Always welcome.
And this once again confirms its importance, not bad. In general, all these activities work on the self-esteem of a married man. And this fairy state of confidence, if it is difficult with internal supports and used to look for them outward, drags.
What are the dangers of loving a married man
If you’ve already moved into “mistress” status, it’s not out of the question that you’re with someone who is “both ours and yours.” Easy to cheat – well, his wife, at least, for sure. Manipulates – comes up with “interesting” explanations, and you believe it. Casting the hook more often with new bait – he is excellent at it. You guess at this skill, but you practice self-deception.
The constant uncertainty and ambiguity in the relationship knocks the ground out from under you. And the underlying awareness that you destroy the family – no good. And the more sensitive ones are morally ready and quietly awaiting punishment from on high.
Interestingly, over time you yourself become jealous of your married lover’s spouse. Belonging entirely to you is not yet in his natal chart. And you don’t have much experience with married people yet, so you suffer.
All of the above are not vitamins for the psyche. The state of uncertainty for several long days, months, years leads to a nervous breakdown. And often women who are in such love relationships with married men go to an astrologer, psychologist, psychotherapist, wherever.
They attend different trainings, looking for a way out of a dead end. Demonstrate their confusion, uncertainty and have already regretted a thousand times that they were too carried away by romance. And the legend that love for a married man, like all love, pleases the butterflies in the stomach is already annoying.
What advice could you give to others to warn them against making mistakes? Maybe don’t go deep? Or don’t open that Pandora’s box at all – love a married man. So as not to get lost in the proverbial love triangle like the Bermuda Triangle.
What would help? Oddly enough, a period of singleness in your life. Take time out. Better for a year, much? It’s times like this when it’s clear who is who. A lot of things about yourself, you begin to understand the undercurrents of true desires. Another thing is that it’s hard to stand this solitude. And you want to latch on to someone, to fall in love, to become closer, to immerse yourself. Even a married man. Take your time.
